Sunday, January 11, 2009

I still need mum's blessing..?

Dida said a bunch of annoying things today. blah.
I suppose that happens when there were only the two of us in the car. hehe.

So she had a few theories about my mum and I.
She said that I'm still tied to my mum, no matter how much I didn't like the idea. Because apparently, if I jump into anything without her approval or knowledge.. it wouldn't work out as I would've liked it to. bah!
Dude, I'm already so dependant on my parents.. can't I just spread my wings and fly already?? gah! Honestly, I could probably be the most pathetic youngest daughter ever existed. (But to be perfectly honest, I don't really know that many 'youngest daughter' cause they tend to be needy and attention-seeking. Really annoying. An exception to Alia though.. she's a slave to her family. So unlike a 'youngest daughter'. hahahha!)

Then Dida also said that Nina and herself had once talked about ME.
Apparently they agreed that I am a coward. My sisters are awesome.. truly. It sucks to hear those words really but I couldn't bring myself to disagree. They were right.. in a way.
I am a coward. I get scared of jumping into anything with both feet. I prefer to be nonchalant than giving out my heart to be stabbed by the cruel cruel disappointments.
I know.. I get it.. it's a waste of a lifetime. I need to take more risks.. grab more chances.. crash and burn if I must.
But saying it is way more easier than doing it, yeah? sigh. *curses under breath*

It boggles my mind.. theoretically, I should be afraid of crashing and burning after experiencing it countless of times. But here I am being afraid by the idea of crashing and burning. Fuck it.
Wanie Idris was not made to live that way. I was never meant to be the timid, idiotic girl. hehe. That sounds like a good resolution, doesn't it? It'll be my LIFE resolution -- not just the year's.

Currently listening to: Switchfoot - Learning To Breathe

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