Thursday, March 06, 2003

I swear I could've died if I stayed longer..
Oww.. what a night! I was in BJ and Sheeya's room just now. Thought I could give a hand on their gift-wrapping stuff, but I couldn't stay much longer.. Apart from the 'surprise visitor' (ehem~).. a wee bit later someone came in with a cigarette and now my chest feels like it's about to explode! Urrghhh! This really really suxX! I hate how I smell.. it's like I've been kept in a small box with ten people smoking around me. Urrghh!! Shit, this really hurts!! Dahlaa malam ni dah panas, tambah lagi panas kat hati ni.. ngan sakit dada lagi.. memang bagus sangat laa!! Bagus.. bagusssss!! Memang heeeeeeebat sangat!
Ever believed that you're actually pushing people away from you? Things are.. just so confusing these days. I've been doing some things that may make others confuse as well.. Though I really didn't mean to.. but I just do! +_+ I guess I have this tendency of pushing those whom I'm supposed to concern, away. I mean, I've regretedly done it once.. and I have this feeling that keeps telling me that it may happen again. Urrghhh! I hate myself!! I hate the fact that I don't know what I want anymore! Things are all jumbled up nowadays, and it hurts that I know I'm hurting someone else!! Urrghhh!! How can I be so stupid some days? How can I be so insensitive some days? How can I ruin this beautiful friendship? How can I forget...? Uurghhh!! Y'know.. just realized, that I can actually HURT people just to get at my goals.. Ape nihh??? This is not the kind of self-discovery I wanted to find.. have I always been this way? Demm, I'm such a jerk!!
*Even if you're not talking about me.. I am feeling this way. Maybe I AM using lame excuses to get back.. though I really didn't mean it to be like this. 'Coz I really like to talk to you.. and you're a really neat friend! And if things get in the way of this neat friendship we have, then I'll try to put it aside.. Thanks for putting up with me!! Ekkekke.. terharuuu~*

You were so patient as I find my other shoe
So I stared and cried if I ever lose you
Then you hold my hand and tell me that
"I only want you, you spoilt brat!"


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