Monday, October 31, 2005


Man, why the heck did the show had to be cancelled after one season. *sigh*
I'm so SO SOOO glad that Eric and Jaye end up together (sort of) in the end! It just gives off the impression that you really don't need to chase love; that if things are meant to be.. it will be!

Goodnight world!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Definitely pooped!

I shall refrain myself from going any farther than ten feet from my house's door.. for at least this next two days!

Wasn't planning on going out today, but Mama bribed me by saying that she'll buy me something if I come along. So we all end up going out for a last minute shop before the Deevali/Eid Mubarak this coming Tuesday and Thursday.

We went to Midvalley and pretty much looked around for something nice to buy. Mama bought me a pinstriped pants (which I've always wanted!!) while she and Dida bought some Raya panties. ahahhahaha!! (Dida went hysterical that I'm posting this!)
We also went to check the Real Rewards store since Papa wants to see if there was anything worth to redeem with our fourteen thousand points but Dida reckoned that we should wait out and collect a lil' bit more points for the microwave. hehe!
(boring details, I know.)

We also checked out Kompleks PKNS and Plaza Shah Alam - which were horribly packed! A bit surprising, but of course I've never really shopped around Shah Alam in mid-festivities.

So! 6 hours spent outside has just left me feeling extremely tired!! I better get some lie down or I'd fall off this sofa.
Goodnight, pretty people!

Ohh right, by the end of the day Dida bought a new sofa for home - this sofa!


1. Arousing or capable of arousing sympathetic sadness and compassion;
2. Arousing or capable of arousing scornful pity.

Exactly what I thought of Manchester United's goal keeper, Van der Sar. Really.
Currently watching the match between Man U and Middlesbrough - and hating it. I fear that I have lost any reason to watch them play ever again. I'm even caring more for Bolton Wanderers as Dida notices more of Wigan Athletic FC.

Oh great, Middlesbrough just scored another goal. What's happening here???

Man U is #5 in the current standing and Middlesbrough in number 12 for God's sake!! And Arsenal at #8 as Liverpool at thirteen? The only team maintaining their pride is Chelsea - which I think is just as pathetic.
(sorry, has never been a Chelsea fan!)

Bah! The English Premiere League has simply lost their excitement in my point of view. I believe it all started when David Beckham went to Real Madrid. I'm not exactly a fan of his, but I just loved the way he clicked with his team mates. Ooh~ and last week I just found out that Steven Gerrard has a fiancee and a baby. bluerghh.
There goes another person that I would-have talked about on the blog! haha!

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT like one of those girls who watched football because they liked fit European men running around in shorts. I love watching football for the sake of loving the game itself - or I couldn't possibly went to the stadium and watch Selangor play!
But of course.. when it comes to EPL, watching fit European men running around is an added bonus!

I think it's just sad that even despite the pathetic-ness of Manchester United, I am still sitting here in front of this laptop, in front of the telly - rooting and hoping that somehow my team would catch up and win this match - possibly by miracle, of course! heh!

It's almost poetic, my loyalty.

But now, I find that it'd be impossible for Man U to catch up to three goals!
- put Selangor in their place, they'd surely be able to catch up! ahahhahahhahahahaha!!

Saturday, October 29, 2005


beloved black pen!
Finally got the refill for my pen.
You may cheer now coz I should stop yapping as much as I've been the past 6 days. hehe.

Btw Shahnon, ape pasal miskol at 2:54 am? Mau cari gado ka?

Have a good day, people!
--original post at 1:03 PM--

I on the other hand just spent the whole day watching movies. Yesterday I finally saw The Longest Yard, and today I watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and The Skeleton Key.Kate Hudson in The Skeleton Key

I like the Sisterhood best. Currently loving this song, from the soundtrack of the movie.
Black Roses Red by Alana Grace

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems,
I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside,
I could fill the deepest sea.
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love

Friday, October 28, 2005


v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates

v. intr.
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
v. tr.
To postpone or delay needlessly

To procrastinate, I must stop.
I really don't know what I'm doing these days. I think I'm sort of waiting.. for what, I haven't decided yet.
For sure, I fear that people around me are going to ask what I am up to, because honestly, I have no answer to that, and to conjure a lie is out of the question as I'm a pathetic liar.

Anyways! Added a new link over there! If anyone's curious, Aisyah; an Aries, was my school mate in SAAS and right now studying in the UK. Wasn't really close in-touch in these past years (you know me) but I have to give her credit for introducing me to the odd world of HTML. hehe! Miss Aisyah, thank you!! She practically did my first ever website for me - it was probably when we're in Form 2? Form 3?? She was FAB!!
And there's another thing I remember about her. It was.. most probably her first day at school (she had just moved into town) and the entire class had to pair up for this one English exercise. We got each other and received the only perfect score for the exercise! We were FAB!! ekkeke!

See, I don't get why American teenagers are so upset with their high school experience. I adore my time in high school!!

Believe it or not, I'm actually trying not to update this blog until I have something really smart and witty to say, but as usual - I fail miserably.
I ought to get a kick in the arse and quit procrastinating from buying my freakin' Pilot G-1 0.5 ink sticks!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

I'm not in love.

Next month's Astro Guide came around yesterday, and I'm just so excited that there'll be new episodes of Girls In Love on Nickelodeon! woohoo! Just wish they have new ones of Danny Phantom as well. I don't mind reruns, but watching them over four times is just too much.

I'm still not over Sky High. Today I found out that there might be a sequel or even a TV series on Disney Channel! weehee! Sounds great!! Already looking forward to this.
I'm mostly looking forward to upcoming books and movies lately!
There's going to be Just My Luck, Da Vinci Code and X-Men 3 in 2006!! And Cecelia Ahern and Dan Brown has a new book coming out! Especially looking forward to Mr. Brown's The Solomon Key - yet another Robert Langdon's adventure! *shrieking* Can't WAIT, CAN'T WAIITT!!!! Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code must be the most intriguing books I've ever read. It's fantastic!! I hope Tom Hanks will do justice to his character in the movie cause Robert Langdon.. is AWESOME!
I had only wanted to go to the Louvre because of him.**

**Robert Langdon is in fact, a fictional character, a Professor of Religious Symbology at Harvard University. Very intellectual and dashing. Unmarried for some unknown reason.
I think Dan Brown created a really amazing character in Robert Langdon.

Humm.. I keep wishing to have an intellectually challenging topic to type about, but obviously it's not being granted. I really ought to stop talking about measly things, eh? But then again, this is my blog.

