1. I am a cynic and cynics tend to engage in more self-destructive behaviour. Research shown that we smoke and drink more and are -- likely to commit suicide. Brilliant, eh?
2. As I wrote some time ago, writers are four times more likely to suffer from manic depression -- and we all know where that leads to, right? Apparently, the "same qualities that make us writers, tend to make us more sensitive to the ups and downs of daily life."
And then as I was doing a bit more reading, I found this. It's a list of writers who offed themselves in history. (Virginia Woolf's suicide letter.. was.. moving.) Who would've thought that adobting to write could be so dangerous. Excellent! I'm a bad-ass! ahhahaha!
Sometimes I worry that I talk too much about death. Sometimes I feel like I am dying because I talk about it so much -- maybe subconciously I am telling myself that the end is near.
I do realize that talking about death, or suicide especially is not normal behaviour. Even more if you've started talking about it since you were 14. The worst thing, you kept feeling surprised that you've made to another year of your birthday. Sometimes I figured that it's my sick twisted way of appreciating life -- which I hope is the answer to all this.
Because if I am really in trouble and mentally unbalanced, I wouldn't know how to ask for help. Because I think it's petty to tell anyone that you're worried that you've thought about death when the solution is as simple as;
STOP thinking about it, you knucklehead!
One Last Chance by James Morrison
Aaah.. man. I need to get myself on the track.
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