My friend is getting married.

T_T
okay, it's not exactly shocking since she isn't my only friend who is getting married. I have a couple of married friends, but this is Hanis I'm talking about. I've known her since I was fourteen! I can dimly recall the early stages of her relationship with Zul.
Ah well.. after so many years together, I'm really happy that they're finally going to make it official. Kinda funny though.. I really can't see Hanis being horny or the likes of it. HAHAHHAHAHHA!!
Sorry.. sorry.. It's just usually, in weddings.. when it's my time to meet the bride and groom and wish them all the nice things, I'd usually say some pretty inappropriate things.. but I should probably save that from Hanis, right? heehee. Zul could probably take it. hahahhahha!!
oy vey. I miss them.

Anyway, if I hadn't been with Boyfie, I'd probably freak out by the news of Hanis getting married. You could say that Sylly had prepped me for marriage.. kinda. Not entirely though. But he'd planted the idea even before our 2nd monthsary.. the crazy kid. So I no longer get freaked out by the "M" word. hehe.
(Doesn't mean that I want to get married now, okie Boyfie. rawr!)

Speaking of the devil, I honestly cannot imagine how I would've been without him. I haven't been at my best lately but I am SO GLAD that I have him with me. I was actually saving that Beyonce song for April but it couldn't wait. heehee.


I love you, Sylly.
I never knew that I needed you until I did. ♥
..and I'm sorry that I'm still awake at this hour, but you have class tomorrow morning and the sms rule does not apply. heehee!
I'm missing youuuu!!!

Oh. I'm pretty okay now. Having the Sub of the Day (Subway) and wanton noodle (OnlyMee) for dinner definitely helped.
I wonder how I should spend my day tomorrow.. I'll probably doodle or write a letter :D

♥

Hello, vortex.

My mom called to tell me that I should call my dad 'cause he asked about me last night. I really don't feel like talking to anyone though.
This is getting really old, isn't it.

ughhh!

I wish I wasn't lame, but I was. So..
Let's try to move on from the thing that's been bugging me since Wednesday.

Idol stuff!
Some people likes Danny (me included).. some people likes Kris (Cik Amyan!).. some are crazy about Adam (I don't know why).. some likes Anoop.. but last night, I find myself rooting for Matt Giraud!
Seriously, I give him props for not reminding me how Let's Get It On is pretty much a straight-forwarded sex song. I usually smack myself in the forehead everytime I heard that song, but listening to Matt.. it was surprising! Nicely surprised.


I had so much fun yesterday.. despite still being bugged by Wednesday T_T


Went to the briefing.. Saw Fariq at a distance but I decided not to call him. hehe. I sat with Amyan, May and Fabian.. Had laughs with Amyan.. teasing her on things. haha! It was a pretty good morning despite not being able to stop worrying.
Amyan drove me to the lrt station (THANK YOUUUUU!) then I made my way to KLCC. Had lunch in the park.. got rained on.. had Caramel Ice Blend.. then finally Ana arrived!!

Sat around.. yapped and yapped.. walked just a bit, then decided to head to Shah Alam so we could meet up with Bahijah after she got off work.
Ilsa ended up joining us after he got off work too, so there were four of us.. sitting around a table. It felt like old times again! (Minus the gossips because Ana hasn't been doing a very good job collecting materials. hahahha!)

Okay. I don't feel like writing anything of actual substance here. (One that would require me to think to write.) Because my thoughts are just.. saddening, really.
So I'll just stop now.

Gemok, ketot, buta lagi pekak.

(Fat, short, blind and deaf.)

Stupid weighing machine. According to the scale, I am the fattest I've ever been in my entire life. Really, the only consoling fact about it right now is that I'm still in the normal BMI weight range.
But still.. I really really need to start watching what I eat. (and actually start doing some exercises that could tone my tummy area. I'm FAT!!)

And as for my eyes.. gahh!! I don't want to talk about it.
Also.. the hearing test.. oyy, I managed to glimpse at the printed results and it looked horrible! Too many zig zags; like I have alternate deafness! haha! It really didn't help that my heartbeat was louder than the test's sound. grr.

