S08E14

There are times in our lives when love really does conquer all

Exhaustion..

Sleep deprivation..

Anything.

And then there are those times when it seems like love brings us nothing but pain.

Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have,

Sometimes it's by losing ourselves in the moment,

and sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.

I'm a big fan of Grey's Anatomy.

I suppose you should know that if you had been following this blog.

Honestly I am a fan of most things with a monologue. I find it most interesting when there's an explanation to why things happen. Or the thoughts that triggered something.

When someone does something, I want to know why they did it.

It's either that or that I feel like I am constantly doing a monologue myself. So I feel the similarity between me and Mer. Only her thoughts are more put together compared to my incoherent rambling.

Well, I'm home alone again.

Feels like I'm the loneliest I've ever been this month. Roster's been unmerciful I suppose.

I was the assist crew on my flight today and my Primary Two (a steward.. well, a stewardee really) held my hand so tight during take off. He said that he always get scared of take-offs on a 737-400. I didn't think much of it. His hands truly were cold.

I was mostly uncomfortable because the rings that I wore were pressing against my fingers so hard.

I am still missing Encem. Between our work and his trips back to Kuantan, I don't get to see much of him. His father isn't doing so good, so I am trying my very best to be the understanding girlfriend. Which I do -- understand. So I don't get mad. Just sad..

I could probably count the hours that I had seen him this month so far.

We spent a few hours just talking last night. I'd missed that. It's little things like that that reminds me why I am with him in the first place.

Why I feel the way that I feel.

Why I get so emotional sometimes to a point where I feel like I should check myself to a psych-ward.

Aaaanyway, I hope things work out for the best.

I know he's not feeling his best, having to be away from his father's side at a time like this.

Our job sucks... when it comes to these sort of things.

Speaking of fathers, I haven't spoken to mine in weeks. We had a little spat over some stupid thing and now, like always we're duelling with our egos.

Let's call it principle. Or stubbornness; it sounds much better than "ego", right?

My father is a stubborn man.

I'm just giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Let's just say that my stubbornness is my super-power. Be it a dark one, at least I'd seem cooler.

I do feel evil for talking to everyone else in the family but my dad.

Moving on, I am the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life!

"become a hot-stuff" -- MY ASS!

Weighing at 56.5 kilos with flabby everything, I am nowhere near to being a hot-stuff!

Encem says that it's a sign of happiness, since he too had gained a little weight.

Oh well, maybe I am.. Happy.

Just maybe.

I thank God for my present weightless heart and calm mind.

I thank God for words. Ones that flows from my heart to my lips and through my fingers as I am typing this.

I thank God for my life. The family that I was born into, the paths that had led me to my job, to Encem.

I thank God for my sanity.

Alhamdulillah..