Tuesday, November 30, 2004

songs about yous..

(be warned, this will be a long one..)

heehee. happy holidays mmu peeps!
and to those who are studying in uitm and uia.. welcome back to school! (if you let me call it that!)

so i've been in a spin, thinking of what i wanted to write for the end of the semester coz i usually have something. i've been having this little patches of things but when i write them out, they only came in.. well, patches! ekkeke.
seems like i've been losing any sort of motivation to write but wait a minute.. that's IMPOSSIBLE! ekekke!
so i've been uninspired since the couple of weeks.. but the weeks' rest ought to buy me some time for one possibly.. probably "good" entry, right?
(good? who am i kidding??)

i read my old diaries the week before i had my exams.. and god! i wish i could get a goood barrel of steel and matches and light them up and watch them all burn.. ahhahah!! you know, you thought a diary would help you 'catch your thoughts' and 'remind you of important accounts'. but when i read those diaries.. i can only shout aloud, "O MY GOD!!!"
what an embarrassment!! thank god no one ever found and read them! ekkekeke!
it's just funny.. and embarrassing to remember what i thought was important when i was thirteen. ekekke. idiot.

and then i found out how i've been getting myself in the same sticky situation over.. and over.. and over again since many years ago! and what's weird is how i've been thinking that it was always the first time i feel it when i felt it. (am i making any sense here?)
so really.. nothing has ever been new.. truly new in my life. the same things just keeps happening, but with different people.
maybe it really is true.. subconciously, we keep falling in 'love' with the same person. the same sort, at least. kinda frustrating when i think about it, so i better stop!

so anyways, those diaries got me thinking about songs..
alike my blog, i wrote down my favorite lyrics down in my diaries.
i have a particular song for almost everyone it seems! and that, i have to say is a baad unintended move. i mean, now when i don't want to remember about someone.. i would just think about them when i hear the song. and that's baaadd!!

the thing about songs.. i also hate it when someone 'steals' it from me. i know that's a stupid thing to say since the song was never "mine", but i just hate it! i hate it when someone relates a song to a person, with the song i relate the same person with. hahahha! i think i'm really making no sense. it's just.. i hate the feeling of being like.. 'another one'. i mean, that's how I relate to the person.. so how can someone else relate the same song to that person?? that would suck a lot.

but gladly!! somehow i just can't seem to relate my favorite, most favorite song to anyone i know. heehee! somehow. and that's awesome!! i can enjoy a good, perfect song without anyone being able to 'steal' it or being interrupted with the thoughts of someone i probably.. actually.. hate.
just hopefully it'll stay that way 'til the rest of my life..
or when i found someone who i couldn't possibly hate. well, that's a lie. there's always something to hate. (for me, at least!)
i find it hard to like everything about someone. you can like them for anything, but to like everything is doubtful. so that line up there ought to be; "when i found someone who i couldn't hate too much". heehee.

so that's partly a confession.. i have a song that relates best to almost everyone.
someone once said to me that a song only relates to you as much as you want it to. well, that person was right. a song couldn't possibly be written completely about you unless you wrote them yourself. but sometimes, a song can really.. just simply be talking about someone.

so here's a song that has been caught up in my head for the last couple of days. i finally found the perfect little song, and this IS about someone.

Follow You Down by Gin Blossoms

Did you see the sky, I think it means that we've been lost
Maybe one less time is all we need
I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that I've ever been

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come
But still, I can't remember anything
Let's not do the wrong thing and I swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

How you gonna ever find your place
Runnin' in an artificial pace
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand
So what the hell, have we already been forever damned?