It was neat that Fabian and May were also at the medical centre. Amyan was practically there too 'cause I kept texting her. hehe. I complained a lot earlier. The doctor.. sigh. She was pretty friendly at first, seemed really interested in my medical history.

Then she asked me about smoking.
DUM DUM DUMMM.. (dramatic score)

I don't want to talk about it. But basically everything pretty much went downhill from there. Not really downhill, but I felt really timid and small and stupid. I really really hate the fact that I have this stupid tendency to tell the truth all the time. Even if it's not the whole truth.. I HATE IT!!
I hope they'll look over it 'cause I seem so honest. hahhahahahha!! I feel so pathetic for saying that.
It didn't help that she did the physical exam after my stupid blunder. I feel so violated afterwards. hahahhahah!

I only laugh to keep myself from crying.

Sometimes I feel like I keep sabotaging myself. Am I? God, I hope not. I really don't need anymore reason to hate myself.
ughhh.. redha sajalah! I don't know what else to do. I'll beat myself up once the results come out -- if I have to, that is. I'm hoping that I won't have to. oh pliss jangan laa..

What ever lah! Esok komplain komplain lagi dengan Amyan. For now, I'm going to stop talking about it.
I've got to stop reminding myself how stupid I can be or I'll be back in the ditch again.

The thing pasal relationship jarak jauh..

Sangat tak best, okay.

Basically I'm fine with distance.. until I'm not.
That's just how I am I guess. It's like skipping along in a park and then suddenly tripping on your own foot and falling into a ditch.
I can't just fall and missing the ditch; I don't know how to be 'a little miserable' (if I ever said that I was, that was just me in denial that I am completely miserable).


I always feel bad for Boyfie.. for having to pull me back out from that ditch again and again. mmph.
It's not like I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy or anything, but I am as "dark and twisty" as Meredith, and Boyfie had to constantly remind me that he's there for me.. like Derek. (haha! Saying this makes me feel as silly as I did when I wrote about Bella and Edward..)

But if the roles reversed.. (like the episode of Grey's two weeks ago.)
If Boyfie tells me to go away.. I don't think I'm the type of person who would stick around.. I don't know.
I can only hope that he won't ever tell me to go away..
But that's a selfish thing to hope for, isn't it? I've told him to go away for so many times now.. gah! Guess I am lucky that someone as stubborn as he is, loves me. This luck, I don't deserve it.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he actually go away when I told him to. I wonder if he didn't press on when I said that it was "nothing..". Had he left me alone when I said that I want to be alone..
Yes, I wonder what it would be like but I can never actually picture it. I simply cannot picture what is beyond 'miserable'.

I'm fine really. Much better than yesterday anyway. But I still miss my boyfriend. Suppose I could say that I'm not exactly a conventional lover. My past relationships; the ones I get to see everyday had never lasted long. So, a little distance is good.. but this one is becoming too much, unfortunately. sigh.
I feel pathetic for being miserable because I miss my boyfriend. gah!

Anyway, I'm a little nervous about tomorrow's medical check up and I probably shouldn't smoke so much to calm myself down. hahahahha!

I wish I was patient.

I've realized that my temper is even worse to my loved ones. That shouldn't be right, should it?
I hate how I feel sometimes. I hate the things that I say sometimes. I hate how stupid I can get sometimes.

Wouldn't it be great if I could just keep my words to myself? Let things be and just wait things out.
I really wish I was patient..
I'm fine, really. I'm just... me, unfortunately.

Poor pensive Papa.

I scared my old man last night.

Okay. First, the parents, Dida and myself went to Nina's place in Seremban and spent the weekend there. The Kiddies had wanted to go to the beach but it was really hot and it made us all oh-so lazy to get out of the house.
So we spent the whole Sunday indoors; cooking, eating, napping, lazing, talking, laughing.. making jokes at the expence of everyone.. hahaha!

So anyway.. the parents are staying over for the week and I was waiting for Dida to be done with her shower before we make our way back to Shah Alam. I was resting my head on Papa's lap on the sofa (iye.. manja.. suka la! wekk!) and.. Wanie's crazy questions commence!

