Monday, February 10, 2003

Hamekk kauu! A whole week's worth of posts! HAHHAHA~!!

Friday - January 31st 2003 24 Hours
In about 24 hours, Nina and Jasmin will be legally united.. Huu.. The nikah will be tomorrow and the kenduri is on Sunday. Heehee~! It's supposed to be fun!! 'Coz Papa said that there'll be ais kepal!! Ever heard of it? Well, if you've read LAT comics before, you should have heard it. It's an ice ball with syrup and gula melaka. Somewhat similar to ABC but this one, you'd have to hold it with your hands and if you didn't eat the ice, just sucked on the syrup.. you can throw the ice to your friends!! HAHHAH!! Well, ais kepal is no longer in this generation. But I've experienced it some years ago when we held a family reunion at kampung! Very neat indeed! I ate a whole total of six, that day.. and my lips went numb and red! Ekkekeke!! But it was a hell of fun! ^_^ But now I'm worried if I'll be too busy for the ais kepal.. after all, my job will be taking pictures for the family! Huuhuuu.. at least I won't have to do the hard works! Weeeeee~!!
Anyways, finally got my contact lenses on! Stupid stupid.. been trying since yesterday and demm it's hard!! Urrgh! It was so frustrating!! Good thing I finally managed to get it on.. (with much much trials and tears shed.. Huu!) And I have to say.. it feels mighty weird!
Aaaah! Can't wait 'til Sunday and see who'll be there!! Weee~!! Gosh, I haven't been excited as much as this for weeks! ^_^

Hope it'll be gr8!

Monday - February 3rd 2003 Ekkekkeke!! Fine as always..
I've been reading old messages, listening to old songs, old notes, old.. old stuff that I've avoided this last month.. and guess what? I laughed real hard!! EKKEKEK!! Geli geli tali perutku KIKKIKIKI!! And I finally listened to this one song from the beginning to the end! Hehh.. I used to listen to it just halfway, and now that I've listen to it full.. I laugh again!! Ekkekeke!! Ape laa kelakar sangat.. Gosh! I can't explain why I can look into life so positively. Honestly, really reaaaaaally honestly.. sometimes I drag about old unhappy stuff 'coz I think I'm abnormally too happy most of the time. Ekkekke!! Sorry.. I guess that's plain me! 'Coz if I don't drag.. people would think that I'm too fine!! I do need attention people!! Ikkikiki!! So yeah, I'm totally fine after reading those old things.. but when I listen to some new songs along with those old notes, my heart aches.. Why? Ekkekke.. Very weird heart and mind, I have.. ^_^
Nina's wedding went fine.. to know more, you can click around my site once I've upload it. Wrote the update in whole 3 hours!! It took that long.. hehhe.. 'coz I had to edit the pictures and stuff.. Heehee~ kampung Wanie besh kan, korang? Ekkekke.. perasan..
Hihhi.. o yeah, now that I've got my contact lense.. I have to say.. besh aa main mata!! Ekkekke!! Though, now that the metal piece in front of my face is off.. it gets obvious when I look into people. They'd notice it immediately.. Tak besh sangat part tu.. but paling tak besh, kalau orang start pandang balek, I'll turn away.. huhhuu.. I lost! Chit! Takut kot.. There's that saying which goes dari mata.. turun ke hati.. Huhuuu.. kalau turun ke hati tu, susah lerRrrR..

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

Lost In You by Ash

Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And you're far away, but you are always on my mind

I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true
And it's times like these when I am dying to speak to you
I'm dying to get through, I'm dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, I'm dying to speak to you.

