Friday, March 28, 2003

Haven't been posting for so sooo long!! Just send in my journal.. kinda sad, really. Have been getting so attached to it! Been putting the things I didn't really say aloud.. Been putting loads of my thoughts in that book.. Aiyyaaakk!! Why the h* did I do it in a book?!! Kan daaaahh!!
Huhuuu.. so anyways, after seven months, I finally threw something once 'precious' to me.. But since it had no use what so ever to me anymore.. I finally decided to get rid of it! Hahhahah!! And honestly, I don't feel anything about not having it around!! Aaaah~ *taps my own head*
Neways.. been writing too much stuff in my journal, that there's nothing much left to be talked about.. so.. later~

Please erase me from your heart*

Monday, March 24, 2003

Okay, in case you've noticed that I haven't been posting up much these days.. well, it's due to some facts that's been happening around me lately. Number one, I had that 203 error thingy been bugging my blog on few occasion when I wanted to post some entries.. so, better I just try my best to control myself from posting up so much on the blog. Number two, I've been spending my time to write in my MLE journal!! Bluekk.. though, I have to say, I really like my journal!! It's been reflecting much of my life.. so, of course I'm getting myself attached to it! ^_^ Number three, I'm getting afraid if I'll write what I have in mind at the very moment I'm writing a blog. Might sound too much depressed and I'd get some peeps worried or ask too much questions, walhal.. I'm VERY much fine! Just a bit question in my head... ^_^
So! That's why I haven't been posting lately.. just leave it like that for a while, okie! I may get back to it somewhere next week 'coz I'll be sending in the MLE journal this coming Friday..

Friday, March 21, 2003

L* Pt. 5 (Last part*)

"Daddy, what is love? And don't tell me that I'm too young to understand it."
Daddy still looked at me with a bright smile upon his face. "Truth is, you have to find it out yourself, honey. No simple words can really explain love. You have to experience it yourself."
"That's the thing, daddy. I thought I've understood it."
"You have?"
"Yeah.. I thought I found the explaination for it. How it felt.. but.."
"Is love not forever? Will it leave us within time? Will I crave for it's pleasantness and hurtfulness all my life, only to be left by it in the end? Is this how's it gonna be, daddy? I've been telling myself not to fall in love, but I did! It hurts so much, and yet.. I still wish for it to come again, daddy! Is there an explaination for this? Is there a logical reason for me, wanting to be hurt again?"
Right then, daddy hugged me close. It was so calming and comforting, yet.. my mind was still thinking about the mystery of love.
"There's no exlpaination for it, honey. That's how human are. Everyone wants to love and to be loved. Only the lucky ones get to be loved until the end of their lives. Until they die.. but their loved one will be left with the memory of their love. Even when their love stays forever.. the 'reason' for that love will leave us, honey and at that point, love won't be the same anymore. Yes, honey.. love will leave us no matter how. But it might stay until the end of your life."
"Daddy, I wish I never loved you.. I know that it's impossible, but I couldn't bare the thought of not having you around."
"Hey, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!"
"I wish to die, then.."
"You still have a full life ahead of you. You'll find your love."
"I wish not to! It hurts.. so badly!"
"You will, whether you like it or not and at that moment, you'll be thankful that it came by.."

Daddy, you may be right.. but I still wish not to fall in love again. It may be pleasant but it hurts badly, daddy. You were so strong, and I admire you for that. Maybe.. maybe I'll be just like you one day. Even when love left me, I'd still be standing to face the world.
Excuse me.. I'm just 18, aren't I? Ahahhahha!!

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

L* Pt. 4

I really punched his face and it felt great!
"That was the lamest reason to break me up, you dumbass! You lost the spark? So have I, but I just waited y'know! I was willing to make this work, somehow. And what, you think by treating me this ice cream will make me feel better? Here, have your ice cream!" And I squashed the cone right on his face.
Before I left, I managed to kick him once more.
"I regret the day I confessed to you!" He yelled at me and I spun to face him.
"And I regret the day I thought I loved you!" And I can't help running away.. crying.

"You could've been dumber.." I ran to see my girl friend. I don't think it would be wise to cry in front of a guy.
"I thought crying for a guy would've been the dumbest!"
"Nope.. it'd be the dumbest if you begged him to stay."
"Humm.. point taken. But I feel so hopeless.."
"And you punched and kicked him! That wasn't dumb at all!"
"Yeah, you're right.."
"And I know you weren't really ready for him anyways."
"Excuse me?"
"You still hang out with us more than you do with him. That's not really a sign of readiness.."
And I just nodded. She's right.. I wasn't really ready to stop hanging out with my girl friends, so why did I commit myself to it on the first place? Idiot!
"And hey.."
"You rock even more without him, y'know! You won't have to cover up if you wish to look at other guys!"
"Hahha!! I know.. thanks!" And I hugged her.
She's been such a terrific friend ever since I got to know her. She's witty, smart, respectable and appreciatable. Couldn't imagine life without her! Err.. I'm not turning into a lesbo, am I? But now it got me thinking.. how should I tell him? My guy friend. Ouch! This is going to hurt more than having a bowling ball dropped onto my feet.

Remind me again.. love sucks!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Gone stupid
Been having some problem with the blogger system.. so.. I don't know! Maybe it'll occur again after this.. Bluerrghh! Just keeping my fingers crossed so it won't go sucky again..
Nothing much been going on this day, anyways.. Everything has been.. pretty much slow! Huu.. Been doing the pagemaker this whole day. I think I got it right.. I THINK! Huu..
Excuse me, am I not a good friend? Well, I always thought I am pretty much an okay friend.. I never really dissed my friends to other people.. (very badly, anyways) and I've tried my best.. Ape lagi nak buat ye? I can't really be there every single time people needs me. I bear with that, but doesn't other people? And another thing.. I'm not a wizard who knows all the right words to say!! Hello?? Are you blind??!! Sungguh buat sakit ati! I thought I've said what I could. I've offered what I could, and if you can't see that.. your lost, brother. I'm not losing anything, am I? Urrghhh!! -- Can't get me down! --
Anyways.. been waiting for this song to finish download! -- How Does It Feel -- Yeyyey yeyyey!! Sugarcult's really neat!!