Pa, how big are you on traditions?
Pretty big.
So.. when it comes to weddings, you'd want your children to have all those engagement ceremony stuff..?
If we're not having it then we won't have it at all, but if we are, we'll do it properly..
mmph.. and I've never been very big on ceremonies.. I'd prefer to do it the **omputeh way; come home one day and announce, "look! I have a riiing!" (laughs) but hmm.. okay.
**omputeh - white people/English/American
Papa remained serious.

I kept asking him some crazy silly questions that probably most children wonder about but never actually ask their parents;
How would you feel if Dida wants to get married?
What ever makes her happy..
How would you feel if Dida wants to get married this year?
What ever makes her happy..

How crucial is it for you to meet the guy's parents?
Is it important for you to like them?
Is it important for you to get along with them?
Aren't you concerned that Dida's still unmarried?
Aren't you concerned if I don't want to get married?
Aren't you concerned.. at all, if your children becomes a spinster?

There's a bunch more but I'm starting to forget those. Although, this was my favourite;
Am I scaring you with my questions?
Yes.
You're scared that I'll get married?
No.
You're scared that I want to get married.
Yes.
What he meant was, he accepted the idea of me getting married one day.. just as long as it is nowhere soon.

Then Nina comes over and I filled her in on the conversation..
Papa, you're scared if Wanie wants to get married? She'll be 25 this year. I had a kid when I was 25.
Yes, but I'm not ready.

DUM DUM DUMMM.. (dramatic score)

hahahha! I could see pretty clearly that tears pooled in his eyes. (Not that I enjoy being able to do that.) I know that he didn't like these talks.. the questions I asked him sometimes.
Most times I wonder if I should spare him from my curiosity. It's been pretty clear how my questions could make him feel uncomfortable. But I'm too selfish to keep my questions to myself. When I need to know -- I need to know.

But.. yeah.. talks like these are better to have when we're not facing each other. It just makes it a lot more harder since our faces (or eyes) are so easy to read. I laughed and giggled a lot with my questions but with every one of his answers, it made me think.

Ah well.. as much as I want to be with Boyfie, I'm not exactly ready for marriage yet, so it's cool. Papa was smart to not say that I "cannot" get married soon, 'coz if he did.. naturally, I would want to.. just because. hahahha!
Dida reckons that I am unpredictable with the things that I do and say (mostly because she knows that I am capable of doing and saying anything) and she reckons that Papa feels the same way too -- which is a cause for his worry that I asked all those questions. heehee.

Honestly, I only asked because I was just curious..
Okay, I needed to know. hahahhaha!
I am sensing that Papa would want to know what triggered these questions. Help! I need to come up with a lie. hahahha! I honestly don't want him to really get into my head. That space is exclusive to me and Boyfie alone. (And he's only there because he invited himself in. heehee!)

nothing specific..

I was bored.. so I read this. haha!
Well.. some ideas were too boring for me to try out honestly, but some sounds fine. bleh. But of course, to be able to do those stuff I would have to be able to SEE my man, first. gah!

The Champions League quarter/semi-final draw was yesterday and when I told my sister that Liverpool is going to play Chelsea for quarter finals, the first thing she said was; "aawhh.. poor Chelsea."
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
Well, we'll root for Chelsea of course. HAHAHHAHA!
Papa laughed when Dida and I were talking about football earlier. Dida was saying how "hero kalah dulu.." (heroes loses first -- ie; Ultraman, Power Rangers..) and I chimed in with "just because we lost one battle, doesn't mean that we're losing the war!"
Dida went on how we'll bounce back.. and yeah, that's when Papa chuckled; that his daughters were talking about Man United as "we".
hahahahha!

ah.. typical really. And in one week, "we" will also mean Team Ferrari! woot wooot! I'm still pretty bummed that I'll miss this year's race. But I think I'll be more bummed if I can't go to Kota Kinabalu since Dida had already paid for the tickets. Plus, Alia is going too.. so.. I don't know.
I really hope that the job training won't start on the 6th.

hmm.. There's a bunch of things to think about the job really.
And the only reason that I think about it is Boyfie. hmm.. Long gone the days when I can be absolutely careless and selfish. hahahha!
But this life is way better than those old days, really. So.. we'll just have to figure things out in time yah, hunny?

