Thursday, January 30, 2003

Gosh.. I do need to do something more constructive! I think I've been listening to Daniel Bedingfield's too much!! Yikes~! Tapi takpe.. Falling in love with this song..! So humm.. thanks to WOW! Ekkeke! 'Coz I first heard it from that station. I'm waiting for myself getting super bored with this song, 'coz it's been looping since last night (when I first got it) Hihhihi! SO addicted!
AaaAaAaaa!!! My hands trembling!! I really don't know why... Gotta run~! My sisters are coming in thirty minutes!
Happy holidays peeps! Hope you'll have a great one!!

Miss me!! Ekkekeke!!
The things I missed..
Why didn't anyone tell me that we're learning poetry in English!!!! Or I wouldn't be skipping my class as much! GrrRrrR..! Anyways, I had a pretty enjoyable English class.. Ms Zaiha discussed on that coy lady poem. I think it's nice! Ngee~!
Going back today, I guess.. wondering if I should bring back the computer.. Berat aaa.. cam tak larat nye nak bawak! Tapi nanti Wanie rindu laguuu... One week is 168 hours!! 10 080 minutes!! That looong!! I'll miss my computer Very very verry much!!
Can't wait to see Dida again. ^_^ And something interesting is coming up later this afternoon! Ekkekeke!! Okay, gotta relax.. Don't want to get so excited right now.. ^_^ Hummm.. hope Dida won't get here too soon!

Hope the weekend will great!
What Colour Is Your Aura?
"We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Gold vibe. You couldn't ask for a better color — a glistening gold aura is as good as it gets. A lively blend of yellow and orange, gold people are happy, playful, energetic, sensitive, and generous. Always up for adventure, you'd give a friend in need the shirt off your back. You're spiritual, too — all those halos in old paintings aren't colored gold by coincidence. Almost childlike in the carefree, joyful way you live your life, you're popular and outgoing with your large circle of friends. Chances are you're so full of light and energy that you sometimes find it hard to sit still and chill out. Instead, you're constantly looking for excitement, no matter how risky or impulsive the occasion. Happy-go-lucky and always laughing, you truly are as good as gold."

This quizes are fun!! I'm addicted to themm.. Eeeeeek~!
Gettin' all jiggy!!
Hihhihik! This is nice!! A very neat morning indeed! First, now I have Daniel Bedingfield's If You're Not The One!! YEAYYY~!! SO SO SO SO SOOOOO happy!! 'Coz I just love this song, I don't know why! Ekkekek!! And then I got to listen to some guitar-playing/practisin'!! Hihhihik! It's been such a long loong while since I last heard 'live' guitars.. ^_^
But now.. I turn back to listening to my currently-loved song!! ^.^

If You're Not The One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
but I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul, so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Keeping my fingers crossed
Oh please please let my song finish the download! Anyways, still waiting for Bedingfield's song to complete the download. At least now i have Dixie Chick's Landslide!! I don't know why but I think the song sounds perfectly nice! ^_^ Okaaay, I was hoping too much just now that I just spent some minutes eyeing on the downloading rate.. Akakkaka!
O yeah.. been wasting my time doing silly quizes through the night. Honestly, I have nothing else better to do than just that! And since last week, I actually did 24 quizes! Heehee~! I think it's neat! Why, of course everything silly appeals to me. ^_^ What's neat, was in What is Your True Color quiz, I got red!! Ngee~! And this is what it said about red - the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do. Ekkekke! And according to What's Your Monster Match quiz.. I got to be a witch! Akkakaka!! Amusing indeed... ^_^
Humm anyways.. ever tried to help someone but you just don't know how?? Gosh.. I wish I'm good at talking as much as I think I am at writing.. ^_^ I think it's just crappy when you have to stay quiet 'coz you're afraid that things will get worse if you start talking.. Huuuu.. I hate feeling like this! I tried to start.. but it ended with me.. staring at the person 'coz my head just went stupidly blank! Urrghhh!! Benciii..


I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
And the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky--what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides?
Can I, handle the seasons of my life?

Well I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder; children get older
I'm getting older too.... well

Well I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder;children get older
I'm getting older too....

So, take this love...take it down.
Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around
if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
well, the landslide will brought it down;
and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
well maybe, landslide will bring you down....

Dixie Chicks

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

I hate this.. sad really.. my two good friends couldn't make to Nina's wedding. Benciiiiiiiiii!! I was so looking forward to see them again, and now they're not coming. Huwaaaaaa!! Tak ske la camnihh!!

Hit me.. any more bad news for me?
Enormously tired!! Stayed up the whole last night doing my Fundamental with Ana. Honestly, I think I should stop slacking around. Huuu~! I mean, I was supposed to be under a huge amount of stress last night, but I didn't even quicken my pace. Apelaaa..! And last night was really hilarious! Sheeya was like, a whole new person! She was really reaaaaally 'dirty'!! And I mean, REALLY!!! She turned into a total pervert in just one night! It's like.. even if the pervert-ness of Fina, BJ and myself combined together.. it still won't match up with Sheeya last night!!! Ekkekekke!! Diam-diam ubi berisi.. Air yang tenang jangan disangka tiada buaya.. Pen merah.. pen biru, you marah.. I love you! Ekkekekkee!! Well, yesterday was tiring 'coz we all did the Fundamental and laughed too hard, too much... Ngeeee~*
Very tired at this moment.. but I have to say that I am totally happy and relieved 'coz I really am fine!! Ikkikikiki!! I'm so glad that I am who I am.. but I still would like to switch my heart, some days.. ^_^

relieved, glad, happy (indeed!)

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Weird.. I'm supposed to feel relieved by now.. but somehow I feel hurt. Kenapakahh?? Hihhihik! But I'm fine.. as always! ^_^ Ye lahh kan.. sumer orang ade problem.. It's just a matter of how much time you want to spend to think about it. Kan? Lagipun.. I always feel that other people has larger problems than mine. 'Coz I have this very childish mind, and I seem to make small matters HUGE, so honestly.. I can't tell if I actually have a situation. So, as far as I know.. I'm not having any REAL HUGE problem.. so I'm fine! ^_^
O yeah, I've finally uploaded my webby!! HAHAHHAH~!! Setelah sekian lama..!
Oklahh.. nak layan ayam goreng sambil mengelamun or buat lawak bodo ngan bebudak nihh~! Kalau tak pon, buat keje Fundamental.. Mengong betul la!! Manyak giler orang tak siap laie! Huhhuuu.. ape la nak jadi ngan Wanie nie.. Wanie nak jadi tuan puteriiii!! AHHAHAH~! Saiko..!

Get back to ya' later~!

confusion, butterflies, excited
Just what I needed
Kenape kan.. it's usually.. when something kinda bad happens.. you'll always turn to your old friends.. Kite pegi gak kat kawan lama kite. Klakar lak rase.. running back to someone you haven't been running to for a long time. ^_^ I'm glad I still have those fellas with me..
Dani said something nice today!! AHHAHA~! Just what I needed at the very exact moment. People like you are so hard to find... I feel good about myself again! ^_^ That's why I need friends as much! When I feel like crap.. there'd always be someone who can get me better again.. So.. thanks, you guys!!! Cayang giler giler giler nye!! Babi pon tak giler camtu..! ^_^
Funny.. if I am really as bubbly and carefree as I seemed to be.. How come I can feel a bit crappy at times? Humm.. Hehhehe!
Demm, I hate it when people THINKS they know me.. and TELL me what to do. What? I can't think for myself? Can't decide what I want to do?? Obviously you don't know me THAT well.. Menyampahh aaaa!!!

Do die painfully..!
I've been searching deep down in my soul..
A question.. how do you make someone speak their heart out without you asking them to? Humm.. kinda hard, huh? Maybe they're waiting for us to slap their head and make them realize that they're dragging us down with the mixed signals. But anyways, I found this article in a news letter and I think it's true.. "Be in touch with your feelings. Never lose sight of it. Keep it in check. Understand why you're feeling a particular way, the cause of it and seek ways to deal with it. If someone is making you miserable, ask yourself if it's worth feeling so. You can't control what others do or say, but you can control how you want to feel about it.." So I guess... I need to deal with my feelings 'coz what I'm feeling right now, is SO not worth my time..!
Anyways, went out last night with Ana, Sheeya, Bahijah and Alitt to Shah Alam and got our Fundamental project bind. I think I put in too many paper in my thingy.. Huu.. don't know what I'm going to fill it with! It was such a tiring night~! We waited for an hour I think, 'coz the nice shop guy had to cut some of the boards for those kids.. ^_^ And the other nice guy gave me a drink!! HAHHAHA~!! It was amusing. Tetiba jek offer orang air.. Wanie je lak tuhh! Hik~! And then we went to McD.. Huu.. I finally got my dinner at 11 ('coz I was so stubborn not to eat before we left!) but it was just fine! Makanan ruji Wanie - McD! Seminggu mesti at least sekali makan.. tak senonoh sungguh!
And it's Tuesday already.. the Graphics paper was not so bad, I think! Well, of course I just ticked away mindlessly.. Gosh! Apelaa nak jadi nihh!! Yeah, so I read in CLEO, how you can tell someone's personality by their work desk.. and I'm the kind of person that cannot be serious! Hahhahha!! 'Coz I got a little teddy stuck on the monitor screen (courtesy of Ana..) and an owl placed on top of my speaker (courtesy of Musz..) Powerpuff and Cardcaptor's stickers on my CPU.. and a picture of me and Musz in a frame Fina gave me.. Hehhhe!!

Good Bye To You

Of all the things I believed in,
I just want to get it over with.
Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry.
Counting the days that passed me by.

I've been searching deep down in my soul.
The words that I'm hearing are starting to get old,
feels like I'm starting all over again.
The last three years were just pretend,

and I said...
Good bye to you,
good bye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

I used to get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that I can't live a day without you.
Closing my eyes and you chase the thoughts away,
to a place where I am blinded by the light.
But it's not right!

