Thoughts by The Uninspired.

Retraction.

2012-02-10T02:23:00.003+08:00

Aku tarik balek umpatan aku pasal captain semalam..

Tetiba teringat dalam banyak banyak kali dia call ke cockpit tu, ada sekali dia just suruh tengok view kat luar; matahari terbenam selari dengan bulan naik.. Apparently it only happens during full moon.
So yeah.. disebabkan itu, aku rasa aku tak patut cakap tak elok pasal dia. hihi..
The view was.. extraordinary.
Sumpah, sangat cool.

And that is why my friends, I adore my job!
Even when I have to do BLR, MLE, CMB or HYD.. nothing compares to the view of the moon, the city lights and sunrise from up above.
My work feeds my obsession with the sky. hehe

Holes inside.

2012-02-09T03:09:00.000+08:00

Bestie finally showed me One Day starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess. (That is one fine man.. not hot, nor handsome. More to cute really.)

Made me think about soulmates.. (I can honestly say, that must be one of my favourite topics!)

Sometimes I wonder if Encem was truly meant for me.. or the other way round.

Sometimes I feel like it's better to not have found your soulmate.

In a way, if it doesn't turn out great.. you could say, "oh well.. he/she had never been my soulmate in the first place."

Whereas when you found "it".. and somehow things still doesn't turn out great, you'd have nothing to blame. Nothing to say.

Or it does turn out great.. you get married.. have beautiful children.. sleep in each other's embrace each night.. grow old together.... And one of you dies.

Then you'd be left with a hole in the heart.

Hmmph!

Sometimes I wish that I was never in love in the first place.

Getting burned, I can handle.

Being left with a hole...

The thought just scares the crap out of me.

Anyway, I'm missing my boyfriend..

We keep missing each other because of work. My heart is simply aching, and I don't think he has any idea how that feels.

Now on to work.. (Distractions.. distractions..)

The other day, a passenger asked for a warm beer.

Yes.

WARM beer.

When I told him that all our beers are chilled because it's meant to be served chilled, he instructed me to put the beer can in hot water. pffft! Pandai lah kau nak mengajar aku..

I was called up to Delhi on Monday and dear God, I was prepared for the passengers.. but the Bollywood Crew on my flight was hopeless!! I wasn't proud of it, but I admit.. I cursed a lot during the flight. And you could say that I was kiiinda bitchy that day.

My patience was thinning, so yeaaah..

And on a flight where everyone else was only catered ONE meal.. and us cabin crew had time only to have our meal ONCE.. the captain asked to have another go at the extra meals forty minutes before landing!

Pandai kan? Dahlaa makan dua kali.. Just before landing lak tu.. macam lah orang senang lenang sangat, nak layan dia sorang. pffft!

Lepas ni aku nampak captain ni, aku request awal awal taknak keje depan or keluar jalan or makan ngan dia! (Ada cerita lain tapi panjang nak taip.. malas. hehe)

Last week I spent the entire night talking with Chacha in BKI. He was doing some other flight but we were both nightstopping there that night. It was really nice. Been so long since I actually stayed up all night.. just talking. I've met a bunch of people, working in this line, but really.. to have someone that you could talk to for a whole night with is a rare find. Lepak bilik, minum kopi, smoke.. Cerita pasal life.. langsung tak masuk pasal company or gosip gosip. Instead of meeting again for breakfast, kitorang pegi breakfast dulu baru lah reti nak tido.

Terasa cam time time study dulu.. hahahha!

And my good friends had always been boys... pffft!

Oh well, I should head to bed now.

Macam tak letih je balek dari Delhi, sedangkan tulang belakang ni dah bunyik cam letup letup dah!

Wandering heart.

2012-01-22T15:15:00.001+08:00

Happy.
Memang happy.
Happy tak bertempat kot?

I had the most fun in KK this past two days. Usually it's so boring even when there's a bunch of crew nightstopping there. I flew with Arep's course-mate. He'd told me to look for his friend a few times, and I had seen him around. Felt it was weird if I just came up to him and asked about Arep without being properly introduced. So it was cool to have finally been rostered together.
I also had my batchgirl; Sally, in the set! So really.. it was a cool flight! (Plus, our supervisor was really nice.) I liked the set a lot!

I didn't get much sleep, but it was a good trip. I don't mind losing some sleep. Not exactly something new. (In the past four days, I can honestly say that I'd only slept for a total of twelve hours! ..okay, that's crazy come to think of but that does not make it any less true.)

So anyway, now I'm home.. with two days off..
I better get a loooong sleep tonight.
But first, I need to go and remove my make-up. (Came home three hours ago and I'd only changed clothes before getting stuck writing this! hahahha!)

Been a while..

2012-01-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

Hello!

I suppose you could say that I've been relatively happy lately. Hence the lack of posts; that are usually filled with my contempt with work, relationship or the world. hehe.

Oh I just noticed that I didn't say anything about Mumu's wedding!!
Somehow it feels weird to think that she's married. hahahaha! Knowing how wild and crazy she can get.. Oh well, congrats Mumu!! Would love to see the pictures soon..

Roster's been unexciting. Although I did have fun on my two trips to Penang. We've been getting a full day off in Penang on our roster this month.. and I truly enjoyed my trip. My set on the first trip was a super fun bunch. We rented a car, went to Batu Feringghi, they got on a banana boat (I wasn't dressed for the occasion.. sigh) spent the whole day driving around and had good food.

In the end we only slept for two hours before our flight the next day..
I can't complain.. I had so much fun that day!

Pay day came super early this month. Yeaah.. I needed that, but it's scary when you think about it.
I really should start saving up.

2012

2012-01-04T02:42:00.000+08:00

People say that the world is going to end..

I suppose this means that one should go BIG or not go at all..

Resolutions?

I might have some. Last year's was so insignificant and half-heartedly made so I don't see the point of reviewing it.

This year.. well, I've made one so far; that is to become a hot-stuff. HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!

I know how ridiculous it sounds. I can't even say it with a straight face. But I do wish for a hot-bod. Three days in of the new year, yesterday I had nasi lemak for breakfast then nasi briyani for lunch! I don't see how that helps towards having a hod-bod but I'm not stressing over it.

I think I also want to save money.. Actually start saving up instead of just saying that I want to.

Last night Dida and I were talking, reminiscing about our time in Europe.. Then Rai Whatsapp me out of nowhere during the day, telling me that he's still in Germany.. Then later in the evening Dida and I went to see Sherlock Holmes : Game Of Shadows and the protagonists were travelling through Paris, Germany and Switzerland..

A sign?

You know I would think so.

I just have a few things that I want to buy (ehem!) and then I can start saving up. I could start by controlling my impulsive buying. And for that, I should NOT be online when I am bored.. Bahahahahhaha!!

I want to write more.

Control my manic emotions.

Manage my anger.

Also, read more books!

I notice lately that my patience towards stupid people is dwindling and it doesn't help when I feel like I am becoming moronic myself. I would end up being angry at myself, which isn't good.. I suppose I'd imagined myself being more calm and collected as I grow older.

I'll be turning twenty-eight by the end of the year and I can't help but feel like I've been wandering in life aimlessly.

So I hope I'll be wiser.

Here's to the new year; may we all keep fighting for our goals.. and sanity!

Kahlil Gibran had said; Desire is half of life, Indifference is half of death. So yeah, there's no harm in wanting, as a matter of fact it is encouraged!

Happy New Year, my dear readers..

dot dot dot

2011-12-21T22:28:00.000+08:00

I'm bored...

I just spent the last thirty minutes trying out the new Maybelline foundation I bought yesterday.. mm.. all dolled up with no place to go.

Anyway, my birthday turned out alright..

Despite Encem annoying me by leaving me all to myself while I was getting ready for work. He always does that; disappearing just when I'm about to leave for a while. pfft!

Moving on, I was happy enough to know earlier on that I was flying with a friend. (I always get nervous doing an Airbus flight, so having a friend around helps BIG time.)

Thinking that I was surely going to be put as a galley steward, my supervisor surprised me by putting me as cabin stewardess! yayyy! (And he maintained my working position on the way back too! yippeee!)

It had been a good flight to and fro. And I had fun walking around with Amy. We spent the morning in Citigate.. went to central Hong Kong in the afternoon.. and actually even went to Kowloon in the evening!!

A full day well spent.

Oh ohh! And I guess it's the culture.. At the end of day when we arrived in Hong Kong, my set crew actually sung Happy Birthday to me in the hotel lobby and chipped in to give me a pressie from the sales cart! hahahhaha!

Oh well.. it was nice.

Okay, I better go away and sit somewhere quietly before I yap about money and bills..

hahahhahahha!

High Eleven.

2011-12-12T01:15:00.000+08:00

Suppose I'm in the writing mood this week.

Anyway, I had a good day.. Despite falling asleep at 6:30 in the morning and got called up exactly at 8:00 for a 12:35 flight which was scheduled to touchdown at 7:40 in the evening.
Aaaaaand.. I am still awake at this hour!
Well, my father did once casually say that I was a nocturnal creature.

But if my opinion counts at all, I would say that I am more of a morning person. I prefer getting my day start early than some time in the afternoon; I'd feel like I have wasted half a day doing nothing worth while. Same goes when it comes to work. The duty officer had offered me another flight with a shorter flight time and later reporting time but I guess since my sleep was ruined, and I was never really the type that could go back to sleep when that happens, might as well I just get up -- and work.

Don't I sound boring.

I had awesome people to work along yesterday, and because I was a joining crew, I worked with TEN people! Two different sets of crew but equally entertaining and awesome! So yeah.. Alhamdulillah..
Then on the way back from the airport I shared the transport with Adi and this one other guy who wouldn't stop talking about things that I didn't mind listening to. hahahaha!
That, my friend.. is a very rare happening.

So I get the day off today..
I couldn't decide on how to spend it. Stay at home? Wander aimlessly outside? After all, it IS just one day.. But.. It is the day before my birthday! -- the birthday which I will have to spend in an aircraft.. pretending to be vigilant.. serve food and drinks to strangers while smiling 'til my teeth hurts.
Yes, I know you can't exactly hurt your teeth, but you get it.

I'll be in Hong Kong on my birthday, Manila on Dida's birthday, Jakarta on Christmas and Kota Kinabalu on New Year's...
#crewlife..
I'm not exactly cheering though..

Ombak Rindu

2011-12-11T04:39:00.001+08:00

So where do I begin..

I guess it started a week ago while I was in the saloon.
I saw a booklet of IKEA's Christmas stuff and saw a pair of cute slippers and I had to have! Seeing that there wasn't any call by 2 o'clock (I was on standby from 8 am 'til 4 pm) I asked Dida if she had any plans for the day.
She did.
She was going out with her friends to look at some cars and said that they'll pick me up after. Yayyz!

Sometime in the afternoon she called and asked if I could book some tickets for the movie online. I was hesitant Mostly on principle (I don't really watch Malay movie.. or drama.. or what ever) but if she had insisted, I would have anyway. But she didn't.
So yeeaaah.. I thought we won't be doing that.
I have to admit though, I was curious about the movie since everyone raved about it.

Dida picked me up at 7, we went to have dinner and while we went to IKEA, her friends went to get tickets!!!

Mmm.. that was a long intro.
Just thought I'd do it How I Met Your Mother style. hahahahahha!!
Okay.. now.. the movie itself.

Characters were WEAK.
Editing was BAD.
Background music; AWFUL.
Shots were DISGRACEFUL.

Sure, I probably should not talk about shots and editing since I only studied that for a few semesters but.. ick! The change from one scene to another was HORRIBLE!! Things were out of focus, lines suddenly stopped halfway, and at one point there was some random person walking at the back of the scene!

Background music.. was basically the saaaame song being played again and again. It was annoying as heck! I don't think people genuinely like that soundtrack. They had just been brainwashed into thinking that they loved it! That song really stuck in your head and won't go away.
You know how in Hindi films, they would use that ONE song for a bunch of scenes but they would change the beat a bit and lose the lyrics.. well, not in this film! They keep using the same tune.. WITH the lyrics! Again.. and again.. and again..
Yes, it's probably a good song (I can honestly say that the lyrics were nice) but to have it keep repeat-peat-peat-peat-peating throughout the movie is just bloody annoying!!!

And oyy, the characters.. WEAK!! SO FRIGGIN' WEAKK!! If it was based on real people, boy.. these are one bunch of stupid people thrown together. Kudos to the actors though. That's the only thing that I can say positively about this movie. The actors were truly embracing their (stupid) characters. They believed that they were these people.