L* Pt. 3

Can this be love? All I think about is him.. All I talk about is him.. All I can see is him. My heart aches everytime I imagine his face.. his eyes.. his smile.. It beats so fast when I see him, even from afar. Is this love? Is this what I'm trying so hard to avoid? How can it be so pleasant and hurtful in the same time?
"I thought you never want to fall in love.."
I was hanging out with my guy friend one late afternoon. I must have been a bit dazed off that he asked me those.
"Is it?"
"What is?"
"Is it love? I can't seem to shake him off my thoughts. Is this love? Why didn't you tell me that it feels so great?"
"It won't be great forever.. You'll have your ups and downs. I just hope the down part won't get by so soon."
"You shouldn't say that!"
"What? I'm hoping for the best, here.. I know you've had a rough time about all these things - love things, I mean."
It left me speechless. He's right. I can't rely on my boyfriend too much. After all, I'm just 17 to know what real love is! Too young to think about marriage!
"Is it too much if I say, I can't think of anyone else I wanna spend my life with?" I asked him truthfully since that was how I felt.
"Yet! Say that you can't think of anyone else you want to spend the life with, yet and it won't be too much."
"How come you're so bitter all over this things?"
"I just don't want you to get hurt! I've been your pal since forever! I've seen you when you were down and I refuse to see it repeating again. It hurts me as well, okay?"
"Humm.. thanks, I guess. Wait a sec," just then my mobile vibrated and it was my boyfriend! "Heehee.. sorry, I gotta go. See you later?"
"Sure! Get those sparkling eyes somewhere else."
Before he totally disappeared from my sight, I managed to heard him yell "be careful" at me. Sure I will..

Just, I can't think of any way that I'll get hurt! Things are going prefectly fine. We don't quarrel much, except when he feels jealous or something. Why is it so hard to trust a person? I do it perfectly okay!
The Audio Warfare was a blast!! I've been screaming hysterically all night!! My throat sores real bad, and I'm starting to get a headache! Huhuu..
So how did I spend my day? Skipped English, yet again! But to do some constructive work, taaau!! So, now basically.. our English thingy product have startted started, even though just a bit.. At least, it's something.. I guess! Huhuuu.. Okay okaay.. If I really want to get through this, I really need to do this on my own, iaight 'aight? And I will.. I will.. I will.. I will.. (making myself to beliebe believe that!)
And I tried on that Pagemaker stuff.. Thanks Fariz!! Dah tau camner nak letak gamba dah now nie.. walaupun template tu maseh agak tidak berjaa berjalan.. Taoi Tapi takpe! At least I know SOMETHING already! Hahhahaa~!!
Later today, me, Fina and BJ went to Cyberia (got caught up in the rain!) to check out some houses.. Humm... I guess we kinda got our hearts into the house we saw today. Agak mahal ke, ekk? But it was TOTALLY neat!! Very very NICE!! Sangat sangat besh!
Then.. got back, and changed for the Audio Warfare.. Honestly, I'm totally toooooooo tired to talk about them, but it's so NEAT to talk about!! Hahhaha!!
Reuben Kincaid - Screamed like crazy!! They got a girl for a drummer!! So soooOoOoOo neat!! AHHAHA!! Drums are sooOooOOoo greatt!!!
Renegades - The dude can really rap!! He did a nice job!! Really!! I like this one!
Chronicle - BOBBB!!! (..the builder, can we fix it?) Hahhahha!! It was Bob and his mates' band! So of course, I screamed like mad again..
Stage Union - They were the ones who played The Muse's song, 'aight?? Then, they're COOL!! But.. if I AM talking 'bout the right band.. they probably need to change the vocal.. AHHAHHA!! I think the ones who played tonight were AWESOME but the vocals kinda sucked!! AHHAHA!! (Evil me..)
Service Provider 4 D' Poor - They were knowned as Zid!! AHHAHAH!! They did a remake of Killing The Birds With Two Stones this night! It roxX!! But again.. the one who did the vocals for this song should practice more.. AHHAHAH!!
Figure 8 - AHHAHAH!! I can't find a single memory of this bacd band! AHHAHA!! Evil me again..
B.O.D.O - Don't blame me for being a gurl.. but I love this band for it's drummer!! Sangat cute!! AHHAHAH!! And THEY WON!!! So heyy! They were good, REALLY!! They played to I'm Just A Kid and The Girl All The Bad Guys Want.. AHHAHA!! Sangat besh! And the thing about the drummer.. he really knows how to steal the spot light! I mean, typically drummers are hard to be seen, 'aight? And this mamat.. when he's not playing in this one part, he suddenly stood up and show his face! AHHAHA!! Dahlaa cute!! Ekkekke!! Sungguh menariiiiik... (And he's a DRUMMER!!!!!)
*yeah yeah.. I'm crazy 'bout guys that can play guitars or drums.. Drums sangat besh! But guys yang teret terer plucking is sangat amazing!*
Overture - Owh.. the band with the instrumental.. Sayang diorang kat akhir-akhir and people were getting tired~
Anna Sui - Oyy!! Katoq can sing!! He was amazing!! Who would've thought???!! They played to Malay songs.. but it sounded waaaaaaaaayy NEAT!! Katoq can sing!!! AHAHHAHA!! (reaaaaaaaaally nice voice~!) Untung si Anis tu yekk.. AHHAHAH!!
Massive Infusion - Azri agak menyedihkan.. but the chello was TOTALLY NICE!! And the Deejay guy as well! He looks really cool! AHHAHA!! The second song was neat! Rain, it was called. Really REALLY NICE!!!!
And 7 Collars T-Shirt perforned performed.. even without their drummer, I have to say.. they sounded pretty NEAT!! Sangat menariiik! And their guitars looked so soooo cool! AHHAHA!!
Owh heck!! Really need to rest! Can't stand this way of living.. Huhuuu.. Just by two hours of sleep. CRAZY!!

For the ending.. I'm just gonna quote what Radhi of OAG said to the peeps back there.. Don't stop dreaming!!