Good bye to you,
good bye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And it hurts to want everything and
nothing at the same time.

I want what's yours, and I want what's mine.
I want you but I'm not giving in this time.

Good bye to you,
good bye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

Good bye to you,
good bye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved.
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And when the stars fall I will lie awake,
you're my shooting star.

Monday, January 27, 2003

I'm draaained..!
So tired, and majorly sleepy!! +_+

Right Kind Of Wrong

I know all about
Yeah, about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless everytime that I'm where you are

You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much

Loving you
Yeah, isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kinda wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kinda wrong

It might be a mistake
A mistake I'm making
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking
'Cause no one's ever made me feel the way I feel when I'm in your arms

They say you're something I should do without
They don't know what goes on when the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain

Loving you
Yeah, isn't really something I should do (yeah...)
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kinda wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kinda wrong

I should try to run
But I just can't seem to
'Cause everytime I run you're the one I've run to
I can't do without
What you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep (yeah...)

I know all about
Yeah, about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless everytime that I'm where you are

You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much

Loving you
Yeah, isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
I should try to be strong ( I should try to be strong)
But baby you're the right kinda wrong (right kinda wrong)
Baby you're the right kinda wrong (baby you're the right kinda wrong)
But baby you're the right kinda wrong

LeAnn Rimes
Boring boring afternoon..
In three words, I'd express how I feel as boring, boring, boring and nothing more! It's been such a a slow slow afternoon.. Nothing interesting happened.. Nothing at all! Except that me and the gurls fooled around with this particular acapella song 'coz it was so tempting! Hihhihik!
Well, supposedly I'll be going out in a bit. Haven't done my Fundamental works. Need to have it bind, and those plastic thingy.. Need to get it. Kinda odd.. Somehow I've been imagining something that could possibly happen when we're out later. Hee~! My mind works in a rather mysterious way.. ^_^
Humm, I have this HUGE curiosity that need to be answered.. but I don't know how to start.. Hope it'll get undone in time - before I get crazy for keeping it so long!
And now I'm asking myself.. why do I get this feeling that I'm turning into my old self? Alamaaak.. kena start jaga mulut ni balek! Kang mau terlepas macam-macam.. Heehee~! Gosh, I used to curse a whole LOT when I was in lower high school.. Start form 3 baru senonoh sikit.. Kalau idaaaaak.. Hihhihik!

You're wrong to think that I'm all sugar and honey, honeyy!
Here with you, near with you
Yeah~ yeahhh~!! I found the song that I was looking for! It's called If You're Not The One.. Heehee~! Gosh! Jiwang la Wanie!! 'Coz I got the chorus stuck with me, and the whole song was like.. really reaaally err.. deep! But I like it anyways!! HAHHAHA~!!
Oh heck.. I think I'm killing myself with dark thoughts. Y'know, of course you've heard about how someone THINKS they're sick and that's why they're sick! While someone who keeps a positive thinking got well from their sickness.. And right now, I'm like.. THINKING that I'm sick.. while I am really not! ^_^ Hehh.. this one, my mind got over my heart 'coz honestly, I don't feel anything anymore.. Remember that void I mentioned last week? Yeah, I'm still in it.. Pity me.. NOT!! 'Coz I THOUGHT that I can't get out.. but really.. I can if I put my mind to it.. So.. wish me luck!! ^.^

If You're Not The One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
but I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do i dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul, so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

Daniel Bedingfield
A bunch of posts again.. ^_^

Friday - January 24th 2003 When Your Heart and Mind Collide
It's hard when there's conflict between the two points in yourself. They are your heart; the source of your emotions and your mind; where your rational voice comes from. Everyone has their stronger point.. People may think that all women cannot THINK because they're too EMOTIONAL. Well, not all women are. At least not most of the girls I know. Honestly, my mates can think pretty well. They're usually calm, organised and rational indeed. People who think with their mind are usually stable. They MIGHT not be having as much fun as they can, but they're very stable and make less mistakes. Those who usually follow their heart in life are usually the 'happy-go-lucky' type. They usually do what they want, as they know what they want.. without concerning what the effects will be in the future.. and are also bound to make mistakes that they can actually avoid.
You might say listening to your mind is the best way than listening to your heart. But is it right? After all, it's your heart that tells you what you want - your true feelings - your greatest desires.. And if you don't listen to them, forever it'll be burried and forgotten. So, is it right? Your mind can be deceiving.. It's the heart that brings out the honesty in you. Your mind may tell you one thing, but your heart that knows best..
When you're in doubt
Can't tell from wrong or right
Just listen to your heart
And you'll find your way out

I hope that I'm right.. After all, I'm fated to make mistakes.. ^_^

Current song : How Could An Angel Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
Oh, my soul is dying, it's crying
I'm trying to understand
Please help me..

Saturday - January 25th 2003 Ordinary Day
Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by
Just a boy, just an ordinary boy
But he was looking to the sky..

~ Vanessa Carlton ~
A boring day, really.. Nothing much. I was just sitting around at home, watching telly.. Which wasn't really that bad! 'Coz I woke up in time to catch Cardcaptor Sakura! And it's the episode with The Dream card. Heehee~! Syaoran has been showing some interest on Sakura. Maaaan, I am so girlish!! Got excited at those kind of things.. Huhh! Then I watched UBOS.. reminded me a whole lot of Harry Potter and his friends. Huwaaaaa!! Can't wait until JUNE!! And then there's Holly Valance which forced me to finally take my shower. Hehh.. didn't have my shower the whole yesterday. AHHAHHA!! Typically me at home.. Ngeee! ^_^ And then, there was Michelle Branch and Simple Plan! Which was kinda neat.. ^_^ And then.. there was that LOTR the making again!! WAHHAHHA~!!! Happy~ happy~
So right now, nothing's good on telly.. so I'm listening to Rick Dees, while typing this entry.. and staring outside the window and see the rain... Some things have changed, indeed. I used to get perky when it rains and wish that I was outside, playing. But now.. I get a bit down when I see the rain. Bluekk! I hate this. SO not me..!
Anyways, I've been reading the past CLEO issues in the weekends nowadays. I know.. I should be doing my assignments! I could've had it it done by now.. but anyways! Loads of stuff I like to share in here, but I'll do it bit by bit. If you remember, I've mentioned some days ago about "How Men Handle Break-Ups Better Than Women", I re-read the article and decided to share only some of the points. 'Coz if I share ALL of them, it'll make an impression that ALL men are jerks! And that ALL women are hopeless! Hehh~! So I got.. two out of five - 1. Having a relationship is just an added bonus (for men) - not their be all! Even though they may care about you (girl), even love you immensely, they're still looking outside of the relationship. 2. Unlike women, men are not wrapped up in their relationships. This gives them the upper hand to break up with women and not feel like their world has ended, because he never did make her, his whole world.
Hehh! CLEO can be so 'unhealthy' sometimes. ^_^ Maan, I need to put on more weight! Huuuu~!
Okehh.. now I'm going to share something really good to end this entry with. Hik~! 10 Types Of Friends You Need In Life
The best friend they're always there for you, and you're there for them. You rely on each other totally.
Work friend you share gossip and fun lunch breaks and may even go out some evenings. Might develop into something more or stay as it is.
Good-time friend can't rely on them for anything except having a good time. Fine if you don't count on them.
Couple friend great when you've got a partner, to have someone you can go out in foursome with.
Older friend they guide and help you, a bit like a big sibling or older cousin, rather than a parent figure.
Family friend distant cousin/aunt/uncle or old neighbor that you keep regular contact with. Can share stuff you can't with other friends. Very elastic, it can come close at times or stretch to infinity, but it's always there.
Hobby friend you're both crazy about Harry Potter or what ever. There's little else to it, but you enjoy sharing this craze.
Old-time friend best mates in school, you're drifted apart but still like each other. You keep each other's feet on the ground, reminding each other where you came from.
Opposite-sex friend not just someone who tells you the truth about the opposite sex, but someone you can have fun with and not compete with, at least not on the fashion front.
Younger friend they keep you in touch with what's going on and gives you a chance to play big sister/brother.

Take my hand
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams
Are right in the palm of your hand..

Sunday - January 26th 2003 Would it be my fault if I ignore this foolish games?
aaAaAaa.. I just listen to this neat song.. but I don't know what it's called!! Eeeek!! I first heard it last weekend, and the lyrics just stuck with me. And this week I heard it again, and I still haven't got the title!! Huwaaaaaa!! So if any of you peeps have a song with the lyrics that goes like this, I don't wanna run away but I can' t take it, I don't understand.. GIMME! GIMME!! Huwaaaa!! I am SO going to waste my time searching for this song when I get back to MMU tomorrow..
Okehh, I really should do my Fundamental work right now, but instead.. I'm wasting my time in front of the computer again.. Hehh~! Remember the time in Form 5.. Papa kept lecturing me to study while I just sat in front of the computer.. Hahhha~! I think it's a bit weird.. I am the one who got lectured the most, but I turn out to be the most spoiled! Hahha!! Cemane tu?? Hik! Gosh! Can't wait 'til Dida comes home..! I miss her somehow.. ^_^ Nina's getting married in ONE week! And she and Jasmin are still having stupid stupid arguements each night. *Demm* I hate it when Nina starts to pour out how she felt.. it scares the crap outta me!!
Honestly, when someone close to you are going to get married.. it'll make you start thinking about yourself. Okaylaa.. I'm talking about how I feel right now. I mean, Nina's getting married.. which means that, in some years.. it'll be my turn! Huwaaaa!! So anyways.. then I got myself thinking. Everyone has their other half - their soul mate.. but, will I find MY other half?? 'Coz.. not everyone ends up with their soul mate, 'aight?? Huuu.. kan dah orang pikir camni! Susah betul.. *Demm* lagi sekali.. Of course I have some more years to think about this.. but dah terpikir.. ter start.. *Demm* lagi.. And when Dida gets married.. I'll have to think about it even MORE!! Waaaaaa!!!! Horror nye..! Y'know, one thing.. I have this tendency to ask my girl friends.. "Is HE the one??" Hope I won't be asked the same question.. Hehh~!
Lallalalalaa~! Don't wanna think about that yet.. ^_^ Tau taaak, mase zaman sekolah rendah dulu kan.. Wanie tak penah tinggalkan umah without a cap! (Tak pakai tudung laie..) Hahhaha~!! Fasa boy-ish. Kelakar lak rase. When my friends started talking about Summerset Bay, they'd mention "a place that won't interest you, Ida" HEHH! Klakar.. klakar.. Something that hasn't changed at all - I still hate wearing sandals! Heehee~!
Okehh.. I'll be away for a while. Gotta do something more constructive.. ^_^

