Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Writing is my refuge
hahhaha!! Can I be anymore cheesy?

My head has been pretty.. messy lately, but no worries! 'Coz I'm not worried. I just get this way every once in a while. Wish it has something.. anything to do with my womanly cycle but it's not.
Basically my head just messes itself up whenever it wants to -- and I shall spare you from my speech about my heart and brain feels and thinks what ever it likes as if THEY have their own hearts and brains.

Just checked my Football Fantasy points and man, I'm behind!! The top of the leaderboard has got 30 points while I have a measly.. measly.. *beeeep!*
(It's beeped because I'm ashamed of my pathetic points! hahhaha!)


Earlier, my sister had compared me to another blog she'd recently visit and she commented that it lacked the passion as I have in my writing. I can't help smiling. I bet Dida have no idea the pleasure she has given me with her words and how they are giving me a rather quiet sense of pride everytime I think of it. Thank you Did!

Just this afternoon I was thinking (while I was in the loo, naturally!) about my lack of competitiveness. Be it in a chase for something or someone, I'm usually the first to back away.
If it's simply because I am the sort of person who gives up easily, I think it'd be easier to understand and accept. But, as an example.. if it was in pursuit of a guy and I know the girl next to me wants him too, I would automatically stop; telling myself "aah.. she probably likes him more". If it's about an object, I'd think "he/she probably needs it more".
My lack of passion sometimes are terrible. Knowing myself too well; realizing that my tendency to get easily bored is VERY high -- KILLS my passion.

Hardly anything is worth a fight.. you know?
If I'm going to get bored with it in the end, why bother right? My indifference towards life is my worst vice. (And I must confess, I have MANY.)

I can't quite decide if it's my complete ignorance or my blind sense of faith that have always lead me away from commitments -- it's almost amazing.
About awful acquaintances;
a. why bother having these people around anyway?
b. I can always find others.
About school;
a. I don't need school to teach me the facts of life
b. other college drop-outs seems to find their own way!
hahhahaha!! My fickle mind.. I have no explanation for it but to admit that I am -- (as I've said two months ago) an easily amused, sarcastic cynic who unfortunately still looks up at the stars and makes wishes. (yet laughs at the mere idea!!) Maaan.. I'm too rational for silliness but I can't help myself.
Refer to the first paragraph of this entry.

Now, have I confused you with my confused mind?
If I have.. Welcome to the club!
If I haven't.. well, I'll try harder next time! Count on it!
I keep running away with my words that I hardly know what my first point was. sigh. This is baaad. (And yet, I'm not doing anything to stop it! hahahha!)
Ah well, maybe I haven't got any.

Dida bought Anuar Zain's latest album and I must say that it sounds good!! Well, of course.. we're fans of sappy ballads so naturally we loved it.

Three hours away from the Derby and Magpies match!
Go Magpies!! woot~!

Maan I need to stop spamming my own blog; entertaining my every whim and get back to my Moleskine!
sigh. Three and a half months away from the end of this year. NOW I'm worried.

Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?

Kurt Vonnegut



edited on 4:32 AM.
Monday -- shitty day for football!!
I'm pissy here so.. read at your own risk.
The game is at the 75th minute and I can't stop thinking about the prospects of losing to Derby! Gile keji lagi jijik, tidak tertahan. Chances are NOTHING if nobody can kick the ball into the net!!
And excuse me, do you mind me asking; are you a striker, a midfielder or a bloody wanker?? I love you dude, but not enough to make me BLIND! urrghhh!
Good God! Might as well just turn off the bloody telly now.

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