Monday, December 31, 2007

Goodbye Oh-Seven!

hahahha! Well, the year is ending in a few minutes and I can't help reminiscing about all the things that have happened through the year -- the good.. the bad.. (I'll probably just remember the good ones though) so let's have a walk through memory lane;

Balek kampung in February for two weeks. hahha! Dida asked me to come to Nederland and we even managed to get ourselves to Frankfurt and Berlin on our last days in Europe. That was loads of fun.

Back in London, then went to see my boys at Old Trafford in March -- it was incredible! I still remember the scores! hahha!
Travelled with Nina for the first time. It was funny how we went nutty for the Liverpool Street Market and Primark. We really should spend Boxing Day in Europe one day!

April; I got tix to see GOOD CHARLOTTE from MTV!! That was just too cool since I've always wanted to see them perform live, and I did!
Also.. I started having a *ehem* secret and impossible crush on *coughs*.

May -- I discovered James Morrison and that IS a big deal!

Conspired a mischief with Nadiah that got us and Bahijah free copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows from Kinokuniya in July! Then at the end of the month, I managed to stick my right thumb in between the car door and it grew into a mammoth. Even until now my nail is still crooked.

I got to tag Dida and her friends to Chiang Mai for a couple of days in August!

In October, I started an adoration for Pushing Daisies and tried to tell anyone who would listen to watch it. Somewhere in the middle of the month, my name was on Football Crazy for answering a question correctly and at the end of the month, I got my first EVER haircut at a saloon! Also, read Paulo Coelho for the first time.

Went to the A1 Grand Prix for the first time in November -- it wasn't that special. hahhaha! Then I received an autographed copy of Andrew Leci's book in the mail from Football Crazy! But the highlight of that month must've been seeing James Morrison performing live in KLCC! After days on end of emotional torment, I actually managed to get myself a ticket and scored a seat in the second row. I'm indubitably grateful for my luck!

In December, the entire family took a holiday for the first time and went to Langkawi.. and how things unravel was unsurprising. hahha! But the ending was funny now to think about it; with us rushing and hustling to check out from the hotel and Dida driving like a madman to get ourselves to the airport -- I swear it would've brought the McCallisters (Home Alone) to shame.

Basically.. I do have a LOT to be thankful for. So truly.. I'll try my best to BE -- thankful.
Sigh. Come on oh-eight! (Quite unenthusiastically, unfortunately.)


Good God,
my arms are falling off!

I had a hectic weekend. It wasn't particularly tiring but my arms, especially the right arm aches SO SO BAD -- which is resulting in me having to type this entry depending solely on my uncoordinated left hand.
I think I pulled a vein.

I had spent my weekend in Seremban; at Nina's new place, where she held some sort of a housewarming cum Farhana's birthday party. Dida stayed up for the most of Saturday night/Sunday morning (which ever way you'd like to call it) preparing the meals -- I was also in the kitchen to keep her company for the most part. Let's just believe that my lack of duty in there was mainly due to my lack of experience and practice. heh! I did spend a good two hours peeling massive loads of onions; red ones, yellow ones and the ever-annoying garlic.

So anyway, my tasks were mainly keeping my sisters company, carrying things around, and washing up in the end (I am after all an expert at that!) -- which in the end had contributed to my lack of sleep, really sore arms, tired feet, an achy back and the funny feeling in my palms. But it was all good! I like it when we (the sisters and brother-in-law) huddled and criticize/gossip/bad-mouthed the parents in between the workload. hahhahaha!!
Typical semi-dysfunctional family, I would say.

Alrighty then, I took an hour and fifteen minutes of my morning just typing this.
If my right arm feels better later, I'll put in some more words.
Ohh, Selangor lost to Kedah, my favourite United teams lost their matches and Arsenal is back on top of the table. What a horrific weekend for football!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Quest of Becoming Somebody (Part 4)

I'm trying.. I really am trying.
God knows.. Even if He doesn't, He should! He's God after all!

I'm not particularly articulate, as you might have known.. and especially when somebody else had poured out their heart to me, I will get a feeling that probably.. I shouldn't trouble them with my heart.
Plato just gets to me sometimes!

So, most times.. I end up staring at the other person and imagined my heart jumping out to them, hoping that they could somehow read the beats of my heart. Wishing that they'd understand that my silence is actually an apology for not telling them comforting words to calm their hearts because I myself am not calm. That I am slightly angry at them for telling me their troubles when my thoughts are in itself occupied. That I am guilty for being selfish again..

Last night I said; harbouring feelings of guilt can have a negative effect on the mental health, well it's true. I am a big proof of that.
Muz said the other day that saying how grateful you are is one way of saying that you're unsatisfied with the other things. heh! She's so smart sometimes..
It suddenly clicked how my mind is trying to convince me that THIS should be enough -- when it's not, and I am feeling guilty for wanting MORE.

I agree that it's human nature for wanting more but I refuse to believe that it will NEVER be enough, as Muz had pointed out. I just couldn't. I REFUSE to believe that there will be no ending to our wants, because if I believe in it.. I will also believe that God is mean.
Why would He keep us in this never ending loop; letting us be frustrated and tired for the rest of our lives. To have it end only when our lives end is just.. upsetting. Believe me when I say that we had spent a good hour just shouting at each other and yet pensive on this subject.

In between of these recollections, I had found the source of my declining mental health: GUILT.
With my head reminding me what I had learnt through all my life -- of what makes a good daughter, a good sister, a good Muslim and a GOOD human being.. I listened to my wild rebellious heart and got myself stuck in a limbo of guilt. Of what I should.. and WANT.

I just.. need to believe that it WILL be enough.. one day. Someday. I really need to believe in it so this heaviness in my heart will be lifted.
It's just unfortunate that for the time being, my conscience is making me loony.
Even more disturbing is the thought that my gratefulness is a symptom of me going cuckoo.

Friday, December 28, 2007

I'm constantly pissed.

Really, I am.
Anything that anyone does outside my personal timing just irks me. I'm really irritable which is probably why my friends consists of a really close knit group of people -- which is really fine by me.
They're the people who either;
a. never or hardly ever annoys me, or
b. made me feel comfortable enough for me to blow up in their faces.

Damn, it's tiring to be angry all the time.
I'm even angry at myself for always asking questions that has no answers.
I hate hate HATE that I get the same heaviness in my heart when I'm angry or sad. My heart is probably confused with which is which from the constant emotional roller coaster.

I just read somewhere (I do know the source, I just don't feel like sharing) that harbouring feelings of guilt can have a negative effect on the mental health.
hahhahaha! Well, hello! There might be a fact behind that theory. Except that I'm too pissed off about something to even try to poke fun at it or let my sarcasm get the best of it.


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

"Why am I this upset?"

I'd spent the entire day with Muz.
There is.. a thing about talking to her.. having a conversation with her that made me adore her.. and HATE her. Babe I love you.. and dearly hate you -- right? heehee. She's like the brutal truth that I refuse to tell myself; even when I know it -- she just says it aloud.
Upsetting.. but I probably needed it. Just probably.

Anyway, the year is quickly ending and I've made a short list of;
Reasons to hate New Years
1. Year end sales and NOTHING speaks to me -- I simply couldn't find anything really worth buying. They're nice.. I want loads of things but they didn't SPEAK to me!
2. People adding another year to my age when I just had my birthday 18 days before the new year! That is plain MEAN, you know that?!
3. Racking my brain for some relatively reasonable resolutions and even when I know that I probably won't get half of them done, I can't help fussing over it again at the end of next year! I'm thick-headed like that.
4. Yet another year without achieving anything. Well, achieved aplenty -- accomplished NONE.

Aaah.. I probably need buckets more of coffee to make me feel better about new years.
O yeah, and GO MAN U!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

La Aube.