Ohh, I received a Raya card yesterday. Unsurprisingly it was from my... well, not exactly a "friend", is he? He's like a.. a loyal.. a really loyal, and consistent, and most probably persistent acquaintance I've ever met in my entire life.
I just find it sad that as much as "persistence" should be admired, I find myself obligated to challenge it and.. pretty much pulverize it. Isn't it odd? Maybe I'm a modern day of the devil.

Or there is that slight possibility, that I only make myself available to the unattainable men - like Danny!
Or I'm just addicted to a tragic love story, cause I'm loving the whole idea of Buffy and Spike. (okay, lame example, but I love Spike anyways!) Actually I can't decide which I love more; Buffy with Spike or Buffy with Angel. I used to love the idea of Buffy and Angel, but now when there's Spike.. he's like.. so.. endearing. And... old.
Oh no!! I think I AM attracted to people who are way too young or way too old than me!!

I'm rambling.
Shutting up now.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


'Egocentric', 'ENFP', 'SCUEI'.
Yeah, saying it that way doesn't make any sense but if you bother enough to look it up, you'll find that it practically makes up my entire personality trait. Mostly sounds pretty bad, but I happen to like myself just fine so it'll be hard to find those bad ones changing anytime soon. heh.

I'm starting to think that I'm actually full of myself.

I was looking through the blogs I have in my Favourites, and find that they don't seem to update their blogs as much I do. So why is that?
I'd like to think that I have more thoughts than they do, but we all know how that would be a complete lie. I have a really really average brainpower, and wisdom is something I haven't yet acquire. So, why?

By the way, this song actually sounds better than what we hear from Tru Calling. At least that's what I thought! The song actually sounds very much alike Evanescence, and me like - lots! Though, the lyrics pretty much looks like Bring Me To Life, yeah?

Somebody Help Me by Full Blown Rose

I'm being haunted by a whisper
A chill comes over me
I've been trapped inside this moment
I'm not a victim, I'm not a freak

Free me
before I slip away
Heal me
wake me from this day
Can somebody help me?

I've seen the face of my affliction
of my reality
I'm being tortured by the future
of things that are yet to be
I'm being haunted by a vision
it's like the morning never comes
I feel the burden of confusion
always searching... on the run

Free me
before I slip away
Heal me
wake me from this day
Can somebody help me?
Somebody help me

Now, I'm not a hero... no
but the weight of the world's on my soul
these imagines burn my eyes
they're burning me up inside

Free me
before I slip away
Heal me
wake me from this day
Can somebody help me?

Pardon the idiotic entry. I've been horribly uninspired these last few months.

Azraai, you're so HOT!!

A real update coming later.. when I've calmed myself. Seeing a picture like this, it'd be hard.. but eventually I'll calm myself. ekekkeke!!
Sorry Azraai, I promised but it's too tempting!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

"Throw away your books,"

"-you've got nothing to lose but your grades!"

Don't think I'll ever get tired of watching Tuesdays With Morrie. It's odd that I love the story so much, and yet I haven't bought a copy of the book. Maybe soon. Hopefully soon.

Having a rough night. Some.. health problems are seemingly to creep up on me.
Hate it when this happens!

Putting that one aside, feels like I'm actually having too much thoughts again but as I try to type it out they don't seem to form in words. Annoying, this is.
I may need to force myself to go out tomorrow to get the refill for my pen. Getting 5 refills at one go might not be a bad idea. I think I used up two of those Pilot pen sticks in one month and a half; and I don't think I put them to good use.

All I have is a voice
To undo the unfolded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky :
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone ;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police ;
We must love one another or die.

- September 1, 1939; WH Auden

"Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by

Monday, October 24, 2005

My new favourite song!

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get Want by The Smiths

Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time

Gotta love this simplistic, beautiful song. *sigh* And even play-able on the guitar! (of course, I usually suck - but at least I recognise most of the chords in this song!) First heard this on Sky High (mind,) and I just fell in love with it.
Suppose I can say that I mostly love listening to British-written songs.

Humm.. Kinda settles my theory that British men and women are better writers! (eg: JRR Tolkien, Joanne Rowling, Alexander Pope, Shakespear) - or is it just my personal preference, that I just happen to read mostly British written works?

Crap! Looked through Wikipedia (my favourite site currently - such a geek, I am) and found people my age who has accomplished so much more than I have. This sucks.
Well.. I suck!

Sunday, October 23, 2005


I ran out of ink and now I've forgotten if I had any extra refills left around somewhere or I've actually used those.

Ohh, the neat line Warren had said; "To let true love remain unspoken is the quickest route to a heavy heart" - "And your lucky numbers are 4, 16, 5, and 49."
And now Muz is falling in love with him. Haha!

I suppose now it's time for me to shower.

Saturday, October 22, 2005


Went break-fast with Muz.
Met up with her in Mid Valley and couldn't decide what we wanted to eat, so instead we went to get a couple of movie tickets!

I suppose it was a bit of a guilty pleasure that we both share; seeing a silly kiddish movie like Sky High. hihi! But we enjoyed it a lot!! Me and Muz were trying hard to quote this line Warren said to Layla in the chinese restaurant, but we can never seem to. grr. Gotta find that line!
I think the movie would keep me smiling for this next couple of days. hehe! Me like, lots!

Other than that, I have nothing much to say.
Ohh! I did talked to Nina earlier. Surprisingly, the thing she had to say to me was not really upsetting as I had expected.
Ooh~ and I told Muz about the thing that had upset me two nights ago, and she didn't think it was too silly of me for being upset! yeay~! Well, not exactly something to cheer about, but it felt great to be told that it's okay to be upset about.. it.

Okie! That's about it!
Have to get back to replying an email from Hanis!
Good night, world!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Wish I wasn't insomniac.

As always, I am left alone in a darkened home where everyone's sound asleep.
Maybe I should get something that can help me sleep - but NO pills. I don't trust myself with pills, or sharp things, or anything big and heavy.

So bored right now, so I'm looking around a dream interpretation site to make a little sense of the dream I had last week.
The dream was scary and silly at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't say anything about it, but I'm going to because maybe talking about it may lessen the scariness of it all.
The dream: I was in a beautiful, huge castle, and I went up the stairs and came to a weird sort of room 'coz everyone there was in their beds and looked sick. To make things short, those people then floated above their beds and the wind was blowing hard and I jogged up on someone by saying; "eh, Mr Satan, does that mean I can leave?"
*sigh* Who am I kidding. The dream is still scary to think about! Even the site I'm in isn't saying anything about satan or devils. bluerrghh. I shall not reveal the ending to that dream, it's even scarier.

See! I ought to be sleeping rather than scaring myself this way!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2005


No longer hysterical, no.
There's a lot more people in the world who has real things to be upset about, and I shouldn't be allowed to fuss.

