Thursday, May 08, 2008

You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend

So I finally saw Juno.
heehee. I like it, but mostly because of "Juno". Cool kid. Cool room too. haha!

It's been a weird couple of days. I don't know.. feels like a few chunks of my memory just disappeared and simply replaced by conversations.
I barely remember if I'd showered.. or what ever I did yesterday.. all there is in my thoughts are words.. words.. and more words..

Things I've said.. things you've said..
Unencumbered words.
A jumble of words.. and lines that I'm hoping not to forget.

Dida said something interesting earlier. I told her that I get freaked out at the mention of marriage.. She smiled.. looked at me carefully as if reading something written on my face, and said; "you're looking for a long-term relationship, not a commitment."
It wasn't a question.. she wasn't wondering.. It was a statement.

I told her that it's possible since I've never really been in a long-term relationship and to skip it doesn't sound quite right.
I seem to have an idea that I should try and feel everything first before settling on something, you know.. Skipping a phase or step would seem like I'll miss something. hmm.. (that's how I think anyway.)

Then Dida basically said that if it's right, it's right.. That things doesn't need to go slow. Then she added; "for a person who is easily bored though.. I wouldn't know how to help"
And now here I am left wondering still.. thinking.. worrying..

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Is it lame to say that I don't just want a lovely light. A lovely light for half a night is easy for me. I can easily say that I've had half a dozen of those.
I wouldn't mind if the light flickers throughout the night.. if it dims for a few minutes.. or for a moment it seems like dying, but held on.
And yeah, boys and girls.. I'm using that darned candle as a metaphor. blah.

I'd like to say that I'll be the light that holds on for the rest of the night. But I can't.
What I can say.. now.. is that I want to be the light that holds on for the rest of the night.
It's so selfish of me to ask, but keep me burning, will you? Throw me a wood.. a stick.. a rope.

Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want Is You


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