I tagged Dida karaoke-ing with her friends at Red Box Ria (SOGO) and we had a hilarious time. Her friends knew songs that I've never - EVER heard before and I can't help being amazed! heehee. And God, the cheesy videos -- they were my constant entertainment for the night.
And of course, while we were singing away, a skinny Santa came into our room and offered some vouchers. hahahha! I think he dieted for the rest of the year so he could stuff his face with milk and cookies tonight without feeling guilty.

Doesn't matter if you actually celebrate Christmas or not, the point is that EVERYONE celebrates the holidays, right? heehee. Hope you'll have a nice time around family.

Monday, December 24, 2007

We have theives among us.


I love matchday.. so does Dida!
Especially since we've never been to a game where we ended up as the losing side! hahahhaha! That is always fun!

The thing about Shah Alam Stadium though, there's always that uncivilized people who aren't supposed to be out with the society and last night, one of them tried to STEAL one of the balls that got out of the pitch and into the stand. The awful thing was, there were a couple of people fighting over that one ball while the rest us booed. Really. Then one of those morons got them, and one good Samaritan took the ball from him and threw the ball back at the ball-picker. Then we all clapped, of course! Really cool dude -- even though I didn't actually see him! hehheh.

Then as we were leaving through the gate with everybody else, all of a sudden the crowd started chanting, "pencuri! pencuri! pencuri!" (thief! thief! thief!) several times which was reaaally LOUD! Served him right.

Anyway! Selangor won 2 - 1 against Penang, and Man United won with the same scores against Everton! Really cool. heehee. Newcastle managed to draw at the last minutes against Derby which was a BIG relief! A pretty good night for football.

Ohh, I forgot to tell you how my legs refused to move while I was at the mall the other day. I was just walking around really.. until I saw a particular picture in front of GAP which had made me stopped and gaped for a bit. hahahha! I must've looked pretty foolish but I couldn't help it.

There's a nice (yet freaky) full moon out there.

edited on 5:00 AM.
Currently listening crazily to: Paramore - Misery Business.
I am in awe of Hayley's vocals! This kid's incredible! Okay, saying it's incredible is probably over the top, but I can't help being impressed by people who can scream/shout without having their voice sounding whiny and annoying. Thus, incredible. Go to YouTube and listen to the acoustic version; she sounds just as she sounded in the record!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Cupcakes in the movies?


Dida and I went to the new GSC Signature in The Gardens last night to catch National Treasure, The Book of Secrets. The movie was good -- as most would expect it to be, but my entry this morning is going to be about the cinema.

I thought it was very interesting. A little posh, if I might add. The seats were in rows of two so in a way, it was kind of private. Might not be ideal if you're watching alone or with two other friends, so here's a tip if you've never been to: Go in a round-number of people so no one would have to sit alone.
With RM18 a pop (or RM20 if it's a new movie; as I had reasoned why I had to pay that extra 2 Ringgit) you'll get a comfortable seat with a little table at the side -- really handy! hahhaha! You could also put up the hand rest so you could snuggle with your partner -- if that's your kind of thing.

Since we were watching National Treasure, I find it unnecessary to do so as I didn't need to hide behind my sister's arm as I would have if we were watching a thriller. heh!
Another thing that I like about the cinema, they have plenty of plush chairs around the waiting area. So instead of standing around or walking aimlessly around the mall until the show time, you could easily take a seat and chat with your friends.
The snacks area is a little obscured though, so you will have to look around a corner to realize that it's even there! And the prices were a little higher than the rest of the cinemas.
One other plus point, I like to believe that rempits won't be around this place too much due to the price. So if you have the extra money JUST to avoid them, this place would be perfect for you! As for me, although I can't stand rempits.. I couldn't stand the thought of spending an extra 8 Ringgit just to avoid them even more.
I think I'll catch the next movie I want to see at the building next door, thanks!

A little football news: Man United was matched up against Lyon in the first Champions League knockout round. Arsenal against AC Milan which had made me laugh out loud when their names were pulled out from the draw pot as Liverpool was matched up with Inter Milan. We'll see how that goes in February!
A hectic week for the English football in the coming week! Can't wait!

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Some people just refuses to be helped.

Doesn't matter how hard you try, doesn't matter how long you've put out your hand for them to reach.. they are too self absorbed with their troubles to see the help they've actually been offered.. The wonders that God has shown them. They forget the laughters they've had too easily and prefers to dwell in the dark.

Selfishness really doesn't get you anywhere.
When all you think of is yourself.. you will end up BY YOURSELF.

Just grow up already.

Now that I've let that out.. I am no longer bothered -- Thank God!

The boring contents of
My Bag.


I got tagged by Bahijah and since I'm doing nothing especially important anyway, let's have it! Note that I have tons of rubbish in there since I was in a hurry this morning and completely threw the contents of my handbag into the sling-bag (which is now the bag I had used most recently) --and that I was too tired when I got home earlier that the only thing I've pulled out from it was my Moleskine.

I'm going through each pockets here;
1. black Pilot pen
2. Post-It and paperclip
3. lighter
4. Sony Ericsson earphones
5. a tube of Maybelline lipgloss
6. a tube of (I can't recall the name.. my mom gave me) lipgloss
7. a tube of Maybelline lipstick
8. yet another tube of lipstick by Revlon (probably!)
9. band-aid (do you think this requires an explanation?)

10. today's buy; a book from MPH
11. a copy of Paulo Coelho (I really AM a geek.)
12. a McD's VIG car sticker Dida got earlier in the morning that she had told me to keep.
13. a Garfield money purse, believe it or not!
14. a bunch of pamphlets
15. a bunch of receipts
16. some perfumed strip that I'd kept in a hope that it would make the contents of my bag smells nicer.
17. some McD vouchers
18. something I got at the McD in London that I can't bring myself to throw away somehow
19. a pack of ciggies
20. a really dated unused movie ticket that actually belongs to Alia.
21. a tube of Nivea lipbalm (why anyone would need that many lip products is beyond my comprehension, so please believe me when I say that I really did threw in a bunch of stuff into my bag!)
22. and yes, that green envelope is a sampul duit raya! hahahha!

At the back pocket of my sling-bag;
23. an RM 2 bill that I refuse to use
24. an old Air Asia boarding pass
25. old receipts.. receipts from Cineplex
26. a bunch of call cards
27. and movie tickets to see National Treasure this Friday.

Okie, I'm not going to tag anybody 'cause I can't think of anyone! hahha!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My Liverpool-fan Friend.


Well, I didn't get a birthday cake on Thursday, but I got half a dozen of birthday donuts today!! And I think they look wonderful!
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!

I'm definitely putting on weight after this week!

I'm Posting It.


Saturday, December 15, 2007

"--but it was my birthdaay!"

I'm sorry.. not too sure to whom it should be directed to, but maybe God.

I'm sorry that even though I said that I was grateful yesterday, I had only said it half-heartedly. I know I shouldn't have, but I am.. a brat. And I am rather selfish, I know that.

So I'm thankful that I still have my family.
Thank you Papa.
Thank you Mama.
Thank you Nina.
Thank you Abang Min and the kiddies.
Thank you Dida.
I'm thankful that I have friends whom remembers me.
Thank you Ana and Bahijah.
Thank you Hanis, Dayat and Muz.
Thank you Rai and Arep.
Thank you Alia, Dar, and Ablen.
I'm thankful for all those people whom stuck around despite me being the brat that I am. I'm also thankful for those who hadn't been around but still remembers me..
I'm thankful that I got to 23 years of age. There is a magic with aging.

And most of all, I'm grateful to You.
I found yet another reason to cry today, not that it will ever be the last but I'm fine with that. I'm thankful that my tear ducts are functioning well. heehee.

edited on 1:45 AM, February 5th 2008.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Nobody's perfect.

Obviously I can't check myself every second to not write depressive/angry entries. heehee. I'd felt what I felt and writing is my only mode of really communicating. Looking forward to forget yesterday though!

