Tuesday, November 24, 2009

In Shah Alam.

But I really should get a shower so I could head back to Bukit Jalil, honestly.

Bestie asked me last night if my life truly depends on monkey-fish now. I must admit.. my satellite does revolve around his world.
But to say that I depend on him.. perhaps not. (Or maybe I'm just in denial?)

It's not like I MUST have him around to be happy.
I am naturally too easily distracted to depend on any one sole thing or person, really. Actually, sometimes I feel like I want him to feel like he could depend on me.
Also, in a way I'd like to believe that I am a dependable human being.
I know I wasn't made that way.. but I try.

But yes, I am one of those needy girls who clings to her boyfriend too much sometimes.
I guess in my heart and thoughts.. if you could BE together, why AREN'T you together? So I spend all the time I could spend with him, being with him. (But of course, then feeling hurt when he decided to be someplace else instead of being with me.)

If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.

W.H. Auden

Ah.. I curse Auden for cementing that quote onto my head.

It's never a fun thing to be the more loving one.
It's a recipe for major heartache, honestly.

But yeah.. back to the main point.
Do I NEED him?
I'd like to think NOT. hahahhahaha! I mean, if I do.. I would be okay with every little thing that he does, right? But I'm not really okay with EVERYTHING! (I'd like to think that it makes sense, anyway.)

Oh heck, think I should take my shower now.
Even if I don't really need my monkey-fish, I can still miss him!


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