Monday, March 17, 2003

L* Pt. 2

I was talking to my brother over the phone when my best friend stormed into my room with tears in her eyes.
"Love sucks!!" She screamed.
"Hey, what's that?" My brother asked since he overheard my friend's voice.
"I'm gonna have to call you back, bro!" And I have my full concentration on my friend after I placed the receiver. "What's up?"
"Did I ever tell you that love is waaaay over-rated?" She started.
"Umm.. nope!"
"Well, it is! Don't ever trust a guy! They're all lies!"
"Umm.. my brother and dad aren't!"
"'Coz they're family! The other men you know and may know in the future are all lies!"
"Really? Then how come my other best friend is a guy, and I trust him with all my life?"
"Don't say that! You may regret it!"
"Hey, you know him! Look into my eyes and tell me that he cannot be trusted." and I stared at my friend who suddenly went speechless.
"Point taken, but.. but..!"
"Now, relax would you? Tell me what this is all about."
"I just can't believe that I fell in love with a pig! Y'know.. all he said was sweet talks and I can't believe that I bought it all!" She said and tears started running through her cheeks.
"Humm.. I guess everyone wants to believe that they have found love. I doubt that anyone knows what love is!"
"I do!"
"Really? What is it then?"
"Love.. is.. something that you.. err.."
"Something that you eat! Come on, have my chocolate bar. I know you love free chocolates!"
"Thank you! You rocks, you know that?"
"Of course I do.."
"And men sucks!"
"Of course they do.." I replied with a sly smile. We ended up laughing ourselves off while dissing about guys that day.

Makes me wonder, though.. if love hurts so much, why do people crave for it anyways?
Didn't get enough sleep.. TWO HOURS je tau!!! Fina went into the room waking us up.. and I replied "Ape diaaaa???" (in such an angry tone!) AHAHHAHA!! Sangat kelakar.. And she said "MDF!" and immediately I woke up.. and that was.. what? 8:50? Ahhahaha!! Can't see why I slpet (*tiru Kak Yan!!*) slept so late last night.. all I remember was the time when me and Anan Anan Ana competed who threw the apple sorer cores the farthest through the window. AHHAHAH!! Seperti sakai juga ada..
So we went pretty late to class.. And then.. met up with the fellas, my Graphics team to discuss the thing we're due to send it TOMORROW!! AHHAHA!! Gosh! I've been wasting so much time, haven't I? Stupid ole love story takes up so much time to get over and took so much of my thoughts! Should've been wiser.. Kan? Kan?? ~*awak punn!*~
Been listening to Dum Dums - Can't Get You Out Of My Thoughts these days.. AHHAHA!! This song is very very neat!! Sounded like 70s production or something! I have to say.. I have this somewhat a soft spot for 70s tunes! AHHAHA!! Sangat kelakar~!
Owh gosh!! I really need to start on some work!! Demmit! Gonna start on my freakish English first.. Later~ (I hope!)

Now you know how much spelling errors I make most of the time! AHHAHA!!
This is going to be long week!! Got plenty of stuff I should do.. just hope that I have the time to get it all done. Huhuu.. Kinda suxx! I hate thinking about time, 'coz I'm easily freaked out by it!! Stupid timing!!!
Got Fundamental to work on.. Expression group to find (which I've turned pretty much bored by it, and may not give much damn about it in a minute!) Maybe I won't even care if we won't find a group to help. Maybe I wouldn't even care if I have to repeat this stupid year just because of this stupid subject! Why? Because I'm so damn bored!!! And when I'm THAT bored, I couldn't care less about anything! Honestly, I don't give a shit! Ape nak jadi, jadilahh! Silekan.. dengan tangan terbukaaa~ I did what I can, and now I'll just leave it like that. I'll work on my journal, yes.. and maybe on my finals.. but about this group.. I've had it with asking around like a lunatic. I got plenty more stuff in my mind.
Graphics!! Urghhh!! Pagemaker kinda suxx!! I'm terrible at it!! Well, honestly.. I'm terrible at many things.. but this one is absolutely.. horrible!! I'm in a real situation here when I'm so freaked out about time that I got so nervous that I can't think straight! Huwaaaa!!! HELP!! I can't do Pagemaker!! Huwaaa!! I can't work even a bit of it!! Help!! Dani help!! Huhuu..! Eyh eyh.. maybe you fellas can work on the Pagemaker and me and Ana will find the articles, eyh? Ekekkeke!! Pagemaker suxX!!
Demmit!! It's half past five and I'm still awake!!!!! Huwaaaaaaaa!!! It's gonna be such a long week..
I don't know what keeps me going these days. I can't think of anything nice that have kept me standing. What aa? Things have been going down lately.. when I thought I had more of time.. that's when I was reminded that I don't!! And I'm missing Dida so much!! Huwaaaaa!! I feel like crap!! Caged and trapped..! Duk kat MMU dengan penuh ketensionan.. Duk kat umah dengan penuh kebosanan.. Sangat sangat dowwnnn...
Gosh, I read the entry in my diary on Friday.. it was really depressing.. And I wish not to write those kind of stuff again.. 'Coz if I do it too often, then I'll truly believe that I'm totally lost...

Starlight, starbright.. first star I see tonight..

Sunday, March 16, 2003

"Be a good girl.."
Oyy! Nakal sangat ke anak Papa ni?? Sabo je laa.. That's what my dad said when we said our goodbyes just now. "be a good girl.." AHHAHAH!! Sangat kelakar..
Been a very.. lonely weekend for me.. I miss my sisters so much!! Nina's been going to Jeli every other weekend, and Dida haven't been going back for so soo long! I miss them so much!! I miss the laughs we used to share in our small home!! Huwaaaaaaa!! I felt so lonely at home. Home doesn't feel much like home anymore, get? Sheesh! Life agak menyedihkan disini.. Macam tak sangka yang suatu hari Wanie akan bersedih hati tentang perihal keluarga. AHHAHA!! Sangat kelakar.. Dalam perjuangan Wanie untuk mendapatkan kebebasan , ada juga perasaan mahu dikongkong seperti ini.. AHHAHA!!
Pardon me.. I believe I'm having a weird phase right here.. I AM talking funny these days.. Something's VERY wrong with my tongue.. Huuuu..
Eeeeeeeekk~! What I felt all these while was not what I thought it was! Huhuuu! I think some part of me just wanted to win.. Get? Well, Ana get me, anyways! Heehee~ you roxX!