I should admit.. that though I may not be with money, I am for fact, a BRAT. Just because I'm not spoilt monetarily, it doesn't mean that I'm not a brat.
So I'm trying to figure out if I've always got what I want. I've been getting these ideas that even when I didn't get exactly what I want, my mind would twist the truth into telling me that at least I got a tiny sliver of what I had originally wanted. And because I'm generally a forgetful person, my gratefulness then turned my entire memory into an image of a perfect life.

It's a new twisted way of saying that I've been basking in life; the good and the bad. Most people dwell in the bad but not I, just because I can't remember them!
sigh. So again and again I couldn't stop myself from having expectations, hoping for the best because there is an idea of PERFECTION in my mind.
I have to say it.. despite feeling especially lousy yesterday, I am now FINE with it! I actually saw the good in it! arrghh!! What a sick cycle!

Please don't say to me that it's good that I see the good in life, it's making me a BRAT!!

I remembered one other reason why I stayed in yesterday; I'd spend all that money on James Morrison's show so I should be "responsible" and consider that as an early birthday present from myself! Well, it could've been one helluva birthday present except that it's too early! I'd rather have another present on my day itself! ahahha. I'M SUCH A BRAT!

Well, at the end of the day I should be grateful that at least the family got a family dinner. Not exactly at a place I've expected but the family got together for my birthday. That should be enough, right? And Mama got me something that had amused me. I've always preferred something I could use anyway. So I should be thankful, right? And Dida being Dida, also gave me something. Not at all how I prefer my presents to be in.. but I'm thankful. That should be enough, shouldn't it?

I suppose I have an odd taste for the ideal birthday present...
Yes, I'm grateful. But in the same time I am also saddened by the fact that nobody really gets me. Ah well, at least my family half-gets me. I should be happy for that. Plus, I'm going to forget about this soon enough anyway!

But thank you, dear friends whom had remembered to wish my birthday. Some of the messages were really funny and sweet, so thank you! I thank God for having you.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

What a day...

What a boring boring day..
And alone too! Well, I can handle being alone. Beats being in a crowd and still get bored at any day -- but it's been a BORING day!! At least last year's mishap was eventful.

Well, I just stayed home this time around. I suppose watching Man U only managed a draw with Roma didn't convince me that today is going to be a particularly special day.
Plus, I had a really really odd dream!

I was at sea, with a bunch of people that I seemed to know. The place was more like a cove, a really nice spot -- but all I could think about was sharks! I mean, who does that?? Who dreams and thinks at the same time??
So instead of being carefree and having fun in the water, I actually sat on a big piece of rock looking on to my friends swimming and ripping the waves. (Yes, some of them were surfing which is something that I'd like to try someday!) And you know what? Nobody got attacked by sharks by the end of my dream which pisses me off!

Not that I'd like anyone get attacked be it in real life or solely in my dreams but it pisses me that I was that inhibited in my dream! geez. What a frustrating way to start the day.

You know, maybe there aren't any magic on birthdays! Maybe birthdays are really just like ANY day and that the only magic is the fact that you've made it through another year. (Morbid, right?)

I was struck by a thought while I was in the shower.
You know how some people say, Why sleep? Life's too short, I'll sleep when I die. Well, I think it's ironic considering you WILL die if you're sleep deprived! hahahha! Of course, someone will have to stay awake for daaayys for that to happen but still.. ironic!

Anyway, one thing has been constant on my birthdays though. At one point of the day, I always find a reason to cry. bleurghh. And I'd rather not talk about this year's.
I think I'll go to bed early and try to make up for that awful dream this morning.

Things you might not know about me.

1. Some people burp, some fart.. Some people drink.. some crack their knuckles. I pick my nose. (--and curse, but you knew that already.)
2. The best birthday presents I ever got was the One Ring and my K750i, both were from my mom. I suppose she do know me a bit.
3. I'm allergic to Ceporex.
4. I have a history of asthma, and yet--
5. I smoke, even though--
6. I'm slightly hypochondriac. (I think it's because I watch too many medical shows and did further reading on their cases sometimes. Made me aware of odd medical issues, but not in a good way apparently.)
7. I've had a bread stick with lard in it once in Rome. I can laugh about it now 'cause I blame it on Dida for not reading the label!
8. I want a GREEN hi-top Converse Chuck Taylor just because Chuck (Pushing Daisies) wore them one time. Don't know if I'll ever go and get it though.
9. My biggest fears: losing my sanity (literally) and being hated by my sisters.
10. I'm not particularly crazy about chocolates. I know how people associates women with chocolate but my sweet tooth is mainly for candies and ice-creams. (Although I rarely say no to a good bar of Snickers or Twix or Kinder Bueno or a piece of After Eight, but that is as far as my fondness for chocolates goes -- hahahha!)
11. I actually HATE flying. I hate the cabin pressure, I hate sitting still for too long, I hate the smell of peanuts, I hate the awkward headphones and I especially hate that it reminds me of all the "Air Crash Investigations" (National Geographic Channel) episodes I've seen -- but I LOVE the view from up there.. and I love the chance of getting to know the person sitting next to me.. and I especially love the prospects of landing on someplace new when I get off the plane, so somehow that makes things okay.
12. My cousin once had asked me if I was gay.
13. My previous relationships have never passed 3 months. I don't know what that says about me.
14. I'm just as easily freaked out now about having a relationship as I was at fourteen.
15. I've been an astrology-freak since I was fifteen. Could've been earlier but I'm really certain of being fifteen.
16. I had once wanted to be married to JC Chasez so the other *NSYNC guys would come over my (ehem! our) house.
17. If I'd celebrated Christmas, I would've wanted my socks to be filled with socks! One can never have too many socks. (Don't I sound like a Dumbledore-Dobby fusion.)
18. I have eighteen moles. Could be more but I have Javanese skin.. we get freckles and I can't tell them apart.
19. Men I've daydreamed about this year: Alan Smith, James Morrison, Danny Jones, John Krasinski, Ross Copperman, Gerrard Way and Ami James. (I know.)
20. I've actually cried listening to Tearin' Up My Heart by *NSYNC once. Let's just say that I was hormonally unstable.
21. I have two grey hairs at the front of my hairline but I refuse to pull them out 'cause they make me feel like Rogue (X-Men).
22. If my family gets infected by the T-Virus (Resident Evil) and turns into a zombie, I'd probably just let them bite me.
23. I was born on a Thursday, exactly 23 years ago.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Songs I'd love to hear.

We wish for so many things.
We wish too much sometimes.

I've been doing a little wishing myself of late.
And two minutes ago I wished that I wouldn't hate the film adaptation of P.S, I Love You, starring Hilary Swank and Gerrard Butler. I think the trailer looks nice -- if it wasn't for the P.S, I Love You by Cecelia Ahern! It looked like a completely new work!
Not at all like the book that I know and love..

I've been meaning to look at the trailers to upcoming new films out there. Maybe I'll get on to it later today. Will let you know what I find.

Boy, I really wish that I won't hate the P.S, I Love You movie once it come out!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Quest of Becoming Somebody (Part 3)

I've been thinking about will lately.
Not the will that you leave when you're dead, (God knows I have nothing worth anything to be left to anyone!) or the will as in a promise, but a wish.. or desire. A faculty of conscious; of deliberate action.. The power of the mind over actions, if you will..

I have no idea who said it, or if anyone had actually said it but the words are somehow imprinted in my mind;
You can move mountains if you will it.
Really? REALLY?? That either sounds crazy or completely idiotic! I like the idea of sitting in front of a big rock and try to will it to move. That'd be a great experiment except for the fact that I believe that I have much more better things to do.

It makes me wonder why I came up with these thoughts sometimes. I have no answers to it yet I ask them anyway. It sux! It makes me angry all the time. I'm tired of not knowing. It's frustrating! It takes up too much of my day and I can't help it.