If I could sum the two-hour film into one word, it would be -- OVER-RATED!
I am honestly shocked -- no, appalled that THIS is what Malaysian thinks is "good". Seriously, people? 5.2 million.. for this?
Perhaps I should find the novel and see if it was well written to begin with.
But.. err yeaah.. The likelihood of that happening is very slim.

Anyway, I had a good night. Despite the bad movie (I wouldn't say it was disappointing; to be disappointed one would have to expect something to begin with) I had a good time with Dida and her friends -- mostly laughing inappropriately. Still laughing nontheless.
Plus my curiosity was fed. Good to know that I haven't missed much when it comes to the local entertainment scene.
I can go back to being the indifferent pompous jackass that I'd always been without guilt.

Biding time.

2011-12-07T19:26:00.001+08:00

PMS sucks!

Okay, I thank God that I've been lucky for not getting those cramps that other girls get at that time of the month.

But my emotions go haywire. It sucks. Big time.
For instance, I cried listening to James Morrison's Right By Your Side last night. Pffft! And it wouldn't stop for a good hour.
So yeah.. SUCKS!!

I'll be on standby starting tomorrow for four days. I never liked being on standby. I hate it when I get woken up by a call from a person who tells me that I have to work!! Pffft!
SUCKS!

And I'll turn 27 in less than a week.. Ughhh! I really feel old. Especially when the people around me are evolving into someone's wife, husband, mother, father.. Bahh!
It feels so wrong when truthfully I feel happier when I don't think about marriage in the first place!
What the heck is WRONG with me?!

And I'm pissed a lot because I'm not really saying what I really mean to say.. "Secret secrets are no fun, secret secrets hurt someone.."
Yeaah, that's just me most of the time. I wasn't designed to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself and yet here I am... Beating around the bushes.
This isn't me.
I am hating this person that I've become.

Anyway, now I'm obsessed with Tiga Suara's Beribu Sesalan.. Berangan nak karok ngan Dida and Kina. Berangan lah boleh nyanyi that high pitch. Hah!

I need to get away from myself.

Crazies.

2011-12-02T10:53:00.001+08:00

So, last night while I was doing a flight from Alor Setar, back to Kuala Lumpur..
A passenger said to me, "you look tired..."

KAU GILA AKU TAK PENAT??!
I got up at 8 in the morning, reported for duty at 11.. did Bali and back; which was full with heavy drinking foreigners, and instead of going home after a three hour flight each way, we had to do Alor Setar and back! Bloody rostering..

Of course, I only said that in my mind.. But I did told that passenger I couldn't wait to get home. I was so excited about getting home that even the passenger seated a few rows behind could hear me.
Anyway, I thank God that I got a wonderful set yesterday. I was tired, yes, but those group of people pretty much made my day.
Alhamdulillah.

Last week Dida and I went to Singapore to visit the H&M store. I know. We're nuts. We'd been planning this trip ever since we got the news that they're opening a store there. That was like, March? The store opened in September but we didn't have the time to go earlier.

Luckily I got three days off while the rest of the office-people are getting a long weekend. (Awal Muharram holidays.)

Another reason to go to Singapore; I need to get to the HRCs again!! Bahahahaha!!

So after my BKK flight on the 25th, I quickly changed my uniform to normal clothes to catch the last flight to Singapore! Encem was working that flight. heehee. Dida was already in Singapore, she drove all the way with a friend.

Funny thing happened while I was checking-in.. There was a guy standing behind the lady at the counter. His friends were telling him to go away and leave me alone. I myself couldn't help staring at him because he'd seemed SO familiar. Then I heard his friends calling him Faridz..

I had to ask him where he's from.

"Shah Alam."

So I laughed.. because he was really a friend from school!

Anyway, we ended up walking around the departure hall and hung outside to smoke while I waste some time before my flight. Funny to have bumped into him like that. Amusing that I've been working for more than two years and only now I found out that he'd been working at the airport for almost nine years!

So anyway, I had a good trip. Managed to get a pin from HRC T3! yippee!

The only HRC in an airport is in Changi Terminal 3. So yeah.. In two days I managed to go to five HRC! T3, Singapore, Singapore Hotel, Sentosa.. and Melaka!

Now, Melaka's Cafe isn't open yet but their Rock Shop is and it seems like the only people who worked there were male. Hmmm..

mm okay. I'm tired of typing. I feel like getting an ice-cream.

東京!

2011-11-22T09:45:00.001+08:00

If you have 24 hours in Tokyo...
How would you spend your day?

Well, I suppose I wasn't much of a tourist nor a traveller..
I was just a girl with a mission.
Instead of going to Disneyland or visit the Tokyo Tower or even take a photo with Hachiko, I decided to hit all the Hard Rock Cafes that was within reach! bahahhahaha!
I'm nuts. I know.

So basically I don't really have a picture of myself in Tokyo.. Except maybe this;

hahahahahha!
Anyway, I had a good time even when I had spent most of the day in the train.
Feels kinda proud that I didn't get lost, not even once. heehee!

**the red 'X' marks the closest train station to the hotel while the purple 'X' were the places that I went to.

So.. four HRC in one day.. And there will be a remake of this insanity in a few days.. (in someplace else though..)
I got really cute pins while I was visiting all those HRC.. so yeah.. I was doing something I truly enjoyed in those few hours I got. It was raining all day anyway. So thank God I wasn't so keen on sight-seeing.

Met Hafiz Karim for the first time. teehee! I find it amusing how I had to be in Tokyo to finally meet him.

And now I'm back home.. spending the day off with Encem before going back to Shah Alam tomorrow.. *grins*

Deteriorating.

2011-11-18T01:22:00.001+08:00

Flu.
Blocked ears.
Snot oozing.
Food has no taste.

Meds not working.

Bad mood.
Tokyo tomorrow night.
Pfftt!

Piss off!

Bruised and battered.

2011-11-09T23:12:00.001+08:00

So...
My heart took another beating.
I really don't know how long I can take it anymore. I suppose if I read through my Moleskine, it's pretty clear that I go back and forth every week -- pretty much since the first week!
So what does that say about me?
Indecisive?
Madly in love??

Pffft! If that's what it is.. I don't think I would've started had I known..
Perhaps I would be satisfied with mediocrity. I may never learn how to be happy so I might as well accept being mediocre.

Anyway, I am currently out of town. Bored. Sleepless. Lonely as ever.
Running out of cigarettes because I had nothing else better to do and losing any interest to food. Bah!
I pray that I won't pass out or anything of the likes when I need to work.

Doing anything in a foul mood just blows, really..

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

$_$

2011-11-04T00:43:00.000+08:00

I shall refrain from blogging about money.. uuuh...

I suppose I can be quite a big spender.. sometimes. But really, I blame my sucky roster for giving me boring flights and pretty lousy allowances that restraints my livelihood. hahahaha!

Oh well, I'm not doing too bad really. I'm just grumpy that I can't shop carelessly like a couple of months back. These past two months (and next month too, by the looks of it!) I only have enough to pay my bills, rent and food. (And yes, I do get to spend luxuriously on food..)

I'm just being a brat, is all..

I had wanted to buy yet another Lomo camera (pffft!) but I guess that one will have to wait. I'll just worm my way around getting something else for the time being.

*manic laugh* Yes, my friends.. instead of accepting that I can't afford one thing so I'll just put away what I have for next time, I decided to get something else that I can afford! hahahaha!

ughhh.. I probably need help.

I have enough camera anyway.. (I'm trying to convince myself that!) What I don't have is a magnet thingy for my artsy-crafty crap. heehee. Perhaps I'll show you what I'd do with it once it arrives.

Oh, I saw Good Will Hunting for the first time yesterday.. I suppose I should've seen it a couple of times at least, but I don't know.. I guess I thought that I've seen it before but I just couldn't remember a thing about it..? haha! Anyway, it was a really good watch.

The moment Matt Damon started seeing Robin Williams (who played as a psychiatrist) I knew why the film won so many awards.. I love love LOVE the speech in the park..

The day before that I watched Last Night, starring Kiera Knightley, Sam Worthington and Eva Mendes. mm.. yeah, I hated that one. Mostly because I found it too heavy for my heart.. or brain. What ever. It's really a simple sort of movie.. Kinda straight forward. Just kinda..

I find myself thinking too much about how it ended, really.

The difference between a man and a woman..

I've been getting too many off days lately, it's a wonder how I manage to NOT shop until today.. bahahha!

Singapore layover later this evening.. I gotta remind myself to ask the hotel something I'd been meaning to ask. Oooh I really can't wait for my trip with Dida later in the month!

It's going to be a mini-Hard Rock Cafe tour. I was hoping to finally get my hands on some T3 pins! rawrr! I find it quite ludicrous that there are FOUR friggin' Hard Rocks in Singapore!

And yes, I've been to three of them but I wasn't enrolled in the Pin Collector's Club before.. So now I have to go back. (mm yeah, it's a bit too complicated to explain and I'm lazy. I doubt you'd be interested to read it anyway. Let's just say I'm a seriously obsessed Pinhead.) We're really going to have a look at the H&M store.. but while we're at it, you know. Plus, we could stop over in Melaka on the way back to visit the new HRC!

Bahahahahha!

Aaah.. so many plans this month.. Kinda.

heehee.

Kisah Bisul Pecah.

2011-10-25T12:51:00.001+08:00

#crewlife

Kelmarin aku balek dari 4-days trip yang boleh lah tahan meletihkan. Sector-wise, first dengan last day je yang buat kerah tenaga habis habisan. Tapi.. aku dapat lah pulak set yang kaki makan/jalan... Sekali sekala dapat one whole set yang sama wave length ngan kau, takkan kau nak lepaskan peluang, ye dak?

So first day tu, KUL/TWU/KUL/KBR.
Sampai Kota Bharu dah dekat midnite. Kebiasaan crew akan keletihan dan pilih untuk duk dalam bilik order room service ataupun lupakan saja niat nak makan lalu terus tidur.. Tapi set aku tak; sampai di lobby, dapat kunci bilik, tanya front desk kat mana ada kedai still bukak -- "Okay, 10 minit turun eh."
So naik cepat cepat, taruk barang, tukar baju cam pelesit, kencing sat pastu turun!
Memang semua orang turun, kecuali Captain.. (Co-pilot memang kaki jalan, aku tau dah sebab kitorang nitestop KHH sama last month.)

Alhamduliilah, malam tu Leading aku belanja kitorang makan.. Macam tau tauuu je aku memang sengkek abes. Actually gaji dah masuk aritu, tapi aku pun belum sempat gi ATM. Alhamdulillah lagi, gaji masuk awal...
Pastu kitorang jalan balek ke hotel sambil plan esok nak brunch apa..

Pagi esok, kul sebelas kitorang jalan jalan carik nak makan apa. Kali ni Captain ikut sekali. Aku, co-pilot ngan dua stewardess tapau nasi kerabu kat stall pastu rendezvous ngan yang lain kat restoran. (Captain tak makan kat stalls kot.. pfft!) Nasi kerabu, co-pilot belanja.. Air ngan lauk tambahan kat restoran tu Captain bayar.. Alhamdulillah...

Petang tu kitorang fly KBR/KUL/KCH lak.. Tuka dah tech crew.
Alkisahnya, Captain kali ni landing entah cemana ntah.. boleh tahan kuat la hentaknya. Dah keluar kapal malam tu, stewardess aku yang sorang ni dengan tak segan silu pegi gurau sama Captain kata bisul dia pecah sebab landing tu. hahaha. Dengan Captain baik, kau bole la gurau camtu eh...

So malam tu kitorang ramai ramai keluar makan lagi.. Aku layan sotong penyet ngan pisang goreng cheese. Captain ni lak belanja.. Mungkin sebab rasa bersalah. haha! Apa apa pun, Alhamdulillah..
Plan brunch sama lagi esoknya..
Kul sebelas pagi dah kenyang mee kolok. Tak sempat Captain nak kuar duit, steward aku dah gi baya diam diam.. Murah rezeki sorang sorang. Air, Captain tak sempat pape dah hulur cepat cepat.

Flight untuk third day cuma KCH/MYY/KCH.
Balek tu pun tuka baju, terus keluar sebab nak jalan jalan kat The Hills kejap. Tengok tengok barang sikit tapi tak beli apa pun. Kul 7:30 dah jumpa yang lain kat tempat makan.. Malam ni baruuu lah keluar duit sendiri..