Can't get me down~
L* Pt. 1

"Daddy, what is love?"
Daddy looked at me with a bright small upon his face. "Why do you ask, honey?"
"Well, I've heard it so many times over the TV and it's making me curious. What is it?"
"You're still too young to understand what it is, dear. Come on.. let's finish up your homework and up to bed you go."
I knew it right then that daddy never knew how to answer my question. I spent the night staring right through my book. How can I finish up my homework when my mind is still wondering about love?
"You loved mom, don't you?"
"Yes, honey. I loved her very much."
"Then, how can she not love you back? How come her feelings changed when you're still in love with her? Isn't love forever?"
Daddy's expression went numb. I knew he was thinking hard for an answer, but all he came up with was,
"That's a question you have to ask her yourself, honey. She have always wanted to see you, you know. Maybe you should start talking to her.."
"No way! I'm not going to talk to her or see her.. ever! After all that she's done! I hate her!!" I shut close my homework and ran up to my room.
What made mom left? Have her no thoughts about daddy? Have her no thoughts about my brother.. or me? Her only daughter.. Have her no heart over any of us? I cried over the memories we had. When all four of us at the lake side, having a picnic. It was so much fun. And I remember everytime I leave the house for school, she would be at the porch telling me that she loved me. Was it all lies? If she really loved me, why did she leave? Why am I living in this house without a mother?

I ended up crying myself to sleep.. with a promise. If love may change within time, I never want to fall in love!

Friday, March 14, 2003

Sungguh tepat!!
Wokehh.. pertama kalinya, ingin dinyatakan disini.. Thanks Majin~!! Taaau.. smalam Majin tolong carikkan lagu untuk Wanie.. Yehh yehh~! Sangat sangat besh!! Sekarang ni orang dok denga lagu --Hanya Memuji-- by Shanty and Marcel. Sangat sangat besh!! Thanks lagi skalik~!! And pastu smalam Ana pun kasi lagu yang besh!! Sangat sangat besh!! Korang memang besh! Ponteng English pon sesamer, kan? AHHAHAH!!
Okehh.. ni haa.. macam ade sikit pemberitahuan.. Mungkin start bile-bile la kan.. care penyampaian Wanie dalam blog ni akan sedikit berubah. Hahhaha!! Tetiba terasa nak buat experiment lak! HAHHA!! Kite nak kasi nama lain kat kengkawan kite.. Makaaa...
Wanie agak pening kepala ngan si Roger tu.. kenapa huhh? Dia tak buat hal pon kat kite, tapi tetiba rase agak menyampah nengok dia. Pastu bile Wanie citer kat si Travis, Scott ngan Jake.. diorang pun kata diorang agak tak ske ngan Roger. Ape Roger tu buat ekk? AHHAHA!! Sungguh klakar.. cerita gossip lak tetiba tau! Selama ni tiga sejoli tu takde la plak cakap pape pasal Roger, skali bukak ler plak citer yang tak pernah Wanie tau.. Heeheehee~! Sungguh tidak patut..
And yesterday I wasn't sure what I was thinking.. but I told Tori something that I may should've kept. But heyy!! How can I ever resist of being honest?? AHHAHAH!! Tori, you dumba$$! You sure know how to drop a bomb.. But somehow I don't give a demm. Hahhaha!! It's totally weird, but after Amber gave me this neat song last night.. I got waaaaaaay too happy to care much. AHHAHA!! I'm fine, gurl! No worries, okay! Ekkekke! But do remind me to hit your head, next time I see you.
Y'know.. I think I've been fooling around too much with Kirk.. been saying stuff that I shouldn't have said.. and I think I have a wee bit tiny weeny crush on him. Urrghhh!! I'm such a bad person! How can I say that??! He's not even good looking!! AHHAHAHHA!!! We'll just see what's gonna happen next, wokie! Though, I believe that this feeling will be brushed away anytime soon.. ^o^
Travis.. jom ice skating!! Orang kempunan ni oyy!! Bole pegang-pegang tangan ni haaa! AHHAHAHA!! Sungguh seronot~

Sorry aa kalau sedikit pening.. Seronok gak buat camnie~!

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Jealousy stinks? Seems like EVERYTHING does!
What I thought was real.. was never true.. and what I felt has always been the same. Pahamkan ayat tu baik baik..
I guess it's just one of those days again.. when you wish you'd wake up in a different place. Stuff has been happening. Is it bad? Honestly, no! Things are actually going on great! But it's different on the mental side. Everything is almost perfect! Takde ape yang tak besh.. cuma tiba-tiba terasa tak besh.. Maybe it's the wind.. it came by and blew away this cheeriness that usually lingers around me.
Kinda thought of stopping this blog. Seems like I've been talking too much crap lately. And I seem so depressed lately, and that shouldn't be the way that I potray myself! Hahhaha~ Maybe that's what I need. And maybe my Y!M as well.. I can't lie on how I feel.. but I'm getting sick of people keep asking me --are you okay? - are you alright? - i'm here if you need to talk..-- *Demm* I'm not really the "keeping-to-myself" type! If I wanna talk, I'll talk!!
I'm so tired of these facade..! Seems like it'll never end!!
So! Mind you, I may not be posting much after this.. at least, that's what I'll try to do.. O yeah, fairies is just fantasies!! So why did I got jealous again?? Owhh.. stupidity, of course!!
Current Song : Need To Be Next To You by Leigh Nash
~ So afraid of what I feel inside ~

"I'm sitting right here, thinking of a name for this. If friendship isn't it, can you tell me what it is?"
Sedikit kecewa ditambahkan dengan kegilaan..
Hahha!! Been listening to Zid like mad.. finally got the lyrics.. Well, some parts are still missing though..! Ekkekek!!

Killing A Bird With Two Stones by Zid

Tell me where am I supposed to be
You (?) shouldn't leave
And.. tell me from now until the end of time
Will I be inside.. or out of your mind?

Far away I can survive
If I stay will I be your life
And I'm torn between the (?)
and our love I leave behind

So I'll be wherever you want me to be
I won't get in your way
Hope that ease the pain
'Coz I'll be wherever you want me to be
I'll be on my way
Am I going insane?