Someone asked me today if I have any advices in making any friends. Well, his problem was that he has "no one to be around with". I laughed. I had to laugh. It is among the most ridiculous things anyone had ever asked me. I am sorry if he ever finds this blog and gets upset with what I said but I truly find it ridiculous.
I won't tell you what I said to him because I had only came up with a really stupid "advice" just trying to be polite.

How far are you willing to change?
Will the mountains move if I really will it?
Ever thought that all the things in the universe comes down to you? It is not about how self-centred you are; the world definitely does not revolve around any singular person.. but several persons who wills a single thing.

Let's say that I will it with every piece of my soul that I will change my life.. and another person at the other side of Earth will the same thing for his life.. so happens that there are hundreds of thousands more who wills the same, scattered all over the world.. Won't you believe that lives will change and they might be for the better?
I don't have the answer.. but I like to believe that it will.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Poseidon Adventure.

I must tell you, despite the title of this entry being "Poseidon Adventure", it has very little to do with ships (although I was on a boat this week!) and almost nothing to do with the 1969 novel by Paul Gallico or the film adaptations in '72 and 2005. But it has everything to do with the voice-over for the trailer of the 2006's adapted film named Poseidon while Dida and I were in Barcelona.
Easy to say, "poseidon" is actually a code word between me and my sisters for something else that sounds almost the same.

Do not be fooled by the pictures. I jumped a LOT during the trip just to trick myself that I'm having fun.


I've come to believe that my main purpose on Earth is to be an entertainer. Maybe not on a large scale (-yet!) but for my family, undeniably. Maybe it's a youngest-sibling thing but sometimes I do feel the pressure to lighten the mood, and silliness happens to be my speciality!

Goofing around at the Dataran Lang and imitating a tortoise at Tasik Dayang Bunting.

This was actually our first trip together, but as expected.. the so called vacation was not as relaxing as a vacation should be. Let's just say that I know my family too well and everyone is too comfortable with each other to be THEMSELVES! hahahhaha!

Our flight there was terribly delayed; we only get to eat dinner well after twelve and it amazes me that there were still stalls that wouldn't mind cooking for the eight of us at that hour.
We had a little rest that night and headed to Kuah the next day. I don't remember much exactly what we did, probably just drove around.. went to the main tourists spots because Dida's never been to Langkawi.

at the Kota Mahsuri.

We had lunch at this curiously "famous" spot at the Kuah town (Sajian Murni) and really.. it was curious how that place is famous considering the food wasn't even particularly good. Let's just say that if THAT was "A", most food stalls around Shah Alam could get an "A plus PLUS"!

For dinner, we went to Pantai Cenang.. to this very nice restaurant with amazing ambiance. Good lighting, awesome woodworks, AWFUL waiting time!! (Restoran Wakaf Samudera) I swear if the food server wasn't as good looking, I would've cursed and lost all my poise. heehee. At one point, my mom asked why it was taking them too long and apparently, three of their cooks had quit earlier that day so they were short-staffed. Even the managers were at the kitchen to cook the orders.
Actually, I would've felt sorry for them if the price weren't SO STEEP!! But still.. that guy who works there.. really, were good looking!

Mee Gulung

The next day.. now let me introduce you to the FUNKIEST (not in a good kind) meal I've tasted this year. It is called Mee Gulung or "wrapped noodles". Basically they're noodles with some veges, wrapped in egg slathered with chilly sauce and accompanied with a soup that didn't match the bland-yet-odd taste of the noodles at all!!
I couldn't stop myself from being amazed by the INCREDIBLY BAD TASTE of these Langkawi people! They're.. HORRIBLE!! Between the bad service and bad food, I couldn't decide which one's the worst. The funny thing though, at the front of this particular shop, there was a sign with big letters;


I think I'd rather die than have them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

We (the younger adults) sent the parents to get a massage for an hour so WE could gossip about them for an hour! heh. We went to the beach as we decide on a plan for the rest of the day. After the hour was up, we went to The Loaf and I cannot find anything really bad to say about it. I love bread! Sandwiches.. buns.. pies.. Any open claims of dislike would be a form of disloyalty and I wouldn't want that! heehee. After refuelling on something that I actually like, Dida and I decided to go up the hill to see Telaga Tujuh.

Just halfway through the steps.

After hundreds and HUNDREDS of steps and a few moments' scare from the wandering monkeys along the steps, we found out....
that the Seven Wells are waaaaaaaayyy up the hill and that the stairs ended at one-fifth of the hill! Our knees were on the verge of falling off their sockets but it was a proud moment; to have achieved going up to those last steps. So we didn't get to see the wells.. just the very nice waterfall at the top of those flight of steps. We managed to get back down without any slip (despite that it had rained earlier) even with our obviously-seldom-worked legs. Then IT happened -- at the base of the hill with the supposedly-proper walkway which had been covered by moss.. I freakin' FELL!! hahahhaha! I laughed ('cause that is my first response to most things anyway) and then cursed 'cause the moss had stained my jeans.
We got back to the hotel to have a bit of rest before going out again. That night we decided to be smart and have KFC for dinner! hahahhahaha!!

We went blog-hopping the next day! whoops. I meant ISLAND-hopping. I was cranky 'cause I didn't get as much sleep as I'd wanted and that I didn't have enough time to get a proper hotel's breakfast.
But my mood completely changed once we got on the boat! For one, the ride was too nerve-wrecking to stay in silence and two, it was also too funny to not laugh out loud! Everyone was making funny noises everytime the boat hits the water too harsh.
We went to Tasik Dayang Bunting first -- more STEPS! I was nervous a little but comparing to the steps to Telaga Tujuh, the one to the lake was nothing! Only me, Dida, Abang Min and the kiddies went into the water. Even then we all had our safety jackets! I know that probably sounds pathetic but I figured that drowning is an awful way to die. And in front of your family?? sigh. That just makes it worse. I just couldn't bring myself to gamble a swim in 30-metres-deep lake.

After a few hours out in the ocean, we were all famished and ready to get some food! We drove (well, Dida really) to Kuah and went to this place Dida's friend had suggested; Bamboo Beach Restaurant and here I shall say.. IT WAS THE BEST RESTAURANT IN LANGKAWI!! Incredible food, beautiful scenery, outstanding service! It was also relatively cheap than the other restaurants we've been to. We got two ikan bakar.. tom yam, udang goreng tepung (3 dishes of 6 prawns on each -- I practically ate one dish by myself!!), two dishes of veges.. we were MONSTERS! Starving monsters! The waitress came over to our table a couple of times just to make sure that we had really asked for a third dish of the prawns. hahhaha!
It was well worth it and satisfying. At least we have ONE memory of excellent food while we were on our trip.

We went to see LIMA '07 on our final day in Langkawi. There wasn't anything really interesting in there except for the stealth cameras. (Is that what it was called?) If you must know, I'm not even into cars so looking at a plane's engine or their replicas isn't exactly my idea of having fun, but those cameras really got my attention!

The heat-sensor camera and thermal night sight. It'd never crossed my mind that I was actually.. hot! hahaha!

The air show was really neat! They were impressive and Dida likes to say that the pilots were cocky for showing off what they can do. Well, they were actually but I suppose they deserve to be cocky! The stunts that they did were incredibly gutsy!

We need to catch our flight at half past five so we went to a restaurant that was suggested by Nina and my mom's friend at the Tourism Malaysia office in Langkawi; it's called The Lighthouse, somewhere along Pantai Cenang (or Pantai Tengah.)