Been a while since I last post a depressed entry, yeah?

I came up with a question for the world while I was eating junk food today.
I had to wonder if everyone has had that one day when all things came so clear to them. As if for one day, everything seems to be telling you something. Your destiny, if you'd like to call it that. (But I think destiny is so much of a mumbo jumbo to believe in.)

I might be delirious from too much sugar, but for what ever reason, I feel it in my gut that I should be someplace else.
And I'm not saying that I don't belong here, 'coz I belong just fine, but there's definitely another place I have to be..

I missed my old life today, but it didn't cross my mind that I'd be better off by still living in that life. It feels like I'm on the other side of a window display, on the outside looking in.
Except that it was a display of iguanas on sale, and I have no intention to buy them, let alone keep.

I'm rambling.
Shutting up now.
Selamat berbuka puase!

..and al-Fatihah to the Prime Minister's wife.

Talk about a downer..

Must be losing half my mind. I'm fussing over something that's happened two months ago, halfway across the world.
Man, I hate it when this happens - stupid little things that upsets me so much. *arrghhh!!* Stupid hag!

breathe in - breathe out

Got bored again, did this thing about my relationship *potential* and how I am with other people. Should be amusing if I hadn't read it after I found out about that thing I'm fussing over.

Your emotional needs were not met when you were growing up and there was nothing you could do about it. Even today, you tend not to express anger or pain or resentment except when you are in an infrequent rage. This is a problem in close relationships.
(I think everything was fine while I was growing up! Don't know what it's playing at.)

You are assertive without being overly aggressive and usually go after what you want with confidence and enthusiasm. Your partners tend to be dynamic, successful people. Your natural energy and moxie is usually sexually interesting to others.
1. The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage.
2. Aggressive energy; initiative.
3. Skill; know-how.
Right.. whatever.)

While you may not be emotionally demonstrative or sentimental, you love deeply, lastingly and loyally. You may be strongly drawn to people either much older or much younger than you are. Love, for you, has always entailed an enormous amount of responsibility.
(Is there really anything to say about this other than just laugh out loud??)

Your sense of humor is one of your outstanding qualities. It usually manifests as a rather wry wit. Anyone you're close to must share this sense of irony. You probably have a special talent or an absorbing interest. Your closest ties are likewise involved.
(funny word to use.. "absorb" - and a couple of days ago I got Rogue. *sigh*)

Maybe I am supposed to stop wanting anything too much, gets me so tired out. She Falls Asleep sounds pretty perfect right now.

I'm losing my heart.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

kawaii desu.

Brightly Wound by Eisley

It's happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surprise
I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry
I love you...

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?

[I am just wishing you were here]
We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
[So we could walk down to the stream]
But you make me feel so pretty
[And we would throw all our leaves in]
You have shining eyes just like the forest lights
[Seeing our dragons when we look up]
And it makes me want to cry
I love you...

I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?

This place is so lovely
The kind that makes me very happy
Let's go far away to the humming meadow..

Cute song!

Anyways, for many weeks I've been without, today I picked up again my guitar and try playing some new songs and man, how lousy was I! My fingers were sloppy around the string and now they're sore. (REMINDER TO SELF: never ever put away the guitar too long!)

ooh~ and I found Peyton's site with all her artworks! Well, Dida found it then she told me about it!

ohh! And I managed to download McFly's version of The Killers' original, Mr Brightside, and I have to beg you NOT to listen to it!! ahhahaha!
How I hated it. Well, of course I still listen to it, but I prefer the original. Don't know what the boys were thinking. *sigh*


That's right, party people! (hah!)
I am now with Streamyx!!

So the first thing I did - watch some stream video of McFLY, of course!! ahhahaha!!
Well, I wish I could download them, but my Ares doesn't seem to be working somehow. Gotta wait when Dida gets her laptop back from Jimmy. (her collegue who had to borrow her laptop for some work.)
Surprisingly though, my computer didn't get too troublesome to turn on as it usually does. *sigh* It's times like this when I just had to love it's existence.

Nina left me a new testimonial on my Friendster today and I can't help feeling a bit sad over it. I know the message didn't imply in any way to make me feel the way that I feel, but I just feel this way.
And she said she have some psychological findings that she wants to share with me. yikes! The last time that happened...
Well, the last time that happened, had made me so upset that now I rather not listen to her thoughts. *sigh*
Mostly I'm scared that what she has to say is going to be something that I can't deny.

Anyways! Currently listening to Eisley (thanks Shahnon!) and they kinda remind me of Sixpence. Me like! Just that I'm still crazy over McFLY to be enjoying their music as much as I could. hehe!

Okay, now listening to McFLY's Too Close For Comfort, which must be my favourite track in the album, so I shall repeat this song until I'm so sick of it that I'll come near to barfing - which I usually does with practically everything in my life; music, food, people, etc.
(By the way, that's a Megaupload link I have there, if you'd like to listen to the song yourself.)

Humm.. only 2.84 gigs left of my space.
Good God, I need to re-format my computer!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Supposedly sleeping.

Not exactly.
Supposedly be having my sahur but this song sounds so cute and I just had to tell about it first.

The Ballad Of Paul K by McFLY

He´s drinking cold Corona
Feels like he's getting older
Now and noticing how he's finding
Grey hairs left in the shower
Tattoos fade by the hour
And he can't understand these feelings
Why life is getting him down
He used to smile now he frowns
And cries inside
It's been this way for a while
And he can't seem to put things right

When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side

He doesn't like to mention
Applying for his pension
So his children don't know he's heading
Into a mid-life crisis
He can't afford the prices for
The new kitchen floor he's buying
He's been a drunk of his life
Two kids, a dog and a wife
He doesn´t know
And in the daytime he just sits and watches television shows

When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side

Don't know why but somehow
The ones you love you hate now,
you feel down and blue
Look at what you've thrown away
They stood beside you all the way
Now it's too late, it's too late for you

When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side

And here's what the boys had to say about the song;
Tom: This song’s inspired, musically, by Supertramp’s ‘Give A Little Bit’, and it’s about our dads. Dads in general, really – but that specific point in their life when they go through a mid-life crisis, with his life falling down and he doesn’t have a clue what to do with himself. I’m not really looking forward to getting properly old.
Danny: From my point of view it’s a song about realising exactly how much your parents keep from you when things are tough, and when they’ve run out of money. There’s a line about struggling to pay for a new kitchen floor – which I can directly relate to. Obviously Harry’s family could afford as many kitchen floors as they wanted.
Harry: And they were heated.
Dougie: Paul K is a weirdo who went to my school – this Greek guy who never spoke and thought he was a dinosaur. Just one of those really, really weird guys. Of course the weirdest thing is that this song isn’t even about him..