Heehee~! So much for a constructive work! Just spent 2 hours scanning some pictures. Hihh!! Gosh, I really have no control over myself..! Always the same.. said to do something, but end up doing something else. Telling people one thing, but feels the different thing.. Sheesh~! My heart and mind just won't get along.. GrrRrRr.. Oh heck, I really really REALLY need to do the things I said I would.. So, later perhaps~! Really really REALLY have to do my laundry and Fundamental.. Hehh~!
AaaAaaAa!! Papa is so neat!! Hihhik~! Me and Nina asked for McD just now, and my dad just called to make sure of the things we wanted.. and then he asked.. "Do you want a sundae?" AHHAHHA~!! Of course I do!! Hahhahha~! Happy~ happy~~
Okehh.. I rest again. Humm.. I think this is interesting. If you were asked to say how you feel in three words, what would those words be? Hehheh.. Mine.. I think, my three words would be.. heart, mess, dizzy! ^_^ That's what I feel right now, anyways.. I am feeling dizzy right now, so I should stop..

Refusing to see what your heart is telling you is just stupid!

Thursday, January 23, 2003

So much work!!
uuUUuUu.. Ana's down with a bit of fever..
Anyways, the weekend is here again! I believe that I'll be having loads and LOAAADS of work to do this time around.
With the trailer for Graphics, booklet for Fundamental.. and Nina's big day..
Huwaaaa!! I need to get more money..
Umm, anyways! Speechless really..
Nothing from my head, nothing from my heart.
Can't understand them both, it's just too hard.
Stuff in my head, nothing much else to say.
Hope it'll turn okay, as it goes by day..

Okehh! Guess I'll get back to you peeps next week. Where's the good in goodbye, eh?

Current song : Formerly Known As by Kendall Payne

I'll tame this lion of flesh before the night is over
My love will not let me rest until my mind is sober
Reputations from my past chained so tight
You break free you break fast on my decision tonight

Formerly known as nothing and and no one
Formerly known as lost

I've been sold to lies I've been told by former generations
Who tell me what's worth having a hold on for cheap sensations
But you ask me at this moment who I say I am
A new creation they don't have to understand

Formerly known as nothing and and no one
Formerly known as lost

I will not be bound by what they tell me I can be
I will not stay silent I will speak my liberty
Hati kate "mau", badan kate "blah".. Mau blah..!
Huuu.. skipped my English yet again. Huwaaaa!! What's up with me these days??! I'm supposed to like English very much!! Huu.. I've changed.. +_+
The morning was pretty neat. ^_^ I don't know.. it was just nice.
Something rather weird happened though. I don't know why I feel this way.. Ayyayayya!! Fate is such a funny thing.
I'll get crazy if I think about it too much..

Current song : Disease by Matchbox 20
~ You taste like honey, honey ~
Just got back from our morning walk. It was a pretty nice walk.. considering there were five of us, together.
I think morning is the best time to think about stuff. Especially in your walks. The cool air.. the quiet surroundings.. it's really neat. I think I spent most of my time just now by staring into the space, thinking about stuff. Though there was no decisions made, but it did made me realize about some things I haven't take notice before. So it was really nice! ^_^
Probably should do this more often~!

Current song : The Prayer by Josh Groban w/ Charlotte Church
I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe
Mak aihh!
What can I say? It's amazing that the connection is fast this morning! Got five songs downloaded!! AHHAHHA~! It amazes me.. ^_^
So neat that I've downloaded Disease now!! AHHAHAH~! Weeeee~!


Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go

No one's ever turned you over, no one's tried
To ever let you down
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart

I got a disease
Deep inside me, that makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you, tell me what am I supposed to do about it?
Keep your distance from me, don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

Feels like you're makin a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn

Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life, almost magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe

I got a disease
Deep inside me, that makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you tell me what am I supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from me, don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease, yeah, well, I think that I'm sick
Believe me well my world is comin' down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me, can I be your honey
be be strong, keep tellin myself that it won't take long 'till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah, well free of my disease
Free of my disease

Yeah well I got a disease
Deep inside me, that makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you, tell me what am I supposed to do about it?
Keep your distance from me, don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease, yeah, well I think that I'm sick
Well leave me be while my world is comin down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me, can I be your honey?
Be be strong, keep tellin myself that it won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah, free of my disease
Set me free of my disease

Matchbox 20
Bodo nyer Nazri
The time now is 11:56 pm, and the server is down.. down.. down.. So I'm just typing this out just to tell my night activity.
It was really a waste of time.. Me and my mates went to the FCM commitee meeting 'coz we had nothing else better to do.. only to find out that we DO have much better things to do!! The person that handles the meeting was a real b*tch! And it's actually a HE! Huhh!! Guys like that deserves to die painfully. Okay, I may be a bit over reacting here.. but he's really a pain in the a$$! Good thing guys like that doesn't appeal so much to my eyes. Huhh!! (ooOo please don't say that he can play the guitar)
Oh well, should probably get to sleep right away. Really sleepy now.. and me and the gurls are probably going for a morning walk tomorrow.. Heehee~!!

Still feeling the same.. clueless..

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Waaaa~ Tired!
Huu.. such a tiring afternoon! But it was so much fun!!
Me and Ana went for Fundamental in the afternoon with a pretty low enthusiasm. But it wasn't so bad! We had some fun doing some silly stuff with the plastercine (hope I get this right!). It was really silly.. 'coz both of us had not much idea on what should we do, so we just messed around with our pink plastercines. It was pretty amusing.. Ana did a love shape, and I did an arrow and stuck it to the heart. ^_^ And there's this one time, I wrote LOVE = CRAP with my plastercine and a while later Mr John came over to our desk and made the P of the CRAP into B.. So it went LOVE = CRAB!! Hehh..
And later.. we were walking reaaaaally slow back to our room 'coz Fina, BJ and Sheeya were having their Graphics.. and at the start of the stairs, they called.. and a bit while we head to Street Mall, yet again!! Hihhihik! It was a fun walk.. and dinner! It was really reaaaaaaally nice. And the walk back was pretty hilarious.. ^_^ I just got a bit crazy, lost my head.. and did some silly stuff! Hihhik!
So now, we're going to head for the Alpha comittee meeting. Just to fill up some of our boring time.. ^_^

And I still feel the same..
Huwaaa! Huwaaa!!!!
I really have tears in my eyes. Why? Because I need the time to move faster!! I need to be in June as soon as possible!! Why? Because, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix will be out on the 21st of that month!! Huwaaaaa!! Why does it take so much time??! Huwaaa!! I want June!! I need June!!
This is so not fair!! Huwaaaaa!! I can't wait that long!! Huhhuhuhu!! You should see the article I read.. It's really excruciating fans like me! Huwaaa!!
My hands trembling.. why? Because the article wrote some of the lines in the book!!
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.
‘It is time,’ he said, ‘for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything.’

Huwaaaaaa!! If you're a real Harry Potter freak like me.. you'd understand how this really feels. My God!! What's Dumbledore gonna tell Harry??!! Huwaaaaaa!!
Quick quick.. June come over quick!!!!

Waiting is such a torture!! Huwaaa!!
A waste of enthusiasm
Waaaahh~!! Had a supposedly-consultation with Mr Hew.. but Tariq and Dani was not around. *Demm* Eyh.. my English wasn't so bad after all just now! Hahha~!! Neways, wasted a whole hour wondering around while me and Ana waited for the guys and finally we just went into our tutor's room..
Maaan.. my addiction for sugar has gotten worse!! I have Hudson's, Fruit-tella and TWIX in my room!! Oh yeah, and that box of Honey Stars!! Huwaaa!! What's happening?!! This time it's really terrible!! I'm in constant craving for more sweets.. +_+
oOoO yeah, a lil' advertisement over here.. You peeps, read February's issue of CLEO!! AHHAHHA~!! I don't know what's up with me and CLEO these days. Be sure to check out the recommended sites at the end of the mag. Heehee~! It's really funny.. I mean, I'm actually looking over this site, Heehee~! I think it was in December issue, where there's a bit part of an article that said Why Men Handle Break-ups Better than Women. Hihh! Well, there's some interesting tid-bit in the December one, but I forgot how the line goes.. ^_^ Maybe I'll share that one a wee bit later. Honestly, the sites in the February one seemed interesting but I forgot to write it down.. so I forgot what it's about! HAHAHHA!! But I do know that I'm going to check out! AHHAHA~!! I am REALLY losing my marbles..
Humm.. should I continue on my crappy Fundamental work, or should I just be rested..? ^_^

Current song : Please Remember by Leann Rimes
And how we laughed and how we smiled
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ran so fast we ran so free
I had you and you had me
Please remember, please remember

I Need Love

I left my conscience like a crying child
Locked the door behind me put the pain on file
Broken like a window I see my blindness now

I need love
Not some sentimental prison
I need God
Not the political church
I need fire
To melt the frozen sea inside me
I need love

Driving into town tired and depressed
Like a flare the street light bursts into an SOS
Peace comes to my rescue and I don't know what it means
I need love

Sixpence None The Richer

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

A Kiwi History
It is also known as Chinese gooseberry and Yang Tao. The small, oval fruit has a thin brownish-green skin with a fuzzy surface. The flesh, which is a distinctive green with tiny purplish seeds surrounding a white core may be eaten raw or cooked.
The history of the kiwi fruit began in the Chang Kiang Valley of China. Called Yang Tao, it was considered a delicacy by the great Khans who relished the fruit's brilliant flavor and emerald-green color. Knowledge of the fruit expanded to other countries in the mid 1800s to 1900s.
Plants were first exported from China to the United States in 1904, and seeds were brought to New Zealand in 1906. Kiwi fruit is available worldwide today and is produced in New Zealand, the United States, Italy, Japan, Greece, France, Spain, Australia and Chile.