Oh, another interesting article to read on MarieClaire.com.
Well, not really THAT interesting but things like these always make me think.. a little, since.. bleh. Not going to talk about it right here right now. hehe.

I'm heading to Seremban once Dida's done with her work. (We're at her office right now.) The Kiddies were talking about the beach.. sigh.
I'm really not the beach-going type of girl. Is that weird?
Ah well.. have a good weekend everyone!

Oh, my Love

Is it possible to be so messed up and twisted for love?
I love how love makes me feel but sometimes.. sometimes I feel so out of place and inadequate. Like "my all" is not enough and will never be. Perhaps I am simply flawed beyond comprehension. As I am writing this, I can't help but wonder if I am channelling what ever it is that is in my subconcious.

What am I trying to say?
I wish I could sit myself down and look into my eyes and read in the depths of them for things that words cannot say. I need to know why am I constantly worried. I need to know why am I still restless.
Wanie, are you trying to run away?
Why do I find it so hard to love myself? What ever have I done so bad, so horrible that is unforgivable in my eyes?

My dear Wanie, you are running away.
You are running away from the house you grew up in.. you are running away from your family.. you're running away from the friends that you grew up with.. you're running away from the the man who loves you.. you are running away from yourself.
Your inability to love yourself scares you.. confuses you to how those people could. The universe seems like a big conspiracy to make you feel safe and secured and when you least expects it, the rug will be pulled from beneath you and you will fall, face first ungracefully.

Why does running away feels so natural to me?

And there's where I stopped writing on my Moleskine because you called, hun.
I needed to ask you if you ever get tired of saying the things that you always say to me. I needed to know if you ever get tired of pulling me back to where I belong. Because if I had kept writing.. if I'd kept thinking and feeling the way that I did, I would have run away.
Is it crazy to have said that?
Well, I'm crazy.

I can't help it...
it's really okay if you get tired of me and my moods. I get tired of me and my moods.. Sometimes I wish I would just go away and never come back.

You know that saying how if you love someone you should let them go?
That's just how I feel. Everyone should just go away and not get tangled up in my darkness. Not worth it.
blah.

Saye stalker. Kamu apa?

Buat Cik Amyan yang nervous tentang job offer: klik sini! Saye cabar awak! hahaha!
Saye tak ingat bila saye jumpe blog tu. Tak lama lepas kita first round interview kot. Macam excited lak bila blog hopping punya blog hopping, sekali jumpa blog cabin crew daa.. (Emirates, kot.) Macam sign, gitu. wahahhaha!

Pardon the Malay paragraph my dear readers.. (to Boyfie especially since I know for a fact that he stalks my blogs. hehe) I was reading the blogs that I follow (stalker mode!) and some of them were in Malay. I can't help it, they were stuck in my brain. (So I mirror them..)
Although, bad English never managed to take over my brain. Maybe because I don't read enough of them. (Of course, I'd like to NEVER read enough of it.) I honestly don't understand why people intentionally write badly. Really. WHYYYY?!

Bad English in one entry is funny, people.
Bad English for EVERY entry is a torture!!
Well, for me obviously since I keep writing about it. haha! True story; growing up, my dad didn't like the idea of his children watching/reading Popeye because he doesn't speak proper English. hahaha! My dad didn't exactly "forbid" us from watching it though. He just didn't approve. Archie's on the other hand, is a big thumbs up.

hmm.. the coincidences in my life is odd. It's like.. there would be a lull period where I do nothing, have nothing to do, no one to see, no reason to move.. and then comes the period where I have everything to do, everyone to see.. every reason to move. It gets kinda crazy, but I suppose there's nothing much to say about it since it's normal for me..
It's still kinda weird though. I mean, I would like to know when am I going to have those period changes.

Oh, I tried Plinky the other day. I'm not sure how I found it. (I got Tumblr from a random follower's tweet.) Basically, Plinky is for those who wants to blog but has no idea what to blog about.. so they gave you prompts; questions or challenges that you can answer.
Well, I have no problem blogging today, as you can see.
I do have a problem staying in bed, though.

Saya rindu Pipoos!!