Darling.. I know that you won't forget me
But I guess you already knew
That I'm not worth the wait
And.. honey, please forgive me
How hard can I fly
With two broken wings

It's so hard now that you are gone
After all we've said and done
And it hurts to watch you go
When you know I love you so

So I'll be wherever you want me to be
I won't get in your way
Hope that ease the pain
Coz I'll be wherever you want me to be
I'll be on my way
Am I going insane?
Pasti ke takkan berlaku..?
Hahhaha!! Bands are so soooo cool! Listening to Zid.. Ana's sister's friends' band.. AHHAHA!! They have such a neat neat song!! Sangat sangat cool! Macam akak punk kat kelas Maths kitorang tu.. AHHAHA!! Trying hard to get the lyrics, 'coz it's SUPER neat! AHHAHA!! Maseh agak gile..

Tetapi dia sangat comel
dan saya pula banyak songel
Terasa kecewa, entah mengapa
Kita ni bukannya ada apa..
--Jealousy agak stinks!--
Mari gelak bersama-sama!!
Thanks Zaammm!! Finally got to see the first day of Pangkor.. HAHHAHA!! Waaay ridiculous!! It got me and Sheeya karaoke-ing!! AHHAHAH!! Agak memalukan.. AHHAHAH!! Such a fine night this is!! Got to listen to and see GREAT GREAT things!! AHHAHAH!!
Guitars are the coolest!! AHHAHA!! (waaay hyper, mind you!) And the First Day clip was neat!! Except for some bit after the karaoke of me and Sheeya.. AHHAHHA!! Agak gile bukan? Sebegini open sekali.. mengapakah?? Mungkin kerna tak terbendung perasaan yang ter tak sengaja sakit hati ini.. AHHAHAH!! Mengapakah diri ini sungguh keanak-anakkan sekali? Aduhaaai.. Agak sedikit badigol so'ot, yesh!

Jealousy stinks? Or is it just me?? AHHAHAHA!!!
Agak buduh..
Huwaaaaaaa!! Stupid stupid HB4!! I was downloading the Day 1 of Pangkor trip from Zam when the electric and line went dead! Stupid stupid stupid!!! It's so frustrating! So when the electric on my side was back on, I just managed to get four minutes of the footage! Dasar mengong!! And now I'm dying to get my Y!M online!! Huwaaaa!! Nak footage dari Zaammmm!!

Jiwaku sering saja berkata...
Ate chocolate cake!! Dani bought it for the commitees.. especially for Liyana 'coz she's voted for the most dedicated commitee for the trip! Hahhaha!! Way fattening.. Not that I care.. it's just felt soooooo FAT! Hahhaha!! (What am I trying to say, again?)
Haven't done anything much today. Plenty of stuff I SHOULD do.. but I'm just way too.. how shall I say this.. uumm.. "crowded"! Hahhaha!! Just, my thoughts got so crowded these days. Macam.. ape yang dirasekan selama ni langsung tak sama dengan ape yang sebenarnye jadi.. agak paham ke? Well, just some horrible confusion I have in my thoughts and funnily.. I was the one who created this confusion. Apa pasal huh? Terasa agak buduh..

I am *demm* jealous, and should be over it by now.. but I can't!! Why is it so f*ing hard to saaaayyy!!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

How should I know if fairies flew over him this day..
Woke up pretty late this morning.. maybe 'coz I slept late last night! Just threw my pillow on the floor, and just lay down right at 5 am. Fina tried to wake me up around nine, but I kept on sleeping until eleven something. Hehhehhe!! Then what did I do? Stayed in front of my computer until one something when I finally get my shower and off to Fundamental.
Nothing much really.. but it seems like everyone's still talking about Pangkor! They showed some pictures from Pangkor.. it was fantastic!! Lawa giler! Walked around with Jun this whole afternoon.. Ana was with Azura.. so me and Jun did our work 'til we got bored and later walk around.. Talk about stuff, while staring out the window.. saw a part of Cyberjaya. (Amazing, really!) The lighting was fantastic! Hahhaha!!
Then later, sit around with dear Fina and BJ in HB4.. ate sandwich.. bermesra ngan abang-abang kedai tuu.. AHHAHHA!! Klakar sungguh.. Then we went to HB0, talk about more stuff.. and were joined by Alitt and Inarah.. (eventually talked more about Pangkor!) Mostly about their "I Will Survive" performance! AHHAHA!!
And then back again to HB4, Fina ate Bihun.. while I ate some fries. AHHAHA!! Aktiviti arinih makan jek!
And now.. back again in my room.. in front of my computer.. *Demm* Have I got no life??!!!! Buhsan nyer... nak pakweee! AHHAHAHHA!! Don't take this seriously.. (Musz and Hanis musti rase nak sepuk je Wanie skang nih! Ekkekke!!) Things that happen after I said those kind of words, usually turns out freakish! Ekkekek!! So, Wanie tarik balek... separuh! AHHAHAH!!
Humm.. just noticed that I have a bit of sun-burn on my nose.. +_+

Jealousy stinks!!
Updated the pics in my webby!!
Demm! So much work!! I had to delete my old files.. and still, not enough space in my website! Who would've thought! I always thought that Tripod gave me enough space for like.. years and years! And this morning.. I proved it wrong! HAHHAHAH!! So anyways.. click around my webby to see some Pangkor pics!
Tired!! Only 0.3 MBs left in my webby.. Gotta clear up some stuff before I update it next time! Demm!

Current song : Melody Of You by Sixpence None The Richer
~ This is my call, I belong to you ~
Aaaccckk!! I think I have this allergy to something. My bruise.. from that volley-ball, has somehow caused some rash on my arm! Huhuuu!! Gataaal!!! Tak tahan! Rashes all over.. this stinks!! Stinks as much as.. well, you know what!
And again I ask myself.. How can I make people understand without having myself saying what has been troubling me. Huuu.. Honesty agak suxX..!
Hahhaha!! Been spending the night with Asha in the room! She's really neat!! AHHAHAH!! Been messing around with the guitar! And it's really REALLY neat 'coz we all (Asha, Sheeya, myself, Fina and Ana) created this one neat song!! Hahhahaa!! Thought of creating another song tomorrow!! AHHAHA!! 'Coz it was so neat!! Now we have two songs!! AHHAHA!! (Funny how the song... aaah, never mind!)
Okaay.. let's just say.. that phase of jealousy I had have decreased by point zero-nine. Hahhha!! Stuff gets hurtful when things being kept inside. Ekk? Bodo btol rase.. 'coz I chose to keep it than say it.. very much unlike me, huh?? But I just decided to let somebody else say what they feel first before I do.. Hahhaha!! Bior laa.. blaja bersabo sket! Akkakka!! Let's just see how long I can keep this one, okie? ^_^
Tripod still suxX! So.. the photos won't be up by this night-lah! Nengok ajelaa bile siap nanti haaa... ^_^

And why did I stare at my phone, waiting for you to say "hi"?