My friends..
Heehee~! I am surrounded by crazy friends!! aaAaAaA!!
Anyways, they're doing their Fundamental while I'm here, in front of the computer.. partly, doing a research for my Fundamental work, mind you! Heehee~! Ana, Fina, BJ and Sheeya were really crazy just now!! Actually each one of us had a flashback of those old songs we learn in school.. Sang those Kereta Kecil and Tiga Sekawan song! It was hilarious!! Can't believe the whole room sang to it.
Not to mention, when we danced to Ayumi's song again! This time, BJ already knew the steps!! Now there's FIVE people that can dance to the song! Hihhihik!
Anyways, gotta start searching some info 'bout kiwi fruits.. maybe if I'm so bored, I'd even post it in here! ^_^

Seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri..
I REALLY am leading an unhealthy life..
But I did went for an evening walk with Ana and Sheeya! We went to Street Mall, and believe it or not.. It was not tiring at all!! It was in fact, enjoyable! 'Coz it was dark, windy and cool!! Really nice! We shopped for junkies and stuff.. It was raining a bit.. but I'm not showing any signs of getting a fever!! Huhh!! Teringin nak demam kat sini.. takde rezeki agaknye.. Huhuuuu~! And owh, guess what I bought!.. a sachet of sweets.. and later, me and Fina ate fried chicken. HAHH~!! Really.. I am killing myself!!
But I AM feeling mighty sleepy and a bit dizzy... And I accidentally kicked BJ's tin of pencil colours.. Owwww!! Sakiiiiiiiiiiit.. +_+

Bad baaad feeling.. oh why~?!
I am leading such an unhealthy life..
Yikes!! You should see how much sugar I take just in this three days! My oh my.. I have a very bad feeling that I'll be diagnose with such a disease by mid 40s. (That's if I live that long!) Honestly.. I don't know what has come over me! During this last three days, I had six packs of Fruit-tella.. And I ate a slice of cake, last night.. some chunks of chocolate.. Gosh!! I don't know what has come over me.. Can't stop munching on those Fruit-tella!! aaAaAaaA!! Can't chew on gums 'coz I get tooth ache from them.. huuu.. Eeeeeek!! Help me stop eating these Fruit-tella!!!! O yeah.. and when I came here.. what did I brought? A box of Honey Stars!! aaAAaAaA!! What's with the sugar addiction??!!
Just saw that TATU's video clip!! Many thanks to Azilah! Maaaaan!! They're really REAAAAALLY daring!! Yikes! I'm getting scared of lesbos.. Huuu.. no offence to anyone who reads this blog.. but err.. two girls.. kissing in the rain.. That's pretty much new to me, and it creeps me out!! Huhuuuu...! Wondering now.. what attracts the same sex to be together? I mean, looking at the short-haired one.. she's cute! Impossible if there's no guy that's attracted to her! Huuu.. could it be that a girl understands another girl better than any guy? So.. she chose to be with one of her kind. Huu.. or maybe they were soooo close to each other that somehow.. someway.. they're just attracted to one another?? HAHAHHA!! I don't know.. Can't figure it out.. I'm close with my mates.. I hold their hands when we're walking (out of habit, having my dad hold my hands most of the time) 'coz it makes me feel secured, and I won't get too far astrayed (and maybe 'coz it's just nice having someone you trust walking right next to you!) but I never felt attracted to them! Yeahh.. I love my friends, but not like.. real love-love! Though.. as much as I like hugging my dad and my sisters.. I can't hug my friends.. AHHAHHA!! Only at some occasions, when I haven't seen them for such a long long time or I won't be seeing them for a long long time.. 'coz the thought of hugging my girl friends just seemed.. icky somehow! AHHAHAHA~!!
Wokehh.. I gotta run now.. going for a walk with the gurls..

Current song : I Need Love by Sixpence None The Richer
~ I need love, not some sentimental prison ~
Give A Little Love

Everytime I think I've had enough of you
I take you back again
Not because I need a friend
Just because I can't pretend
Like the others do
You think you're really serious
Clever and mysterious
Talking like you're dangerous
Talking like a fool

Every day there's someone else
Who wants to get with me
I'm telling you
If you know what's good for you
Treat me like you used to do
Love me like before

'Cos all I can do is watch and wonder
where the boy I know has gone
You say that you want me, well it's
Time to tell your friends where they belong

You can find it in your heart
Give a little love
Have a little faith
In the two of us
You can find it in your soul
Give a little love
Have a little faith
In the two of us

'Cos all I can do is watch and wonder
where the boy I know has gone

Little boy I don't want anything to do with you
Get on your knees
I'm the one you have to please
Not the ones you want to be
I don't think you're cool

'Cos soon you can only watch and wonder
Where the girl you knew has gone
And then you will realize that
Everything you did to me was wrong

You can find it in your heart
Give a little love
Have a little faith
In the two of us
You can find it in your soul
Give a little love
Have a little faith
In the two of us

'Cos all you can do is watch and wonder
Where the girl you knew has gone

And do you really wanna lose a friend
You gotta understand or it has to end
'Cos I don't wanna wait for you anymore
Can't take it anymore

by M2M
My five days worth of post.. with so many thanks to Papa! ^_^
I'm losing my senses..

Thursday, January 16th My luck = crap!
So.. the everage of how much I cry is once every month.. Yeech! I hate crying but sometimes there's nothing else I could do.. and so, I cried.. +_+ Well, it was a pretty fine afternoon. Had such a good time with my friends. Hihhik! Me and my roomies planned on earlier to wear baju kurung, and we did! But somehow, I was the most out-of-place one. Why? Apart from my RED Converse.. (and Ana joined me on that part.. she wore her new Converse as well.. Hehh!) I also had my slingbag on!! AHHAHHA!! Yeaah.. what a waste of my good feminine side.. Hahhahha!! So anyways.. even when I had my classes, I still felt fine. I guess the highest point was around 12 to 2 when me, Ana and Fina had our lunch.. and later we told Sheeya to come down to our room and we all danced to that Ayumi's song Trauma. It was really nice!! Hihhihik! Had a reaaaaaaally hyper time. Went to Maths afterwards with a really tired EVERYTHING! Me and my roomies were horribly sleepy during class, we were all too tired from the dance. Can't quite make up anything Pn. Juliza said. ^_^
Aaaand came the time for me to get home. It was okay.. on the way back.. everything was reaaaaaaally fine. Until I got home!! It went absolutely the other way round. Huu.. I was really upset that I couldn't help crying.. Well.. not really 'crying' coz it was just for some seconds.. Hahhha!! So I shed some tears.. Hehh.. It was just that.. I thought of my luck.. and I guess it ran out on me.. (and you peeps should know by now how luck plays a BIG role in my life..) Yeaahh, I guess I shouldn't depend my everything on luck.. but it's just me! Qada' dan Qadar.. Rukun Iman, tu kan? Hik!
Hey.. just wondering.. have any of you peeps had any gay experience?? AHHAHAHA!! I know that some of you who read that line will be shocked. Hihhik! I'm not saying that I have.. at least I think I haven't!! aAaaAaAaA!! Scary, huh? Well, I do know that I've been listening to TATU - All The Things She Said too much! Demm!! I really like that song! But why does it have to be so lesbo? Huhh!! Those gurls were really daring and 'honest', huh? Did you know that they're just 17 and 18?? Jeng jeng jenggg! Well, the song has a good beat.. ^_^ So yeah, I had a pretty pervetish and 'dangerous' week (I played around too much with err.. pretty icky words, flirting around with the gurls and skipped under the ground floor's toilet -the shower cubicle- windows..hehh!) but I am NOT lesbo, okaayyy!! I'm sure of it! I mean, who would've pass out a thought of a hunk like Orlando for a gurl?? (Unless you're a guy, of course!) Hahhaha!! Well, I wouldn't! ^_^

Though, Avril's right. Guys ARE such a drag...! HAHH~!