Another song I did't fail to love.

Today, I'm a happy girl.


1. I'll Be OK
2. I've Got You
3. Ultraviolet
4. Ballad Of Paul K
5. I Wanna Hold You
6. Too Close For Comfort
7. All About You
8. She Falls Asleep (part 1)
9. She Falls Asleep (part 2)
10. Don't Know Why
11. Nothing
12. Memory Lane

Downloaded their full album!!
All thanks to Dida and her talent in the right Google-ing method and patience. She had really mastered the art of patience.
Yeayyy!! So SOO happy!! I no longer feel guilty for being a crappy fan. hihi.

I'm loving She Falls Asleep; Tom is such a good writer!
And they've revised Memory Lane! ooh~ I love this boys!
Okay, I shall go to sleep feeling all pleased now.
Goodnight world!!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Loving this:

I Wanna Hold You by McFLY

Tell me that you want me baby,
Tell me that its true,
Say the magic words and I'd destroy the world for you.

An army for the broken hearted,
Marching through the streets,
And every city's burning to the ground under your feet.

I wanna hold you,
My skies are turning black,
[Feels like a heart attack]
And I'd do anything you ask,
I wanna hold you bad.

I'd melt the polar icecaps baby,
Watch them flood the earth,
And I'd do anything to show you what your love is worth.

So won't you show me your devotion,
Heal my aching heart,
It's like a neutron bomb explosion,
Tearing me apart!

I wanna hold you,
My skies are turning black,
[Feels like a heart attack]
And I'd do anything you ask,
I wanna hold you bad.

Attention please
We interrupt this program
With some disturbing news
Worldwide evacuation
We're going to lose
They've pulverised the nation
I guess it shows us just what love can do

I wanna hold you,
My skies are turning black,
[Feels like a heart attack]
And I'd do anything you ask,
I wanna hold you bad.
Bad Bad
I'd do anything you ask
I wanna hold you bad

Odd that they have two version of this song.
I like both, anyways.

So I've been spending the night doing several silly quizzes on X-Men and I got various characters from Sabretooth to Wolverine and Rogue - obviously I have some temper issues. *sigh*
You scored as Rogue. Rogue is a strong but tragic personality. She loves Gambit. Because of her mutant powers, she cannot touch anyone without hurting them. Therefore, she longs for human contact. However, this southern gal's strong personality has allowed her to deal with this. Powers: Absorbs lifeforce and powers by touch, Super strength, and flight



Jean Grey








Emma Frost











Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I made a Quiz for you!

Take my Quiz!

I was bored.

Close to tears.

I may seem a bit unstable and a tad over-dramatic with this one;

but I've finally listen to some snippets of McFLY's new album!!!!!!!

Dida's modem is fixed so now we're both taking real advantage over it.

I can't wait 'til this whole lot finish downloading!!!


Wonderful, Wonderland!

Saturday, October 15, 2005


Nina and family came over for a visit and shop around KL today, and then Dida treat us with an awesome break-fast.

Well, she spent almost RM300 tonight. (6 adults, 2 kiddies!)

Thank you Didaaa~!!

The kiddies are so cuuuuuuute!!
And Izzati can't say my name properly, she calls me Ci'cumi when it should be Cik Wanie. Is it really hard to pronounce??
Maybe to a two year old, eh?


(That was my impression of a laughter exploded.)

I asked my father if British people are genetically built sarcastic,
he said; "not necessarily," and added that his daughters are sarcastic,
"-especially Nina."


He wasn't wrong and I told him that. hihi!

I only laughed because we - the entire family - rarely have anything bad to say about her (you should notice the lack of her name in this blog!) because even when she's the most sarcastic, she still has the best PR with all of us. Always the calm middle-man. Odd. Highly amusing, though. People like her makes people like me look really bad. (Good thing I never really care about how I look! ekkeke!)

Well, no point of trying too hard. It's been made, Nina is the diplomatic conversationalist while Dida the neat hardworker.
And I'm.. I'm a work in progress.

Did you notice that I talk and compare myself a lot to my sisters? I just notice this and now trying to figure out what does it tell about me. Insecure? Envious? Inspired?
Humm.. entahlah..

A ramble before I sleep.

I was thinking about a silly thing that has kept me smiling all day.
Few weeks ago I was talking to Muz about music, (we're bestfriends for 8 years and I hadn't known her favourite music 'til then!) and I mentioned Coldplay and she moaned. Okay, I suppose I was slightly put-off by her moan since I love Coldplay. Well, not really. I don't exactly love them since I couldn't care about all their songs, but I absolutely adore some of them like In My Place and Scientist, and of course their latest single Fix You. I think that three had really amazing words in it and I just can't help falling in love with them since the first time I heard it.

So anyways! I rambled on to Muz how much I love Fix You and how lyrically amazing it is while she unenthusiatically listened to me. Since then I've been pretty quiet about the band as Dida hated them too. (She couldn't accept that Chris Martin can sing the way he sings and sell millions.)

Then last night I found out that my imaginary boyfriend thought the same way that I did about the song! hihi.
By the way.. imaginary boyfriend - do I need to say his name? It should be enough to say that he's the same British music-man that I've been yapping about since the last few months. (What's the point of having an imaginary boyfriend if he isn't British and plays music, eh?)
I'm turning into my pathetic mode here because I'm going to say: that it's amazing that the boys in the band list out 10 of their favourite songs and six of dear Danny's were in my playlist! AHHAHAHAHHAHA!! (See, I do realize that it's utterly pathetic to have a crush on a celebrity. It's like middle school all over again! ahahhaha!!)

Coming out of pathetic-ness now.
I now pretty much know Muz' favourite sounds, favourite football and F1 team. It's funny to think that I hung out with her and Dayat and Hanis all the time but we never ever talked about music or sports - which I think is the most basic topic that anyone should talk about. It's just weird realizing the difference of the topics discussed between boys and girls, 'coz I had always known Rai's and Arep's favourite English football team. (The reason that I gave that two names - they're the only two boys I've known for more than 5 years and still talk to.)
Hmm.. Just realize that I no longer talk to the guys I got to know pretty well last year - and Rai laughed at the thought of me being an anti-social. I AM!!
Now, why exactly is that people close to me doesn't seem to take my words seriously?? (I can almost hear them laugh at this.)

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Friday, October 14, 2005

wrong number.

Today, Suhana tried to give a message to a boy named Naim.
Guess it was fate.. that her message got to my phone instead. hihi.

