Wednesday, November 19, 2003

too many posts...

Ignore the ones that you refuse to read...

Just read Lill's latest entry..
I guess I do have things to say about it but somehow it turns out to be "all about me" somehow.
I'm not sure if I made it look the way I wanted it to look just now. I guess it's no point asking the real reason of your blog title. To me, you can see your life as you'd like to see it.. 'coz no one's commenting on how I see my life.
Sorry if you feel that that's how much life is worth.. but it's absolutely understandable if you're not content with life.. (as I can't really be sure that I am!)
And I'm sorry if I've 'forced' you to fake what you didn't feel at some times. I guess I was being selfish for always acting the way I am.. not considering what I said to you or the others and did all those childish and immature things that I did without thinking 'bout what the consequences are. I do realize that I can hurt people with my words at times. Sorry for that.
But this morning when you were explaining yourself... it just made me realize one thing.
As much as I thought I know a person.. I really don't! This is the second time I reminded myself that way. The first time was when Zero left me. hehhe! (somehow it made me feel stupid remembering 'bout him.. bluerghh~) I'm sorry for the fact that I trust people to act the way they am as I act the way I am. People are so full of surprises and you are one of those people who has this huge closet of secrets.
I saw it in your eyes this morning.. how you thought that it was absurd.. trying to explain the real you to Prisc. The way you look at us.. I know you wish not to say anything on the subject.. but you did anyways. Why? Was it to make us 'happy'? Sorry if I am wrong about this. I'm still learning about you peeps. (and happy learning it!) Sorry if telling us the things you told us hurt you.. As it somehow did to me. 'Coz it hurts badly.. knowing how a good pretender you really are.. (been realizing that for sometime now..) But this is not about me.. Why should you care about how I feel when we're talking about you, here.. 'aight?
I just wish.. that you didn't have to say that you 'fake' it. Which means that I never knew you. That all this while I never saw the real you.. Have I?
I'm just truly sorry that you have to be the strong person that you are so I can be happy.. how selfish can I get?? I'm really sorry for that..
Maybe someday I can really see the real you.. just maybe one day you won't mind to open up everything to us.. But even if the time will never come.. I hope you have someone that you can really open up to. 'Coz I don't see where's the good from keeping everything bottled up.. I hope that somewhere, there is someone you wouldn't mind sharing your life with.. if not with us..
All I wish is for you to be happy...
You do know that, 'aight?

sometimes I wonder where the heck did I learn to write like this.. :D heehee~


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