Don't be fooled by the captivating scenery.. If you're ever going to Langkawi.. SAVE YOURSELF!! Don't - go - to - this - effing restaurant!! We have agreed that it was the worst restaurant of the lot!
Stupid service; borderline moronic and an absolute time-waster!! The food was fine, but JUST fine.. nothing really special about it except for the appearance of the food when they finally arrived at the table! It boggles my mind how Jalan-jalan Cari Makan have been there! Obviously the host simply went to places that they were sponsored to! The waiter (singular) was unattentive when he was taking orders but doesn't mind eaves-dropping to our faint attempts at lightening up the mood making jokes. We must be having the most awful luck in the F&B department somehow.

Just to tell you how bad the waiter really was, when I asked for spaghetti bolognaise, he had to come over to my seat, look into my menu, even pointed at the words "Bolognaise sauce" and mumbled to himself, "bolognaise.. bolognaise.." Like the snob that I am, I had to scoff! I'm sorry if he can't spell B-O-L-O-G-N-A-I-S-E but he works in a restaurant for God's sake! He should know what's on the menu!! And we're running LATE!!
There was another guy who took AGES to get our bill and EVEN LONGER to work the credit card machine.

Dida sped like there's tomorrow from the stupid restaurant towards the hotel (to get our luggages which weren't completely packed) and even faster towards the airport! Our flight was at 5:35pm and we got at the check-in counter at 5:25pm. Crazy, right? My mind was racing about what we'll do if the man at the counter refuses to check us in; should we beg? We were late (curses the Lighthouse under breath) but we're here now! We were sorry, although not as sorry as those morons at Lighthouse should be!
He nags a little, told us that we should have got there at least an hour before the flight. That he's not supposed to let us through -- but he did! Just 10 minutes before the flight!! hahahhaha! We were damn lucky for managing to catch the flight back. I was sort of miffed that the flight was on time.. How is that fair? At times when we got to the airport early, the flight was delayed.. on the very rare time that we ran late, the flight decided to be on time! geez!

So anyway, now we're back in Shah Alam and I should be able to update you with my unexciting life like always again..

Finding my words.

Yes darlings, I'm back!

Imagine this: The Idris clan -- jumping on Air Asia -- 4 days and 4 nights -- Langkawi.

There is no way that the course of the night is enough for me to tell all (which I'm counting on to do!) so I'm going to take a breather.. find my words before I start.
Just a sneak peek and a bleak attempt at entertaining you;

Catch me later!

p.s: really stoked that both of my United teams won!!

Monday, December 03, 2007

Nothing here for you to see.

End-of-years always make me nervous.
The prospect of having to add another year to my age is just.. disheartening. Honestly, I never gave too much thought on it but I know some people does -- and that fact.. the fact that THEY are keeping tabs that I'm another year older is.. unfortunate, for me.

I've been quite exhausted lately. I suppose I haven't had too much excitement, one after another for a while. Signs that I'm getting old. *curses!*
I don't know.. End-of-years makes me nervous for a lot of reasons! For one, I'll have to admit that I'm getting older since my birthday is definitely approaching.. then I'll have to admit that I haven't achieved anything that I've set myself to at the beginning of every year! And! Actually, I love birthdays so I'm usually torn around this time of year!

Anyway, I'll be out of town for a bit with the family. We're taking a "va-cay" together and though I doubt that there'll be actual relaxation, I've convinced myself that the sun, sea and sand should be good for everyone!
So, I'll see you when I get back!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Curious curious day..

I've been listening to James Morrison's new song quite religiously since I converted the video into an mp3 file and transferred it to my phone's memory -- and I carry my phone everywhere. (Who doesn't?) I'm hoping that somehow one of these days the mumbling words would make more sense once I get used to listening to it. hahhaha! I believe that he's saying that we should believe in our dreams.. "you're just about there, don't give up so easily" or something. I might be wrong! hahahhaha!

Went to the Turn on the Pop with Dida and K.Freddy last night and missed Elliott Yamin because we got stuck at the slow moving line of the entrance. There were a few kinks on the show, like the time it took the stage people to prepare the set for the different artistes. It was MAD!!
Good thing that I'm easily fascinated by the sky; we would simply lie on the ground and watch the sky during those intermissions.

I feel bad for saying this but there is a LOT to be improved for the next Live & Loud at the Bukit Kiara Equestrian Park. (No complaints for the KL Convention Centre location -- Acoustic night was incredible!) The coupon-system for buying things (like in those days during school's Sports Day) were too funny, the mind-numbing wait at every set change was simply.. mind numbing and the idiotic parking non-system!
The brilliant thing that I absolutely adore is the fact that it was open-aired, with excellent lighting (of the stage and the open field -- the rest of the place was horribly dark!) and that I'd imagined myself in Glasto or something like it. (Not that I've been there, but it's on my list of things to do before I die; attend Glasto!)

Okay. Just to make it clear, I've read enough to know that Glasto is huge. Okay, HUMONGOUS!! But please let me have this tiny memory to build the festival in my imagination.

Now, the local artistes were fine but I think they were on for too long that we got reaaaaaally bored. Then there was that long intermission.. Good thing that Shaggy was brilliant! And I mean BRILLIANT!! He was SUCH an incredible performer. Excellent showmanship. Really funny too! Then when his set ended.. we got another LONGER intermission before Whitney Houston came out and performed some medley and of course, I Will Always Love You for the final song. She did perform a song with her daughter at one point! It was really sweet.
When she went backstage the crowd had asked for more so she came back and sang I'm Every Woman. It was really neat!
But naturally, it's always hard to go through ballads once you're so pumped up with Shaggy's fun tunes! Ohh! And before Whitney's performance, the organizers kept reminding us to not take any pictures or videos and I have no idea why. They actually checked our bags at the entrance for cameras -- but I wasn't carrying any bag. They should've checked my BUTT! hahha! I'm a rebel, what can I say.. *rofl*

Our night of fun was cut short once we got to the car though. The left side's door of the backseat was terribly dented by one MORONIC - INCONSIDERATE - MINDLESS - EFFING ASSHOLE that was driving a Proton Waja with the number plate:
BGS 3899
(If you see this car, please let me know. Or for EVERYBODY'S sake, run the car off the road and right into a ditch! I promise I won't tell.)

Apparently he had waited too long for us to return to our car (note: we headed back the second Whitney had finished her song!) so he decided that it would be best to ram his car into K.Freddy's and also kick the door -- with a BUNCH of witnesses around. Some people are just too smart for the society don't you think?

It's a concert right in the middle of the city for God's sake! EVERYBODY double parks! And once you'd parked your car up in the curb, that is the risk you're taking; that you possibly, and most probably won't be the first person to leave! How dense can you be to not know that very simple logic?? I'm sorry to say this but some people (not all) should NEVER consider reproducing.
Those witnesses were amazing I must say. They stuck around until we got to the car to tell K.Freddy what had happened. They even gave her their numbers and told her to report to the police. (That dense driver had screeched off after a very short argument with K.Freddy.) Really, people who are in the right wouldn't run, would they? Moron.
But those people whom had stuck around.. well, they just gave me a little more faith that most people (not all!) are generally good. It's amazing.

The show ended at 2am, we went back to K.Freddy's place and hung around a bit before me and Dida headed to the 24 hours KFC in Klang at nearly 4. During the drive, we saw a horrible accident at the Federal Highway. Maybe it isn't such a good day to go out and drive, yeah?
We finally got home at 5-ish. Newcastle had lost again. Maybe it isn't such a good day -- period.

I should go to bed now. Can't lose anymore neurons in my brain.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Dreaming is the way to go.

Honestly.. is there anything else worthy to write about after the excitement of seeing James Morrison? I think not, but I have an invisible obligation to keep this blog updated, so here I am.

Urrghh.. To be really honest with you, I still can't believe I saw JM on Thursday. So surreal.. so lucky.. so grateful! (Ever thought that most of my entries end up to this?) Even more for the fact that JM performed his new song. Man, I wish I wasn't as forgetful as I am.. I've been trying to remember all the things James talked about while he was on stage but to a great disappointment. I really am not the person with the best brain.
I better not get to see McFly perform anytime soon now, or I'll be really convinced that I'll die young. (and this?)