As always, I'm bored again.
Trying to find McFLY's songs right now, (that music store hasn't called, which I'm not so surprised nor disappointed) but the connection stinks! Can't wait when Dida gets Streamx for this stinking computer. (I'm connecting my cpu 'coz Dida's old computer was worse and her laptop's modem is somehow messed up - NOT my fault in any way.) And now somehow, the connection is getting slower!

Supposed to break-fast with my good twin later today, but something came up. Bluerthh.

Okay. I'm horribly uninspired at the mo, so I better shut up.

Thursday, October 13, 2005



I might regret to actually say this here, but I think I'm starting to understand my slight fixation for her a little more.

Possibly odd, but quite logical when I think about it.

But I am still intrigued by the fact that she can have anything she wants and yet, what she wanted most was the only thing that she can't have.

By the way, if you haven't figured it out..
I adore Gambit!



I found a website that counts my compatibility with celebrities, and this one feature lists out my top 5 matches.

3 of them were younger than me!
Including one Jeremy Sumpter; the kid who plays Peter Pan in the movie!

Don't blame me for the silly things that happened to me.
My only sin is boredom.

I love James Blunt!!

Okay, not exactly especially love him or where would I put the rest of the McFLY boys, yeah? hihi.
I was watching MTV Ask and I just love the way he answered them. Really British, really sarcastic, and reminds me of someone that I can't figure out. He seems so familiar yet I can't remember of whom exactly.

When a girl wrote in to ask what he thinks of himself as a sex simbol, he had this really weird look and said something like he always thought sex simbols were the pretty girls with blond hair. Then as he flip the other card to move on to another question he hoped that it has a better question. haha! I can't ever remember an artist being so - BLUNT. ekekkeke!

Then someone asked how many times did he have to jump for his You're Beautiful video clip and if he's a good swimmer. The person also added that it must be freezing. So James said he jumped twice because the director wanted him to jump slightly to the right the second time - which he said was idiotic when jumping a 50 foot cliff. He also said he can swim just fine, and that we CAN notice that it was chilly by looking at his niples. ekekkeke!!
Honestly, who ever said that on television?

Oh, the final one was cool. It was by Denise from Malaysia. She yapped that she loves You're Beautiful and what the song is about, (having a moment with someone you don't really know) and asked that now he's famous, is he going to find that girl?
And James pretty much question why would he go find that girl, "I do have a life," ekekkeke! Then he confessed that he knew the girl; it was his ex-girlfriend but she's with her new boyfriend. They did caught each other's eyes but said nothing and he hadn't seen her since. He added that he doesn't know where she is, but she knows where he is.
A little sadistic sweet if you think about it.

Man, if ever one of my ex-s wrote a beautiful song like that for me, I'd run across the state for him!
Unless of course, he's really boring and this song would've come as a miracle! I would probably give him a hug and run across the state from him. ekekeke!

Anyways, James Blunt picked his favourite question and said, "this CD is for you, and the rest - go buy it." I must add, that he didn't say it in a cheery friendly sort of way! hihi! I think it was hilarious. It's almost like he doesn't like people!

Now I'm thinking.. why do I find sarcasm funny? I mean, it shouldn't be that funny right?
Oh well, I'm ending this post with James Blunt! Adore this song - you can actually write a story from it!

You're Beautiful by James Blunt

My life is brilliant

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
f*cking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful.
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you.

There must be an angel, with a smile on her face,
when she thought that I should be with you

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Now I shall find out James Blunt's zodiac sign. Maybe then it'll remind me of that person he reminds me of!
This was written at 1:30 am on October 12th, 2005.


I chopped 6 inches of my hair and it doesn't look half bad. Now, I feel superior and shall move on to rule the world!
No - too small. I shall rule the universe!!!

In an odd sort of way, I think Danny is my soul mate.

Pardon the delirium - I'm bored out of my skull here. I see no way Danny could really be my soul mate; he's Pisces anyways!
But it'd be nice to get to know someone similar to him. I think he laughs a lot and it gave me the impression that he really loves life.

Me like.

Okay. *blink*

This was written at 3:12 pm on October 11th, 2005.


That's what I'd say if I was in Old Trafford for the World Cup Qualifying between England and Austria! Come on, red card to Beckham for nothing at all? That referee seriously had something against the England captain. He hardly do anything wrong, and now he'll miss two matches. That sux!
The only upside that I can find to this was that he gave that captain band to Gerrard! insert silly giggle here

The new Survivor is on ntv7. Now I'm trying to think what I shall say about it other than the obvious - it's called Survivor Guatemala, the two tribe names are Yaxha and Nakum. Since it's only the first episode, I can't think of anything to say! I can't even say that I'm excited about it since I haven't seen anything interesting yet!
Though.. I do love watching Jeff Probst on telly again. insert silly giggle again here

Anyways, today for the first time this year.. I cook!! I never cook at home. Everyone else does everything for me. (NOT a proof that I am spoiled! The conditions are hard to explain so I won't bother.)
So, I was bored.. and I was watching a repeat of America's Next Top Model on V, Elise was talking about eating pizza for dinner and it made me hungry for tomato sauce and cheese. It was 10:30 pm so I don't think Pizza Hut is still open. Then Dida got up and checked there was Prego (the tomato sauce for spaghetti) inside one of the kitchen cabinets. I figured, I had nothing else better to do and Dida was down with a cold, I better do something nice. hehe!
I know.. spaghetti must be the easiest thing to do in the world! Especially when you have the sauce in a jar, so it hardly considered as a good gesture. I don't think I come anywhere near toil-ing! But still.. it feels nice to do something for other people sometimes. I'm usually the jester but also the one who ticks other people the most, but tonight, I was the nice maiden! hihi. It felt goooood.

Okay, that's all I have to say. It's raining out so I should take the opportunity to sleep!
I miss.. no one tonight, how odd. Well, 'til next entry!

This was written at 1:34 am on October 9th, 2005.

Now now..

I should have done this update the last time, but pardon you.. I'm a busy woman. (HAH!)
So I updated the layout. Very simple, I was lazy, and it couldn't be "corrected" (broken links.. yada yadaa) until the next time I get online again - which will be the time you'll be reading this!

Humm.. I don't really have anything to tell, though. Nights had been super quiet since the end of the football season. *sigh* But I read today's paper today about Selangor's going to play in Bukit Jalil stadium starting next season?? Well, that's DUMB! I hope I read the article wrong. Anyways, opening season match in December 3rd between Selangor and Perak! How exciting!

Now lets talk about Ramadhan. It has only been 3 days and already I can't think of what I want to eat for break-fast. I love food.. I adore them! But somehow I have achieved to a stage where I am sort of bored of it. And that statement makes it even weird because when I'm bored, I usually eat! (That is of course, VERY wrong since I hardly ever eat anything healthy.) I'm getting headaches trying to think what I want for break-fast tomorrow! *drowns self in stinky pillow*

Yeah, I'm in my bed with Dida's laptop.