I was looking through some old pics..
That must be a Tuesday, 'coz there's a market in Beurs on Tuedays where I'd buy fish, flowers (that one time) and silly t-shirts. hehhe! But we're not talking about the market or Beurs (!!) today..
I miss Pipoos!!
(website, in Dutch naturally! ooooh!! webwinkel! -- ps: I'm not exactly fluent in Dutch, but I know enough to guess.. hahaha!)
Heaven on Earth. Okay, that's a bit over the top. Let's call it my favourite playground then. duude. If only there's a shop like Pipoos over here. (Of course that would mean I would be even more poorer than I already am! hahahha!)
Actually, that art store in The Gardens, Midvalley is probably a bit like Pipoos. Not exactly since the decor is a drab (unlike the cheery Pipoos stores!) but I see some potential there.. I'll look into it a bit more closer the next time I'm there.

Since it's been a pretty boring week, I decided that I should probably work on finishing my Europe-travel journal.


I know, it's been over two years and there is a big chance that I'd forgotten everything there was to write about the trips I've made. But I need to try and remember those huge chunks anyway 'cause there are a bunch of empty pages in there and I haven't written a single word on Berlin! gah.
I feel bad when I leave things out or forget about them.

Well, I still have a few stickers and embellishments that I could use. hmm.. I love Pipoos!!
I'd be doing a lot more "arts and crafts" things if I could easily get my supplies -- but because I can't, I fear that I will run out of the things I now have.. blah.
But I should just complete the journal so I'll feel better; to finally finish something that I'd started.

hmm.. so.. I'll be working on that this week.
I just feel like doing something with my hands and I'm uninspired to make cards or write letters. Bad-ish week, so I don't feel like making any attempts to socialize. hehe.

Oh! Why am I writing about Pipoos and my travel journal?
hmm.. for what ever reason, I've been dreaming about travelling this past few night.. every night really. Sometimes I'm actually in a foreign place. Sometimes I'm at the train station. Sometimes I'm kinda like in the airport. And a few times I'm at an underground station; getting lost, waiting for the next train.. really. It's kinda bugging me. Makes me restless.

I wish I could get a new location, location, location

If you could change one thing about your living situation what would it be?

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!
I'm in a long-distance relationship.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!
I'd rather be with my boyfriend, seriously.
the place doesn't matter much, as long as I'm with him.. I would have much much much lesser things to complain about.

Trouble sleeping blows.

I haven't been able to sleep at my usual time lately. (Which is around midnight.) What's worse, I now sleep at my old usual time -- which was around 4 or 5 am. mm yeah. I guess I should be thankful that at least I didn't sleep at my older usual time. (7am)
It's horrible. I never liked having this trouble sleeping. I wouldn't have minded so much if I end up waking up at 1 or 2 pm. That would at least seem "normal". But I keep waking up at 10 or 11! I'm a weird slacker. I wake up after only six hours of sleep even though I have nothing to do once I'm awake.

Actually, I can take that six hours of sleep and be thankful. Any sleep is better than no sleep at all, really. But I don't like the fact that Boyfie would be all determined to wait for me. So we end up sleeping at the same time, but I still wake up at 11, and what time does he wake up?
Late.

I honestly envy people who could sleep soundly for hours on end. mmph. Which is why I look forward to starting my job. If I can't have a regular sleeping time, might as well put it to a good use. I think the job would really suit me, but Amyan's older entry made me think. I've always been quite the restless soul. I could be away from home for months and not feel homesick. I was never the one who calls them up but they were. But really, I don't know..
I think that changed a bit once Boyfie got into my life.. but I suppose it kinda helps that we are in a long-distance relationship to begin with. It's almost like.. "practice makes perfect".
Ah, we'll just have to see.

Anyway..
Happy 11th monthsary, Sylly.
Love you love you love youuu..
Go listen to the song I uploaded on tumblr. ♥

My dear sweet sweet man,

Some days I wish more than any other days that I could make you understand exactly how much you mean to me.
There should be words for it, but there isn't and here I sit by myself hoping that one day you could feel the beats of my heart and somehow know;
That you're the one that makes my world go 'round, you're the one that lights up my life, you are the one that saves me.
It's you, and it'll always be you. I am yours and will always be yours..