Friday, January 17th It skipped so many beats..
aaAaAaAAaaaA.. had a sudden flashback of my school days.. Gosh, it was funnn! Skipping classes.. breaking the rules.. day-dreaming.. making rubbish.. Honestly! That's what school taught me! AHHAHHA!! Skip class.. yeahh! Did that plenty of times! I was in the Photography Club, so when I felt like skipping, I'd show my pass and said stuff like I have to go out to take pictures for the club. Hihhik! Did that in F4. Haa.. Pn Rosliza.. hihhik! Pegi dewan, nengok seniors amek results SPM. Konon amek gamba, sedangkan kamera pon tak pegang! And ade sekali, mase Dikir Barat competition. Nampak Finaaaaa! Hihhik! Then, on the magazine photo shoot.. skipped a whole 5 hours, walking around school to call out the kids from classes. Hihhik! And almost everytime, I'd be one of those kids who gets back into classes late after recess. Hahhah! Even when I was in class, I'd day-dream, doodle on my table or write letters to my friends. Hihhik! Gosh, I was never serious in school! ^_^ Selempang tudung, tak pakai serkup - pakai head-band kaler bright pink, kasut jarang sekali putih, kain sapu lantai, stokin kaler-kaler, pakai bangle, lipat lengan baju.. hihhik! Banyak skali kena tego! Main lastik.. belon air.. Hahhaha!! It was in Form 2, me and my friends were having so much fun with the water baloons when a teacher came up to us and told us to stop the crap 'coz we've been wasting loads of the school water. Hihhik! Still, had so much fun at school..! Learnt the ways on how to have fun!! Hihhik.. En Nazri taught the word 'bapuk lemau' in class and me and my sisters and cousins shouted the word in the Piala Malaysia finals (1998). Hahha! It was silly. We sat waaaaaay up the stadium but shouted ourselves hoarse anyways. Everytime Pahang players (I think!) acted as if they were fouled by the Selangor players, we'd scream BAPUK LEMAAAUUU!! at them.. Hehhe! And the people around us would laugh along. ^_^ Gosh!! School is so much fun!! Hihhihik!
Humm.. don't you think it's odd if you kinda had your thought on someone and suddenly that person calls you up? Hehh! ooOoOooh.. freaky coincedence!

Current song : From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart by Britney Spears
~ "Never look back" we said.. How was I to know, I miss you so ~

Saturday, January 18th Hoaa gosh.. Orlando is cute!
Maaan! I was doing some stuff on the computer when I turned ntv7 on.. and there was the making for LOTR again! And I can't help shouting how much I love the film!! And I want to see it again!! Both the making, and the movie! I want to see it again.. again.. again.. again and again! Again!!!! Eeeeeek!!
Eyh? JC's going solo?? Hummm.. my my... this is as mighty silly as Justin's first single! Ekkekke!! (listening to Rickdees~! Hihhik!)
Demm.. what's this? Humm.. some may disagree with what I'm about to say here.. but, f*ck feelings!! I wish I'm still in my tween days, when I don't care about love. What's love huh? Crap, really.. I wish my mind still tells me to put my shoe print on every guy I see! 'Coz I really should!! Yeahh.. my equation, guys = trouble, love = crap/sickness! Okay, I take that back. Honestly.. the world would come to an end if there's not even a bit of love, 'aight? But I'd like to state here that I do hate my current life! Everything is just so wrong! So horrible! I can't even trust myself in making any decisions. I feel like I'm losing myself.. Falling into a void, where I'm alone and no one could reach.. If only caring is the last thing I'd do.. But the fact is, even if you break away from someone once special to you.. Even if you stop seeing 'em, stop talking to them, stop talking about 'em.. it won't stop you thinking about 'em right? It won't stop you from caring, 'aight? Does it stopped you? It doesn't stop me.. even when God knows how much I want to. Wish I don't have to stop, 'coz I'm pretty much fine with the way it is. But someone else is making me want to stop. Maybe he wished that I would.. And I probably should..

I need you to hate me first..

Sunday, January 19th Gloomy Sunday
Come to think about the telly. Hihhik! If you're a Gilmore Girls' follower, what do you think? Should Rory be with Dean or Jess? Dean is always there.. the one Rory can count on.. the one that'll always be there for Rory. While Jess, he's a punk! Really.. but he's interesting! He surprises Rory.. he do care for her, and it's impossible to get bored when he's around! Humm.. telly can really make some think, huh? And I remember this time in Roswell when I cried 'coz the 'future' Max asked Liz to make the 'current' Max to fall out of love with her. Easy to make someone fall in love, but what does it take to make someone fall out from it? That kinda suxX huh? They were supposed to 'meant-to-be' but someone told 'em to fall out of love for the safety of everyone. Humm.. is it right to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's? I can't remember when was the last time I acted unselfishly.. Hehh! I don't know.. I guess I do what I want most of the time.. Hehh.. rebelling really suits me. Do what I want first, and deal with the concequences later. Seriously.. if we keep thinking what others would think, you're going NOWHERE! So take the chances and deal with it later! Contoh macam Wanie dulu.. keluar ikut suka ati.. Balek umah kena marah, kekadang kena grounded, but what the heck! At least I had some moments of fun that lasts for a lifetime! If I stayed home, and do as I was told.. I wouldn't even had THAT happy memory. ^_^ Just something for you peeps to think about.. But of course, not everyone thinks as the way I think!
So anyway, months ago I came by this interesting article about a 'haunted' song. It's an old song called Gloomy Sunday. The article said, that since the original version came out, a series of suicide had occured and their death note usually contains some parts of the song. So, the original version was banned. Though, since then.. some singers have remake the song, and added another verse to the song so it won't sound too 'dark'. Humm.. lyrics and verses really intrigues me, and I have to say.. the lyrics was NEAT!! Ahhaha!! No.. no.. I don't plan on commiting suicide anytime soon but the lyrics was nice! ^_^ If you have Kazaa, you can search for the song.. but take note that the original version was banned! (I couldn't find it anywhere..) But heyy, if you do download it.. be careful! The remake may still be haunted! ^_^
This is the lyrics for Gloomy Sunday. The very last verse was the extended version of the original..

Sunday is Gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows, I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy is Sunday, with the shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and find you asleep in the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you, how much I wanted you

Monday, January 20th I love you so!!
My Papa is so sooo cool! I love him so soo much!! I wish I'd die first before him.. don't know what I'd do without him!! God, I really really need him to be around! I don't care if he gets mad at me.. it usually starts from me, anyways! God, the next time I diss anything about my dad, please dash that out. I say stuff that I don't mean when I get angry.. ^_^ Haaa.. I remember the time when he hit me with his belt.. piat telinga Wanie.. Hahhaha!! I was the naughty one! I think I had the most lecture from him.. ^_^ But I love him anyways! I think, the thing that make me love him so much is that he's kinda strict, but he didn't really restrict the things I wanna do. Like.. he doesn't mind me going out, but not so much.. Let me make friends with everyone, just don't let myself get too carried away. Hehh! I have all the freedom I need! He may mess around with the things I like.. not giving me the things I want.. But he'd always provide me with the things I need. ^_^ Thank you.. thank you.. thank you!! Papa would usually let me think what is right for myself.. even when sometimes I need him to tell me what to do! Hihhik! Can't remember when was the last time he brainwashed me. Hahhaha!! Thank you Papa!! I thank you so much for the freedom you've given me! I think all parents should be like that.. Strict, but don't take away their child's freedom. I mean, tengok ajelaa.. some kids, bila jauh dari parents jadi rosak. Cuba macam-macam. Kenapa? Konon nak rebel sangat la tu, sedangkan sendiri yang rosak. Hihhihik! I don't know why, but I've been talking like I am sooooo smart these days. Hahhaha!! ^.^ Y'know, one thing about my dad.. well.. some things, actually.. ^_^ He takes me and my sisters to watch the football at the stadium, joked around (even make himself silly at times!), hugs us and hold our hands.. and just yesterday morning, he got himself excited in front of the telly when Ultraman was on! Hahhaha!! It was so silly!! He actually went "ooh" and "aah" as Ultraman fought with the monster! Hihhihik! Well, that's my Papa! ^_^ Sorry if you got bored with the story of my dad.. I just feel like sharing.. ^_^
p/s Rebelling is one of the important essences in a teenage life. Getting yourself mad at by your parents is fine. You need to make some points to your parents sometimes. Especially if it has to do with your own freedom. You're not going to live with your parents forever, 'aight? You gotta break free and explore YOUR life.. Just as long as you don't get yourself killed! ^_^
Aaaah.. had a small talk with my dad this night. I asked him how he feel about Nina getting married. And he said he's a little torn. Huuu.. the look on his face.. I thank God that I won't be getting married anytime soon! Hahhaha!! I'd really hate to see that look again. And y'know, he actually just found out that I've broke up.. and know the thing that came out from his mouth?? "Yeaaaaaay!" AHHAHHA!! Gosh!! My dad can get so hilarious at times. And he open up his story.. I should set out my priorities - yes I have, thank you.. I should be free, not restricting myself with those sort of bonds at this times - I know, I know.. He's not going to let me get married anytime soon - (which I laughed out loud) of course, I don't intend to get married anytime soon!! HAHH~! Papa.. Papaa.. that's my dad. He doesn't restrict me to have a boyfriend, but prefers that I stay alone for the time being ^_^ I've been mixing business with pleasure all my life, it's hard to stop now! AHHAHAHHA!! oOoOo yeah, Musz, remember this? Hidup mesti lepak, study biar gempak, cinta jangan hapak! AHHAHHA!! Those novels were cool, weren't it? ^_^ Hihhi.. me and Musz used to chant those words (which was from a series of Malay novels) when we were in lower high school.. though, we only get the first part right.. Hihhik! We were lepak, alright! ^_^
So anyways, went out with Hanis yesterday. Feels real good to go out with an old friend. Being able to pour my heart out to that some people I care about, and cares about me as well. Hanis, you roxX!! Musz, I am missing you even more everydaaayy!! "I want you.. I need youuu!!" <-- Make this sound a lil' horny.. HAHHAHHA!! Gosh! You guys are the bestest friend I can possibly have! Even when you guys annoy me, I love you two anyways! Hihhihik!
I tried to do that list of changes in me some days ago.. and I'm stuck! It's like.. I see loads of different people everyday, and I seem to change when I'm around those new people only! When I get back to my old surroundings, old friends, I went back to my old self. When I'm away from those new people I know, I am.. plain ole me! My sisters always said that I was mean, and now that I've cared less about the world.. I've become my old mean self again! Hahhaha!! It's like.. I've been practising to compromise months ago.. and now I've stop practising, I forgot how to do it again! Hihhihik! So.. better get away from me, 'coz I might just give you a cold look the next time you see me!! Hihhihik! My smile is so fake, sometimes. Huuu..
A smile is just a smile.. a form that creates an illusion of happiness. It may not reflect the true feelings of one who smiles. Same goes for words.. They're just alphabets that were mixed together. There's no truth in words.. people lie with words when they need to hide their feelings from others. And sometimes, even to themselves..
It's another new week.. wonder what's up for me for the week. Will I be happier? Or even more sappier? AHHAHHA!!