I believe my indecisiveness is killing me. You see right now, I'm thinking that I might start a job next week, but in my head I am sort of trying to screw myself over and say no to that. Why? WHY??? Nobody was born to be lazy, right? So why the heck am I so friggin' lazy?? Bluerghh. I can't be staying at home so I can watch what happens next in Sunnydale (Buffy The Vampire Slayer at 5pm, Starworld) or to those X-Men fellas! (X-Men Evolution at 6:30pm, Cartoon Network) Ooh~ television do rots the senses in the head. But I don't think the Oompa-Loompas were right about the kills imagination dead. My imagination is fine, thank you very much! But - well - maybe it's because I read as well as watch the idiotic thing.
**refer to The Complete Adventures of Charlie and Mr Willy Wonka (the book!) p171 - p174.
By the way, did you know that I didn't bother to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the movie? I've read the book and I never thought Johnny Depp was attractive, so that's it! Kills every reason to spend money in the cinema.

Obviously, I'm rambling.
I need to spend less time typing crap, that's what I need.

This was written at 2:00 am on October 8th, 2005.
I love you most when you're with me.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Stars by Switchfoot

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinkin' maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast and maybe
All my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself

Stars looking at our planet,
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe star to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinkin' 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a world beyond our own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Began to look like home

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself

Everyone, everyone you feel so lonely
Everyone, ya everyone you feel so empty
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I feel like myself
When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone

My father surprised me today.

(Technically, it was yesterday.)
Of course I know that he's very different from my mother (other than the occasional PMS moments when they pick a fight with me) but he really surprised me. Well, I was just reminded how much freedom he has given me.
I'm just glad that my father is in fact, mine.
I know we fight sometimes and it can get so so bad.. but I think, if I had any different father.. I'd fight a lot more and a lot worse!

Maybe some people had wondered.. but my relationship with my mother isn't really bad. Sometimes I do talk about her, right? Well, my mom can be excellent sometimes, but to achieve that I just had to have less conversation with her. Huuhuuu. I know, it's a bit sad - I know I don't want my children to feel this way in the future. But me and my mom are really like chalk and cheese! I am extremely blunt while she's really sensitive. And I don't think she can stand the silly stories I tell. And I'm impatient while she likes to make me repeat what I say. And the nag! She nags a whole lot, and I'm just unable to shut my mouth and listen. Me and my mother has a really disfuntional communication but God, I love her!
And dear God, I know that I upset her when she sees me hugging my father all the time, but please believe that I'm trying!

So yesterday, my father told me that he'd be fine if I shall find work outside the country. His exact words were, "I encourage - no, I wouldn't mind if you went. Wish I was as adventurous. Well, I wish that I had the chance!" Of course, my father had a chance to study architecture overseas when he was young on a scholarship, but he had to decline. He had to stay back and took care of his siblings. He's the eldest of ten so he had to find work and help his parents instead.
It's a sad story.. I bet you can make a soap opera out of it but I think that's what made him the man he is now.
Because he had to sacrifice what he had wanted, he is now giving me the chance to do what I want.
I should be so thankful to have been admitted into MMU.. but o well! I'm the spoilt last child of the family, I'm supposed to be the black sheep. My parents made it clear when they named me.

Okay, I make a fuss about this all the time and I'm going to share about it with you.
You see, in my name, there's an extra letter to it and it had always bugged me. I have 11 letters in my name while my sisters have 10. And their name goes Har-- while mine goes Haz--. It just bugs me!
I do feel like a black sheep even without mentioning about the name thing. I am proven to be the stupidest of three. Now now don't try to think of fake nice words to console me, 'coz I'm really fine. I'm getting so good with this self-critisizing thing that it doesn't lower my self-esteem in any way. hihi!
I wonder how Nina and Dida made their life seemed so easy when they're in my age. Eh.. okay, my life IS easy right now, but how come they don't wake up one morning and feel like they've been doing the wrong thing all the time? Humm.. And how come their dreams seemed so achievable?? (Nina dreams of being a full time housewife while Dida's just "to make lots of money!")
And mine.. My dream is to wake up one morning feeling happy and contented with life. Too subjective, I know. Here's an advice, if you start to think about life and self-satisfaction.. STOP!! It CAN'T be good. hehe.

I'm going off-course!
My father is cool and I can't imagine having any different father! I love the fact that he's one of the very few people that I can talk to about just anything. And I mostly love the fact that I can upset him as much because that only means that he cared so much.
To Papa, today is my Father's Day because on this day.. I am appreciating you the most! Happy Father's Day!!

good thing he doesn't know the url to this site, I'd HATE to know how he'd respond to this ooey-gooey things. ekkeke!

This was written at 3:15 am on October 6th, 2005.

*blink and stare*

I went to sleep at 6 am and heard nothing when my mom and Dida usually hustled to get to work in the morning - until I heard Dida and Papa talking. And the weird thing was that it was already bright outside, I looked at at the clock and it was 11 am. So why the heck is Dida at home??

Dida got into an accident. She's fine, but her car isn't. She was on her way to work, near the Shapadu toll and a stupid car hit her from the back, and then her car skidded and collided with the car in front of her. I was expression-less when Dida told me all about it this morning 'coz my brain was still half-asleep, but now that I'm fully concious, I am starting to feel really ANGRY!!! Stupid woman who can't keep her eyes on the road!!!! Nak mampos agaknye!! If anything happens to my sister... *grunt in distress* I've always wanted to beat the hell out of someone.
Just thankful that Dida came out unharmed. It's just.. I've always avoid thinking about the worst case scenarios because I hate to. So I hate that stupid woman who bumped Dida's car for making me think about things that could've happened! DIE WOMAN, DIE!!

And now I shall breathe and de-stress so I could talk about something else.

Humm.. apparently I have nothing else to type about.
Funny.. when I was in MMU, I just can't be too long away from the internet. Now the only thing I miss about it is updating this blog and downloading songs. I'm definitely turning into one of those anti-social type. eeeek!

Take care, people!

This was written at 4:41 pm on October 4th, 2005.
And here's my question for the day;
why does boyfriends doesn't seem to get along too well rather than girlfriends?
I'm talking about real boyfriends, and not a boy who happens to be a friend. I watched Friends on Star World today and it's that episode when Ross and Mike tried to hang out but ended up having awkward silence.

