ughh.. Of course, just when you decided that you don't want to get called up, the office thought differently.
I've never been rostered to this flight. It's one of those elusive sectors like Begawan; which I was rostered to last month but the flight was cancelled! pssh!
Kunming is one heck of a long flight. Three hours plus. It felt longer when you had less than three hours of sleep and was delayed because the passengers decided to wander around before flight.
I couldn't wait to get home but as we descended towards KLIA.. My eyes welled up in tears. I was suddenly reminded that I had no one waiting for me at home. hmmph!
I've finally decided on one a couple of weeks ago; that I should toughen up. Nak jadi hati batu sikit. I've been crying too much for the past year that I had to put it up as a resolution! hahahaha! Bangang.
If only doctors could recommend on my medical file that giving me long flights is highly discouraged. My brain is too messed up; instead of it being mostly a physical strain.. it's actually affecting my mental/emotions a lot more.
I just get a LOT more sensitive when I am tired.
As the result, tonight I walked towards the transport area biting my lips and praying to God that I wouldn't cry in public.
Personal shit are just too messy these days. And I know it's me who complicates things mostly. I couldn't help it. I'm simply in a bad funk to begin with so it doesn't take much for the spoilt brat within me to surface.
I don't know..
It does feel like I'm making a hell lot of excuses these days.
Funny how when I was single.. I had no trouble being with myself. (err.. Okay, I've always had trouble accepting myself -- but I never really needed anyone.) But now.. it's like my body detests the idea of being with just me.
ughh! I don't think I'm making much sense.
I should head to bed early.