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Demm tripod!
Sheesh! Tripod's connection is going off crazy! Demm lahh!! Orang nak show off gamba nihh! Ekkekek!! Oh well, there won't be much update on it.. just some stuff on Pangkor. ^_^

And so.. why did I tremble when I think of you last night?
Jealous of fairies 'coz they can make dreams come true..
Huu.. mate bengkak sbelah!
Slept most of yesterday. Felt like sick! Did nothing much else other than that.. Heehee~ Except when I my eyes are not shut, my heart kept telling me hurtful words.. Huwaaaaa!! I hate!! Stupid jealousy thingy stuff!! Stupid! I HATE!!
Just realised something.. I am pretty much very trusting, and when I know a particular thing is mine.. I believe it's mine, and no one can take it away from me. But when I don't have it, I get afraid if I can't ever have it. Paham ke? I'm afraid of what I can't have.. that forever I can't have it.. Huuhuuu.. self discovery! *demm!*

Please fly away.. don't stay in that heart..

Sunday, March 09, 2003

Jealousy stinks!
I'm hooooooooommmeee!! Well, practically home, that is.. ^_^
Pangkor was neat, really!! Tiring, yes.. but NEAT!
{Going} Hahhha!! Me and Ana got on a bus in the afternoon.. went to Mid Valley!! AHHAHA! Bought some stuff for the trip.. Kinda interesting, that we survived the ride.. all by ourselves! ^_^ Got back to MMU around 7, and packed our stuff in a real rush. Met my parents some while.. and got our stuff down.. So we left MMU around 12:30 am by bus. The ride was pretty okaaay.. Ana kinda 'hurt' me with her weird way of sleeping. Huhuu.. We all sat at the back of the bus. Fooled around with the other fellas. Arrived at Lumut around 5:30 am, I think! Hung around there 'til our ferry gets there. Practically waited 'til the sun was up. The ferry ride was kinda funny.. We sat at the first class room.. and there was the telly.. playing those dance music karaoke.. There was that Dr Bombay's songs.. And that "oo ii uu aa aa" song.. AHHAHAH!! And we did sang to some of them. Ekkekke! And the bus ride from the jetty towards Teluk Dalam Resort was waaaaaaaaay crazy! AHHAHAH!! It was real fast! And pretty much neat!! Ahhahha!! Just like one of those thrill rides in fun fairs.. ^_^
{There} After resting a while.. me. BJ and Ana decided to go out and realized that we were a bit late for the first telematch.. it was a really nice watch!! (BJ and Ana joined in Upih Pulling and Water Balloon Passing and the Volley Ball match) Screaming around like crazy.. yeahh.. that's totally for me! ^_^ Then we went into a phase of addiction for Fusball/Foosball/Foolsball (??) Ahhahha!! I really don't know what's the right spelling for it. I played like crazy.. but at least I get to score some! AHHAHAHHA!! Later on, I watched Fariz and Azrin ('aight?) played Pool.. Huu.. not something that I felt like trying. Heh~! And saw a bit of Sheeya and BJ playing Water Polo in the pool. (They were LOUUUD!!) After dinner, there was this karaoke session.. Let me say this.. I hate microphones!! 'Coz I hate the way I sound and having it amplified, just suxX!! Wekk~! Gonna run away from microphones after this. Sheesh~!
It rained the next morning.. Hehhh~! Woke up around.. 8 something I think.. then me and Ana went to Fina, BJ, Sheeya and Azura's bungalow to wake them up.. Honestly, I don't have much memory about that morning.. Huuum.. Did that sand sculpture after breakfast. We (committee members) did a sea-horse which apparently got drunk 'coz it drank to 100 Plus.. Hahhha!! Tariq melalut sungguh.. And then watched BJ being thrown to the sea by Ros 'coz it was her birthday! Then, it rained, as we had our lunch. At three, we were told to sketch some stuff.. and mine was super-duper-ly childish!! I think even 5 year-olds can do better! Urrghh!!! Then, when I thought I can get some shut-eye right at the beach (the wind was fantastic!!) BJ went around with Puan Elyna and Encik Najib as they fly the kite.. so I had to follow them around as well.. HAHHAHA!! It was such a great watch!! It was really REALLY neat!!! Then, while Fina and BJ watched around the kites, me, Ana and Sheeya played in the waters.. Funny really! I know it's a bit kinky, but we played at the beach 'til our panties were filled with the sands!! AHHAHA!! Had to squint around to get 'em out! HAHHAHHA!! Then I joined the volleyball game. NEAT!! Played with Tariq, Dani, Yus, Encik Anis, Harris, Sharul, Ahmadsyah, Duku (? is that his nickname?), Amin, Sheeya, Ana, BJ and Fina.. We kept changing players so, mind you.. I might have forgotten some names! It was really fun!! Played 'til almost 7, I think! Sempat la membanggekan diri, dapat serve bola to the other side.. score some for the 'team'.. and terlangga Tariq mase keja bola.. gile sakit rusuk time tu, but tahan je lerRrR.. takkan nak usik-usik lak kan.. Nanti orang kate kite pegang menda lain lak! AHHAHHA!! Got a real bruised arm! Macam kapilari pecah..! Pun tahan ajelaa.. biase sangat camtu dulu..Sape yang Wanie sempat tunjuk tu, sempat la nengok betapa teruknye rupe tangan Wanie! Kehkehkeh.. Mangadu je tau.. ^_^
It was the last night.. The theme was --Hawaiian Night-- and everybody came out with flowery clothes.. Ekkeke!! The night was pretty neat! I don't know what to say about it, really.. (I'm going back home in a bit, after all..!) I may be updating my webby soon, anyways! Maybe I'll get into detail in there with the pictures I have! ^_^ Weeeeeee~!!
{Going home} Woke up late the next morning.. Hahha!! Missed the breakfast and the Pangkor tour.. I didn't feel much lost though.. (Been to Pangkor twice! ^_^) And then it was time to get back to MMU.. Huuuuu..
Kinda sad, to be honest! I had a really nice time there in Pangkor! But everything has an end.. (and I do mean EVERYTHING!) And now I'm back in MMU.. and will be leaving for home in about 11 minutes.. Humm.. Things are just crazy! The way I feel is not at all synchronized with the way I think, and it stinks!! Jealousy stinks!!!