2nd Feedback to Facebook.

1. I don't need real time feeds on EVERYTHING that EVERYONE does.
2. the tabs on Status and News Feed WORKS! why change it?
3. everything on the Home page looks the same!! statuses, wall posts.. how is that EASIER for users?
4. I need to scroll down.. waaayy down for my pokes. it's NOT convenient.
5. yes, I know I can filter what I'd like to see on the Home page -- but WHY make me do all the work. seriously.
6. the Highlights sidebar is too long.. too big.. too annoying, really.
7. twice layout "update" in one year is TOO MUCH and unnecessary.

I know that everyone hates the last layout when you changed it but they end up getting a hang of it anyway.. but this.. THIS! seriously. please stop changing the layout when there was no demand for it and it wasn't bugged'. stop forcing on us new layouts. this is making me so weary of Facebook. really tiring and frustrating.

I used to log on because I enjoyed using Facebook. but now I only log on because I have to -- only because my friends are on this.
I might just log on through my mobile if this keeps up.

yeah.. I decided to send Facebook my feedback on the new Home page every single day that I log in and get frustrated by it. Really. Looking at the new Home page first thing in the morning is by FAR, no way to start the day.

Incidentally, I used to write "formal" emails (to lecturers.. people in finance department..) just like this. The things I try to convey are in points.. but they were very emotional. haha!

Tumbla.. Twim.. Abiro..

I'm trying some apps for my mobile phone. Tumbla works GREAT! Only problem is of course, I don't use it that often. Twim.. I think I just prefer getting on OperaMini to tweet. So I'm trying the Abiro Mobile Blogger now..

Pagi pagi dah buat sakit hati.

The new layout of the Facebook Home page makes me want to cry.. in between of punching something.

Then my friends who were using Plurk were spamming each other.. and I wouldn't have any problem with that really, if they hadn't synchronized their Plurk with Facebook AND Twitter!! SERIOUSLY!! I love them, but I'd like to smack them square for not containing their spam activities in just one place. What's the point of having two microblogs when both of them are saying the same thing? Really? This is a question.
Hey, there's Jaiku and Yammer too! Let's get on those as well! -- okay, that was me being sarcastic. ughhhh!!!

I should probably say that I'm having a headache right now. I couldn't sleep last night and I woke up too early this morning 'coz it was bright outside.
I hate everything about today. I hate it. I HATE IT!!
Boyfie is feeling under the weather so I told him to just go rest.
yeah.. so now I'm all by myself and feeling like crap! I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!
Just.. SOD OFF to everything!

I am just.. so PISSED OFF right now and there is no other word for it.
It's no wonder that I'm failing one of my resolutions this year.

Hello, pointless entry!

I've been in a such moody streak lately. I hate it.
My mood fluctuation made me think of bipolar everytime.. but I can't have that. I mean.. I don't have any problem keeping up with my relationships. err.. I think. Big ones anyway. Falling out is normal, right? haha! And, I'm still pretty predictable to those who really knows me. I do get bored easily, but who doesn't? hehe.
Although it would be pretty cool to say "I have bipolar", I don't think I actually want it. yikes! So troublesome lah!

I'm in an okay-ish mood today. Noone has made me angry.. yet! heehee.
I have a horrible temper, honestly. And I have an incredibly potty mouth. But that side of me doesn't come out often. At least not since I was sixteen.
I don't like talking about things that angers me; talking DOES NOT help. Talking usually intensifies my anger, so I prefer to be left alone when I'm pissy.
Plus, I hate the fact that I get angered so easily. I'd rather be in denial and somehow, not talking about it would help me forget about it easier and when I forget, well.. it didn't happen! hehe.