Anyway, I finally saw the this week's Pushing Daisies this morning and I must admit, I was half-screaming at the end of it!! *grunts* It was awful! Awful awful AWFUL!
And I'll have to wait for two weeks to know how Chuck is going to react to Ned's confession! arrrghhh!!

Okay. I've rant enough. I'm going off to get my shower in the hopes that the water is going to wash away my pissiness at some certain people at the moment.

Friday, November 30, 2007

"You thought I was the soundman..."

I'm not going to waste my time (and yours!) by writing down how lousy my day had started yesterday but get on straight about JAMES MORRISON!!
(Please pardon my God-awful pictures! I wish I had a better camera but we'll just have to make do for now..)

I managed to get a good seat; second row!! -- just because the first row was for VIPs (whomever they were..) I was there pretty early so Kirah and I were lining up really close to the door. The almost-2 hours wait before getting inside.. was worth it!

Dayang Nurfaizah had performed for a half an hour before Rick Price came out and performed completely solo for an hour. (He was very folk-sy, playing the guitar simultaneously with his harmonica!) I've never heard much of his songs before but I must say, some of the songs he performed last night were really nice!
But of course, everyone was really there to see JM so as Rick Price sang his most famously known Heaven Knows, everybody was cheering like mad for JM! (Myself included! haha!)

There was at one point, while we waited for JM, one of the sound-crews (whom resembled JM; the curly hair and scrappy *ehem* laid-back clothes) came out to set up the guitars and EVERYBODY thought that it was James Morrison!! It was hilarious! Everyone screamed and cheered, and some laughed as soon as they realized that he was NOT JM. heehee. (I was shouting over the noise that "JM cut his hair! He'd cut his haair!!")
It was.. another 10 minutes before the REAL James Morrison came out and everyone in the hall screamed like maniacs again.

James had performed a BUNCH of songs! He started off with Undiscovered, followed by The Letter -- and a NEW SONG which I have NO IDEA what's it called! (I got them up on my LL! Go there if you'd like to see/hear it! Sounds kinda mumble-y though.) Then he did a cover of John Lennon's Jealous Guy, The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore, How Come, You Give Me Something, This Boy, a cover song that sounded familiar but I can't figure out, Better Man, another cover; of Ray LaMontagne's Hold You In My Arms, My Uprising, Van Morrison's And It Stoned Me and Wonderful World.

I'm trying to figure out the name of that cover song he did. (Found it!! It was a cover of The Zuton's Valerie) I was really excited when he started on Hold You In My Arms -- it's a wonderful song, and I only got myself acquainted with it quite recently; so when James said that if we'd liked his stuff, we'd like Ray LaMontagne's stuff too, I can't help but shout "I doo.. I dooo!!" hahhaha!
James had started the show wearing a vest but during the middle, he took it off, saying "I'm hot" ("Yes you aaarree!!" heehee.)

James was simply incredible.. and charming, funny and really animated too! It was simply an incredible experience to have seen him perform live. And it made me oddly proud for the fact that he's my age! (Fine, it's also slightly depressing as I haven't accomplished half of what he's achieved.) Still.. he's a brilliant singer-songwriter!

JM left the stage at almost quarter past twelve.. then everybody cheered for more.. and HE CAME BACK and performed The Last Goodbye. I reckoned that it was a gimmick but Dida; my sister said that he had looked genuinely ready to leave. hehheh. Either way, he sounded beautiful with Nikolaij (? please correct me if I'm wrong, it's his usual bandmate) playing the piano.

Aaah.. what a beautiful night. I'm praying that there'll be more like it!
I'll upload the rest of the photos I took in the coming days on my Fotopage (hopefully! God knows it needs updating!) and Facebook (just search for 'Wanie Idris' and you'll find me.)

For you JM fans, I've uploaded some bunch of things all over the internet!
If you like to see the photos; click for my Facebook page.
If you're looking for some of the videos; click for my YouTube account!
Or you'd like to listen to a bad quality (the sound! JM's awesome!) of the cover of Ray LaMontagne's song, here's my LifeLogger page.
Is there anything else I'd left out? I don't think so.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

It's Wednesday.

Does it make sense if I say that I'm nervous?
I mean, why should I be nervous right? It's not like I'm the one who's performing with my guitar in front of hundreds of people!

I saw a video on YouTube the other day.. James Morrison was singing as he played on a keyboard. He was rubbish! hahahha! Well, he wasn't really rubbish of course, but he could do wonders with his guitar while on the keyboard.. he cannot.
By the way, since I haven't actually said it.. I AM going to the Live & Loud Acoustic night where my dear James is performing! *does a horrible one-man Mexican wave* It's exciting! I'm already thinking of the shoes I want to wear.. what time I'll be leaving the house.. What songs he'll perform!

Is it silly to think that I'll probably die young because God has been entertaining most of my wishes? I know I think too much, and preposterously superstitious -- which is odd 'cause I also believe in God! hahhaha! But really.. what are the chances that He's giving me all these opportunities (to do what I wanted to do.. go where ever I wanted to go.. see what I wanted to see..) because I haven't got too much time left to do, see and go to all these places?
That he's compensating my short time on Earth with all these amusements.

hahhahaha!! I definitely think too much.
Ah well.. que sera sera..
There isn't anything left to say, really.

edited on 3:14 AM.
My mom got herself a new phone; a Sony Ericsson K530i which I envy for the fact that it has TrackID and Flight Mode! But!! She let me use her earphones so I'm no longer upset. heehee. Aren't I easy..

edited on 2:00 PM.
Where the hell did I put my head these days! I completely forgot about last night's Champions League! Damn, that's a first.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Saddest seventeen seconds.

Sometimes.. There are days when I get scared of the future.
To me, the future holds an endless possibility but some days I get scared. What if my faith is actually a silly little girl's dream? What if, believing with every drop of my blood isn't going to make any difference? That it won't change a single thing?
That future doesn't gleam as much somehow.

I saw Becoming Jane sometime last week. I thought the ending was the saddest seventeen seconds I had ever seen in a movie. No doubt that it was entirely fabricated (considering that there was no proof that Jane Austen ever met Tom Lefroy again when they were older) but it was sad nonetheless.
I wonder why Jane Austen and her sister never got married. I wonder what ran in Cassandra's (her older sister) mind when Jane died at the age of 41.

I don't know how I feel about Jane Austen's last words. It was.. brave, quite poetic but rather insensitive. I don't know.. I honestly don't know. I love Austen's works.. the fact that she was a Sagittarius made me adore her even more. Yet at this very moment.. I am feeling a little scared for something that isn't really related to me. hahhaha! Talk about being self-absorbed.
May I just add that having dreams are quite scary sometimes. I think I'm just feeling especially tiny today.

I'm just another person in the world.. trying to get through the day, really.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Dida; my sister said:

that I need someone who could take care of me.
She reasoned that I am me and that the youngest siblings are usually in need of someone taking care of them.

I have to disagree with her reasonings. I hate it when I'm being generalized like that! I disapprove!! (Of course, if somebody comes up with a statistic backing up that theory, I'd probably become a believer. I'm that kind of a person.)

I suppose it isn't fair for her to say things like that since she's my sister and she'd known me for the rest of my life. But really.. I haven't been that dependent on anyone have I? I mean, scratch family in this context.. you are supposed to depend on your family, aren't you? Isn't it like one of those unspoken rules? You got my back, I got yours.

Other than that, I think I'm just fine taking care of myself!
Now.. the way that I actually feel about myself is a different case but I'm NOT giving out a subliminal message that I need to be taken care of, am I??

