Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Running nude.

I have said this too many times yet I keep doing it all over again.

I have no idea why I keep revealing too much of myself and wished I hadn't said anything in the first place. If there's anything I regret about, it's that. Giving me more reasons to be angry at myself. (As if the existing ones weren't enough!)

Maybe there is a magic behind letting yourself go. To be completely absent minded and be true and honest to yourself and another human being. To forget how it feels to be embarassed until the moment of truthfulness had pass and you were met by the other person's reaction; be it surprise or an evenly matched honesty.

Honesty is scary. It is frightening and amazing in the same time; not too different from an atomic bomb, I'd say! haha!
I don't know why I'm typing about this in the first place but I suppose it's safe to say that I'm the kind of person who appreciates honesty even on horrible situations. I find that it is always best to be in the know.

I know it's awful to say that I am never sorry if I had caused trouble with my honesty but really.. I have never been sorry for telling the truth. Pretences and lies had never been an option to me anyway. It resolves NOTHING!
So hey, if anyone must hate me.. there's a good reason for you to! I say a bunch of wrong things because they had felt right. If I lose a friend or two along the way, I'll manage. It's ME I have to live with anyway.

I've accepted long ago that if I strive to please everyone, or even give that much damn to their thoughts, I shall die in discontent. And for someone whose mind had quite a fair share of thoughts on death, that doesn't seem ideal at all.

You know, I believe my greatest FAULT to be thinking too much.


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