Esok tu balek KL empat sektor; KCH/BKI/SDK/BKI/KUL.
Bapak letih, dengan flight full nyee.. Banyak kerenah semuanya. Tapi entah kenapa kitorang pun good mood je. Aku siap kene marah ngan pax yang sorang ni sebab katanya aku tak kasi dia air lagi.. bebel ntah pape la dia, sampai kan pax yang sebelah dia suggest kat aku suh kasi dua kotak air kat orang tu terus. hahaha! Dah aku terhibur kat situ walaupun kene bebel.

And sempat pulak ada pax kasi message ni kat aku;

hahaha takleh blah..
Dahlaa bukan aku pun yang serve dia time service. Tetiba je..
And kat penghujung flight tu, ada pax lain lak hulur duit kat Leading on the way dia keluar sambil cakap, "lunch is on me.." Ewahh! Dapat lah kitorang RM 20+ sorang.. Cover balek duit makan aku malam sebelum tu! hahahahahha Alhamdulillah...

Some days I can't help but feel.. dilindungi Tuhan. hahahahha! Trust me to romanticize things.. Tapi ye lah, time aku sengkek yang amat, time tu la pula adaa saja orang tolong hulur. Alhamdulillah sangat.. Dan flight yang ala ala siot pon aku end up terhibur. I feel so lucky and blessed..

Roster bulan depan tak memberangsangkan, tapi aku still bersyukur.. Aku masih ada kerja. Aku masih suka kerja aku walaupun ada malas tu kadang kadang. Ada lima malam kat Kuching next month. Muntah darah bila difikirkan, tapi tak apalah.. Aku patut fikir positif buat masa ni. Timing cuti aku sedap je -- Dida plan nak pegi Singapore lagi. hehe! And I am rostered for Haneda. Alhamdulillah.. Walaupun short stay, sempat la merasa sebelum B777 amek that route.
Nantikan kedatanganku, Hard Rock Cafes! Akan ku jajahi semuanyaaa! bahahahhaha!!

Aku kena tuka duit cepat cepat so aku tak terbelanjakan.. hehe..

I'd forgotten..

2011-10-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

..The last time I really really felt poor.
Okaylaa.. I probably used that word a few weeks ago, tapi haritu punya sengkek tak seteruk kali ni. Duit kat tangan tak sampai lima puluh ringgit, kat both Maybank and CIMB; even collectively tak sampai seratus! Lepas tu esok start four-days trip.
Sedih.
Ada la kan duit yang aku sorok sorok tu, tapi.. I'm really hoping not to touch it!
Tapi mampu ke aku bertahan untuk tak sentuh duit tu sampai gaji masuk? Soalan paling penting, cukup ke duit aku untuk pegi trip empat hari ni? Takkan aku tak sekali pun keluar makan, kan?

Alkisahnya, mungkin aku terlebih belanja bulan lepas.. Gara gara membayar bil credit card bulan lepas, duit aku ala ala cukup makan je to sustain me 'til the next pay day. But I guess I overlooked my bank statement. Rupanya duit yang ala ala cukup makan tu, belum tolak lagi duit insurance.
Maka pada malam tiga belas haribulan selepas aku withdraw RM100 dari CIMB haritu.. terkejut beruk sat bila tengok balance kat resit tinggal RM43.30.
Hmmmmmph!

Selepas kejadian tu aku masih tenang.. I know I had another two hundred in my Maybank.
And yet bila pagi tadi aku tengok M2U, balance tinggal RM80 -- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!!
Lalu aku pon tengok lah Account Details...
So.. I bought something online a few months back but the item was backordered. In the case where an item is backordered, usually the store is pre-authorised to debit the amount once the item is available and shipped.
SEKARANG LAH KANNN KAU BARU NAK AVAILABLE?! Syialan..
Hmmmmphhhhh!!!

It is all bad timing, really. Dida reckons that I suck at managing my money, but I don't think so. I know how to control my spending. I wouldn't have spent as much last month if I know that I couldn't afford it -- but I can. And as for the overlooking my insurance; the auto-debit was on a later date last month.. that's why I overlooked it. The pre-authorization? Manalahh aku tau dia nak tolak bulan ni pulak kannnnn?
Adoi.. Wrong timing.
Anyway, lesson of the month? Lain kali jangan tinggalkan duit cukup cukup makan je.. pfft!

It's been a good day, by the way.
Encem left for his trip but I wasn't left alone for long. I'd spent the day with Ablen after sooooo long not seeing him. Made me miss the Original Members. hehe. Rindu zaman melepak ramai ramai with MY friends. I guess these days I only hang out with people who are also friends with Encem -- or really, Encem's friends! It's been such a long long time since I met up with MY friends.

Nothing wrong with hanging out with Encem's friends, tapi kadang kadang tu terasa bosan.. I'd feel like an outsider. They share a history and speak in a different language. I don't necessarily feel comfortable, mostly sebab aku rasa macam penyebok. Kemana Encem pergi, ke situlah juga aku ikut. Not exactly the sort of girlfriend I want to be, really.

So, thank you so so much Ablen for asking me out! The timing -- was PERFECT. hehe.

Semalam lak pegi Muar untuk sambungan Tea & Coffee Program haritu! It was a really good trip. I felt like I learned something -- langsung tak macam pegi BOH haritu.. pshh! Perhaps being a coffee-lover made the difference, but I'd say that it was the host! They were an awesome bunch of people!
I'm really really glad that I signed up for the program. I've got an email to write of the trip, but alahai malasnyee.. Maybe once I get back from work.

Heart is so Jetlagged.

2011-10-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

In the mood of listening to cheesy songs.

Anyway, back to work. My holiday felt really short. My sister was irked with me most of the time because it was pretty hard to get me to stop watching the telly. Haha!
I don't know.. I guess these days my idea of a holiday is simply to chill.. Do what ever I felt like doing.
Unfortunate for her that I just happen to want to be a couch potato on our holiday.

Of course eventually I decided to leave the room and join her under the sun. I would say that it was a well-earned holiday! I got my rest.. A funny looking tan-line.. And yeah, our mandatory jumping pics! Bahahahaha!

The nights were spent under the full moon.. My favourite parts, really. I don't know why but the moon always makes me think.
Dan disebabkan aku lupa diri, golek golek atas rumput lak, akibatnya naik rashes. Pshhhh!
My skin's getting really sensitive lately! Sucks.

Oh. Hmm.. Feeling the need for inspiration now. I miss writing about things in general rather than what I've been up to. Sounds real vain! Hahahaha..
If you actually know me in real life, you'd realize that I don't speak of half the things that I write in here..
So unnecessary...

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

#crewlife

2011-10-04T02:38:00.000+08:00

Kompilasi minggu ini, hasil kerja aku dalam empat hari.. (yang aku teringat lah!)

W: What would you like to drink sir?
Pax: Do you have like cappucino....
W: I wish sir, but I'm afraid we only have plain coffee.
Pax: Alright then, coffee.

-----

Pax: The cabin is too cold.. Call the captain and tell him to adjust the temperature. I don't want to get sick.
W: ...sure *jalan laju laju ke galley untuk mengumpat sama Leading*

-----

W: *senyum ikhlas mesra* Good afternoon.. Today we are serving Fried Rice with Prawns Sambal and the second choice is Roti Putar with Chicken Curry.
Pax: *pikir pikir pikir pikir* Nasi Lemak?
W: *masih senyum* No sir, we have Fried Rice..
Pax: *discuss jap ngan member sebelah* Noodle?
W: *ketap gigi* We have Fried Rice and Roti Putar sir..
Pax: Fish?
W: *mata terbeliak sikit sebab tahan daripada menjeling* The Fried Rice is with Prawns and Roti Putar is with Chicken.
Pax: mm.. no noodle aa?
W: *suara sudah garang sikit* No noodles sir, just Rice and Roti Putar. Which one would you like to have?

dan bila dia ngan member dia dah decide, aku tengah pass makanan kat dia..

Pax: No noodle..?
W: No. *kasi makanan dan terus paling pandang pax lain..*

-----

W: Encik, harini kita ada Nasik Goreng ngan Sambal Udang, dengan Roti Putar ngan Kari Ayam..
Pax: Awak rekemen yang mana ye? Mana lagi sedap?
W: *takde mood sebab pax tadi* Dua dua pon biase makan, pada saya dua dua tak sedap.

huhuuu.. aku memang suka hati. Sungguh aku takde mood melayan pakcik pakcik yang lain macam friendly nye.. (Before service this pax dan rakannye memang sebok nak ajak aku berbual.. macam aku takde menda lain nak buat!)

-----

Kapal light load, time service kitorang keluar dua orang jaga satu cart. Aku distribute makanan, stewardess sorang lagi distribute air.. So stewardess sorang lagi tu lagi senang nak capai drinks.. Tengah kitorang nak buat collection dah;

Pax: Hello, one more Pepsi.
W: *rasa berbulu sebab dipanggil 'hello' tapi abaikan saja* sir, you can ask from my collegue.. *senyum*
Pax: *schweet schweet bunyik tikus ala ala rempit panggil pompuan lalu lalang*

Note, passenger ini adalah passenger yang sebok buang masa aku tanya pasal noodles tadi.

Sekian, wassalam..

Of perfections.

2011-09-28T00:05:00.003+08:00

Yeaaah..
I was/am crazy, hence the previous entry.

To be truth, I am generally happy.
Apart from the outburst earlier, everything else in my life has been going on alright.

I've practically got my health back, Alhamdulillah.. I can easily forget that I still have the coughs, so it's okay.
I was on standby for the past three days; first day I was called up for BKK and back, and on the third day I did PEN and back! Super simple sectors, and I was absolutely free to go out on the second day!
Alhamdulillah..

So what exactly did I do on that second day?
I threw around some money, of course! HAHAHAHHA!! Bought the ONE thing that I've always always wanted for my bedroom; Cannon Silktex 400 thread count!
Look it up fellas..
I swear, now I wish to die in bed.
Thread count wise, it's not as high as Egyptian cotton would be.. but like I said, you should go out to the bedding section of your favourite departmental store and feel the awesomeness of Silktex yourself! heehee.

Anyway, I feel older for enjoying myself when I buy things for my home. Feels a bit.. less selfish, somehow..? Just kinda.

Next month's roster sucks ass. I am trying my best not to complain.. (Fact: I threw my Blackberry the moment I saw my roster in my email!) It was THAT bad. I'm still trying not to complain..
After all, I do have my annual beach-getaway with Dida to look forward to! yayyy! Finally!!

So yeah, maybe Sags are positive thinkers after all..
-- when you count out the emotional outbursts, of course! hahahha

Emo mthrfckrrr!

2011-09-27T13:09:00.001+08:00

Are you worthy of having my whole heart?
Are you truly worthy of getting my unconditional love?
Pada kau la kan.. Layak ke engkau???!

I am barely hanging on. You don't seem to notice. God knows how hard I'm trying to hold on when in fact I am so tired.
So so tired.
Aku lelah hati ni.. Pusing pusing benda samaa je. You said that you're exposing yourself little by little so you'd seem to be a little mysterious.. So I wouldn't get bored.

Well, I am bored. So you FAILED! Ha - ha! I am bored of putting my heart out to be crushed by you again and again.
I'm tired and frustrated and half of my heart is already out the door.
And yet I'm still here. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm just stupid for staying around.
I feel nothing but like a fool.

So thanks!
For 'helping' me become the fool that I am today. You're awesome just the way you are. All sunny and happy..
I don't belong with you, really.
Doesn't matter whether I hide my heart or actually speak out. Nothing ever changes.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Sentap lagi?

2011-09-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

I wonder how I would be had I been a less-emotional person.
I know that you're not supposed to wish to be someone else, and I'm not really.. I'm just wondering.. Perhaps there is still time for me to become that person.

I want to feel less.
To not care.
To cry less.
To not hurt as much.

I'm in that sombre mood I suppose.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. I wish I was special..
And yes, I am quoting Radiohead because that is exactly how I feel at this very moment.

I'd love to wish for nothing. I want to be stoic. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm letting go.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere with you.

And yes, this entry is personal and general at the same time because I am crazy.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

To dream the dream..

2011-09-17T05:45:00.001+08:00

Lately I've been speaking to people who reckons that I should be something else -- career-wise.
I find it... amusing how they have more faith in me than myself.
I wonder if my lack of enthusiasm in their suggestions were based on the fact that I am supposed to know myself best.. or just that I'm a scardy-cat underneath.
Fear of rejection keeps me stagnant. Unadventurous, if you like.

Honestly I don't even know.
That bit of me who dreams of being what I had always wanted to be is still alive.. somewhere inside. And I do realize that it's pretty easy to forget when I've been so busy juggling between my job and getting worked up over my personal life! (haha!)
I wish I have a definite answer to this question. (Was there a question?)