Though I know it's not healthy to bottle up your feelings.. I would really rather keep mine to myself as what I'm capable of saying.. could sever ties. Well, I don't really know that since I've never tested it.
But I've always felt that if I manage to say them, it'd mean that I am well prepared to sever that tie. Either way, it's bad.
So I keep my feelings to myself. Cry, or get a headache. Risk heart and lungs complications in the future. Hope that I won't have to be so stuck for too long. Pray that I could run.. or die, what ever.

hahahha! Let me remind you that I am NOT in a bad mood right now. hahahha! I have no idea why I'm writing what I am writing now. I blame the lack of sleep. I stayed up to watch the Champions League game and when they were over, the birds outside wouldn't shut up and Dida wouldn't stop impersonating them; my sister is a master at annoying me, while I am the master of embarrassing her in public. heheh! (I usually do things that should embarrass myself, but I always end up having a good laugh while she's the one who gets embarrassed.)

Was playing with the "panorama" setting on my Sony Ericsson last Saturday;


My IP always comes out as from "Petaling Jaya". Why?
I am nowhere near PJ.

Oh, I still haven't got anything of substance to share, can you tell?
(and yet it took me an hour to finish this entry!)

Heartache.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling 'blah'.
Got through the day, had a nap and woke up feeling 'gah'!
And now.. really.. all I'm feeling is 'meh'.

I hate days like those.
When my heart's in a well and no one could pull it back up.
So I'm trying to climb up now. I'm trying.
That's all I can say.

Too long..

mmph.
I'm afraid I don't have anything nice to say.
I am.. at lost.
My bloody mind can't recall the way he smelled.
shit. I'm not even actually old but my mind falters like of an 80-year old's.
Stupid fucking distance.

I'll distract myself with chores now.

I'm happy to be happy!

hmm.. I was looking through what sort of trash I had in my handbag earlier.. and there was this old Borders receipt. Okay, first.. I saw For One More Day on Hallmark a few days ago and I thought; meh.. good thing I didn't buy the book.
So, back to that receipt.. sometime in 2007, I went to Borders and got myself The Alchemist, Like The Flowing River.. and For One More Day!! HAHAHAHHA!!
duuude! Obviously I bought the book and hadn't read it yet -- and I have NO IDEA where it is!! Where is it??? gah! Guess I should look for it.. sometime. hahaha!

blah. I actually have a couple of books that I haven't read yet. mmph. Dante's, Edgar Allan Poe's, Jane Austen's.. I should probably spend a couple of days reading all those books. (Before I yap about wanting some new books at least!)

Today I went on a lunch date with my sisters. Good fun. Loads of stupid, silly jokes within one hour (happy hour!) like always. See, of all the right things my parents had done, my sisters.. they are at the very top of that list! heehee.


Dida had people to see after lunch so I went back on the train.. and guess what?
I got to see a free shooww!
The guy sitting across me was wearing shorts and didn't keep his legs together. bahahahhaha!! mm.. yeaa.. I don't get creeped out by balls, apparently. I've always wondered why noone ever flashed me before. I would have a good laugh out of it.
I remember back in school when some kids got flashed and was mortified about it. I've always pictured myself pulling out a pair of scissors if I get flashed. (Then I'll chase the guy around! See how he'd like that!)
So.. yeaa.. no wonder people are usually worried FOR me. bahahhahaha!

American Idol's wild card show was exciting! The ending was the best! hahahha! ♥ That's the way it should be, honestly..

And Boyfie.. I love you SO MUUUCH!!

Honestly...

I told Boyfie yesterday that it's a good thing Lifelogger died, or I would have even MORE blogs. But actually, now that I think of it.. if LL had survived, I wouldn't feel really inclined to use Tumblr. (other than having an intergration with Twitter, you can upload one audio file per day!) wheee! That bit got me hooked really.
Not that I'll be updating it much, (like my Wordpress and the rest of my blogs on Blogger..) but I like knowing that I have a place where I can upload my current favourite song when I want to.
I'm too lazy to learn CSS though, so I'll just settle with a boring theme for now. (I ought to learn it for this blog too but bah! As long as HTML still works, I will stick by it! rawr!)

Oh, I can be such a geek sometimes.. you have no idea.
I probably have half a dozen of things online that I check/update quite regularly but THIS will always be at the top of my list. This blog is like Boyfie and the other ones are my little distraction. hahahha! ♥

Okiee! The day's been pretty slow. (The week, really.. and yet it's Thursday!) I have nothing much to write. bah!
I haven't had much to write about lately. Not here, not in my Moleskine, not in letters.. not anywhere! I don't like it.