If jealousy is what I'm really feeling, then I must be losing my head!

Thursday, March 06, 2003

I swear I could've died if I stayed longer..
Oww.. what a night! I was in BJ and Sheeya's room just now. Thought I could give a hand on their gift-wrapping stuff, but I couldn't stay much longer.. Apart from the 'surprise visitor' (ehem~).. a wee bit later someone came in with a cigarette and now my chest feels like it's about to explode! Urrghhh! This really really suxX! I hate how I smell.. it's like I've been kept in a small box with ten people smoking around me. Urrghh!! Shit, this really hurts!! Dahlaa malam ni dah panas, tambah lagi panas kat hati ni.. ngan sakit dada lagi.. memang bagus sangat laa!! Bagus.. bagusssss!! Memang heeeeeeebat sangat!
Ever believed that you're actually pushing people away from you? Things are.. just so confusing these days. I've been doing some things that may make others confuse as well.. Though I really didn't mean to.. but I just do! +_+ I guess I have this tendency of pushing those whom I'm supposed to concern, away. I mean, I've regretedly done it once.. and I have this feeling that keeps telling me that it may happen again. Urrghhh! I hate myself!! I hate the fact that I don't know what I want anymore! Things are all jumbled up nowadays, and it hurts that I know I'm hurting someone else!! Urrghhh!! How can I be so stupid some days? How can I be so insensitive some days? How can I ruin this beautiful friendship? How can I forget...? Uurghhh!! Y'know.. just realized, that I can actually HURT people just to get at my goals.. Ape nihh??? This is not the kind of self-discovery I wanted to find.. have I always been this way? Demm, I'm such a jerk!!
*Even if you're not talking about me.. I am feeling this way. Maybe I AM using lame excuses to get back.. though I really didn't mean it to be like this. 'Coz I really like to talk to you.. and you're a really neat friend! And if things get in the way of this neat friendship we have, then I'll try to put it aside.. Thanks for putting up with me!! Ekkekke.. terharuuu~*

You were so patient as I find my other shoe
So I stared and cried if I ever lose you
Then you hold my hand and tell me that
"I only want you, you spoilt brat!"
For I'm feeling what I shouldn't be feeling..
aaAaaAaaAaAaAAaAHHH!!!! (That was a scream, mind you!) Uuurghhh!! What's up with me tonight!! This is absolutely NOT the right time for me to feel what I'm feeling right now. Demm!! This really suxX!!! Stupid stupid me.. what's up with me?!! Huwaaaaaaa!!
Let see.. what did I do today.. Apart from sending my Fundamental at noon.. there was that briefing for Pangkor. Honestly, I didn't even listen to one bit what they said.. I tried.. really! But I kept being overcome with silly jokes.. along with my friends, of course! And well, something bothered me a bit. One of the gurls did this one thing I hate.. She.. mentioned the one thing I try to stop everyone from talking about. (Cam paham ke ayat?) Like.. they're making the impression that it will never end!! It'll stay like that forever and ever!! It's like.. A bad news that will never end!! Urrgghhh!! I tried so hard to make people stop from talking about it, but they still do!!! Huwaaaaaaa!! +_+
In the night.. had a wee bit of discussion/meeting for the committee.. Huu.. I guess it was quite a long one, but it wasn't so bad. Pretty entertaining, really! We were laughing every now and then. All eleven of us.. myself, Ana, BJ, Fina, Sheeya, Dani, Yus, Tariq, Ross, Liyana and Alifah. Heehee~
Then.. walked up towards MPH.. melawan arus as the others walked FROM the Artistic Fusion. Me and Ana were walking with BJ who wanted to meet up Izwan. Huuum.. It was a pretty long walk, I think.. considering that I'm feeling.. a wee bit strange. Huuhuuu!!

Life's such a lie, this can't be true
Things are just blue when I'm without you
You may be pretending or just plain crazy
But when I'm with you, I feel free to be me

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

CR 3047
Maths just now was.. err.. rather confusing.. Ekkeke! I thought I did pretty okay, but when I glanced at Fina and Ana's papers, I guess something went a wee bit wrong. Huhuu.. Jalan keje diorang panjaaang! Apsal Wanie nyer pendek semacam?? Huhuu..
Slept around three last night. Why? I don't know.. finished my Fundamental much earlier than that.. and I didn't even study my Maths (though my dad told me to! Ekkeke!) Just didn't feel like sleeping yet I guess.. and so, I watched the other gurls do their Fundamental as I played around with my phone.. Korek-korek cite from Arep! Ekkekke!! "Sapelah diri ini" kununnn! Nyampahh.. wekk!!
Guess I'll have to reload somewhere next week~ Ahhahaha!!
Going off to Pangkor tomorrow night~ Heehee~~ And may be going out by bus in the afternoon! Yeayy~ Nak gi mane ekk? KL ke ekk? Ekkekke!! Ade sesaper nak join try naik bus kuar MMU?? Meh laa memeriahkan suasane.. ^_^

Keep on flunking my Maths tests
How can I ever be better that the rest
You must've think all this is funny
but soothingly you said, "I'm still here, honey"

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Oww.. oww.. pain in the brain..
Huuhuuu.. been trying to find a punk rock-ish tune. Heehee~! I don't know how, but last night my head was pouring with rhymes and it's kinda suitable for a song.. but since I usually do ballads.. HAHHAHA!! I can't find the right tune for this one.. Huhuu.. Buduh!
Neways, if any of you have a neat tune.. tell me!! Really want to try on this lyrics.. Ekkekke!! (If you noticed, the 'rhymes' at the end of today's post.. they're some of the lines I wrote last night.. ^_^)
Heehee~ finally completed my Fundamental! It sucked, yeah.. the supposedly motion doesn't look like it's moving at all.. but h*ll, I'm finished!! Now.. coming up next, Maths!! Huhuu..