Anyway, Dida had wanted me to do some cleaning up in the room today but I'm feeling a tad under the weather. So I've stationed myself in front of the laptop, hanging around my favourite Group on Facebook where I found this hilarious picture;


No, it does not mean that I got thrown with feces in this context.

I'd spent the entire day in the scorching heat with Alia and two new-made friends. I was slightly cranky from the lack of sleep but I had fun! (Making new friends is always fun!)

Fairuz, Alia, Kirah and myself.

I wish I could tell you more of it but putting it simply as the title of this entry; I am pooped!
I was home for only a few minutes before I went out again with Dida to a very late dinner and closed the restaurant down. heh. So now I really really REALLY need to get some sleep!

Plus.. the A1 Grand Prix is not remotely as exciting as F1!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I actually am a pompous prat.

Here's a tip,
if you want to always be in my good grace (not that it's ever necessary), do not take one of those IQ tests.. or at least, NEVER let me know how you'd score! hahahha! It's really horrible, but I have this thing about learning and I get really put-off when I find out that other people scored lower than I.
I'm a little prejudice, you might say.

Awful, right? I'm not even that smart to begin with, barely logical and waaay irrational (obviously), so that little fact is quite disgusting. bluerghh. I don't even know why I'm writing it here.. but just for notes, I am sufficiently weng tonight. hahha!

I should plop myself onto the bed now. I'm going to have an early start tomorrow (wait, I meant today!) and maybe I'll tell you how it went by the end of the day.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

I'm sorry I lost my brain..

I swear if my hands weren't attached to my arms which are attached to my body, I would've left them at the car's top or the backseat too..
sigh. What a day -- what a night!
I'm grateful that I have fabulous friends; sometimes I wonder what more could I ask for. (Well...)

Ana YMed me around 3PM and told me that we're invited to Bahijah's place for a going-away BBQ for her brother. So I left the house at 4-ish and met up Ana at KL Sentral (thank youu!) before Bahijah picked us up at Kepong station at six.

The spread was awesome, the company was nice, the place was incredible! I spent most of the 10 hours having fun! (There were.. some unfortunate hours where I got cranky and irritated by a particular phone call.)
But my mood picked up and on with more fun when we went to Bahijah's room!

I actually made some new friends while we were fooling around with Bahijah's Mac book.

I arrived home at 4AM and got too tired to write a proper blog entry.. I should probably go to bed right now but I probably won't.
I have to get a start on this thing my dad had asked me to do since Wednesday. I'm probably the master of procrastination. sigh. (I'm sighing too much!)

Thank you sooo much guys! I'm really sorry for all the fuss..

ps: Got my mobile reload Friday morning.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

How my day "went down".

I had a considerably cheery day despite the sleep deprivation and fruitless support towards some questionable teams (Selangor only managed a last minute draw with Johor -- awful night for football!) And then I had (had is an exaggeration -- I wouldn't be a good story teller if I didn't exaggerate a little -- good is also an exaggeration) to go to Midvalley to get a hold of something.
By now you should understand that I chose to have to go to Midvalley.

Then I was miffed and slightly dishevelled to have waited 50 minutes for the train!! (Complete truth, no exaggeration.) Also by the bad news from my newfound friend that my quest today might be a complete waste of time -- only to have it revoked the next hour! hahha! I was pretty prepared to curse like a sailor if it was all for nothing. I mean.. God couldn't have teased you deliberately, could he? Maybe it's just me..

I'm also broke. (Who am I kidding? When was I not broke?) Well, I was pretty rich (ha!) for the last 5 weeks; after Raya. But I had to use the good money to get me something that should make me happy. (Happy in a material sense, yet might bring me some soul-satisfaction! We'll have to see how that one goes but just for notes, since I'd spend all that money today.. there is NO CHANCE that I'll be able to get that big-ass headphone I mentioned on Tuesday for my birthday.. or any day for that matter!)
For one, now I have an excuse to wear the over-priced top I bought last week! I like to think that everyone and everything in this world has a purpose in life; hence, over-priced piece of clothing deserves to be worn on a particularly special occasion, say.. meeting your favourite music-man perhaps? Well, not meeting really meeting him per se. In fact I don't think it mattered if I go in a potato sack; there'll be hundreds of people, it'd be a miracle if he even half-glanced my way. Actually, now come to think of it, maybe I SHOULD go in a potato sack! How can he resist looking at me then, right? hahhaha! I'm losing my mind, but what's new?

Did you know that CIMB is stealing RM30 from me? Well, I was trying to reload my prepaid this morning and after FIFTEEN hours and FOUR phone calls, the money is still isn't reloaded onto my mobile. I'm tired of calling them -again and explain -again what's my problem -again, for God's sake! I've promised myself not to bite off the heads of call-centre people a while ago but this is really testing me. By the end of my third call I was on the verge of losing my temper.. or crying, I couldn't quite decide. But I bet my voice was shaky all the while.

Remember some time ago when I said that smoking makes me want to poop? I'm suddenly reminded of an episode on House where he prescribed "cigarettes" to a patient with inflammatory bowel. I wonder what's the scientific explanation to the effects of cigarettes on the bowel system. Smoking can't be a vice if it helps you now, can it? hahhaha!

I realized today that I mirror people a lot. I'm even mirroring the way people write! For instance, I'm currently reading Once Removed by Andrew Leci and my entries (this entry in particular) sounds just as confusing and chaotic as he'd written his book. (Chaotic? Is it really?) Anyway, I reasoned that it's my way of adapting -- by not adapting at all! (Mirroring isn't actually adapting, is it?)
I read a very good line from the book earlier today;

Writing this stuff is like having a conversation with myself, and seeing as most of my days are spent with complete idiots, it makes for a pleasant change.

It'd make me a pompous prat if I secretly agree to that line, wouldn't it? hahahha!!
Ohh, and I've always wondered to myself if I'd been using the correct spelling when I say "realized".. maybe I should have spelled it as "realised".. but I just checked! I'm a good bee. (Spelling bee.. get it? get it? hahahha! Lame.)

Now don't you wonder which part of all this sounded remotely cheerful? Even I'm asking myself that.

All McLarens are arses.
well, the "famous" ones at least!

I am having a very.. slow, yet constant -- heart attack.
It's an attack to my heart; seeing England play like crap. I need to start rooting for another country! Really.
Really! (I'm trying to convince myself.)
REALLY! (I'm unfortunately.. pathetically, unconvinced.)

I honestly don't know why I am this loyal to the football team that is SO inconsistent. If I hadn't cared as much, I probably wouldn't be this upset. Damn you McLaren! Sacking you right now would be redundant! This is what happens when people just SAY things and not actually DOING it! Stupid, upsetting results!

So EURO will be a boring one next year. I suppose England's inconsistency can be considered as an entertainment to some. I can't quite imagine the idea of watching football without having a real passion for it. You know, it's like eating for the sake of eating.. but it's not at all the food that you like! All the while you were eating, all you could think of was that gorgeous cheese cake you saw and could have had -- but they're SOLD OUT!
hahahha! How's my analogy? I think I did pretty good. heh.

Ah well.. England's defeat.. Might be better now than later!
Expect me to blog about this again once EURO have started. (Imagine.. no BPL, no Champions League, no England!! God!)

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Second first impression.

I'm thinking about the prospect of having to explain myself to someone dear to me around this time tomorrow. Survival of the fittest sounds like the worst excuse to tell someone, no matter how true the situation is -- but this is the situation. Well, to be completely honest, I'm not actually sure that that is the situation.
It's more like my incapability to be normal have let my emotions cloud my judgement, yet I'm not too bothered by that fact.