Staring at the wall, I sink inside
I think about it all, I get caught up in my life
I can't think straight, because it's tearing up my mind

I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true
And it's times like these when I am dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, dying to get through

The more that I think how I need you
The more that I think, the more it seems true
And now it means more that I ever meant it to
Ever meant it to

Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And you're far away, but you are always on my mind

You are always on my mind

Tuesday - February 4th 2003 Always on my mind..
It rained pretty hard yesterday. Now I've understood myself better! If the rain starts while I'm inside, I'll get mellow and pretty down. But if it starts while I'm outside, I'll get pretty hyper about it! ^_^ 'Coz I felt a wee bit mellow yesterday. And it kinda sucked 'coz I plainly hate feeling that way.. 'Coz I have this freakish thought that kinda stuck in my head right now. Sheesh!! So anyways... wondering, does anybody else felt different when the rain starts? Or do you guys just feel the same? Some people might have their thoughts on old memories, I know.. hihhik!
Humm.. funny when you know what the people around you say about you. Someone once said something to me and it got me thinking. Am I really what the person told me?? And then, weird enough.. I tried to live up to people's expectations constantly.. which was absolutely ridiculous 'coz it's tearing me apart!! So.. I made a note to myself.. if anyone ever said what they think of me again in the future.. just laugh it up, and forget about it! Ngee~!
Heehee~! I don't know why I can't take this silly smile off my face! Now I'm wondering why I smile a lot! I mean, what's up with me?? I even smile to strangers lahh!! Bahaye sungguh! Someone dare me!! I'm gonna try not to smile for one day.. Heehee~!
I noticed I haven't been talking about the things in my head for a while now, 'aight? .......(thinking)........ AH~HA!! Since I'm listening to Celine Dion's All By Myself.. let's talk about being single!! Ekkekekke!! I wonder why you peeps are still reading to this silly blog! ^_^
Okehh.. having the experience of NOT being single, I'll try my best to express how I feel about everything, wokie! Ngee~! (This ought to be interesting, since it's usually times like this when I discover new things about me! ^_^) Humm.. I say.. at the age of 18.. it's kinda pathetic if you don't even have a single experience of NOT being single.. (no offence, but this is what I think!) Well, not really pathetic, y'know.. But.. this is your teen years.. you SHOULD be experiencing loads of stuff! ^_^ This is the years when you ought to make mistakes and still have the time to make it right. Just imagine.. if you're 25, and just had your first love.. it could go on for two years.. 27, so you should think about marriage by that time, 'aight? And so it happens that you just noticed that you can't really live with 'em! They actually annoy you half of the time you were together, and your partner has a bad breath that you just can't imagine yourself kissing 'em.. ekkeke!! SO! 27.. just three years before you hit 30. Dah tua laa makcik pakcik oii.. While in this teen years, it's okay to make mistakes! If you lost interest in your first relationship, it's okay! You'll try and take things slowly in the second one. ('coz I believe the fact that making things 'mysterious' would make you anticipating for tomorrow.. new things to discover!) If your dad forced you to break up, it's okay! Don't tell your next relationship to him! Ekkekek!!
Understanding a relationship is MIGHTY hard, I'm telling you. Takes up a LOT of responsible, and that's why I think being single is not that bad! When you're in a relationship.. you'd probably worry about silly silly stuff. "Where did he/she went to?" - "Am I making him/her happy enough?" - "I wonder what he/she saw in me.." Those things will only get you insane! Hahhaha!! Trust, honesty, compromise are some of the things you need to make a relationship work. And you also need to throw some ego away and have that will to make things work, no matter what. Trust - jealousy is a very dangerous thing.. stupid also lah! If you keep questioning your partner with whom they've been going out or the people they're talking to, it'll only make them annoyed with your insecurities..! Bluerrgh! But I have to say, it kinda suxX to see your partner talking to another opposite sex and you had to tell yourself that he/she's yours and not that other person.. Ekkekek! Honesty - which comes hard if you lie a LOT through out your life.. Heehee~ Honesty is important to build up that trust. Compromise - Ekkekke! I'm really bad at this.. not ready to lose just yet. Ikkikiki! Well, the main point is you win some, you lose some. If you keep winning, meaning your partner is always the one who had to compromise, they'd get tired and fed-up of you.. ^_^ Anti-ego - Ekkekke!! Another one I can't give away just yet.. ^_^ Being ego in a relationship is absolutely horrible! You really should talk on what you feel and not surpressing it to yourself. You're gonna have to get use to saying sorry, telling your partner that they're neat - the things that made you fall for 'em.. those embarassing embarassing stuff!! The will to make it work of course.. if you really.. err.. love your partner, you won't let people tell you that they're not good enough for you. If your friends tell you that.. well, go to h*ll with them! Ekkekek!! If you have the will.. no matter what happens to the two of you, it'll turn out for the better in the end.. ^_^ Gedik aah Wanie!
Humm.. good! I was just reminded how fussy a relationship can be.. Maybe it's good that I'm not in one at the moment. ^_^ Single=worry less, carefree, you don't have to think about others but yourself!, you get to flirt around - bukan main mata ngan sorang jek! Ekkekkee!!
But of course, once you had that experience of having someone by your side.. you'd feel a bit different. ^_^
Okay.. okay.. Wanie dah takmo cite dah! Nanti kang terlepas menda-menda mengarut ekkekek!!