Maybe someday?
I do hope that I'd get the chance to somehow materialize that dream though.
Someday...
Definitely someday...
I would definitely jump into it whole-heartedly someday. (And I am typing this while grinning.. this sucks! I can't seem to take myself seriously somehow. ughhh!!)

Perhaps when I am more stable and calm.. Maybe then. (Still grinning.)

Funny how you always thought of doing something but always ended up doing something else.
I never imagined myself in the service industry honestly. I'm too brash and selfish. But somehow I enjoy being around people.
Oh well, maybe someday I will get to a point where I would write about them in a more.. err.. serious way.
Someday.

Oh by the way...

Does anyone feel like I'm getting a bit more.. stupid, lately?
I miss the days when I write like this.

Aku dan demam panasss.

2011-09-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

(tiada dalam gambar; ubat batuk jenis cecair..)

Orang kata bila kita sakit, Tuhan ampunkan dosa dosa kecil kita.. Betul ke?
So kalau aku dah sakit since Raya kedua, apa maksudnya? Dosa aku banyak sangat sampai tak terampun dalam masa dua tiga hari? Dah Syawal ke-16 dah, ini aku tak kira time aku start dengan batuk time Ramadhan!

Okaylaa, aku jugak degil sebab taknak jumpa doktor. Siapa suka jumpa doktor kan? (Unless boyfren/girlfren korang doktor laa.. ataupun korang harapkan doktor tu bakal jadi boyfren/girlfren korang!) Lagi lagi dengan profession aku ni. Diorang tengok logo depan medical book aku je, diorang bajet aku nak mintak mc sebab malas keje. Memang bikin hati gua panasss. (terkeluar gangster kat situ.)
Jadi seperti biasa, selagi aku tak rasa sakit macam nak mati, memang aku takkan tunjukkan muka aku kat klinik.

So kelmarin baru lah aku pegi jumpa doktor.. Klinik biase aku adalah Klinik Anis kat Seksyen 3, Shah Alam. Itu memang klinik aku lah! Sejak aku kecik aku pegi situ, kad rekod aku dah kaler kuning kuning dah punye lah lama dah wujud.. Doktor yang bertugas, Dr. Asvinder kot namanye. Punye tere dia ni, aku cakap aku demam dia tanya aku patut fly mana.. Aku jawab Miri, dia kata "Alaa dekat je.." (Dekat dekat pun, pikap aku pukul 0530, duty end time adalah 1405.)
Lalu dia letak strip ala ala nak tengok power battery banyak lagi ke tak tu kat dahi, dan penuh terkejut bunyiknye dia cakap, "Oh, you demam!"
Aku pun reply, "Abestu you ingat I berlakon kee??"
Pastu dia tanya aku bila last mc... aku flip medical book aku yang berada di depan DIA dan jawab, "March.. Allergic amenda ntah.."
Nak tau apa dia respon lepas tu?
"Buat laa allergy test.. 1500 je.."
Ada dua tiga kali gak laa dia mengiklankan allergy test yang bernilai RM1500 tu kat aku.

So anyway, aku pulang dengan ubat demam, antibiotik, selsema, kahak, batuk dan mc untuk sehari.
Terima kasihlah Iqbal kerana sudi menjadi pak supir pada malam itu dari Bukit Jalil ke Shah Alam dan ke Bukit Jalil semula..

Keesokkan harinya aku pulang ke Shah Alam atas saranan Mama yang risau sebab Encem kerja, so takde sape nak jaga aku..
Dah jadi cerita harini lak.. Patutnya aku buat flight Hyderabad, tapi sungguh aku tak larat. Badan baru ala ala nak kebah demam, tak ke susah nak baik kalau asyik dikerah tenaga je? Maka aku pun ajak Dida yang sesuka hati amek EL harini, untuk bawak aku gi klinik.. dengan harapan supaya aku dapat mc lagi supaya aku dapat berehat.

Doktor kali ni namanya Dr. Gowdh. Dia tengok aku, amek kiraan nadi aku sambil ambik temperature aku pakai electronic thermometer. (Doktor aritu tak sentuh pun thermometer!) Selepas berapa saat ntah dia tengok bacaannya; 39°C! Hahahahhaha.. tak sempat aku nak berlakon sakit, rupanya memang aku masih sakit! Ni paling best.. pada hari yang aku rasa macam ala ala nak kebah ni, suhu aku adalah 39°C!! hahahahaha! Aku tak tau nak cakap apa dah.. Time haritu aku rasa miserable abes tu suhu aku berapa?? 41°C??

So kesimpulannye aku memang terer demam. Takde nye nak demam sikit sikit. Kalau nak demam terus demam panas. Siap doktor ni cakap, kalau by esok tak elok lagi aku patut pegi Medical Centre untuk buat blood test! huhuuu.. Aku pon tak tau lak demam aku seganas ni.
Tapi semalam mimpi aku memang tak tenang laa.. dok terpikir Hyderabad laa.. tetiba ada pasal Pune laa.. Aku pon tak tau laa.. Naseb tak meracau dalam Hindi je..

Nak dijadikan cerita lagi, dalam dua hari aku call Duty Officer, dua dua kali aku bercakap ngan orang orang cibai. Entah apa masalah diorang ntah, jawab telefon pun lambat! Bila aku sebut "117" je nada diorang jadi lain. Macam laa aku ni kaki mc sangat. Ini first time aku mc flight Indian-route kot! I doubt diorang perasan la kan.

So anyway, I hope Karma will get their asses. Aku taknak doa specific, aku tak sampai hati. Kalau kalau memang aku ada tulah Raden ke Pangeran Jawa keee.. tak pasal pasal je. Aku memang pemarah, tapi rasanya belom lagi tahap busuk hati..
Also, kepada sahabat handai dan juga penumpang penumpang yang kurang bernasib baik, naik flight aku dari 31 Ogos sampai 10 September haritu.. harap maaf ye kalau virus virus aku dah termelekat kat korang. Sungguh, tak disengajakan..

So I'll ask nothing..

2011-09-10T19:48:00.000+08:00

Last month I wrote to myself; no lingeries for two months!
hmmmphhh!!!
Bloody Victoria's Secret and its offers..

So my "plan" to save up failed once more.
In my defense though.. It's not completely my fault! I was born a girl after all.. and isn't it a fact that the female sex is weaker to temptations? (Ask Eve! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!)
Oh well.. not everything that I bought are for myself.

Things to buy once I get this month's pay (yes, I've already thought of it!); film scanner (I've looked it up at Low Yatt the other day.. I don't care, I'm getting one!) and an Instax for Izzati's birthday!
Apparently my niece is into photography as well.. and she especially loved my Instax after she had the chance to play around with it during our Raya photo-sesh. So I suppose it is my aunty-duty to encourage her...
sigh.. How do you get an 8-year-old to understand that photography is an expensive hobby though?

Anyway...Nothing much going on lately other than my stormy mood.
I think I just need to stop having expectations.. Stop asking for things.. Stop dreaming..? hahahaha! I am going to sound nothing but morbid if I continue.
Oh.. hmmph.. Sometimes I forget what I want.

#crewlife
I kinda made a lady cry before flight today. Apparently she and her husband and baby checked in late earlier so they were seated separately. I couldn't simply change their seats since she was at row 14; where the emergency exits were. Anyway, I left her for a bit while I attend to the other passengers board and looking for a place for her and her family. (It was a full flight from KK.. naturally!)

Just right before the door closes, I managed to talk two ladies into giving away their seats so this family could sit together.. and when I walked to the earlier lady to tell her the news, I found her crying! I asked the poor man seated next to her if he knew what was up and he confusedly shook his head. What's worse, that lady seemingly unable to hear me say that I've found her two seats for her and her family. (The git!)
Anyway, I went to her husband and asked him to get her moving so the two good ladies could sit down.

Moral of the story?
Ask, and you shall receive. (Unless you're me, that is!) Tapi tolong jangan mengada nak nangis nangis boleh tak? Dah besau panjang koooot.. Kat public koooot.. isyk! She herself knew that they were late to check in. So? Nangis buat apaa? Salah sendiri kan? Buat orang susah hati je.. Nyampah!

Part Of Your World.

2011-09-09T04:43:00.001+08:00

Sometimes my brain gets a little funny by having that The Little Mermaid soundtrack on loop.
Might be embarrassing (and slightly pathetic) to admit this but I've cried to it once.
I guess I couldn't help but still feel so foreign even when I'm with friends. An outsider. I suppose it's just one of those things that you get when you're so adamant to be yourself. A little side effect to your quirks.

I never wanted to be a simpleton. Maybe in the way that I live, but never in my mind. But I can't help feeling like there's a constant battle inside of me that I can't seem to shake off.

Being typical sends me the shivers and yet at the same time I don't want to be so different that no one could understand me!
But that's how I feel most times anyway. Different, even when I'm not trying to be.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here!
Maybe I'm saying nothing..
Or maybe that I wish that some days.. Or at least someday.. Someone will finally get me. Someone who is ever so willingly to accept me for whoever that I am, no judgement. Someone that I can truly be myself with without fear. Someone whom catches me even before I fall. Someone who wouldn't have left me crying by myself if crying is what I felt like doing.

I can't help feeling so alone these days.
Patience is not my strong suit and I'm so tempted to wander off..

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Hole on my foot.

2011-09-08T10:41:00.001+08:00

Apparently I am more accident prone when I'm unwell..

Hello readers! It's been a while!
Happy Eid-ul Fitr to all of you who celebrates it! I hope you guys paid your zakat, and remember how many days you missed during Ramadhan. heh!

My Raya was alright. At least I got the first day off and I still manage to beraya on the second day since my flight was in the morning.
Which reminds me.. I need to get an alarm clock!
(There's a long story that I don't feel like typing out, but to cut it short; I had a morning flight, and during the night my alarm AKA my bloody phone -- hanged! Pffft!)

Oh wow it's been such a long time.. I've been to Jakarta -- where I stubbornly went to HRC by myself -- and back. Went to Perth -- and got Jojo's phone number! (Hahahahhahahaha!! Sorry, inside joke *wink!*)

All the while being sick too! Fever, flu and cough is a terrible combo. A really terrible time to be on flight too!
Dear parents out there, I pray that you won't have to travel with your babies on a plane. The helplessness of not being able to help a child clear up their blocked ears is simply heartbreaking.

Good thing about being too busy to blog though; you won't have to read me write like a manic cow. Because pretty much, that's what I've been lately. Bloody mood swings.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Encem since he's the usual victim of my tantrums, but most times... Not really! If he'd taken better care of my heart I wouldn't have to be all emotional and crazy! Hahhahaha!

Oh well, you're going to die alone anyway. I should really get the words engraved to my brain. Romanticism makes me pathetic. I don't know why I need anyone to take care of me when I should be able to do it anyway. sigh..
Sometimes I wish I wasn't too much of a girl that I am.

Illusions of grandeur shall ruin me.

(See? Mood swings..)

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Sampai mati..

2011-08-23T18:42:00.000+08:00

You're supposed to be more patient in the Ramadhan month.. The Holy month.
Lebih bersabar.. Lebih pemaaf..
It's not just about refraining yourself from eating and drinking, it's also about fighting off temptations and doubling your good deeds.

Time ni jugak kau akan nampak orang orang hipokrit, orang orang yang kuat buat alasan.. And people who surprises you (which happens to be my personal favourite!)

Aku suka bila fly, ada Cina or Indian yang puasa sama ngan kau. Dia tau sebab yang Muslim tengah puasa, so dia pun hormat, tak makan depan orang..
Tak ramai crew macam ni, tapi ada.. Aku suka!
Tapi ada juga yang ala ala tak larat, pukul 10 pagi dah berbuka.. Paling hebat, tech crew! Pastu berani tanya aku dah makan ke. Macam ni ke kau nak jadi leader? Haihh.. Sedih rasanya.

Then ada orang yang macam aku, yang tak buat anything different dari bulan bulan lain selain daripada tak makan dan minum waktu siang hari. Amalan baik yang aku buat -- sama. Benda tak elok yang aku buat -- sama. So orang takleh kata aku hipokrit. "Tak makan saman", YESS..

Anyway, here's a confession.. Harini aku banyak gila mencarut. Tapi yang hebatnya tak satu pun terlepas kat mulut. Dalam hati semuanya.. Tapi apa beza dalam hati ngan kalau sebut, ye dak? Sama je tak elok.