Current song : How Could An Angel Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
~ I wish I didn't wish so hard.. Maybe I wished our love apart ~

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Fate is a complicated subject
I am seriously confused!! Aaaaaaakkk!! It's like.. I don't know what I want!! It's like.. I'm rebelling with my own self! AHHAHHAA!! Funny.. usually I'd rebel FOR my own self.. HAHHAHAA!! This is new! Never thought that such thing is possible.. Hihhihik! Klakar.. klakar.. Anyways.. wished that it would rain tonight.. but right now, it's the last thing I need. Hihhihik! Me and my complicated way of thinking.. Demm!! I left my poem at home.. Hahhaha!! I did this silly thing 'coz I was a bit crazy with rhymes this one day.. and I think it really reflects my feelings! Well.. it reflectED the way I felt at that time.. ^_^
aaAaAaAaaaAaAa!! Demm, I have two crazy roommates.. and really good at RPG!! AaaaAAaAA!!! Tak tahaaaaaaaaaaaannn!!

Look through the window to see what's outside
All I see is shadows of the night
I try to read what I feel inside
I see nothing, too dark and no light

Hmph! Maybe I was a lil' bit too mean.. Hik!
We stroll along together..
AaaAaAaa!! Why is it amazing that some guys can sing really well, and it multiplies if they're doing it in accapella?! Ahhahahha!! Demm.. I hate it when I get so sappy.. Ahhahha!! Okay.. now I'm getting myself scared..
Anyways, I probably won't be talking much this time around.. I find that writing sooths my mood better than typing.. ^_^
Well.. we'll just see what the future holds for us.. aight? Supposedly it's a long way ahead.. ^_^

Forever is just a word.. nobody lives that long, anyways!
Pardon me again..
Hihhihik! Been fooling around with my friends today. I have to say, that today seemed a bit better than yesterday. My eye still itch.. and red.. and hurts a bit.. But I have my friends to get it off my mind. ^_^
We played around with that envelope we have to buy for the lecturer. Hehh! I think it's supposed to be an informal letter's envelope, 'aight? But we've been messing around with it.. We wrote silly stuff on the envelope. Sheeya wrote "senyum sebelum buka", Fina wrote that rhyme about pecah kaca pecah gelas.. Ana wrote "thanks Mr Postman".. BJ wrote "wallimatul urus" and I doodled some love shapes on the envelope's flap. Hihhihik! Had a good laugh about it all.. ^_^
Anyways.. Gotta run.. Gonna have my submission this afternoon..

Tomorrow's Thursday!!
I was silly then.. I am silly now..
Humm.. I think I know what I should do during the weekend! Other than participating in Nina's preparation.. I think I should list down the changes in me.. and the things that's in me since old times..! But then.. there's a possibility that Hanis is coming back for the weekend.. and that means, I can go out!!! Hahhaha!! I need to walk around anyways.. gotta find something for Nina's wedding.. Hihhihik! Hanis, jom nanti kita masuk Blush! Hahhahhaaa!! Maaaan! I don't know what's up with me these days but I'm getting pervertish like Fina and BJ! Eeeeek!! Hahhahha!! I guess I've been spending too much time with this girls.. Hihhik!
Oh well.. finished my Fundamental.. and I'll have my Graphics at 9. Better get my beauty sleep now, 'aight? Hahhaha!! Will never get to that 'beauty' part.. Just hope that my eye will get better in the morning.. It's starting to hurt again.. +_+

Every song tells a story.. One of them might be yours..

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

You're dumb!! And I'm even more dumber..!
AHHAHAHHAA!! I'm really laughing my head off! Something just made my heart tickle! Well, it's a two-way thingy really.. but I'm looking it through the silly side, first.. So I'm laughing about this first.. ^_^
Had my shower with Ana this evening.. funny!! I never thought that playing with the water is possible between two cubicles! Hahhahaa!! But that was what we did! ^_^ It was entertaining.. 'coz we talked and talked and talked.. And guess what! Ana angau mase time mandiiiiiiiiii!!! aaaAAaAaaaAaaaaAaAA!! I never thought that it was possible! AHHAHAHA!!
Haaaaaa.. anyways! Hihhihi.. I really need to get this over with.. Kelakar laa.. I was merely exagerrating how I feel.. I was fine then, I am fine now.. Heehee~! I'm amazed that I wasn't as insignificant as I thought I was! Hahhaa~!! Oklahh.. I'll get over it.. I'll let go.. Hahhaha!!

Hehh.. sorry that I was dragging it all along.. ^_^
Huwaaaaaaaa!! Everything's not right today.. I wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's start off with the morning.. a bit of a re-cap here. I woke up, feeling something's weird with my left eye.. Later when I was on my way for class, I had a real stomach pain. Such a torture that some sweat was involved during that period of pain!! Then in the afternoon, as I was in Maths.. I was bothered by measly, teeny weeny stuff in my heart!! Which of course, leads to a messy mind!!! Blueerrghhh!!
Later in the evening, that weird feeling in my eye grew red.. and it's getting bigger!! And it hurts like h*ll!! It's such a bug!! Huwaaaaaa!! And my mom, suddenly turned into a real joker, said that I.. "intai orang berak kut"!! Hahh!!! Pandai lak Mama buat lawak ekk..! And a bit more later, I had my first accident in this trimester!! I was walking with Fina, down the steps at HB4 towards the foodcourt. And since it rained earlier.. my foot slipped..!! Guess what happens next.. of course I fell!! Urrghh!! Such a pain to my cute butt! AHHAHHA!! Minus that cute part, please. It really hurts!! Huwaaaaa!! My hands hurt, as well with my butt!! I get this teeny weeny cut at my left hand. And the amazing part was.. in that tiny cut, there was actually a particle of sand! Can you imagine.. having a particle of sand in your cut????? Urrghhhh!!
And I haven't even started my Fundamental.. God!!! I haven't had a single happy news for weeks!! Please save me from this miserable feeling.. Take me away from this horrible situation.. Aaarrrghhh!! December and January are two horrible months for me!! AaaAaAAaAAAaa!!! Wish I could go back to the last three months.. I wish I haven't even started!! I WISH!!! I feel so horrible... and there's no one I can turn to.. This is such a bad day...

Refuse to let it fall apart
As now I lay alone in my bed
Feels so hollow in my heart
But so many questions in my head..
Excuse me.. is there ANY way I can erase the things I have in my mind? Demm, I am SO tired of thinking of stupid.. stupid stuff. Yes, I admit that I've been thinking about stupid stuff lately.. Stupid me! It's stupid and my stupid mind STILL wants to think about it! How thick can a person get?? Urrghh!! I feel like such a sore loser! I gotta let go!! Hihhi.. I banged my head on the table in Maths just now. My heart kept whispering the stuff I'd LOVE to forget.. Huuu.. so tired... can't even concentrate what Juliza said.. but somehow I did get the lectures.. Hehh.. lucky me.
Kenape rase cam tengah exagerrating stuff ek? Am I? I was fine then.. So kenape skarang cam rase lain? Mengade nyeerrrr!! Menyampah kat diri sendrik. Kadang-kadang rase okay.. my mind, clear from any irrelevant stuff. Tapi kenape ade some points, I just can't bare!! Penaaaaaat... I'm just so tired of all this crap.
Wondering though.. will this point of my life change me forever? I know I've changed from my old self. And I know somehow I can't get back to where I was from.. Trapped again.......

Current song : Don't Speak by No Doubt
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
I don't know.. something's going on.. something that shouldn't be happening, but I kinda want it to happen.. but it shouldn't! Hahhhaa!! Sorry if I got you confused there. Well, something's not right is happening, someway.. and I hope that all will be fine.. ^_^
Kinda crappy morning, today.. I had a stomach ache, and a really bad one.. Y'know, it hurts even more when you move.. So this morning, I felt the sweat on my forehead as I walk towards lecture. It was demm painful!! Aaaarrrghhhh!! And the ache lasted for a whole hour!! I really really hate stomach pain!! And probably I should get worried.. I've been having it pretty frequently these days.. Huuu.. +_+ And probably it's coming back.. shit! Rase cam nak buang perut ni kejap!
Funny how I've been telling people to do what they want.. when I myself am not doing what I want.. Probably 'coz I don't even know what I want....

Can you please tell me what I want?
Aaaaah! New song!
Hehhehe.. I got myself listening to Vanessa Carlton now..

Pretty Baby

You light me up and then i fall for you
You lay me down and then i call for you
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few
I’d let it all come down and then some for you

Pretty baby don’t you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can’t you see
You’re the one that i belong to
I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you’re the sun that breaks the storm
I’ll be alright and i‘ll sleep tight
As long as you keep comin’ round, oh pretty baby

And i know things can’t last forever
But there are lessons that you’ll never learn
Oh just the scent of you it makes me hurt
So how’s it you that makes me better

Pretty baby don’t you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can’t you see
You’re the one that i belong to
I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you’re the sun that breaks the storm
I’ll be alright and i’ll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin’

Why can’t you hold me and never let go
When you touch me it is me that you own
Pretty baby oh the place that you hold in my heart
Would you break it apart again…oh pretty baby

Pretty baby don’t you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can’t you see
You’re the one that i belong to
I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you’re the sun that breaks the storm
I’ll be alright and i’ll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin’ round

Pretty baby why can’t you see
Pretty baby don’t you leave me
Pretty baby why can’t you see
Pretty baby don’t you leave me
Oh pretty baby, my pretty baby, my pretty baby
Don’t you leave me
tralalla.. tralalla.. i'm so bored, i can hit my head with the keyboard
tralalla.. tralalla.. what's up with my mind, can't stop with this rhyme
AHHAHAHHAHAA!! yeah right...

