Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I wish I was younger.

Not that I'm afraid of getting old and saggy. (Well, maybe a little of that.) But mostly because of the things that I wish I could accomplish by a certain age.
I wish I was younger when I'd figured out that I wanted to become a cabin crew.
Did you know that by the time I finish my contract, I'd be almost 30??
I know that I said I didn't want to get tied down (as in married) before I'm 27, but now all of a sudden I'm scared that my ovaries won't work as well when I actually wanted to start a family.
All of a sudden I'm scared of my biological clock ticking faster than I want it to.
Sure, I'm 25 now, but WHAT IF biologically.. I have the organs of a 30 year-old? By I'm actually 30, my body is of a 40 year-old.. Then having a baby would be hard.. or dangerous!!
What if I can't conceive at all? Then my husband would be disappointed and wish to be with someone who could have HIS child.. and I'd be alone.. and truly empty..
This is too much to think about in one afternoon.

But I worry about this.
I am a person who worries about these things.
I suppose it's pretty early to think about it when I'm nowhere close to getting married.. but I need to have these things figured out. I'm not exactly into planning but I like to have rough ideas.
But right now, my rough ideas sucks!
Mostly because of my age.

I want to have a house.
I want my parents to live in a better house. At least if I'm not around to take care of them all the time, I want them to live in comfort.
And by the looks of the money I make now and how much I am spending.. there is NO WAY I could buy TWO freakin' houses by the time I'm thirty!
It sucks to feel old.
It sucks to be a late bloomer.
I wish I had all these figured out 5 years ago.

Sure, I could still achieve half of these if I decide to marry rich. But seriously, does that sound like me at all?
Marrying rich for the sake of getting material bliss?
I cringe at the idea!
That probably works for some girls but should I be one of those girls one day.. you should know that I am no longer me.

Anyway, next month will be a year I've joined the company. Congratulations to me for holding onto a job for a year! (Okay, I should probably save that 'til next month when I've actually worked for a year.) But still.. 11 months is the longest I've been working.
And I've been with Encem for 8 months. 8 long months considering I pretty much see him everyday. I should be tired of looking at him -- but I'm not! hahhahaha.

I've been having a strong need to shop lately. I blame the constant work I've been having to do. I tried to use some of my annual leave but my application was "rejected due to roster constraints". blah! So I need to shop. But I couldn't find anything worthy to spend on. So that sucks.
Of course I thought of finally getting a Blackberry (damn, I should stop talking about this) but I couldn't help delaying that since I'm planning to find a new place to rent that I might be needing the money for deposit.
I still couldn't find my perfect kind of wedges.
The tunic dresses and long shirts that I like are waaaayyy too expensive. (ZARA.. Promod?!) Sure I could afford them.. but seriously??
I think I prefer being ugly than stupid. Really.

Okay. I'm bored now. I'm talking to this guy sitting across me (a stranger who wanted to use the plug near the table) but I'm not having too much fun as he's been asking me about my job. ughhh!
I really gotta stop talking about my work during off days.


alipe said...

see! everything is always about moneyh beybeh! we live in a very material world!

ablen said...

-_-" u really think too much about things.... but i guess its good if we can realized some things earlier....

i guess i can't say much since i'm pretty much the same.... hahaha :p... hope not all sagi is like us.... urgh~..

Monkey's Bunny said...

awwwh alif, don't do that..
you know I never said that we don't need money, but it's not ALL about money.
just happens that I want money so I could buy my parents a house.. do they NEED another house? the answer would be "no".
do I want a Blackberry, sure!
do I need it, no.
nobody NEEDS to be filthy rich.. it's good to be rich, but nobody NEEDS it.
hence, it's not ALL about the money :)

Ablen: not all Sagis are like us.. ;)

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