So! Looking through experience, I've never really saw my friends' boyfriends get along. They mostly kept quiet around each other. What's that all about? Some challenge for the ego? I don't mean it the bad way, I'm just voicing out my curiosity. All I know, they CAN be friends if they were in fact buddies to start of with.
Girlfriends can be pals with other girlfriends, and girlfriends CAN be friends with other boyfriends. I know I handled myself just fine around my friends' boyfriends. (Can't blame me if someone liked my eyes. ekkekeke!! *that was an inside joke that I don't expect all of you to understand*)

Muz gets along with her sister's boyfriends, which I think is a blessing for the sister, since my sisters simply hated the boys I liked through the years.. well, all except one but I shouldn't say his name now. (I'm letting your imagination run free! ekekke!) I got along fine with Abg Min when he was dating Nina, and I get along great with Zul. (Hanis') But of course, Zul is great 'coz I can team up with him to tease Hanis! ekkekeke!!
Humm.. now I'm starting to think that my friends just dislikes all the guys I liked, because I don't think Rai would like my choices either. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY TASTE??!

Or maybe they think that I'm just too good for those guys.. ekkekekeke!!

Anyways, other than that.. I've been noticing lately that "girls" these days like to go out with their boyfriend plus a girl friend that tags them along. Now, why is that? I really have nothing against that, but I must've seen three pairs of that the last time I went to the mall. Muz smartly said, "maybe because there are more girls than boys," well.. yeah! But.. three pairs in one day??
Ohh, but that day I did saw Kaer (AF2) with a girl and another boy. Hihi! I definitely have nothing against that. Two guys and a girl, I've always liked. Hihi! (Btw, Kaer was such a smart dresser! And tall.. and cute!)

I'm going off the subject.
I don't expect to get answers anyways.. Just wanted to wonder aloud about the things I've seen the last couple of days.
Me English bad. Head function not. Itch, mosquitoes bite and sleep not enough. Well, I just don't feel like proof-reading for this post.

This was written at 4:32 am on October 5th, 2005.
I'm definitely a child of the night. No, a child of wee morning.


I can't believe my eyes..
My dream job is in the paper!! Alright.. not exactly my dream job, my father's jaw even dropped when I told him about it two months ago. (- that I'd love to work in Kinokuniya.) ekkekeke!! He'd probably cry if it was really what I dream of!! Anyways, I've always liked the idea of working in a book store. What do you think? Should I call?
Well, there is a downside that I would spend my work hours reading books than doing my job instead.. but a book store!! Kinokuniya!! I'd be great! heehee.
Muz would probably laugh at the idea, but she knows me too well! Ooh~ but I feel I should call.

Ohh, answering to Fariz' sms since I can't reply through my phone since it's past the airtime access, (hihi!) why am I attending interviews? - because I like talking about MYSELF! ekkeke!! Not really, (but that's half right or this blog wouldn't exist!) I'm more like.. just had a revelation that I'm getting older and I've been spending my time doing things that I don't like, being the person that I hate and to remind myself that I CAN change that.. Maybe you haven't been spending your time reading this blog, (of course you haven't! You shouldn't, anyways!) or you would've known this. It's nice of you to actually ask.
Ooh~ I definitely need to get a job, I only have RM5 in my purse. I'm even worse than Rosie Dunne!! eeek!!

Now to think about it, I mighty feel like the revelation I had seemed almost like a middle-age crisis! Only that I'm only 20 to be having that. Could be that I've gotten very mature...
I need to stop cracking myself up in the middle of the night.
Maybe being born at the crack of dawn just made me very active in the wee of morn. Possible, yeah? Ooh~ If only I had the mood to write everytime I came up with a theory. I'd probably have written a book full of it by now.
Now I'm missing my slambook. Well, a slambook of Muz, Dayat, Hanis and myself.

The other day when I talked to Muz, I brought it up and she immediately smiled so wide. Thinking back the days when I talked and wrote all my stupidest thoughts. (mostly boy-related, I'm pretty sure.) Of course, in Form 3 it was all about a certain boy and I rarely shut up about him. I'd probably laugh 'til I cry if I get my hands on that slambook.
You see, when Dayat moved at the end of Form 3 we split the book and gave Dayat the first and second - which was the "juiciest", I think - so she could remember the best of us that she left behind. The third and fourth were kept by Muz.
I really don't get people who hated their high school. Mine was the best years I've had in my life.. no matter how stupid I had been.

Right now I'm thinking about the badminton tournament me and Dayat joined. Mid Form 3, the start when I started being friends with Azraai again. We were all in the same class, but the only times he spoke to me was when he teased me about Haikal - which then I return with a same magnitude of joke on him and then Arep laughing at his side. (Form 3 is my best year, so bear with me reminiscing.) Acap invited me and Dayat to join, at first we said no but somehow we changed our minds. I was pretty glad to be paired up with Rai (by the way, the tournament was for mixed doubles) despite the slight awkwardness at the beginning. I used to get so jealous at Dayat though, for being paired up with the really really cute ustazah's son, Syukri. kikkiki!!
Me and Azraai lost horribly but being a gentleman that he is.. he told me that I was great. (Of course I laughed out loud at the obvious lie!)
I had probably told this story before, sorry! Just that it's funny remembering about badminton. Me and Muz cheered on Atuk at his doubles match, oogling at Syukri while I laughed at Dayat.. No one from our class made to the second round, by the way! And our class had the most entry in the tournament!! ahhahahahha!!!
Gosh, my younger days are so funny!

Alright, today's goal: get up before high noon, call for appointment (maybe!), write.. something, get a shower and.. stuff my face with food!!
Selamat menyambut Ramadhan, semua!
And to Dayat, happy belated birthday, dear!!

Ohh, I just found this song in my sister's computer. Hihi.
Goodbye by Air Supply

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say, but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

This was written at 3:40 am on October 4th, 2005.


*lol* Of course that chant don't matter anymore now that Selangor has achieved the treble win from Premiere League Cup, FA Cup and Malaysia Cup! As Dida bragged on, "Good thing we can't enter the Super League or we would've won all four major leagues!" *lol*
Selangor won 3-0 over Perlis and I have to say that my hero that night was Jamsari Sabian, the goal-keeper! He was absolutely.. excellent! Okay, I know that Bambang Pamungkas was the one who scored all three goals, but I still think he's a lazy arse who just waits around until the football gets to his leg or head! Ooh~ my favourite people that night were definitely the goal-keeper, that bleach-haired dude in jersey #5 and Elie Aiboy. My least liked.. Yusri Che'lah for being a sissy and dived too much. (Even though he was once a Selangor player.. the traitor!)
Oh right, a BIG shout out to all Selangor fans who were stuck in the jam before getting to the stadium. It was crazy! We went out from Shah Alam at 5:30 and only settled in a seat at 7:45 pm! Moronic traffic polices, that's what they were. A huge waste of the government's money. Good thing I loved football too much to ruin my night by harrassing those morons instead.
Alright, I'm stopping the name calling now.