frozen, blocked, stone

Wednesday - February 5th 2003 Trendsetter? = JOKE
Have you ever.. stared at something for so long, without realizing what's really you're looking at 'coz you had some things in your head? Well, I kinda hate that. It usually happens to me when I look into certain pictures. It's like.. somehow my thoughts wander off into the day the picture was taken.. and I remember exactly how I felt. It's really weird, sometimes I just stared at myself! And remember who took the picture for me.. with whom I'm with.. and the way that I felt.. it's just freakish!
Oh well, a boring boring day.. suddenly reminded with the things my sister said. With Nina already married.. Dida analized me some days ago.. 'Coz I said how I like things planned out, but I don't want to do the planning.. Like.. If I don't feel like doing things as the way I always do it (total mess), there's always a plan prepared.. and then she said. "Owh.. so you like boring guys, then!" Ekkekke! Whateva.. and then she told me that I should be more matured (huwaaaa!!), which then I just laughed 'coz I'm not ready to give that up yet. I mean, huuu.. no no no.. I am SO unprepared to think maturely. Maybe I'll give it up if my next relationship ends with the guy saying "I can't stand you! You are so immature!!" Ekkekke!! Until then, I'm staying the way I am. ^_^ Though, I have to say.. thinking maturely shouldn't bring me troubles, 'aight? But heyy! I still clap my hands when I'm happy, whine when Papa won't get me a glass of drink.. ekkekek!.. and that's SO kiddies stuff! ^.^ And then Nina got this book on how to bring up a child.. and honestly.. I am SO SO SOOO not ready for that! I looked into some pages of it, and it freaks me out!! So, Papa.. don't worry! Wanie takkan menggatal nak kawen dalam mase 2-3 tahun ni, okay! Hihhik~! Really can't imagine myself having a baby.. Can't even imagine Nina having a baby.. aAAaAaAaAa!! These thoughts are really freaking me out!! Helllppp!! I need to think about some other stuff! Huwaaa!
Okay, reminded about the Q I gave to Nina just now. "Would you want your kid to be somewhat like me?" Hehhehek! Thank God she said no! I don't want my nephew/niece to be like me! Even I don't want my child to be like me! It's horrendous!! Catastrophic! Though.. I do want those future kids experience as much fun as I am having in this life.. Aaaah~! I really like the way I think - 'coz I don't think that much.. Ekekkeke!!
Y'know, some years ago me and my sisters got into a conversation.. When any of us has children.. If me and Nina feels like our children needs disciplinary training, we should send them to Aunt Dida.. Ekkeke!! Dida's always the strict and perfectionist one. She like things in order. That ought to teach the kids. O yeah, they can also learn to cook if they're with Dida. If the kids is neat, but needs a lil' cheering up.. they should come to me, and I'll find a way to entertain them and they could clean up my house in return.. Ekkeke!! 'Coz I'm the sloppy sister!! Yee~ha! Everything I do always turn out to be messy! Ekkekek!! While with Nina, they can find peace and quiet.. Heehee~!
I am so glad that I have two incredible sisters who are able to put up with a spoiled brat like me.. I am also glad that I am ME, even though I know I turned out to be a spoiled brat.. Ekkekekke!!

