Monday, October 14, 2002

So help me God..
Urrghhh!! I am so frustrated for something but I just can't say it!! It's like.. something is really really reaaaaaaally bothering my thoughts but I just can't let it out. Get what I mean?? And it's causing a LOT of tension to me!! My neck is killing me!! Huwaaa!! I need to settle this out but I don't know how... how can I start when I just can't say what's bothering me?! Urghh!! EGO EGO EGO! My *demm* ego!
So what am I doing right now? I don't know!! I guess I'm just waiting for it to settle itself.. Urghhh!! I HATE!!!
Fundamental this morning was pretty okay, I guess.. I mean, Najib sort of approved my 'color wheel'. That's good I guess.. but then he said that my 'simultaneous contrast' couldn't show a real contrast 'coz of the shape of my 'grey'.. Bluerrghh! (Never mind if you don't understand this.. 'coz I'm not giving a *demm* if you don't right now..)
Huwaaaaa!! I hate it when I have things in my mind... things that have to do with other people.. which I have no control over it!! This suxX! Wish I could just say 'life suxX'.. but it doesn't! Well.. not ALWAYS at least..!!
It's just weird when some days you just hate yourself.. isn't it? Probably you wake up in the morning feeling great.. waiting for the day to throw things at you to go through.. and until some point, you realise that you're not really ready for it.. You try to be strong.. tried to put a smile on your face everytime people look at you.. but inside.. you wish you could just shout and scream to reveal it all..
Well, what can I say.. this is one of the days when I just hate myself.. for not letting things out.. for keeping away my feelings.. for trying to make others happy when I'm not.. for trying to figure out the answers.. for trying to understand it all when it's just so blurry.. for trying to settle all my confusion.. all alone, by myself..

* I love the fact that we can talk about everything, but I hate the fact that I don't know how to let things out *


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