I suppose if Blogger releases the option to upload audio files and password-protected entries, I'd be super-loyal to this blog. hehe.

For the sake of writing..

Yesterday turned out to be a day out with my girl friends. Bahijah in the afternoon, then Alia in the evening.
It's always nice to have a sit down and catch up on things.. hehe
I'm still not caught up with some of my other friends though. Soon I hope.

So I discovered tumblr.com. gah! Naturally I had to try it out. hahahha!
I will do my best to not update it as often as I can manage.
Seriously.. seriously.. I have enough things online. Seriously.

Anyway, I'm bored. I woke up too early again this morning.
Think I'll go watch The Office again..

♥

Bahijaaaaaaaaaaah!
Completely forgot to take pictures since we were pressed on time. Could've had her unnaturally straight hair recorded! hahahaha! (Could've taken food-pics for Debzie too! blah. Fail!)
She called this morning and asked me some things that obviously came from something she read from this blog and wanted to have lunch together -- typical Bahijah! Always too busy for anything and then finally catching up on things all at one go.

Ah well, that's why I have this blog anyway. I'm not exactly the type who calls up my friends to ask them how things are going or tell them how things are doing for myself..
I'm happy that this blog served its purpose. woohoo! Go blog!

Anyway, as I told some things to Bahijah, she couldn't stop staring and claiming that I've grown up and have finally bloomed. Ooookay!
It's amusing how the things I say can get people to stare at me. They always seem so surprised like I've made some drastic change when I haven't really. I still feel like the same person I ever was. Only difference is I am now moving somewhere instead of being stuck.
Come to think of it, the only person who has never been surprised with the things I said was Musz. (Naturally!) She'd stare too but then she'd nod along, always knowing what my thoughts are capable of.. but I'm not too sure if she'd still be unsurprised these days. I can't remember the last time we actually talked..

So, that's how my day went basically. When I got back, Boyfie insisted that I take a nap since I didn't get much sleep last night -- and I did. (woaah!)
Hopefully I won't have trouble sleeping tonight. (since my nap was 3 and a half hours long!)

Family-filled weekend!

wheeee! Went to watch football with Dida on Saturday night. Selangor vs. Kelantan at the Shah Alam Stadium. The turnout was really impressive (probably since both teams are at the top of the table.) Like seriously.. the Kelantan fans beats the Perak and Kedah fans turnout.

Dida and I cursed a LOT that night! Really.. we haven't been cursing that much in a long, looong while, but EVERYTHING goes that night. I can't recall the times I shouted at the referee to just drop dead. The linesmen too. But mostly the ref. His obvious biasedness is incredible. And he is TOO generous with his cards! Seriously! 2 red cards and half a dozen yellow ones. Seriously!! He was awful!

The whole night was really exciting, I must say. Despite the idiocy of the ref, Selangor still managed to win by 3 goals to nil. Not to mention that there was a fight between the fans -- polices were involved (good thing Dida and I weren't sitting too close to that area) and the typical casualty of a matchday; the stadium's plastic seats. Dida scolded one guy about it, which I commend her for. I almost scold one other guy but I couldn't bring myself to be reckless. (Usually I'd feel prepared to have a fight to do things like that, but I promised that I'd take care of myself.. so I minded my own business.)

Honestly I don't get these people. If they love the team, they should love the stadium too. Just thinking about these vandals is pissing me off. Stupid morons. I wish them death.

Moving on..
I was in Seremban on Sunday with the whole family. We stayed at Nina's place before going to Port Dickson later in the afternoon. I was feeling a tad anxious to swim around so I just wade about.. goofing around with Nina, which was fun!


Then it started raining.. really heavily on our way back from the beach.
But that turned out to be really fun too since I get to run around in the rain once we get to Nina's house. It was freezing cold so I chattered my words the whole time. Oddly enough, the kiddies didn't join me and Dida in the rain.
hmm.. who were the real kids actually? hahahha!

Dida and I are catching a movie later. I don't know why but I'm kinda excited about going. weird. I'm not too excited about having to get a shower later though. hahahha!