Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I suck.

Saye tak tahu..
My mind decided to not have a single thought with depth so here I am staring at the screen for the past 20 minutes.. trying to come up with something.
I totally napped earlier which is of course something I shouldn't have done. Now I can't bring myself to fall asleep.

I hate this bit about myself. I envy the people who finds the night calming. I want to be able to rest easily instead of having to be so pooped that I pass out.
This restlessness is tiring.
Can't I be simple?

I used to think that you need to have bad things happening to you for you to feel like crap. blah. I'm actually in a good place, but I feel like shit, wtf?
I feel like I'm trapped in a deep dark well (Ringu?) and I am just too freakin' tired to shout for help. bah! Just let me stay and rot here.
What's the point of saving me when I'll feel like this again next month? Go save yourself instead.

I fear that nothing will ever be enough for me. What am I supposed to do then? If everything works out but I will keep wanting more. If this restlessness won't go away. What am I supposed to do?
I've got "love" covered, but it'd only calmed a part of me. And that part is drowning in nights like this, gasping for air.

mmph. Swear to God I had no idea what brought this on. Might be idiocy. Maybe there had been a permanent damage when I fell off the bed years ago.
I hate feeling so hollow when I know that I'm loved. I know that I'm lucky and blessed. I know that there are a bunch of good things coming my way, but I still feel the way that I feel.
I'm grateful for life.. but damnit, why do I sound like I'm unappreciative of it?!

I suck at being happy.


HFX said...

humans suck. haha.

lizzy j said...

i totally relate. tak bersyukur with what we have, complaining, nothing is ever enough, we just consume and consume until there's nothing left it happens in the world, it happens in relationships. there's nothing to do to help us but die. hahaha. that's very motivational kan. tak lah. just understand that you're not alone in it, then you'll get by another day. i guess.

lizzy j said...

oh oh oh and i hate how people blame pms for the way women act sometimes. but i also hate when people don't understand that i'm feeling crappy it's because of pms. hahahahaha confusing tak! nothing they do will ever be right!

Monkey's Bunny said...

I blame pms for things when I'm too lazy or too confused to explain myself. senang cerita. everyone seem to think that it's a reasonable excuse somehow. *shrugs*

blah. I hate feeling so detached.

Amara Maëlle said...

nah...you don't sound unappreciative. we all have our days i guess. :| and, i think it's human nature to feel like something is missing and never be contented.


Monkey's Bunny said...

*hugs back*

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