i need to know what i want.

i hate mornings like this..
the kind of mornings that i wake up to some thoughts that really bothers my head. yeech!!

i think at some points.. i am that one selfish git.
sometimes.. i really don't have the strength to keep up to this life.
sometimes.. i only wish to fall back and cry for all the mess i've made.
sometimes.. the guilt is unbearable.
i shouldn't do this.. to myself. :)
but especially to the ones that cared for me.

just because i can't quite figure out what i want, doesn't mean that i have to hurt people along the way, right?
right!
i guess i am only making things big.
but it feels like i've been here for too many times now. i should've learn to be "nicer" at least.

feelings should be made illegal. i am turning numb, but i still have them.
i should be caught and thrown into jail somewhere far from here.
where i will have no contact with people where i'll hurt them and myself.
this is crazyyyyyy!!!!!

i just.. don't feel right.
i wish i do.. but it's been a while since i ever did.

toloonglah..
to be quite honest.. i don't even know to whom i am asking for help.

i just want to make things right.
and i need to feel at place.