I must be losing my head again..
I really hate it when this happens! Someone please stop me from listening to this song!! Please get my head think about something else! I really need to make myself busy!! I hate my thoughts!! Pleaaaaaseee!! Hellppp!! Huwaaaaaaaa!! I'm trapped by my own little mind.. Can someone please help??
Geramnyerrrrr!! Insignificant again! Arrghhh! I was alright just now, but what happened? I just HAD to think about minor.. measly.. unimportant stuff!! Why?? Because I was born as a girl.. and a sensitive one at that!! Why?? Because it's my destiny!! It was fated!! Why?? Because THIS is what I have to go through.. THIS is my life!! Urrghhh!! *Demm!!* I am so very tired of thinking... I wish everyone would stop their lies and start talking through their heart.. Our minds can be deceiving. It hides away what your heart really feels and that's a GREAT problem.. Huwaaaaaaa!! I really do hate my thoughts!! They're so weak!! I wish.. I wish... I could be someone else for at least one day! I need to be someone with a stronger mind.. instead of a stronger heart! Why the hell do I listen to my heart!! Why the hell can't I listen to my mind while everyone else can?? WHYYYYY??! Demmlahh.. there are just some days when I hate being me...

"Telling my heart I didn't need you.."

Monday, January 13, 2003

The more I think of it..
The more I think of it.. the more relaxed I get. Of course it made me realize how I feel about stuff.. but it made me look into it through a very open mind. ^_^ In the car.. this morning.. I had a sudden rush of flashback.. Something in my memory, not so distant. It was a good time. One of my highest point in life.. and know what? I just smiled!! I mean.. not even tick in my heart that I was regretful for it all has changed. Aaaah.. I'm so proud of myself!
But of course.. weird enough, everytime I get back to MMU.. every single good feeling I have 'collected' during the weekend just fades away.. Sad, really..
It's like.. I don't know! Bad karma!! AHHAHHA!!

"It hurts that you chose to lie when the truth was obvious, hunn"
An upset..
Huuu.. I am so frustrated!! I could've upload my webby this week! I did the page I wanted at home.. but now.. I can't open the disc!! Huwaaa!! Hours worth of work.. and my home-written blog.. All.. gone to waste!! Huwaaaa!! Sedihnyelaaaa... So.. my spirit has dampen a bit since this morning... Huuu..
But come to think about MDF this morning.. Hehh! Brought a smile to my face. Why? Mr John said that my studies was pretty good!! He didn't comment so much on mine!! Hahhahaaa~!! And the lift incident this morning.. Hahhhaa!! I feel so silly and stupid.. and embarassed.. Though.. not really embarassing.. but it was mostly stupid. Hihhihik!!

Maaan!! I want my files back you demm disc!! Urrghhh!!
Buduh punye disket...!!!!! Tapi takpe...
Today's Orlando Bloom's birthdayy!!!

demm..demm..disket!! Huwaaa!! All work.. gone!! DEMMMMMM!!!

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Kickapoo Joy Juice.. The Original Joy Juice Recipe
Hehhe.. going back home! Going back home!! Hihihihik!
Spent the whole day going from classes to classes.. And hour of Maths, then one hour break, two hours of English and another hour of Maths. Surprisingly.. I really concentrated in all of my classes!! Hahhahha!! I shocked myself today.. so yeah.. more notes, less doodle just MIGHT work after all! ^_^
Honestly, I have nothing much to say right here. I mean.. my head was really into something meaningful for once! It's just.... amazing! Hahhaha!!
And ohh!! I think, going to the toilet alone at half past 5 in the morning is waaaaaaayy to creepy!! Huhuuu!! I didn't even looked at the mirror when I got out from the cubicle.. I'd hate to see any other reflection than mine.. or maybe a shadow right outside the cubicle door.. aaAaaAaA!!! My imagination ran really wild!!
aAAaAaAaA!!! I'm really really blank right now!! All in my head is just.. "do Fundamental.. kalau rajen buat Maths skali"
And yeech!! My English is so sloppy these days!! I mean.. I was talking to Juvita and Avi.. and it went horrible!! Bluerrghh!! It's getting reaaaaaaally rusty!
Gosh!! I realize that I love being 18!! You can't imagine how much! I mean.. it's like.. I'm still acting childishly and all that.. but as I turned 18.. I learn about SOOOO many stuff! I mean, it's impossible not to appreciate them! You peeps might not understand what I'm trying to convey here.. but I feel so.. I don't know!! There's a feeling of preciousness in this life! If I weren't given the chance to live up until this day.. I would've probably died in stupidity. So little things that I learn. But now.. it's like.. I've learn loads of stuff about life, and it's truly cool!! It's just.. amazing!! ooops! Sentimental again, I noticed!
So anyways.. gotta pack up now! My dad is supposed to come by in 10.. later peeps~! Have a neat weekend!!

A different kind of like.. but not the kind of love..
I am such a girly!! Eeeeew!!
Hahhaha!! Honestly.. I'm just bored.. and start opening up silly sites...! Huuummm..... so I'm just going to put this here..

Aries (March 21 to April 20)
The sign of the ram, but a ram has three possible personalities, domineering, innocent or easily lead. Typical Arians are aware, adventurous and seek constant adventure. Sometimes in their eagerness to be noticed, an Arian can be brash, rude or selfish.
Taurus (April 21 to May 20, 21)
The sign of the bull. Taureans are typically headstrong but very loyal with it. They do tend to dwell on wealth and social status, their own and other peoples. With a constant battle to keep up with the Jones. Although whatever a Taurean wants to achieve, they will strive for until they get it.
Gemini (May 21, 22 to June 21)
The sign of the twins. Gemini's are usually bright and quick witted, the old adage of two heads being better than one ?. They do enjoy making use of their intellectual talent, be that at work or play and most have either a creative streak or an interest in the arts, but their eagerness to complete more than one task at a time means that nothing gets done.
Cancer (June 22 to July 22)
The sign of the crab. Cancerians are tender loving and kind, they also have immense sympathy for those less fortunate than themselves., which in turn makes them very emotional people. A Cancerian will gladly sacrifice something they love for the ones they love. They are very homey people, preferring a quiet night in to a party.
Leo (July 23 to August 22, 23)
The sign of the lion. Leo's are forceful, demanding and sometimes bossy, but despite this they also have a generous nature, when need be. Leos like to be the centre of attention all times, and are prone (if need be) to draw attention to themselves. They have much respect for family life and children and admire others who do so too. Leos are very big on Authority, but deal with all situations with integrity and fairness.
Virgo (August 23, 24 to September 22, 23)
The sign of the virgin. Typical virgos are supposed to be pure wholesome and good, but this is not always the case. Be sure for every 1 true virgo, there are 3 who should have been a leo. A place for everything and everything in its place, that is the organised life of the virgo in a nut shell. Virgo are very industrious and enjoy dissecting large quantities of information and analysing it.
Libra (September 23, 24 to October 22, 23)
The sign of the scales. Librans typically need balance and stability in their lives to be completely happy. The slightest upset, will upset them. Librans hate to be mis-judged, and they really care what other people think of them. Librans want to settle down, they want marriage, kids and a harmonious life. Definitely the jolliest sign.
Scorpio (October 23, 24 to November 22)
The sign of the scorpion. Scorpions are the most sexual of the signs in terms of cravings and desires. Never satisfied with just one love, constantly needing to get another notch on their belts. Scorpions are sly and have a bit of a dare-devil streak in them, definitely the most risqué of all the signs. Never tell a scorpion a secret - they won't keep it!
Sagittarius (November 23 to December 21, 22)
The sign of the archer. They set very high standards and goals for themselves and expect everyone else to live up to them as well. They are very blunt in their speaking and often say hurtful things without meaning to. They constantly need a challenge and thrive on excitement and the unknown. Great travelers and explorers, saggies don't like to be tied down and are not well known for being faithful.
Capricorn (December 22, 23 to January 20)
The sign of the sea-goat. Capricorns are very career orientated people. They are ambitious and have opinions about everything. They do sometimes tend to have a bit of a doom and gloom persona, always seeing the down side of things first. Some capricorns are narrow minded in their thinking but only because they want to do what they think is the very best thing to do.
Aquarius (January 21 to February 19)
The sign of the water-bearer. Aquarians are very friendly people, great conversationalists and thinkers. They are regularly involved in some kind of intellectual study or debate, but never really let on to others how well informed they really are. Because of this they are unpredictable and full of surprises, you can never tell what an aquarian will do next.
Pisces (February 20 to March 20)
The sign of the fish. Pisceans are fairly free-flowing people in the space that they are allowed to flow in.They often feel trapped when they are not able to do the things that they want, or when things don't run smoothly and this makes them irritable. However, a piscean can make the best of a bad situation if they really want to and blend in with their surroundings.


Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Need To Be Next To You
by Leigh Nash

I've run from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need you
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I'd feel inside

But I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you
Need to be – next to you

Right here with you is right where I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
Without you there is nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not there
I can't fight what I feel anymore

'Cause I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you

I need to have your heart next to mine
For all the time
Hold you for all my life
I need to be next to you

I need to be next to you (to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
Need to be, need to be next to you
Share every breath with you
oh, oh I
I need to feel you in my arms, babe (oh...)
In my arms, babe (oh I...)
I need to be next to you
oh I, oh I
(oh I...)