Sungguh aku sakit hati harini. Sakiiiiit sangat. Menyampah nak mampos sangat sampai aku MALAS nak carik makan untuk berbuka. Masih dikira ke puasa aku ni pun? Whatever, aku mogok lapar. Perasan jadi Gandhi kejap.

Apakah kesinambungan orang yang kau sayang sajalah yang boleh buat kau menangis? Memang buat aku marah. Aku taknak sayang sesape dah, boleh tak??
Aku letih bila toleh kiri kanan, aku takde sape pun yang boleh kasi pinjam bahu kejap. Lelah hati tau taakkk??

Fedap aku sikit sikit camni. Kau admit kau sayang aku, and yet tak sekali pon kau support my emotional needs. What the hell is your problem?!! And yes, it is YOUR problem sebab last time aku check aku tak mintak benda lain pon dari kau.
And yet sampai hati kau biar aku terkonting konting kat sini.. Sampai mati aku ingat.

Benci. I hate myself for hating all these people! Aku letih!!
Sudah.. No more shopping for me. Aku nak simpan duit banyak banyak pastu nak pergi jauh dari sini. Gi mampos semuanya!

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The good life.

2011-08-15T21:32:00.000+08:00

I am truly loving life at the moment..
Alhamdulillah..
It's times like this when I just can't help being grateful to the life I've been given.

Anyway, currently in Incheon. Indubitably feeling glad that I was blessed with this part of my roster. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for an awesome 738 trip! Hahahha..
Good things comes to those who wait, my friends. heehee

My set were so-so, but I am really enjoying the company of one of my stewardesses.
She's an awesome Pisces. I bet I won't get the chance to fly with her again.. sigh.

Oh well, my bags are packed. I miss the comforts of home. I miss Encem even though I saw him in KK the other day. I'm excited to show Dida what I bought for her and Kina's Kiddies! I am also excited about the two days off I am getting.
Hehehe I miss home!!! Hihihihi

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Fixation with Photography.

2011-08-11T12:39:00.000+08:00

It may not have show in this blog, but I really do love photography.
Been crazy about it since I was young.
Funny enough though, I never personally own a digital camera! The Konica-Minolta I've been using is actually Dida's. (Like a bunch of other things that I "own".. hahaha!)

What I do have is a Nikon SLR, Supersampler, Fujifilm Instax 210 and recently added to my collection is a Spinner 360°. Oh yes, I'm a film-freak!
I know I should probably own a DSLR by now but honestly I just couldn't be bothered by it -- just yet. Too bulky to carry around, and the one small enough that I might like costs too much. (And yes, I used the word "cost" instead of "worth" because like I said.. I just couldn't be bothered by it just yet.)

I remember my first functional camera being a Kodak point-and-shoot that I bought for fifty Ringgit. It didn't even come in a box! I think I was in standard five or six.. Fifty ringgit required some weeks of saving. And getting the films developed was pricey too! (Still is, honestly.)

Oh well, it did the job back then.
When I got to high school I joined the Photography Club -- which means free pass to leave the class when there were "events" in the school. Trust me to find a legit excuse to skip class. heh heh hehh.

Then I went to college and got the Nikon FM10 while my friends got themselves a semi-automatic.
Playing with the settings and the cable release are just too funny sometimes..
Oh well, I love this camera. I have no idea how old it really is. I bought it in 2004 in a second-hand shop in Pertama Complex. It takes awesome pictures. Well, I take awesome pictures.. hahahha! I get a different feel when I'm using an SLR instead of a point-and-shoot. I have to say that I miss using this camera. I still have it with me, it moves with me each time I move into a different place but I just couldn't bring myself to carry it around where ever. But I'd bring it to Europe again if I get the chance, definitely!

The Supersampler and Instax 210.. Captures movements in four frames and looks like a Polaroid respectively. I find it hard to take awesome pictures with these since you require natural light to get the best exposure. The picture will come out too dark if you take indoors with the Supersampler while using the flash on the Instax gives out a pretty harsh light on the subject. sigh.

So anyway, I haven't tried out my new toy though.. I'm assuming that it needs natural light as well, so I've gotta wait until I'm doing some outdoor activity. hahaha!

Oh yeah... since I've bought a bunch of lingerie this past month, I am trying to tell myself that I have enough -- so NO LINGERIE FOR TWO MONTHS! huhuuu.. I should make it three, but I know I can't help a good deal..
Been thinking about getting a film scanner, so I wouldn't have to spend too much money on getting prints. It should be a good investment as I wish to resurrect my passion for photography..

Hey budak gemok!

2011-08-06T06:35:00.001+08:00

Pantang betul aku bila orang pandang rendah cabin crew nih.. Nak je aku reply, "kalau kau TERE sangat, kau jadi la cabin crew!"
Tapi bila difikirkan balek, kalau aku dah menyampah kat orang tu, nak ke aku dia jadi cabin crew? Eeee yakeng! Tak sudi ye.

Oh well, time time camni la aku kene grow up, let go of my anger.. Aku tak rugi apa pun jadi cabin crew. It's not as if aku takde choice lain KENE jadi cabin crew. Dah aku memang NAK, so I just have to accept these low minded people. Kan? Work hazard katanya..

Sungguh aku bangga jadi cabin crew. I've never imagined myself being proud of a desk job.. "Woohooo aku seorang accountant!!" Hahahahhahahaha (no offence to the accountants out there..)
Everyone has their calling; and mine is to melayan pe'el passenger sambil jalan jalan tengok dunia.

Kalau lah aku tak buang masa dulu sambung study lepas SPM.. I wish I had joined the airline straight from school! But when I think about it, if I had done that.. I wouldn't have known some bunch of people whom had touched my life. Ramai kot..
My screw ups definitely turned me into the person I am today, dan sikit pun aku tak menyesal. Syukur alhamdulillah!

Alhamdulillah jugak sebab aku dah pandai bergaduh tanpa mengeluarkan kata kata kesat. Tak ke macam budak budak jadinya kalau bergaduh camni;
A: kau bodoh!
B: kau lagi bodoh!
A: manade, kau lagi bodoh la.
B: kau bangang!
A: kau lagi bangang!
Hahhahahahaha! Sampai esok tak sudah.. Oh well, I'm proud to say that my parents taught me better than that! Hahahhaahahahahaha

Adohai.. Kelakarnye time zaman skolah.. Oops! Dah terkeluar topik!

Anyway, later harini kene buka dalam aircraft lagi.. Tak best. But at least tonight I'll be in a hotel room where I won't be reminded of the emptiness at home.
But for now, I really should get some more sleep!

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Kisah mak sentap diam diam..

2011-08-05T23:12:00.002+08:00

My batch during training weren't known for anything. We were quite close-knit to each other I guess. When we got online, everyone went along with everything and anyone.. So there isn't any particular person whose famous for their "attitude" or work ethics.

So usually when someone asks me who was in my batch, I'd list out their names.. and people won't recognise any of them. Even if they did, they'd take a long pause before describing their looks.. Sometimes they got it right.

Today I flew with one of my twin-batches.. I didn't know her.. She was unfamiliar to me. She then suddenly asked if I was in the same batch as Encem.

Ehhhhhhhhh????

Of all the names, she mentioned Encem!
Terkejut.. Sentap..
Why Encem??
I smiled.. Tried not to claim my "territory" by actually saying that Encem is my boyfriend. huhuuu..

I think I was jealous. I suppose I could say that I hated it when another girl uttered his name. Pshhh! Especially when the girl in question said that she had suddenly thought of him.. Hmmph!

Apparently they did a Manila nightstop together a while back, and she happened to just got back from Manila before she joined my set.
Yea yeaaa..

Anyway, I liked that girl. We yapped a lot during the flight. Good thing that she never mentioned Encem's name again afterwards. Hahahhahahahha!!

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Title-less new entry.

2011-08-04T12:37:00.001+08:00

So it's been a while..
I have been thinking of writing something for the blog but I just couldn't find anything worth sharing. So pardon me if this entry seems a bit unworthy.

Today happens to be my Fiance's birthday. heehee. Not exactly parents-approved fiance. Just someone that I call my fiance since Raya '99.
Anyway, I am finding myself missing a lot of people from my past lately. Not that I am not thankful for my life today, but I wish I hadn't been so easy to move on and forget where I've been.

I suppose you could say that I am actually the "right-now" kind of person. I get immersed with what ever that's in front of me now to remember the old stories or think ahead. My closest friends are ever-changing. Unlike Encem whose had the same comrades since school.

I've been reading some old entries and here's what I find;
1. Gemini-guys had always been sweet to me. I think they've simply figured out how to be a "friend" and when to turn on the charms.. (and yes, Encem is a Gemini.)
2. Bahijah used to be really funny! Not saying that she's not anymore.. but I haven't had the chance to see or even talk to her in ages..!
3. I used to really hate cigarettes and smokers -- as all people who smokes, I think. hahahahha!

I have this one thought floating around in my head.. but I don't think I can write about it. It's just something that shouldn't be accepted in our society. (To be truth, I think a lot of my thoughts aren't something that's acceptable in this society! hahahhaha!)

My dear Bestie,

2011-07-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

Thank you for being such a good buddy.
Ever so patiently, listening to me whine about my boy-troubles. I'm pretty sure you get tired of listening to them as much as I do experiencing them, if not more..

I know being the man in the middle of the commotion is not fun. Having to keep all the secrets are never fun when you intend to keep them. heh. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that man.

A part of me is sorry that you are friends with this hard-to-please person; constantly finding things that she is unhappy of. I truly am. Sometimes I feel stupid after saying so many things to you. Well, I meant all those things at the time I said it..
I'm emotional.. and brash. I suppose you already knew that.

I honestly wish that I'm stronger.. Capable of figuring things out on my own without having to spill my guts first to you. I'm like a fish in the river with people who thinks that "catch and release" is a sport; I was caught.. released.. Caught again.. released again...

So, sorry.. For having to listen to my complaints and sad stories over and over again..
Do know that I truly appreciate you for sticking around. You are awesome! I'm a lucky girl for having you as a friend.

Sincerely,
Caught Again.

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Gadis liar.

2011-07-27T04:32:00.002+08:00

Kadang kadang time aku jiwa kacau ni teringin nak merasa gi party party.. Mabok mabok.. Dansa sampai esok pagi... Tapi aku rasa aku dah terlalu tua nak start. Hahahhahahaha!!

Culture shock umor 27 tahun? Tak kena gayanye...

So it makes me wonder.. Cemana bebudak zaman sekarang ni 'start' meliar eh? Time aku gi Wet World, diorang dah start 'hit the clubs' kee?
Atau maybe diorang dah practice their dance moves while aku gi meeting Persatuan Puteri Islam? Hmmm..
(Btw, usah ditanya cemana aku terjebak masuk Puteri Islam.. Aku pun ala ala blur..)

Anyway, aku tengah kebosanan.. Kebosanan, kebingungan lagi keletihan. Sungguh aku cakap, mental-wise aku tak kuat. Mungkin sebab tu aku ni senget sikit. Mungkin sebab itu aku patut ingat Tuhan lebih..

Adohai.. Aku rasa pusing pusing masalah aku ni saaaama je. Entah bila aku nak setelkan "masalah" yang satu ni. Aku ni pun satu hal.. Senang sangat distracted. Benci betul. Dapat senang sikit, terus lupa isu penting.

Bila laa nak blajar ni Wanie oii...

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That rookie mistake.

2011-07-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

Kelmarin aku tertumpahkan jus oren kat passenger. Isyk. Dahlaa aku keje Business Class. Sungguh aku terasa bongok! Entahlaa.. bila dah keje dua tahun, aku tak rasa ada sebab aku boleh tertumpahkan air kat passenger. Ego aku tercabar disitu. Tapi entahlah.. dua tiga hari ni aku memang clumsy lebih. Aku memang jenis yang clumsy, tapi dua tiga harini memang berlebih lak. Dua tiga kali tertumpah gelas tapi kat diri sendiri je, so macam tak heran.. Sekali kena kat passenger.. cam gila aku mintak maaf kat dia.
Alhamdulillah dia okay je. Siap cakap, "don't cry over it," hahahahahha!! So korang boleh imagine kot how profusely I apologized to this man. haihh.. still.. Terasa down disitu.

Aku tengah fasa konfius ngan diri sendiri ni. Separuh hati teringin nak see what's so green about the grass on the other side.. Separuh hati kata aku patut stick to one thing for a change.
Hati aku ni senang sangat berubah.. Being "loyal" is actually a challenge.
Pasal kerja.. bukan aku stay sebab comfortable. To be honest aku bosan duk pusing pusing tempat sama; bulan ni saja aku sampai tiga kali double-Kuching nightstop! Bosan! Nak kata aku Kuching crew, kalau orang local cakap ngan aku, satu hape aku tak paham! Mimpi la aku nak baca Utusan Sarawak tu.. tergeliat lidah nak membacanya..