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

so here's a week in the holidays.
a few plans has been lined up. just a question if it's going to happen. people to see, places to go and yes, things to shop! (cheer cheer!!!)
i miss my fiance!! and hanis.. and musz.
and i can't wait to see dayat!! aaaiiiyyyyyyyyyeee!! i need february to come early. heehee.
errkk! but that reminds me that i promised fiance something. (but he knows me so well, he probably didn't count on that i'll do as promised. hahhahaha!)
it's just great when you have those people that just knows you to the core. (but they're horrible to have when you're trying to hide something!)

and finally!! have an awesome time, people!!!
i'm going to crack my brain on a favor for dida now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

seven shades of blue.

ain't that pretty?

anyways.. currently feeling quite fine.
going to have my final paper in 2 hours and i am HORRIFIED!!
i hope i'll do okay.. especially since i need to get full marks if i want to confirm a pass! ahhahahah!! gilok.

i just realize last night.. that my sadness had turned to anger long time ago. it's.. sad. hohoho. well, i suppose i just hate that feeling of losing. it feels awful and i hate it! thus, i got mad and just got angry with almost anything that ticked me even just a lil'.
but i'm okay now.
things... doesn't seem so big as i made them now. :)

so yesterday i was in the car when i looked up to the sky and saw seven beautiful shades of blue. and what's more amazing.. the moon could be seen at 5:54 pm! i mean.. that's EARLY!
sigh. i love sitting in the car.
i think if i have a driver's liscence (spelling?) and own a car.. i'd spend my whole day just driving around. :)

okay! better revise some things now.
but this coffee is making me jumpy. eeeek!

Monday, November 22, 2004

o - my - GOD!!!

this must be one of the most horrible feelings i've ever felt!!
there's even a sickly pain in my tummy.
you know what?
urghhh!! GOD!!

i may be wrong for the second time..
the first time i was SO wrong that it's really really embarassing.. but this time.. i really doubt that i'm making the same related mistake.
o crap.

i am now officially ashamed for being such a stupid stupid stupid git!!
i wonder if i'm simply simply wrong for..
i really really wanna cry now.

how did i get this stupid???
for thinking that things were about to change...
they were always the same, weren't they?
so i'll be detaching myself now..

here goes my heart.
breaking up to pieces so small..
that it can pass through the eye of a needle.
i guess i'm sorry.

sorry for putting such hope on a single star..
a star that i thought shone bright for me.
when truthfully it has always been there.
shining for someone else to see..

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

hey stranger!


i think i'll miss you forever...

Monday, November 08, 2004

I wish I could hold a billboard above my head..

..for every single time i see you :)

so have you ever done something wrong.. VERY wrong.. but it's sinfully good that you just can't help yourself from doing it again.. and possibly again?

life is weird,
life is scary.
and yet it's wonderful as well!

so how is it possible that you can love and hate at the same time?
i find the answer easy.. though i couldn't say the same for compromising with it.

here's a simple explanation;
all things on earth were created as a couple.

there's always a mate to each other.
a positive and negative in everything.
adam-eve, anod-katod, yin-yang, mars-venus, happy-sad and sure..
love and hate.

how can you love when you don't understand hate?
only in hate, can you understand what you love.
only in love and hate, can you feel the ultimatum of emotions.

(hehhe.. cakap cam pandai!)

but honestly! i believe in that.
i believe that to love.. you must hate.
and only then you'd understand.. possibly everything.

the end of merepek! :P
(well sure i have lots more to say.. but it's best for you to just 'understand' them)

i find everything pretty amusing lately..
i look back to my life and think about now, to realize how things have really changed. i've done some things i've never thought of doing before and i've found new things i wanted to do now..
my thoughts have really changed in due time.. (though i can't confirm that it's growing MATURE) but i've always felt the same.
always. always. always...

but anyways! i am thinking of writing something else 'serious' during the coming school break, along with a new layout (that ONLY looks good when i think of it) so if you're looking forward to things like that, keep your fingers crossed!!
i know i am! ekkeke!

so in conjuction of the festivities..
happy deepavali
to those who celebrates them, and

to all my friends, buddies, pals and fellow readers! hope you have a good one and enjoy every moment of it!

and yeah.. HAVE FUN IN THE SCHOOL BREAK! and to mmu peeps.. GOOD LUCK for the exam!!! ahhahahah!

