Tuesday, March 04, 2008

My telling eyes.

I curse at them.. most times. They completely ruin my vague attempts to be mysterious when I wanted to. But I'm figuring out now that it's God's way of helping me with my inaptness for saying the things that I'd wanted to say.
So today I am grateful that I have these so un-secretive eyes.. and also those people who are close enough to me for always being able to read them. In a way, my heart did jumped out to them when I can't seem to find my words.

Yesterday had been a little.. upsetting, if I may say so. Filled with wishes that couldn't possibly come true in a short amount of time. (I'm impatient, what do you expect?)
One being my wish to have a vast amount of knowledge in the English vocabulary. heh. The second is to have my telling eyes or jumping heart to travel across the globe.
Of course, even if I could find the words to describe the things that I'd wanted to say.. or get my heart to jump oceans.. it probably wouldn't make any difference. I am emotionally retarded, I can't help it.

Later in the evening Dida had asked me out for a drive around -- she had things on her mind..
And I know it's selfish to say this but sometimes I wish I wasn't so all-ears. But I am.. I was made that way. If I could choose though, I'd somehow rather live in a cocoon, blissfully unaware of the awful things that goes on in the lives of my loved ones. I can't help it.

So there's another thing to be grateful about -- even though God had made me with this gift/curse of empathy.. He'd made me to be just as forgetful so I could forget about the unhappy things and go about with my life.. hehehe.

I'd like to think that God has His plans for me.. since I feel like rubbish for most of the time, if my mere existence in the universe turns out to be JUST so I could be the person my sisters and friends can talk to.. I think I can accept that. Beats being created just to be a rubbish.. heehee.

Oooh.. also, another thing to be thankful for is the fact that I don't have that many people to love. Just my family and a couple of really close friends. Can you imagine the amount of time I'd spend being upset and crying for/with them if I had more??

sigh. For every heart breaks that you've had my dear sister, my heart breaks with it too..


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