Friday, December 12, 2014

Left behind..

Encem left for Jeddah again last Tuesday.. for who knows how long.
I was okay (as okay as I can be, anyway) at first but I cried tonight. I cry a lot, so that's nothing special. I cry when I'm excited about something. I cry when someone tells me a sappy story. I cry when I hear stories about ghosts. And tonight I cried because I was angry.
I was sad and angry at the same time.
It's irrational but I felt like throwing my phone to the wall or uninstall my Whatsapp. What does Whatsapp have anything to do with it?? WHO KNOWS!
I am just extremely emotional right now and while smashing something would be ideal, removing myself from the "world" seemed like the next best thing -- said the blogger who ended up writing this post, of all things!

It's only been two (three?) days and having Encem tell me that he misses me makes me want to make him eat my shoe! It has ONLY been two days and he was the one who got on the plane in the first place! How STUPID is that? It is just as stupid as me saying that I missed him too. Hahahaha! Truth be told, I don't quite miss him.. Not yet anyway. I'm mostly just angry angry ANGRY!

I really should be used to this, but it aches still.
Honestly, I was upset enough at the beginning of the month when our rosters came out and found out that Encem would be working on my birthday weekend and the soonest I would be able to see him would be on the 14th. Then last weekend his roster was revised because he was to be sent to Jeddah!
Congratulations Wanie, not only he won't be around on your birthday, you don't even know when you will get to see him next!

This month just keeps on getting BETTER, I swear! #sarcasm

I am just.. crushed, can you tell?
Sorry you had to read me vent. You would think I'd be calmer and wiser, so close to turning THIRTY.
All of our normal celebrations this year were spent apart. His birthday, Eid, anniversary.. my birthday. Aren't those good excuses to be pissed at 3 o'clock in the morning? It sure as hell sounds good to me to cry out of frustration.

Okay, I am done venting. Well, not really but I am done sounding like a psycho on the internet.
What a horrible blogger I am; silent for many weeks and suddenly posting some crap just for the sake of venting. Oh well..


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