Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I never knew..

Maybe things would be easier if I was still angry.
But I have long forgotten that because I remember how anger wears me out. Being angry at somebody is EASY.. but I'm that kind of person who always finds a way to blame themselves even when it had been somebody else's fault, you know?

So.. being angry with myself is damn tiring.
Actually, just thinking about what I've gone through right now is tiring.. sigh.
I'm sorry, I don't intend to make myself weary when I started typing just now. It's just.. I don't have the best memories of things so sometimes even when I was fine, I still... get tired.

Anyway, back to what I had meant to write..
I am no longer angry. Actually, when I heard those stories again, I can't help but giggle and smile. But sometimes.. I don't know how to react around things. I feel guilty about warming up but I feel bad if I don't 'cause that would mean that I haven't moved on, won't it?
When I forget about things.. it does mean that I forget about things.

I don't know.. maybe in my deep dark heart, I still believe that I could have saved the situation if I wasn't so closed up. If I had opened up much sooner, maybe I could've changed things. And what's more.. I still believe that if I say it now, everything and everyone will feel better.
But will it really? Or am I just being my idealist self again?

Aah well.. maybe I should stop thinking and psycho-analyze everything and just enjoy the moment yeah?


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