Aku rindu Europe. Tolonglah jangan cakap pasal plan plan Euro-trip korang. Aku rasa nak nangis. Kalau lah aku fluent in Dutch, dah lama dah aku apply KL ataupun BA walaupun dia takde opening. hahahahah! Tak kira la kalau kawan kawan aku nanti flying mothers.. sungguh aku tak kira!
haihh.. aku tengah sedih sebab aku konfius. Sungguh aku tak suka this feeling where I feel like I'm "running". Aku tak tau dah if challenging myself this way is a good thing.

Roster bulan depan alhamdulillah aku dapat trip 738 Incheon. hehehe. Takde laa gempak sangat tapi sebab orang lain semua dah dapat.. aku je laa pusing pusing Delhi ngan Taipei memanjang. So, finally! Turn aku lak, yeyyyey! Lepas tu tak ada Airbus ngan standby yang amat dibencikan. *sengih* And kalau kalendar kuda tak tipu, maka beraya bersama keluarga lah aku..
Rasa cam tak percaya je.. aku ni dah laa jenis tak apply cuti raya. So we'll see how lah. Maybe sebab aku dah lama tak balek rumah kot, rasa cam rinduuu je kat rumah dua tiga hari ni. Mama Papa pun bukan makin muda, ye dak?

Kadang kadang aku takut kalau diorang tak sempat tengok aku kawen.. or kenal anak anak aku.. Nak jugak aku tengok anak aku kena marah ngan atuk nenek diorang. (Kenapa kena marah? Sebab aku assume kalau anak anak aku, musti perangai nakal, kepala batu cam aku.. hahahaha! Adeh, tak keluar lagi dah bikin hati geram..)
Semua orang pun aku rindu sekarang, cemana? Encem yang ala ala hari hari gak aku jumpa pun aku rindu..

Siang tadi barang yang aku beli online sampai. Garang betul orang DHL ketuk mangga grill umah aku tadi.

Aku rasa aku lagi suka beli barang online.. Rasa excited lebih! Rasa cam stalker abes bila dia kasi tracking number. Sikit sikit aku refresh. Barang aku dari Portland.. Pegi Cincinnati.. pastu ke Hong Kong.. then entah cemana tersesat ke Shenzen.. pastu balek Hong Kong.. and then tau tau dah kat Subang! hihihi..

Tapi itulah.. sebab senang sangat sekarang nak shopping, aku rasa aku kena set berapa maximum amount aku boleh spend online setiap bulan. 100USD cam tak cukuup je. HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! (Aku memang overrr.) So sekarang aku tengah pikir barang apa yang aku LEBIH nak.. isyk.
Aku ni suka benau buat pening diri sendiri..
Anyway, yang penting, bulan ni nekad nak bukak akaun untuk simpan duit tiap bulan. Haritu konon bukak Maybank untuk simpan duit. End up bukak Maybank jadi lebih berbelanja gara gara senangnya nak membuang duit pakai debit card. Isyk isyk isyk ISYKKK!!

Dah! Tak mau tulis dah. Aku ni balek dari flight, remove mekap pastu duk depan laptop. Ntah pape. Excited sebab finally dapat dua hari off!
Ohh! Update pasal aku pegi ofis aritu.. End up aku dah ada satu misconduct sebab hanta mc lambat. Terima kasihlah syaitann! Lambat sikit pun nak berkira.. (Okaylaa.. lambat macam tiga minggu camtu..) Tapi oyy! Aku hanta okaayyy.. A real medical leave letter, bukan surat Papa tulis macam time time skolah dulu.. hmmph! Nyampah. Buat sakit ati je jumpa ngan Fleet Adviser aritu. Kata warning, tapi masuk gak dalam file.. papelahh!
Yang penting, aku dah buat dah 2nd cycle Crew Performance Check (CPA) aku.. wheee! Dah tak payah nak pikir dah untuk masa enam bulan. Malas!

Nak cutiii!! Rawrr!

No Air.

2011-07-20T07:51:00.001+08:00

..perasaan cinta gila separuh mati.
Kalau berbalas, best lah. Kalau bertepuk sebelah tangan.. tertonggeng kecewa.

I admit, I have my days. I also admit that I tend to be overly emotional at "that time of the month". Funny how God made our body work. Is it 'healthy' to let one lose control of their emotions? I think not.

Remind me not to take leave around the time I'm PMSing. So happens that I was late last month. I actually skipped last month! You would think that after fourteen years you'd have a stable cycle.. psshh!

I was on standby this past few days. Called up to Male on the first day. (It's a night flight; so they can't call me on the second day.) Yesterday I was called up for JHB nightstop.. Which was awesome because Encem was doing a JHB nightstop as well! I was joining a different set which is good 'cause I don't like working with him. hehe
My point; feels like God's telling me that I should be with him. Hahahhahahahhahaha! Trust me to take a coincidence and interpret is as fate/destiny..

So anyway, I'm in JHB..
Trying to fight off a cold. Been feeling a tad under the weather for a while but my body seems to have managed to fight off any real illness so far. I was comparing medical book with a colleague yesterday before flight. I've used almost two pages of the book while she'd used up five! Hahahahaha. I thought it was amusing.

I'm dreading tomorrow.. Of having to commute to the office to see my Fleet Advisor because "apparently" I hadn't submitted my mc letter -- in JANUARY! Dah enam bulan pun nak berkira. Bengap. Macam la aku suka suka nak mc. And macam la senang nak dapat mc in the first place pun!! Grrr.. One day off pun nak kacau. Cinabeng.

Moving on, I need to keep my spending in check. I bought a couple of panties the other day just because I was LAZY to do the laundry! See, money ruined me.
Which reminds me, I haven't gone back to Shah Alam in a while. I've had lunch with Mama last Friday and saw HP7 Part 2 with Dida that night.. I now feel like I owe Papa a breakfast.. hehe.

I hope next month's roster will be out by tomorrow. Just looking forward to see the off days honestly. I refuse to feel any excitement for the flights I might (not) get. Ughh. Getting disappointed BLOWS!

Oh well, I should get some more sleep.
Have a good day everyone! Take good care of yourself, and your loved ones..

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Your Love Is My Drug

2011-07-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you are away..

Pernah karaoke lagu Ke$ha tak? Bapak kelakar.. kau cakap cakap cakap pastu tetiba nyanyi time chorus. Bengong. Ke$ha yang bengong. (Cakap cam kawan je..)

Anyway, kepada Kera Anak Ikan Patinku yang kusayang-tapi-kadang kadang-menyampah, Selamat Ulangtahun yang Ke-2. Congratulations kat saya je sebab awak dah penah merasa kan being in a relationship for two years dengan pompuan mana ntah.
Aku ni je yang ala ala susah sangat nak commit, umor 27 tahun baru first time merasa being in a long-term relationship. Bengong. Aku yang bengong.
Honestly aku pun tatau cemana boleh sampai dua tahun ni.Lama betul rasanya. Kalau ikutkan dah banyak kali sangat dah sedih, makan hati, gaduh bagai.. Kera, awak ada bakat hypnotize orang eh?

Terima kasih lah sebab banyak bersabar dengan saya. (Saya pun banyak bersabar dengan awak!) Terima kasih juga sebab awak tak give up untuk cuba kasi yang terbaik kat saya. Saya tau, tak senang untuk awak layan kerenah saya. Biaselah.. orang tua.. paham paham je la.. hihihi

Anyway, moving on..
When I applied for my leave, I had the sun and beach in mind.. I was really hoping that I would be away from home. An actual holiday where I'd come home with a bit of tan and a funny story to tell.
But tomorrow's my last day off.. and I'd went nowhere.
I'm disappointed honestly. Aku tak tau apa nak cakap. Tapi kemungkinan besar aku kecewa dengan diri sendiri. Entahlah..

Kadang kadang aku pikir lebih baik aku berdiam diri daripada aku cakap benda yang orang tak suka nak dengar. Tapi apakah pointnye bila kau diam tu, end up semua orang hidup berpura pura. Atas alasan tak mahu kecikkan hati orang lain. Hati kecik kau, sape nak kesiankan?

Hmmph.. dah. Aku tak nak blog pasal ni dah. Dah aku sakit hati sendiri. Bengong.
Aku memang bengong.

Lama gak menyepi..

2011-07-11T12:42:00.001+08:00

Amusingly, a junior; just five-months flying, told me recently that on first impression he thought that I was the bitchy-type..
Well, damn straight boy! Hahahahhaha
Terkejut sekejap sebenarnye, tapi kalau difikirkan aku memang ala ala malas nak layan orang sangat. And I get that my honesty can be a little harsh sometimes. Oh well..

Haritu aku buat flight airbus ke Delhi. Alhamdulillah set semua okay. Aku bersyukur sangat aku tak mc. Rugi kot kalau tak pegi. Passenger takde la teruk sangat. (Teruk la juga kan..) Tapi sebab set semua supportive and tak menyusahkan, memang rasa bersyukur sangat lah!
Lepas flight sempat lak nak duduk lepak sama.. Pegi breakfast sama.. Lepas tu aku end up keluar jalan dengan Captain, Chief, and a very senior steward.
Oh! And apa yang aku beli kat sana? Monopoly set dengan harga INR 399 -- adelaa dalam RM 30 camtu. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!! Best. Menyesal tak bawak check in bag, kalau tak aku dah borong lagi banyak board games.

Harini hari kedua annual leave aku sebenarnye. Tak ke mana pun. hmmph.
Agak mengecewakan.
Tapi rumah semak, so patut aku stay je rumah and kemaskan rumah kot. But still.. Jalan jalan time keje dengan jalan jalan time cuti lain..
Aku nak gi bercutiiiiii!!!

The deafening silence.

2011-07-01T17:30:00.001+08:00

Sigh.
I've been trying my hardest not to turn into an old mad cow for the past few days.. And I think I've pretty much succeeded. Kan?
Tapi dalam hati ada jungle..

I suppose there isn't anything new to write about. It's always the same thing. Over and over again.

If things are not meant to be, there is no point in forcing it right? I feel like crying, but I think I've cried too much already. It's a wonder how one never runs out of tears to cry though..

So my dear readers, I apologise in advance should this blog is filled with dark and hopeless entries in the coming days. I am unsurprisingly in a dark empty space and it feels like my Sun had decided to hide behind the clouds endlessly.

I know my ego brings me nowhere, and I am nowhere near trying to "win". It was never about winning. It has always been about meeting me halfway.
But I'm done waiting like a fool.
How messed up could one be to get teary eyed from an Eminem song anyway?! Gila!

So..
Hmmm...
I gotta stop writing before I accidentally cry in this saloon I'm in. Ha - ha! I am so emotional these days, it's really not funny.

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Temuduga terbuka!

2011-06-30T13:53:00.003+08:00

Looking for a GIRL best friend, buat iklan, boleh?
Plis?
Feels like I'm surrounded by too many boys! I am.. Confounded. Sometimes it sucks to talk to people who can't seem to FEEL as much as you do.
Macam cakap ngan dinding. Kau denga balek suara kau, lantas.. Kosong. Takde motif. Buat sakit hati lagi pun ada.

Semalam buat pertama kalinye aku keluar dengan crew di KL yang bukannya kawan Encem juga.
It felt liberating!
Aku dah lama tak melepak ngan orang yang bukan mutual friend jugak kot. Ada lah perasaan naik menyampah bila lepak ngan orang yang sama, topik perbualan yang sama..

Sorry Bestie, lately it feels as if you're more of Encem's friend than mine. Hahahhahha!

I haven't been feeling like myself. Everything is just.. Mediocre. Passion-less. For work. For love. Mediocre.
Not exactly how I pictured my life to be.
I imagined myself laughing hysterically to a joke when I'm 50.. Not living a dull, conversation-less life. I need something to look forward to. But now it feels like I'm just looking forward to death.
My heart had died a little yesterday, so what the heck!

I need a little pick-me-up.
Please God. I need the spark back into my life. Please. It's sad to not be able to remember the sound of your own laughter.

You really have to have a gift for conversation in order to win a #Sagittarius heart.Not just air-headed talk,but conversation with meaning.
(via ZodiacFacts on Twitter)

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It's just a little crush..

2011-06-28T02:22:00.002+08:00

Not like I faint everytime we touch.

Now.. What would you do if you're in a comfortable relationship, but somehow you couldn't get another person out of your head?
Yikes!