Hihhihik!! Been playing this song since the last 20 hours!! But really... I'm really REAAAAALLY fine now. I finally let go of what I really felt. So, thanks Pakcik! Though at first I didn't want to talk about it.. but you made me talk.. and it relieves me so! So thankful that you came by to my life.. that I'm able to really talk to you.. that you are a friend! ^_^ And yeah.. time heals.. I know I know... wekk!!
Waaaaaaahhhh!!! I never felt this relieved since the new year has begun!! Though my heart oddly aches (probably a case of my ego) and there's butterflies in my tummy (which is caused by anxiety) but other than that, I feel perfectly fine!! My heart aches.. but it's all cleared out! So... thank God that I couldn't lie, and spoke the words from my heart. (strike out for another diary-written new year's resolution which was learn how to lie.. Hahhaha!)
oOooOo yeahh.. This entry is a bit special.. since I'm going to tell you a FACT!! aaAaAahh!! Did you know.. that Ana dedicated this song to her boyfriend?? AHHAAHHAHA!!

Sape kate Wanie berani? Takut sebenanye.. cuma tak nampak..
At the bottom of your list.. that's where I belong
God!! I just realize that I was so pissed off!!! I just realized that I am furious about some things!! I just realized half of the things that's been inside my heart!! I just took notice of the way I feel!! Godd!! I am SO mad!! I can't believe that my hands shook real hard just now! I can't believe that it took me weeks to realize how I really feel!! Godd!!!! I feel soo... minor! So... useless!! So... un-important!!
And yet I'm still confused.. my feelings changes in an instant! In just two hours.. I think differently through all this. Uuurrrghhhh!! I am such a fool!!!

And the fact is, there is no second place in the matters of love..
Tell me, how did I get here..?
Hahhaha! Ana purposedly found a certain silly site while we were in the lab this morning.. it's a very girlish site and I'm pretty embarassed to tell you peeps the addy. Hihhihik! Giggled pretty hard in the lab because of that site. ^_^ But since I was so embarassed to stare at that site for so long, I had to go back to the site.. AHHAHAHA!! Gosh.. I really need to stop getting silly all over astrology.. Hahhaha!!
Neways.. not going to have that Friday class as I thought! 'Coz Juliza said some of the students complained that they have classes..! Sooo.. weeeeeeee!! I can go back on Thursday!!
I wonder why.. I haven't thought of this place as my home.. I just.. have this feeling to get away from here as much as I can..
Y'know.. have you ever wished.. that the people around you understands how you feel without having to say it? I'm feeling... a bit different all of a sudden. And somehow I wish that people would know how differently I feel.. But I don't want them to say anything about it.. I just.. want them.. to know. I don't need to know what they think about it.. I just need them to know..
Gosh!! I think that sappy song is actually affecting me!! I'm confused!!! Am I? Hahhahha!! I hope you're confused as well.. ^_^ Though I want you to know how I actually feel.. I'm afraid if you'll get the wrong idea.. or if you got the right one.. you'll ask questions.. Hahhaha!! I'm pretty much instable to be bombarded by questions right now...... heart is racing.. hands are trembling.. why?

Current song : gosh!! I've been listening to the same song for the last 12 hours!
~ Oh.. I ~
Remind me not to sit here again..
In my computer lab, now.. crappy really.. 'coz there's a glitch somewhere for that Quicktime thingy.. The file won't show. So now.. I'm sitiing stupidly, typing my blog. I'm wondering something, though.. but naaah.. never mind about that. Not that important..
Ana's playing around with her work.. while I stared at it (stupidly again).. and giggle around 'coz she was doing it very silly..
Really.. remind me not to sit here again! This comp doesn't even have a Y!M!!! AHHAHHAHA..!!
So.. I'm kinda stuck.. have to do something, or I'll be bored to death!!! Ahhahahaha!! Deyy Ana, bile kite kena anta asenmen ni??

Leigh Nash.. Leigh Nash.. Leigh Nash..
That one sappy song I love..!
I don't know.. I'm feeling pretty normal, but I just can't stop myself from playing this same song over and over again! Just like Ana can't stop herself from playing I Need You by LeAnn Rimes. Really, I went to sleep last night with that song as my lullaby (Ana had her speaker on) and when I woke up.. the same song was still playing!! I don't know how many times the song have looped! ^_^ And when I put on my headphone.. I'd be listening to Leigh Nash repeatedly. I don't know!! It's sappy, and the lyrics kinda stick to me and still, I love it!! ^_^ Weird..
Last weekend I saw The Wedding Planner, perhaps for the tenth time.. and I just noticed that they had a really nice script. Heehee! Y'know.. the part when Mary's dad told her that he and his wife had an arranged marriage, and they hated it at first. And one time, he got scarlet fever and she stayed with him, took care of him.. and he appreciated what she did for him. "And that appreciation turned into respect, and the respect turned into like. And that like grew into love.." What a nice thing to say... ^_^ And that time when Mary was trying to make Masimo understand what she was going through.. she asked him, "d'you ever like somebody but the timing was off? Waaaay off? You feel things that you shouldn't be feeling" I mean, gosh! I actually grabbed my scrapbook and pencil ASAP and wrote those words down. I think it's really neat if anyone are able to convey messages with such pleasant words.. Humm.. maybe I feel this way 'coz I used to dream about being a writer.. Huhuuu!! I wonder what happened to that dream..... ^_^
Mak aihh.. geli hati nengok Ana on the phone.. Hihhihik!! Ana ni angau, kalah sumer
Okaay.. I think I tried my best on my crappy Graphics work.. had so much trouble with it.. Thanks Majin, for trying to help! ^_^ Y'know.. the next time I try to do things accordingly.. STOP ME!! It'll only cause me head aches... I don't belong in the 'skema' world. And now, the point is.. I've done my work, so I deserve some sleep!

Starlight, starbright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

I don't know.. it's so funny, yet so weird!
Hihhihik~! Fate is such a funny thing. When you thought that something will turn out one way, it'll turn the other way round. Makes me wonder.. what are we really playing at? I mean.. some things just makes me think about fate. I know this friend of mine (I know I can just tell you peeps the name, but I'm not sure who's reading this blog) who just got uncomfy with this other person because she told him something about her. And as days pass by, the more they bump into each other! Is it.. some sort of a sign from God.. that it's written in the stars.. that it's their fate.. or is it just coincedence? Hihhihi.. if I just got you thinking, congratulations! You just stepped into one part of my brain. Hihhihik! Not that it's a good thing.. 'coz my mind works in a funny way. ^_^
O Gosh! Haven't started one thing for my Graphics or Fundamental! AHHAHAHA!! I don't know why am I feeling so lazy. I guess I've returned to my self again..! But something weird happened today.. I LISTENED THROUGH ALL THAT MATHS LECTURE!!! Oh my gosh!! It's truly amazing!! My eyes didn't even wander around the room! Just straight on my paper.. and I did all the exercise too!! Oh wow!! Papa would be so proud if he knew about this! HAHHAHAHA!! Honestly, I don't know what has gotten into me.. I guess I just get hyper at the wrong moments.. Ohhohoho!!
Talking about my playlist now.. I couldn't delete those sappy songs I have!! Isyk! The more I listen.. the more I actually enjoyed them. I mean, Leigh Nash's song is sooo nice! Pretty sweet really.. so I couldn't bare to part with it. Hihhihik! And who knows.. maybe I'll need it someday.. ^.^
aaAaAAaaA!!!! I miss Orlando.. hihhihik! I wonder why I haven't found any hunk like him or Freddie Prinze Jr. all over Malaysia. I mean, it's impossible that those kind of guys are only in the US and UK!! I refuse to accept that!! AHHAHAH!! Anyways.. Orlando's birthday is coming up!!! Hihhihik..

Current song : Your House by Jimmy Eat World
~ If you love me at all, don't call ~
Hahhaha!! Split personality..
Honestly, I don't know how I really feel right now.. I'm torn! Hihhihik.. How I feel is better expressed with two different songs.. Hahhaha!!

Where Do We Go From Here by Filter

These half-truths you're telling me
Won't bring me to my knees
Scraped up and bruised
From your fickleness I plead
Just let me feel some ease
From creatures of your greed
Just let me feel some ease for me

I'm not so glad I met you
It makes me want to go away
Until you think it's over
I just... yeah yeah yeah

Where do we go from here
You know I'm not the only one
Where do we go from here
No, I'm not the only one

These broken dreams are screams to me
The difference I can't see
The way you look and talk to me
Your cross at me I freeze
The combination of lost control
The loss of soul, I wheeze
Just give some ease to me

I'm not so glad I met you
It makes me want to go away
I just... yeah yeah yeah

Where do we go from here
You know I'm not the guilty one
Where do we go from here
You know I'm not your only one

I just... yeah yeah yeah

Where do we go from here
Stop dreaming bout that shiny gun
Where do we go from here?
We know im not the only one

where do we go from here?

All Cried Out by Allure

All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling,
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying
And you
Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire
'Cause I'm tired of your lie
All I needed was a simple "Hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry
(I) I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such plesure,
My heart never knew such pain.
And you, you made me so confused...
Now I'm all cried out, over you.

Cryin' over you, oh yeah
Never wanted to see things your way,
Had to go astray
Oh why was I such a fool, baby (Why was I such a fool)
Oh yeah
Now I see that the grass is greener
Is it too late for me to find my way home,
How could I be so wrong?

Leaving me all alone
Don't you know my tears will cause an inferno
Romance often fades,
Why should I take the blame?
You were the one who left me neglected (I'm so sorry baby)
Apology not accepted
Add me to the broken hearts you've collected
I gave you all of me
How was I to know
You were weakened so easily
I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out over you

I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
You, left me so confused
Now I'm all cried out (All cried out)
Now I'm all cried out
Over you
Please forgive me baby
Please fogive

Hihhihik! See see!! An obvious mixed emotions.. but I feel pretty good!

Thoughts by The Uninspired. © 2014

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