Thursday, February 19, 2009

Deeper conversation..

Seems like I've been talking about unimportant things lately. Or is my philosophical side is working on autopilot? 'Coz I can't remember actually writing with depth -- if I actually had.

Maybe I've been relatively happier than I used to be. Things to distract me from questioning about life and God's plans. Less things to ponder about. Maybe. heh.
I never stopped wondering where I'm going though. A direction that is mine, and mine alone. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I've been "going with the flow" all my life. I want to make my own flow. Take the road less travelled yet still arrive at the destination where I'd like to be.

I want to go into the jungle with two big bottles of water, a bunch of chocolate bars and my cellphone (let's face it.. Celcom has the best reception. haha!) so my family --and Boyfie, could check up on me and we wouldn't miss each other too much while I'm away.
I know it sounds selfish to want to be alone when other people wants to be with you. But I like being surrounded by strange things. I wouldn't want to walk along the cleared path. I want the dark, difficult terrain so I know that I deserve having the people waiting for me on the other side of the wilderness.

I think I've had it pretty easy so far. (Just happens that my emotions couldn't take it head on.) Well, maybe not easy.. but it was never hard. Maybe I'm just comparing myself to other people whom had it real bad.
It's not a charmed life, but I've been lucky. I'm grateful for that.
And because of that, I feel like I should be doing more. If people who were dealt with the bad cards could do better, then shouldn't I be amazing with my mediocre cards?
haha. Maybe I'm just deluded with illusions of grandeur. (Which I must admit, I am most prone to.)
I refuse to be just me. I wish for this incredible person who happens to be ME. heehee.
I don't think I'm being hard on myself. I mean, even when I criticize myself constantly, I'm still me. Now tell me if there is anyone else as unchangeable as I am?
Ah, I'm just stoical right now.

The kids on Facebook were doing this thing last night;
(I don't think accuracy was its main goal)

You are Silver Elephant, who gives an impression of being pure and innocent.
You are not pretentious and are very straight forward type of woman.
You tend to lack sweet sensitivity.
Instead you possess strong will power and resolute attitude.
You are a hard worker, and will not depend on others.
You are a person who steadily puts effort.
You think high of rationalism, and hence, lacks softness.
Economically, you are precise and sound.
You will not spend money on impulse.
Although you don't show, you are actually a person with pride, and tend to be upright and little bit short tempered.
You may act more maturely than your age, or more childish at times.
This unbalance tends to be your attraction.
You are very independent sort of person, and will not dare think to rely on men.
You therefore try to take control of things.
You can very well take lead of men, and have a skill of not showing that.
Profit and efficiency is very important to you.
You tend to choose your hobbies on that as well.
Even after you get married, you wouldn't be turned by houseworks, and in fact will carry out it efficiently.
You will take great interest in your children's education, and will turn out to be a good mother and a wife.

hmm.. perhaps some of them are true but I find some to be extremely bogus. Ah well, maybe I just don't see myself in that light.


evans said...


Monkey's Bunny said...


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