Shit. I just found out something really foul. Damn it. *deep breathing technique*
heehee. Guess now I know how I actually feel about that. Man, why do I only figure things out when I have extreme feelings? I really should learn to get a hang of middle-grounds and get myself used to mediocrity.
But those kind of thoughts always make me wonder what will happen.. if I am more subtle, in my actions and feelings -- if I don't feel what I always feel, and write out my every single thought. I wonder what lithium could do to my system. I wonder if the psychiatrist will confirm what I've always felt I had. I wonder how I'd respond if the psychiatrist says that I'm normal.
hahhaha!! I think I'd call him a quack and ask for his credentials!

Well, I'll tell you how nutty I could go if things goes as planned. Just so you know, planning makes my head go woozy.

I've been chatting with a couple of strangers lately and I found out something about myself instead!
In the hopes of deterring the conversation away from my non-career life, I started on football. So happens that this fella I was talking to supports the same team as I do and incredibly, I find it such a TURN OFF! hahhaha!
Half my life was spent on defending my team against my guy friends who are all supporting other teams -- or couldn't be bothered about football at all, so I'm used to that. I'm used to the bicker and the banter.. and the occasional boasting followed by an exceptionally evil laugh.

Dida is off to Johor until Friday so expect some numbingly boring entries for the next couple of days. The Malaysian Super League kicked off last weekend and tonight Selangor will meet Johor FC. (Dida away = no going to the stadium) Then later in the dead-morning, England versus Croatia!
Maybe it's all these that is making me woozy. I should get a lie down. (And stock up on sleep!)

"Taik kucing mentah"

Mama celebrated her 53rd birthday yesterday and it was hilarious! I asked Khai (our server for the night) for the complementary brownie for her and he asked for her name to fill the end part of that birthday song, we reckoned. The thing is, our family isn't really keen about this kind of attention -- we'd like the brownie please, but spare the song. So I told Khai that Mama's name was.. "Mama".

Some minutes later, Khai and some other bunch of guys came over with the brownie with candles on top and sang, "..happy birthday to youu, happy birthday to MAMAAA.."
hahahha!! Man, I love that dude! (He's got a reaaaally nice talking-voice; he could repeat my orders all night long and I wouldn't mind.)

Abang Min and the kiddies weren't around due to bad traffic, but we had fun squeezing at the booth. It's always fun when both of my sisters are around. Jokes sounds funnier somehow. I'd like to think that we have a special kind of dynamics; me dishing out the silly, goofy jokes, Dida added a few stuff of her own and Nina completing the story with her elevated sense of vocabulary (being 4 points smarter and all..)

We even teased Mama everytime she lags a bit at grasping our jokes -- she's the youngest daughter among her siblings, after all.

Anyway, that "raw cat poop" was my mom's statement when she saw a particularly wet cat poop in front of Nina's house when we sent her back to Seremban. It was funny, Dida then asked her if she'd seen a cooked cat poop.
Also, last night I got my HRC-tee replacement! I should probably try to re-wash (again and again if I must) my Paris HRC-tee in the hopes of salvaging it. It's been a week, I should be over the sadness right?

It's been a really nice night... I'm loving it.

For the record, I'm now a converted Flock user. I've managed to import all my bookmarks. (Export them into HTML > Import to to bunch them all up without having any repeated links; the bookmarks from Opera and IE > Export them into HTML to Desktop > finally Import the HTML file to Flock's Favorites Manager) Quite the hassle, I don't know if there's any easier way but that's all I could think of and it works! It's not like I have anything else better to do anyway..
But I'm blogging this on the Blogger site -- still easier to include photos with the text.

edited on 3:53 AM.
p.s= I found another good reason to not go and see James Morrison on Live & Loud -- I might just cry and DIE if he performs Better Man. I think that's the only song that ever made me need.. WANT SO BADLY to have a man by my side! (Preferably a man who plays the guitar and sings exactly like JM though..) Pahh! I might change my mind later.. maybe it isn't so bad to cry then die for that, yeah?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The upside to everything.

It feels odd saying that, considering I complaint a lot.. depressed a lot.. yet here I am, seconds away from telling you about an "upside" when going down is what I'm best at.

It seems likely that I will have to miss Mr James Morrison's performance on the Acoustic night of Live & Loud on the 29th. (Saying that actually makes me want to scream. I can't help imagining a bright spotlight on JM sitting on a high stool while the rest of the stage in dark. He strums his guitar and piped out the words to The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore in his incredibly sexy voice. By the chorus I'll resolve to biting my bottom lip as to stop myself from running towards the stage to give him a big freaky-stalker hug. So I sat there quietly, almost in tears as if the song was about me and only me, despite the fact that I've never had a real enough relationship to relate to a strong composition as that. hahhaha!)
I'm a writer.. unfortunately. I have a big imagination.

Although that particular thought made me want to scream, I am saved by the fact that now I won't have to spend over 200 Ringgit to see Rick Price (someone I've never heard before) and Dayang Nurfaizah (she's a good singer.. I'll admit that.) If it's a show of JM and only him.. I WILL scream -- and cry. I am slightly irked by the fact that JM might perform some new song that's going to be in his coming sophomore album (he's started the recording) but you know.. he just MIGHT. I hope that he won't!! HAHHAHHA!!

sigh. It's actually sad to say that I won't be going.. So I'll just confirm that it's LIKELY.
I can't wait for JM to just go home already! I'm now hating the idea that he's coming in the first place while sadness nags in my heart. hahhaha!
I'm going to entertain myself with the idea of getting myself some really nice stuff for my birthday now, since there's that extra money. (I know I should SAVE but heck! Birthday is the perfect excuse to splurge on seemingly unimportant things!)

But this is actually NECESSARY!! It's at the very top of my list. High level of importance. It's the Sony Ericsson Stereo Portable Handsfree HPM-85. I need it because the right ear of the earphone that came with my handphone is no longer working (you can even see the tiny wires coming out) so how else am I going to drown out my mom's nags and my crazy alter ego's thoughts?? Okay, I probably don't need this crazy big headphone but it'd stole my heart.

I'm still considering my options though.. I shouldn't get one with the really tiny plastic wires.. obviously.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Flock - The Social Web Browser

I've been trying this new (to me) browser and I am torn.
I love trying something new but it's always hard to change when you're loyal to something.

One obvious cool thing about Flock for me is the fact that I'm writing this entry using the Blog Editor. I don't have to go to Blogger's page to log in to start posting. Blogging is just a click away. Uploading photos are made easy as well! A few clicks with the Photo Uploader and you can upload your photos on either Facebook or Photobucket.
I'm incredibly impressed, but I'm really reaaally comfortable with Opera. I just love the Speed Dial page and the fact that I've made a LOAD of bookmarks in there makes changing now, a hassle. (By the way, if you're using IE or Firefox, you can easily Import your bookmarks/favorites to Flock.)

There are some other things that make Flock a really handy browser.. You should go and find out yourself. Firefox users will find it a very easy transition, I think! As for me... I reckon that I'll stay torn until I get myself a bigger screen. I understand that the icons and tabs are the ones that makes this browser special, but it takes too much space!! This is the same reason why I prefer Opera than Firefox in the first place.

Bluerghh.. I hate being torn over silly stuff.

Blogged with Flock

Sunday, November 18, 2007

..and the clock stops.

Would you hold it against me,
If I told you that I'm scared?
Would you rub salt onto my wound,
If you found out that I have failed?
And would you leave me if I want you to,
even when you knew that I lied?

I'd wished that you knew me well,
I'd hoped that you knew me at all,
Not much but just enough
to differ the right answers from wrong.

I saw a film that made me think.
Did a bit of reading on that thought.
Then I found myself incredibly... lonely; which was ridiculous because it isn't actually MY feelings. I was more like mirroring something, or someone I'd seen in one moment of solitude. heh! Am I making sense?
Probably not.

I need to keep my imaginations in check.
I have more than enough on my plate to start worrying about something else.

On a lighter note, Israel won against Russia.. *silently cheers for fear of waking up the neighbours while doing a celebratory jig* England better wins the next match now!

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