When we walked past a candy store
I'd ask for some and scream for more
So sure you'd want to walk out the door
But you stared and said, "How 'bout ten more?"
Been doing my Fundamental for a while. I have to say, it kinda sucked! Actually I'm pissed 'coz all my brushes are gone!! Urrghhh! Demm lahh! My kiwi fruit looks absolutely horrible! And there's no motion for it 'coz I don't have the right tools!! Huwaaaaaa!! Where are the demm brushes??!!
I guess I'll lie down for a bit and wait for Ana to come back. Or maybe I'll just start doing some Maths problems.. Huuu.. Gonna have the mid-term for Maths tomorrow.. Hope I won't suck at it too bad. Sheesh~

Played the guitar like a lunatic
Anyone would believe I'm such a freak
But you just smiled at me and say
"So glad I have you anyways"
Got myself some pairs of new socks! Hahhaha!! You must think it's funny that I'm getting excited over socks.. But really, apart from wrapping papers.. I also get excited with socks!! I spent more time picking socks than picking a blouse.. Hahhhaa!! I just have this craze over socks.. Weird huh? I mean, it's not like anyone can really see what I'm having under my pants.. (err, we ARE still talking about SOCKS, okaaay..!) Heehee~!
Okay.. dunno what else I should say.. later~

Sometimes I sing just like a toad
Then I'll say something's in my throat
You'd laugh so hard and say to me
That you won't listen to anyone but me

Monday, March 03, 2003

Owww... feeling waaaaay too dizzy
Kepala rase berat semacam. Apsal nihhh!! Tengkuk rase nak terple'ot.. Sakit nihh~!
Papa nak amek around 6 camtu kot. Tengah boriiiiiing sangat. Benci!! Sampai pening-pening jadinye ni haa.. Kenape laaaa!! Urrghh! Buduh~! Tak tau nak buat ape dah. Dah puas usik gitar si Aishah ni haa.. sampai cam nak sakit jari jemari. MACAM ajelaa.. tadi sakit la sket, but dah tak dahh.. Tak reti main aaaaaaa!! Benci! Jadi bunyik cam lagu asli Sarawak. Bole bayangkan tak? Ana buat lagu pening, Wanie buat lagu Sarawak. Memang baguihh beno la! Tadik ade la blaja sket dari Nana.. but dah lupe dah. Amenda dia tunjuk tadi ekk? AHAHHAH!! Menyedihkan sungguh la. Haritu cakap kat Papa pasal gitar, pastu dia gelakkan!! Sabo je laa.. pastu baru ni tau, kalau ikut hati dia, nak je dia kasi kitorang blaja piano.. but HELLO??! Tak ingin nyer la blaja piano.. Boring nyer alahai.. Dari dulu kat kepala ni dah lekat.. kalau nak blaja instrument, gitar or drums ajelaa.. (Kegilaan time Form 2!) Ekkekke! Time tu ade Battle of the Band kat skolah rasenye. Aaaah.. beshnyer! Tengok seniors main.. Booooooootak head! Sape ingat lagu tu memang hebat aah~ Ekkekke.. Pastu mase bile ntah, tak ingat.. ade 6 guys on stage, main Time Of Your Life ke ekk? Entah laa.. blinded with the six guitar dah mase tuh. Puan Normah kate jangan sorak, orang sorak jugaaakk! AHHAHAH!! Menyampahkan sungguh pesanan puan pengetua tu ekk.. Tak tahaaann..
Humm.. rase agak respek la kat bebudak yang reti main gitar di luar sana.. Agaknye kalu Wanie try, mungkin agak kurang berjaya.. Ekkeke!! I don't think I have the dedication to it.. Ekkeke!! Ampehh sungguh~
Okaylaahh, dah tak tahan ni.. tengkuk ni betul sakiiiiiiiiiit!!
Heehee~ hope that tomorrow's plan will work.. ekk Ana? Thought of going around Pyramid to waste some time.. ehhehe!

Current song : Malchik Gay by T.A.T.U.
~ Wanna be the object of your passion but it's hopeless ~
Two guys, a girl and a Kembara
Had a loooong loooong day yesterday. --Sori Amal-- tak dapat gik wedding your bro!! Went to two weddings yesterday with my parents. One is in Section 11, and the other is in Cheras. When I got home, I just had a wee bit of rest and then out again, I go with Rai and Arep to send off our ole friend, Acap. He's going to further his studies in Auckland!
I think I spent most of my day in the car. Huhuu.. Funny though.. on the way to KLIA, we were listening to Avril and sang to it! Well, me and Arep that is.. Rai said he's not into this 'karaoke' things.. but mind you, he sang to Sk8er Boi!! Ahhahha!! Pandai laa kamu!
Well, sending off a friend to the airport doesn't seem so nice after all.. kinda sad. Though I haven't been in contact with Acap for so long.. it's still a wee 'biggie' for me. Wonder how I'd feel if I see Rai leave. Huhuuu.. Rai, tak yah gik la!! Ekkekke!!
Then we stopped a while in SS15.. with Epul, Idris and Zul. Aaah~!! Zul's hairdo is waaaay too new for me! Ekkekke!! (Just thought I should mention 'bout it!)
And the way back, I was 'entertained' by the two guys with Sheila On 7's songs.. Ahhahha!! Besh aa korang~! I have to say.. they practically memorize the whole album! Very very entertaining.. Ekkekke~!!
So anyways.. finally got home around 9.. and then I waited for my parents to come down so we can go out to get some things for me.. Ehhehe.. Finally FINALLY got home at 11..! So just imagine me.. wearing a baju kurung with my Converse for the WHOLE day! Huhuuu.. and finally got back here in MMU this morning.. Huhuu.. Really need more sleep~
Huu.. and 'bout Expression just now. Ekkekke!! Kinda.. umm.. I have to say that it was a wee bit crappy.. Ekkekke!! I mean, we were going to use some candles, but only decide on it at the very last minute. Ekkekke! And all of us forgot to sing the starting of this one part.. And then my dear Lydia commented on our expression - which was na-daa! Ahahha!! I know I was very much distracted by some things.. so I really can't work on my 'faces'.. Ahhahha~!!

Let's pretend~

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