A colleague of mine had this situation; where she's been with a guy for three years. They've met each other's parents.. Had conversations about marriage..
But she found herself just caring deeply for this guy, not truly in love.
And now she's interested with another man. Not as eligible as the current boyfriend, but he's someone she'd love to get to know more.

I told her that she should choose the second guy, because obviously.. If the first guy was HER man, she wouldn't thought of the second guy in the first place.
But am I right to suggest that?

If I were in her shoes..
If I were in her shoes...
I suppose it seems stupid to leave the one you love for someone whom had seem a bit more exciting. Of course, in my case, I DO love Encem. (How can I tell this? Well, apparently the other day I was strumming the guitar and threw some words together and they ended up as a love song. Seemed pretty obvious to me. Oh well..)
I guess I'm pretty certain I'd leave the guy I'm with if I no longer feel the heart ache when he leaves my side -- even if for just a minute.

I am a master of curious hearts though.. There's no doubt about that.
Hence the reason I PRAY that Encem is nothing like me... If that makes any sense at all!
Sorry if you find this a bit too jumbled up. I am finding it hard to construct proper sentences to describe my thoughts lately.

Moving on;
Talking to my Leading yesterday got me into thinking that this job is not for the affectionate. In some ways, it's actually better to be cold hearted.
For instance, two of my close friends had given birth -- and I've seen neither of those babies.
As for him, the father of his good friend has passed away and he couldn't even be there for his friend. It's sad.. You could know a person your whole life but you couldn't be there because you're not related to them.
Hmm.. It makes you think.

Now, top ten pet peeves working in this line (in no particular order);
1. Dapat crew konon happening tapi bila berborak, topik perbualan tak memberangsangkan. Rasa buang masa je keluar sama..
2. Dapat Leading yang takde lah malas, tapi dalam masa yang sama tak memudahkan kerja kau. Pesan kat crew tak perlu menyusahkan diri buat lebih lebih, tapi dia sendiri buat kerja seminimum mungkin; so orang lain kena buat kerja yang dia "ter" tinggal tu.
3. Orang bukak latch tak reti nak tutup balek. Lagi lagi time dekat nak landing! Hoi pantang betul aku..
4. Orang konon ikut procedure tapi procedure DIA. Ikut manual MY ASS!
5. Flight time dua jam setengah, suruh kerja ala ala flight time sejam sepuluh minit. Kau kejar ape bai?
6. Tech crew banyak songeh. Mintak itu ini kalahkan Indian pax.
7. Crew yang lebih junior tak nak denga cakap. Aku dah cakap elok elok kau pegi defensive lak buat apee? Aku pesan je kot, sebelum kau kena sembor ngan senior! Kalau aku memang bitchy tu lain la cite.. Kau 117, aku pun 117.. Kau buat palat, aku pun kena jugak oi.
8. Senior yang konon cool, taknak tego salah silap si junior lalu menyusahkan satu set. Terima kasihlah!
9. Steward perasan hensem dan boleh dapat siapa saja yang dia flirt with. Kau hensem? Aku pun cantik, kau ingat aku heran?
10. Perasaan perlu salam ngan semua crew yang ada dalam crew lounge ataupun smoking room ataupun kelas. Macam la aku ingat nama korang pun, lambai je plis!

Tak perlu lah list pasal crew yang definitely malas. Obvious sangat kot. Kalau tak pandai, boleh diajar. Kalau pemalas..? Hmmph! As for passenger lak, itu kena tunggu lain hari.
Aku nak tidooo!
Tak sabar nak balek umah. Letih trip ni hari hari empat sector! The day after keje lagi lak tu!

Konfius aku jadinye.. Aku ni keje ngan MH ke AK??

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Cacher mon coeur.

2011-06-24T16:32:00.002+08:00

Feels like it's been a while since I wrote anything -- but the matter of fact is, it's only been five days!
Anyway, suppose I could say that a lot has happened in five days.. I've been wanting to write about all these "happenings" but I just couldn't find the time. Just didn't feel like blogging through my phone.

Plus, had I blogged with my phone, I couldn't upload pictures such as this;

So I went to Cameron Highlands with a group of people on Wednesday for a follow-up to the Tea & Coffee Program that I did months ago. There were about twenty of us, and I didn't know seventeen of them!! hahahahha! But it was fun anyway. I managed to coax the two that I know to take silly jumping pictures with me! Yaaang pentiing, okay!

I thought the whole thing was a tad funny. All of us ended up coming home with bags and bags of vegetables, strawberries, flowers and fruits! Hahahhahaha Tea Program? Sure.. sure..

So in my previous entries I've been telling you about annoying little perverted tech crew and cabin crew.. And to round up the collection, I now have one by the bloody driver!!
Yesss.. sampai driver pon tetiba menggatal ni.. WHAT'S GOING ONNNN?!!!
Tak paham betul la. Sumpah aku tak menggedik. Bestie can vouch for this, I was never the type to menggedik tak semena-mena. I'm not even the type yang bercerita sambil tepuk tampar orang sebelah. So tell me, why is it that men around me seems to be at liberty to touch me freely??
Sialan.. memang sialan. Sesial office tetiba email aku suruh jumpa my Flight Administrator sebab aku lambat hantar MC. agghhhhhh!!!

Alkisahnya, seorang driver yang kebiasaannye aku boleh bawak berbual, tetiba mula pegang pegang belakang aku. And bila dia dah blah, dan aku fikir aku boleh lupakan episode pelik tu, dia datang semula and kissed the top of my head.
APAKAAAAHHH?!!!

Kenapa orang yang aku suka tak penah nak kiss aku? (EHHH??!) hahahahahhaha!!
Anyway, next time benda pelik jadi lagi, sumpah aku nak menjerit.
Sakit hati ada.. Musykil ada.. Feels like all the perverted men in the Universe somehow found a cosmic way to find me.

Ughh.. Perverted men are attracted to the smell of stinky armpits kot.
Okay, I'm hungry. I need to get out and get myself some meat.
MEAAAAAAAATTTT!!

"Selamat berbogel!"

2011-06-19T18:38:00.001+08:00

It's been really hot these days..
So hot that while my collegues were talking about their plans of sleeping once our flight is over, I chidded in with, "I nak balek, bogel bogel pastu golek kat katil."
And thus, the title for today's entry was Ain's parting words at the terminal. I thought it sounded awesome. Hahahaha!

Anyway, my days had seem uneventful these days. Or maybe they were eventful but I am trying to be stoical about it.
Actually my life had felt like it's been turned upside down a bit. It's days like these when I curse my fickleness. I have to. For fear of having too much fun. Hahahahahha I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

It's weird how random guys seem to be at liberty to touch me lately. I meant that literally. And I don't think that I'm really into 'touching'. Seems like it stirs a whole load of emotion. Some are fine.. But some are just downright irritating. Do I look like I'm freaking EASY to YOU??!

Aku ni ala ala sekolah pondok koot.. Zaman skolah dulu ada boyfriend pun aku mana nak pegang pegang tangan. Takat nak cross jalan tu okay lah, lepas dah cross jalan sungguh sungguh aku tarik balek tangan aku.

Time kat U pulak penah ada kawan rapat aku.. Well, a friend to me, but different in his mind. One day he tried to keep me awake by pressing his palms on my cheeks. Aha, satu hari muka rasa kebas. Terkejut.
Aku budak skema oiii!!

So, surprisingly, up to this day, I'd still feel slightly uncomfortable when a guy; who isn't a good friend or my boyfriend touches me. And having to introduce yourself with a handshake at work is still.. "Ughhh" to me.

So yeah.. My dear male collegues. Sorry if I seemed "uncool" when you get all touchy feely on me. I suppose I'm only frivolous in my thoughts but not really in my actions.

Kisah untuk entry kali ini;
Haritu aku naik transport nak balek, ada lah sorang lagi steward dalam van. Memula cerita topik cabin crew biasa sajalah; fly dari mana? Stay kat mana? Blablabla.. Buat sektor ape?.. Pastu diam. And then dia tanya, "you dah kahwin ke?"
HAAA?? What's with the backwards question? Kalau nak tau single ke idak, perlu ke kau tanya aku dah kahwin belum?

Anyway, nak dipendekkan cerita, sepanjang perjalanan kitorang memang berbual lah. Tapi ada la pulak segment dia dedicate lagu rock kapak kat aku. Malu kot. Abang driver dengar kooot. (Dedicate lagu rock kapak! Haiyoo..)
Ada juga segment dimana dia mengaku of posessing the gift of 'reading' people.

Iklan kejap; kenapa orang suka cakap kat aku pasal dia tau baca orang?? Aku pun boleh baca orang! Ada aku bising? Tak kan.. Hmmph!
Unless dia boleh tengok muka aku and siap bagitau apa nama mak aku, makanan favourite aku, lagu favourite aku.. Selagi tu aku tak heran lah!

Okay, sambung balik. So steward ni sepanjang bercerita dan berteka teki ngan aku, dia ada laa sentuh sentuh.. At one point dia siap usap bawah dagu macam aku ni kucing. Pastu aku pun tanya lah, dia ingat aku ni kucing ke. Pastu dia kata tak, dia yang kucing, aku ikan. Aku tak tanya la kenapa sebab orang suka cakap mata aku cam ikan..
Sekali dia kuar statement; "sebab you anak ikan I.."
APAKAHHHHH?!!!
Kenapa aku asyik jumpa orang pelik pelik nieee!!
Pastu bila dah sampai destinasi, dia salam aku sambil cium tangan aku..
Errr.. I REALLY don't find that charming.

It could be.. Had I had any GOOD feelings for him. Tapi sebab aku tak gemar, aku rasa yakeng! Geli wehh! So aku nak simpulkan kisah kali ni dengan satu soalan; KENAPA KEBELAKANGAN NI LELAKI AKU TAK KENAL SUKA PEGANG/SENTUH AKU NI?!!

Kot ye pun tunggu la once we had one deep conversation where we talked bout LIFE kee.. Something of substance that I'd register you as somebody 'worthwhile' to talk to in my mind.
Ini idak.. Practically nobody tetiba nak menyendeng. Lu pahaaaaal?!!
Kang ada gak side gangster aku kuar.
Jangan carik pasal ngan budak skolah seksyen dua bai..

On a different note, I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm packing my heart and sending it away to the dark side of the moon.
Sigh.

The little things.

2011-06-17T23:07:00.001+08:00

Let's face it, we Malaysians do not practice courtesy that much.
When people open doors, they walk through and ignores the people behind them. It's not that I expect you to hold the doors for me, but at least you should hold it long enough for me to catch it.

When the elevator door opens, WAIT until the ones in it comes out before you actually walk in. Or if you're by the buttons, you could simply ask the ones that just came in which floor they'd like to get off. Its really not that hard.

The other day I was in the elevator at my home.. This girl came in with a bunch of things in her hand. She looked like somebody's maid.. I asked her which floor, and the look on her face.. It was a mixture of amazement.. Surprise..
I'm not saying that I am awesome (although I really am.. Bahahahha!) But really, sometimes the little things that means nothing to you actually means something to someone else.

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it is very important that you do it anyway."
-- Ghandi

You never know, you know?
Hihihihi

The little things..
Funny how those little things could mean so much.

Anyway, I'm in Penang hanging out with the FO I flew with earlier today. Talking about the stupidest things! I love nights like this..
Feels like I haven't been speaking out loud for a while. Anything that I shared was only through my blog -- which is bordering on pathetic really.
Oh well, thank you dear FO that shall remain nameless! Kikkiki

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New kid on the block!

2011-06-15T18:35:00.004+08:00

Meet the very young man of the family;

Muhammad Alif Hazmi
Not sure if I got the spelling right, though. I tried calling Kina but she didn't pick up. I tried convincing them not to name him Alif (BAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Sorry Bestie..) but I suppose they were adamant on it.
I have nothing against that name, really. After all, it's my Bestie's first name! But I couldn't help telling Kina what my Alif said to me about a particular Leading Stewardess that he'd just flew with. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!! (Sorry again..)

Is it just me or babies practically looked the same?
Or maybe it's just Kina's kids..

It's really sweet how the sisters dote on him.
And how proud and excited they were when Dida and I came around to visit. Really adorable!

Now I can't wait for him to start jumping or at least be sturdy enough so we could have him in our annual Raya pictures! Of course, Aqilah will be put to the test in a few months.. wheee! ♥

Kakakku bersalin lagi..

2011-06-14T08:51:00.001+08:00

Finally..
BABY BOY!!
Birthday sama ngan birthday blog pulak. Hahahahha!! I am so excited about having a nephew!