Current song : All The Things She Said by T.A.T.U
~ I'm in serious sh**, I feel totally lost ~

Thursday - February 6th 2003 What I have in my mind..
I'm thinking.. as honest as I get, I've never been truly honest.. I just realize.. even when I tell people how I 'really' feel, there's something even more 'real' inside of me. I wasn't lying, was I? I was only leaving out half of the truth.. but I didn't lie, right? Well, I did lie.. but not to others.. just myself. 'Coz I've been wondering, what if I tell people how I really feel? What if I let people into my deepest thoughts? What if I let you know what I really have in my heart and mind?? Odd how sometimes, it's somebody else who made you realize on what you really have in your thoughts. Pernah tak? Well, if you haven't, maybe you're just too thick-headed that you refuse to see that. Hehh~! I've had some of those days and I have to say that it's pretty amusing. When someone actually hinted on something, and it took you a moment before you go "Aaaah~!" Hihhihi!
Humm.. my hair is getting longer lah! When did I cut it? December or January, ekk? Well, I vowed to myself not to cut my hair this whole year. I'd like to see how long can my hair get in 12 months.. ^_^
Going to leave this entry with something I had my thoughts on.. Heehee~! No matter how confused you can get by yourself, it's YOU who knows yourself the best. People may tell you what's wrong and right.. but it's YOU who has the rights to judge whether it's wrong or right.. In other words.. start listening to your heart!! Ekkekeke!!

Current song : Nobody Knows by Tony Rich Project
~ ... but me ~

Friday - February 7th 2003 My heart, your heart, everybody's heart!
Hahhaa!! Don't you think it's kinda obvious that my entry these days keep telling you peeps to take note on what your heart is telling you? Ekkekek!! I just noticed that I've been sending the same messages over and over again. Sorry.. I guess it's tiring me out, that I'm surrounded by people who listens to their head too much. Ekkekke! Down from my dad, to my good friends. It's like.. they don't know what they want anymore! Or.. they know what they want, but they think too rationally to make it happen! Ekkekke! Pandai btoll Wanie cakap! To those whom concerned.. ask yourself what you really want!! Your heart knows it.. forget your head 'coz it's BORING! Ekkekke! Rules are meant to be broken!! Ekekkeke!! ^_^ Apelaa Wanie ajar nih.. adik-adik jangan ikut nasihat akak ni ye.. tak baik untuk kesihatan. A bukan aaa.. A untuk Appeton! Ngeeee~!

Sunday - February 9th 2003 Missed me?
This entry was written very very late at night. Huuu.. my head is spinning. Anyways, gonna have class tomorrow. God knows how lazy I am for that, but I'll go anyways.. +_+
Can't wait 'til the pictures are developed! Don't know why I'm so crazy about photos these days. Gonna show you peeps when I get my computer over. I don't think I'll bring it back this week. I can see no point from it, but who knows.. I might change my mind in this few hours - like I always do in any other decision-making of mine. Huu~!
Got back from Penang today. It was a pretty nice trip - considering that we stayed at a really neat hotel, with a big dinner and breakfast! Ahhahha~!! Gendang gendut tali kecapi.. kenyang perut senang hati~ Ekkekke!! Well, it's just neat! Imagine.. one huge family - 40, I think.. stayed in one same hotel.. and had some neat activities together.. ^_^ Pity for those other kid residence, 'coz my cousins conquered the kids' pool.. Ekkekke!! Also, imagine the bus, with only 17 adults (including the driver and my two sisters.. note: I don't think myself as an adult.. ^_^) It was a neat trip.. tiring, but very neat indeed. O yeah, why did we went to Penang? Bertandang! A week after Nina's wedding at our kampung.. it's Jasmin's turn to have us over at his place.
Okehh! Should get some rest..

dizzy, confused, falling


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