Nothing beats the feeling of shouting and screaming your head off at the stadium. You definitely can't get that at the "comfort" of your own home, in front of the telly. Too bad for Nina who still have two little kiddies to look after. She longingly wished that she was there when we told her about the things that happened at the stadium.
Like this one time when the match has ended and we were walking towards our car, a guy said to his friend, "Selangor was excellent! Even Man U had never won 3 cups in one season!" *lol* Strangers are so funny when they're happy. heehee.

Thank you thank you to Dida for getting me the ticket and Papa for tolerating the drive to and fro the stadium! Can't find any better football-buddies.
To Arep (*if you had actually found this site but lied when I asked), did you really went??
*he said that I'd surely write about "a subject we were talking about then" in my blog, then I fumbled and asked if he'd found my blog, and he said no.. it's just that knowing me, he expects me to have a blog. Very.. suspicious, yeah? But I don't think I'd mind much if he really do have this url. Shameless, I am.

Humm.. that fella, is really... something.
Honestly, the longest I've had a crush was from Standard 6 to the mid of Form 2. Err.. okay, that WAS long but I can't help it! Those were the stupid days, and I had only liked him for his looks. The more I heard of him the more nauseous I get. heehee!
Muz said something to me the other day. She asked, "Doesn't it make you feel something?" She reckons that people waited on me because they seem to think that I am worth the wait.
Well, that was my first respond. I'm boring, selfish, ignorant, curse a lot, and the fact that I smile a lot is just because I'm dotty most of the time - so why the heck would anyone would prefer wasting their time on me? And then Muz just looked at me with her semi-serious smile, so I had to stop rambling and give her words a thought.
Which.. I can't remember ever thinking of it that way. I guess I never thought myself as "important" to anyone.

And that's where my other thought came in. Possibly.. just probably, I think that way because I am the last child in the family. Don't know about the last child-s out there, but I always feel like I have to announce my presence to people. Suppose I have two brilliant sisters to measure up with, so I don't expect people to notice me when I'm not trying to be noticed. (Like the way I think, you say? kikkiki!) It's like people laughing at what you say when you're not even trying to be funny.
So the last time I tried to impress Arep was June of 2000, and here we are coming to the end of 2005. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Sorry I laughed, just remembered how long it has been.) And the last time I tried to impress any guy was... eh.. err... last November? Oh, no.. just last month. But it was only a harmless flirt to make sure that I still know how when I really need to.
Since then, I am sober. ekekekke!!

Eh, I think I ought to stop babbling now. It's raining and my mom wouldn't stop nagging on me if she sees me still on the computer.
Good night, good world and dear God, please take care of my soul mate (hopefully Danny! ahhahha!) out there.. tell him to find me the exact moment when I'm ready. hihi! Oh! Plus, I need to ask You.. when are You sending my sister's?? I hate to see her with all the money in the world but no man to spend it on. hehehe. And err, I hope it's not too much but please take care of the people I love most, they're the best and I'm too lazy to find new friends. hihi!

This was written at 5:27 am on October 3rd, 2005.

edited on 4:59 PM, June 25th 2007.
[Like this one time when the match has ended and we were walking towards our car, a guy said to his friend, "Selangor was excellent! Even Man U had never won 3 cups in one season!"]
I did some studying.. Manchester United did won a Treble in the 1998/99 season. They won the Premiership, FA Cup and UEFA Champions League in the same season and just like Selangor.. they are the only team who has ever done the Treble win.


Following the off night of no writing last night.. an off day follows uncomfortably. (Uncomforting to my brain!)

I definitely expect more of me. (Yes, I do have expectations people! -no matter how shocking that might sound to you.) Today, I have achieved the vegetable stage. I was practically immovable! I would've spend the whole day in my bed if Nina hadn't come for a visit. I am certainly a horrible person. I can almost hear those paraplegic curse at me. *grunt in frustration*

I'm in dire need of an attitude adjustment.


Having dreams are really scary. It's really scary when it hits you right in the face. And it is most scary when people shows you no faith that you could make that dream happen.

Of course that would be my fault..

Can't blame them when I am simply well known for being uncommited. My sisters said that I had never cared anything enough to really fight for it. You know.. Add math.. boys.. the course I took..
Back in school, I'd knew that passing my science stream subjects were crucial for me to get into a good college/university, but what did I do? I couldn't at least spare a little more time doing my homeworks. About boys, whether I was the "dumper" or "dumpee", I can easily laugh off at my past relationship. Once something start to go wrong, you can simply find me running the other way. And the course I took? Let's be honest here.. almost everyone knew that I had only took Interface Design because I was too much of a lazy arse to actually come to the Media Innovation interview! (although, I am not that certain that I'd still be in class even if I got into MI. ekkeke!) See! There I go again.. laughing off at my mistakes. (okay, not exactly mistakes, but it seemed like mistakes at that moment.)

I am thankful, don't get me wrong. I love making mistakes, I love getting to figure out myself more. But you know.. I would like to have a look at my past and say, "I'm glad I did that right," instead of "I'm so lucky that my wrong leads me to a right!" I want to feel that I deserved the good things that I get, but all I can think of right now is how lucky I have been. I adore being lucky.. but I need to do one thing that I'd have full responsible to.
I need to start caring, but for some reasons... I just - don't.

Now now, I don't have any security issues, really! I just.. am in the middle of trying to figure more things out.
Searching.. searching.. searching.. searching....


ohh, Happy Belated Birthday to Shahnon!

This was written at 12:45 am at September 30th, 2005.

2:20 am, September 29th, 2005

A voiceless night.

Insomniac, as usual. Don't know what could possibly be bugging me, I'm mostly content these days!

And here's what I just found out:
I do write depending on my mood. As right now, my mind is absolutely empty and I've been staring at the screen for minutes trying to write something. My head is unusually quiet somehow. I couldn't even invoke any sort of ideas to write. This is definitely a new stage of not-writing that I'm not so used to. How can I not write in my diary OR blog?
This is an odd night.
But I am going to try write something even if it takes the whole night!

2:56 am.

Still blank, and I've just spent precious times playing Spider Solitaire instead.
Idiotic, I am.
By the way, did you know that there's a difference between "moron" and "idiot"?
Yeah, I checked the dictionary and here to inform you, the next time people call you a moron, be glad. Because being called an idiot should be more of an insult.

3:39 am.

I give up!
Such an odd night this is..
Good night, dear world.

Thoughts by The Uninspired. © 2014

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