Thursday, November 04, 2004

[originally written on 1:11am]

i am HOPELESS!! it frustrates me!! stupid stupid stupid!!
you see, if i had managed to lose my feelings, i could've stopped feeling oh so measly since.. long ago!
i suppose everyone has their own 'pattern'. (saw a neat episode of sex and the city earlier today) and i think i DO have a pattern.
i have the pattern of a person that keeps on longing for the unattainable someone. it's like, i'm pleading to be broken-hearted, or be kept wondering.. or left waiting.. or just, i don't know!! i said aloud that i want to be 'smarter' and yet, i couldn't pass up the chance to be called 'stupid'. that's just.. plain dumb!
dumb dumb dumb!!!


probably i radiate some sort of a 'safe' character that people can pick up the smell like garlic in someone's breath. maybe a 'safe' person just reflects that bit of boredom.
heck! even i ran from it some years ago! (and still am) ahahhaha!! it's a bit unfair of me to judge people for it. but maybe everyone just needs less and less of that 'safe' personality.

in my thoughts.. someone safe is a someone whom you're supposed to get married with, live in a big bungalow, have a dozen children and live happily for the rest of your life.
and i don't want to get married just yet.
and i guess you're not ready for that either...

how i wish you are.. and ask for my hand tomorrow.

ps: no, i'm not depressed nor am i crazy, i just have a lot of lame
i think i am missing rai 'coz he appeared in my dream some nights ago. (and i read that when you dream of someone, it's probably your subconcious mind letting you know that you miss that person, and that you conciously didn't realize it. cute, huh?)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

guuuud morning!!

okie. so i KINDA just got back from a well-spent night!!

it started when i went to my bed, trying to get a bit of shut eye 'coz i have nothing else better to do. then somewhere around 6:20pm i got a phonecall asking me things about how i'd break-fast today.. and he then asked if i wanna come along with him.. and me.. seperti biase lah kann! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKK!!
ekkeke! at 6:30.. i met up with abang yau, ablen, their cousin; boy, and hafiz! so of course, by the time for break-fast, we're still in the car. but then we stopped in UM to pick up mimi (crammed the backseat!!) who brought up a weird cincau-like drink for us to break-fast. :D

so then we had our real break-fast in midvalley. we were done somewhere around 8.. stood around some bits as we decide how are we going to waste some time. then somehow we decided to catch a movie at 11:15pm! (and there goes mimi's choir practise at 9! ekkeke!) so we had pleeeennnnty of time to waste. i tagged along mimi and hafiz; did some bits of window shopping.. and then get back to the rest and went bowling!! ekekkeke!

tak tahan laa.. rase nak baling something kat abang yau. ekkeke! mimi was sooo close to beat him but in the end, abang yau won the game in difference of 10 points with mimi. and i, sadistically was last place with only 82 points! ahhahahah!! lembu. (kasi can ekk.. lama dah tau tak main!! ekkekeke!) bowling was really fun, though.

then we "loiter" some more, (i believe that would be hafiz' favorite word) in front of mcd there until it's time for us to get to the cinema! :)
had some laughs before the show starts.. and laughs is GOOD! :P
we saw TAXI and it was fun!! well, at least i thought so. but i think the blooper part at the end was even sillier. (does this word exist??) o well, i think the movie was good enough! :D i have always loved queen latifa's character in most of the movies she's in. :)

then we crammed back in the car and sent off mimi back to her college.. and then me! so here i am.. yapping about things that don't really matter when i probably should sketch some things for tomorrow's philosophy class! hohohoho!

so, thank you guys for the good evening!!
especially abang yau!! maybe sebab dah lama tak jumpe? ececcee! ekkekeke! tengkiuuukk!!
so.. after a good evening spent, there's no better way for it to be followed than by a GOOD NIGHT!!

ohh! been hearing this song too darn much everytime i go to the movies.. but honestly, i DO love abba! heehee. and i LOVE this song. :)

Mamma Mia by ABBA

I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

I've been angry and sad about things that you do
I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through
And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
mamma mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye doesn't mean forever

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

Thoughts by The Uninspired. © 2014

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