Thursday, June 19, 2003

So I laugh at myself yet again..
there goes my short moment of glory and happiness.. there goes the one thing I most cherish in my life.. there goes the freakin' shit I tried to hold on to.. there goes my sanity.. there goes my patience.. there goes my temper.. and there you see, my stupidity..
No matter how hard I tried to keep it to myself, I kept revealing it to the world.. what's up with me?? And why am I blaming myself for all things that happened? And why do I tremble? Why do my heart aches? Why are there butterflies in my stomach?
So I did the same thing all over again.. Hoping for a miracle that I'd get through.. trying my best to say what I really mean. Wishing for something that I should've known better.. ALL OVER AGAINN!! How stupid can I get?? I am SO thick for trying too much when I can do NOTHING about it.. you are so stupid waniee..
I was right all along!! Memang selama ni Wanie langsung tak kenal orang tu.. and selama ni MEMANG dia cume bayangan of a person I cared.. How did I get so lost in my thoughts???
You know who you are.. Sejak dulu saye agak ni akan jadi. Somehow.. Tak tahu kalau awak ade rase cam gini jugak, but dari dulu saye dah takutkan menda nih. I tried so hard to hold on to our good friendship.. But the fact that you didn't try to understand me when I told you how I feel, sickens me. Maybe saye gak yang salah.. to be honest, I blame myself for what had happened tonight. Saye memang inconsiderate kan? Saye selfish for saying all those.. and these! Saye tak tahu nape, but rase macam saye dah lama sangat simpan dalam hati.. You're the best-friend anyone could ever have.. but to my own disappointment, you're not mine.. So kalau kite tak rase marah with each other someday later.. maybe we'll be true friends again... Sebab if I were you.. I'd be angry with me.. So, marah la saye.. benci la saye.. kutuk la saye.. nak baling batu pon okay jugak.. sebab saye tengah sedih sangat, ini yang jadi.. Sorry ek sebab saye expect awak paham saye.. That's my fault.. Saye memang terok for expecting you to understand me when I don't understand you.. I'm just.. so so sooo sorry.. I cared so much sebab I loved you once, and even you broke my heart.. saye maseh saba sebab saye tak boleh nak benci awak.. and it hurts! It hurts that I was never able to hate you.. I AM over you.. so toksah la ingat I was holding on to our past.. I was holding on to the fact that I've known you for almost a year now.. Sorry ekk! We were never meant to be kan? Catastrophic jugek, even as friends...

*bodonyer emotional sangat nihh!*
Ana ngan Dar kalo nak tulis pape dalam blog nihh.. buat discussion hape2 ke, silekanlah! I think I let out too many things in this entry.. Malas nak tulis dah~

I wish I didn't wish so hard~
How Could An Angel Break My Heart; Toni Braxton

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