Tapi... Cemana jaga budak laki eh? Kikkiki
Blur sekejap. Adik beradik sendiri pun semua pompuan. Selama ni anak sedara yang tiga orang pun pompuan..
Tetiba ada laki dah ni.. Hihi

I haven't seen him yet, though. I was in Singapore on a layover. I'm hoping to see him later today or tomorrow!
(And perhaps I'll even post his picture!)

Isyk. I'm already thinking of ideas for a birthday present for a BOY. Susah tau! Girls are easier because you can give them something of sentimental value and they'd appreciate it. Boys macam.. hmm.. Kena kasi BARANG kot..
And the only things that comes to mind are expensive ones; electronics, gadgets.. Oyy!

Selama ni birthday Encem pun aku tibai je la pape. Everytime birthday dia aku jadi nervous tak tentu pasal sebab tak tau nak kasi ape. Nak kasi barang mahal (yang aku pasti dia akan suka gila) macam.. Hek eleh, blom jadi "laki" aku lagik! Chit!

Slow slow lah aku blaja..
I wonder if my nephew will become a spoiled brat. Probably not. Even the fact that he's the sole boy in this family (so far), kakak dia dah cukup manja/ganaz untuk dia dapat his parents' sole attention.
At least itu yang aku rasa laa..
Aku harap dia tak jadi mommy's boy lah. Oh tidakk!

Mommy's boy is sweet.. Tapi sebenarnye kalau sampai semua benda pun nak kene refer mommy, menyampah!
Eh, dah terkeluar topik!

Anyway, CONGRATS KINA & JASMIN!
Dah empat dah anak korang. Three more to go untuk cukupkan cita cita korang; "satu khadam untuk satu hari".. Hahahahahahha!!

www wanieidris com

2011-06-13T00:01:00.002+08:00

Alright kids,

go update your bookmark and links 'cause I've moved to
www.wanieidris.com
(or www.wanieidris.com/?m=1 if you're Mobile!)
BAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!

I'm excited about having my own name there.
Finally after 9 years my blog stands alone.
Btw,
Happy Birthday, blog!!
Kalau budak, dah darjah 3 dah..

Talking To The Moon.

2011-06-12T14:36:00.002+08:00

Bulan malam tadi macam telur asin..
Kaler oren lak.
No, I wasn't hungry.. I don't even eat telur asin.. Tak tau kenapa.. Just didn't feel like trying it out. Maybe someday..
Macam stinky tofu. I used to say that I'd never eat it; sekali haritu kat Taipei try lak. Hihi.
Just for notes, it tastes quite alright despite the smell.

I'd spent my 3 days off in Johor. Dida had wanted to see her shipment in Pasir Gudang, and while we're at it we wanted to see the so called "Singapore Great Sale".
From a Malaysian view -- it's not really that great.

Maybe it's the currency exchange, but I don't know.. Saving a buck or two just doesn't seem "great" to me.
I did manage to get the things that I'd planned on buying, so the trip wasn't at all disappointing.

Walking around Singapore brought back some memories though. Almaklum lah, ex-boyfriend Singaporean. Unfortunately he's unavailable to meet me. I miss him actually. He's easy to talk to.
But I don't enjoy him asking about my life when I am in an emotional roller coaster. Hahahhaha

Anyway, I need to stay home for my next off days.. Feels like I'm never home! Rumah semua macam rumah tumpangan.. I miss rolling around in my still-new bed! Yes, I consider it new still since I can count the times I've been sleeping in it -- FOUR!
Sadis kan jadi crew? Dah sebulan ada katil baru, tapi cuma empat kali tido kat umah..

Oh well, I'm on the highway back to KL now.. Getting sleepy now I've pictured my bed at home.. waiting ever so patiently.

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Tuhan tolonglah aku.

2011-06-07T14:48:00.000+08:00

I am staring at the screen.. trying to make words of my feelings.
I couldn't find any though..
I know how tiring it can get to read about all these negativities.. so if you are getting tired, PISS OFF AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BLOG!

I am feeling rather empty. A little too worn out I suppose. I don't intend to sound unappreciative of life but.. I really am tired of this constant roller coaster. I am a restless being, wishing for excitement and adventure and yet I am held stagnant. Sure a roller coaster is fun -- for the first couple of times, but after a while it gets boring. So you get on another ride, exciting at first but eventually it bores the hell out of you. This goes on for a while because you thought that there must be a roller coaster ride out there that you won't get tired of... but deep down you know.
You know that a roller coaster ride is just exactly what it is; a roller coaster ride.
Might as well you just sit on a bench. At least you won't be fooled by the idea of excitement when you'll be just as bored at the end of it.

To be honest with you, I don't know what that metaphor is really for. Perhaps it's just my life in general. I'm wishing for a life that matters. Hoping for a significant existence. But I feel like a blip. Small, unimportant and easily forgotten.
I know Dida said that I mattered. Yes, I matter to those whom loves me. But I feel nothing for myself.

Why does it seem like happiness is only temporary?
Or is that only just for me?
I was told that in a relationship you must hold on to the good times in the times of bad. But what if I can't do that? What if I am always haunted by the bad times? Does that mean that I shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with?

You know how recently I told you about what I wished for in the earlier part of my life? How I wished that by the age 27 I'd have a man that I could marry. Come to think of it, I'd only came up with "27" because I thought it was a good age to be married. (Not 27.. but around that.) But if you ask me whether I really want to be married.. not really.
It's flattering to have someone who would want to marry you, but am I really certain that I won't wonder if I've made the right decision?

And I am a true believer that your spouse should be your best friend. One that you trust the most. But.. I don't even trust myself. How am I supposed to trust another person??

ughhhh!! I am feeling so SHITTY right now!!
Perhaps I should just say what I'd wanted to say to the person that I need to say it to.

Deep thoughts.

2011-06-06T21:00:00.002+08:00

Dark thoughts?
I honestly don't know.. I haven't decided yet.

I'd spent the weekend in Kuantan with Dida. It seems like we keep having these little weekend getaways. And every single time I learn a little more of myself;

1. I hate it when someone asks me when I'm getting married. It makes me want to rage, scream then slap that someone's face. But since that is highly inappropriate, all I could do is keep my mouth shut and make a face every single time. Dida is my witness.

2. I am a highly emotional girl. I tried, I really did.. to be emotionless, But that is not who I am. I wish that I wasn't, but I was born this way. I cry. I cry a lot! I cried watching Letters To Juliet. It's not even that good of a film, but I cried anyway.
..and to ask me to change who I am, is a cruel cruel thing to do.

3. Having someone saying that a particular person was "for me" does not bring me pride.. or joy. It does not bring me any feeling of assurance.
It just keeps me wondering and brings a whole lot of questions that I cannot answer.
Maybe because I just keep on crying. Nothing changed.
I'm still that sad girl that I've always been.
And I've always hoped for laughter. The unending sunshine that brightens my day. But the clouds keep coming in, so where did we go wrong?

4. I realized that I do have a wall around my heart. It doesn't keep the hurt away, but it gives me the courage to bounce back. I take promises seriously, but when they are broken.. I don't know.. I was never surprised. Come to think of it, nothing ever surprised me really. I've always had this mental preparedness -- that anything is possible. It comes in handy when something bad happens. I wouldn't be caught off guard.

5. It feels like I'm getting good at lying. Too good that I've managed to fool myself again and again. Perhaps I need to talk it out. But everyone's been too busy to just "talk" these days.

They say that if you really love someone, you should let them go. That if they were meant for you in the first place, they would come back. Funny thing though.. had I been the one to leave, I would never come back. I'd rather see the "love" in action! Don't ever let me go.. or better yet, don't ever let me think of going! Or if I'd left, come and look for me!
But I don't think that will ever happen. Everyone thinks that I'm smart enough to make decisions for myself but they never thought that their response plays a big part on that decision. It's almost too easy to leave.

Hmm.. I forgot why I wrote this entry. Sorry for sounding so sombre. I was crying while I wrote all these so.. I don't know. I wish I have an explanation for everytime that I sound crazy or unappreciative.
Suppose you could say that I always ~~want~~ need more.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

by W. Shakespeare, Hamlet

Losing my mind.

2011-06-04T16:30:00.001+08:00

I've always feared that.
Alzheimer's actually.
Losing your memory.. Losing yourself.. bit by bit and and only after there is no YOU left inside you, death comes along.
I hate being clueless. I hate being lost.

So I've been forgetting a lot of things lately. I almost forgot Papa's birthday on the second. I couldn't tell the time properly last night. And I keep misplacing things and forgetting important things behind. How silly could you be to forget your toiletries when you know you're going on a quick weekend retrieve -- TWICE! I said twice because the first time I forgot about it, I wrote a note of things that I need to take when I get back. And yet, despite the note I still forgot to take it with me when I left the apartment.
*curses*

What's more frustrating, instead of Dida being mad for having to drive me back and forth from Shah Alam to Bukit Jalil and wasting her time, she simply suggested that I should see a doctor about it.
She knows me for being forgetful and she knows that it's getting worse.

So yeah.. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out but you won't see it 'cause I keep forgetting that I have this problem of remembering things. Hahahaha! (Not funny, really.)

If I do see a doctor, what am I supposed to say anyway? "Hello doctor, I think I've become more forgetful.." That just sounds silly..

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Hiatus tak menjadi.

2011-06-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

I thought I was going to be on hiatus; trying to figure out ways to sort out the whole scrolling problem when you load this blog on your smartphone.
Turns out it only took a few clicks to have it settled! hahahahha! Thank you Blogger.
And now I only *need* a Blogger app for my Blackberry. (unfortunately Google haven't created one yet. pssh! -- kind of annoying as Wordpress has it.)

Speaking of Wordpress.
I love Wordpress. I swear I would have moved this blog there had I been able to edit the template freely. But no, to have that kind of freedom one would need to upgrade their account with $15 per year. Over! Bukan aku suruh kau buatkan HTML/CSS aku ponn!
But there are some awesome stuff on Wordpress that I wish Blogger has too.. sigh.
I think I will always have that Blogger vs. Wordpress tug of war in my head.

It just hit me that I've had this layout for YEARS! I used to be CRAZY about changing the layout.. and yet I've used this one since 2009!!! In 2005 alone I changed the layout SEVEN FRIGGIN' TIMES!! And one of them looked like this;

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA bangang betul aku ni dulu..

So anyway.. perhaps it's time for me to change the layout..
--When I have the time.
It's going to take days before I could get comfortable with Photoshop, HTML and CSS codes again. Plus my brain needs some rest after trying to figure out some stuff about DNS, FTP and Nameserver yesterday.. pffft!
Feels like I'm getting stupid, honestly.

Alright, I should take a nap or something. Bangalore tonight and then I'll be on leave! Woooohoo!!

Projek Hari Cuti.

2011-05-31T05:26:00.000+08:00

Aku tak suka kaler rambut -- sebab busuk!
And aku tak suka kaler kuku -- sebab tangan aku tak stable, kalau aku buat sendiri bersepah rupanye. Nak pegi kedai lak.. takkan nak aku belanja empat puluh Ringgit every dua minggu just on kuku?? Gila!

Makes you wonder cemana aku ni boleh jadi flight attendant memandangkan aku ni selalu comot je. Kalau aku mood rajin baru aku keluar pakai contact lense, mekap sekali. Kalau tak, harapan lah!

Tapi masa training, instructor pesan kat aku jangan potong rambut. Sebabnya, rambut aku ikal/kerinting. So kalau aku potong pendek, berjam jam lah aku kena blow dry rambut sebelum pegi keje. Rebonding lak buat rambut keras kejung -- yuck.
So aku tak ada option lain selain biarkan je rambut aku panjang.

Tapi boring la bila tak boleh tuka hairstyle. So.. aku pun kaler rambut. Dah start ada uban dah pun, so aku tahan je la bau busuk chemicals nih.
Tapi sungguh aku tak gemar rambut karat! Dah Asian tu buat lah gaya Asian kan? (Tapi aku admit, some people looks better with rambut karat..) Plus, kalau rambut karat tu tak maintain, rupanya hodoh beno!
So, kaler coklat je lah rambut aku.. senang. Takde lah kene retouch selalu sangat.

Kenapa aku buang masa korang dengan cerita pasal benda ni?
Sebab aku baru je kaler rambut aku lagi sat tadi. hahahha! And tadi pegi Sephora aku beli nail patch; stickers untuk kuku yang rupa macam aku actually kaler kuku aku.
Muahahahahha! Suka aku ada menda alah camni.

Dua tiga hari ni orang asyik tego aku nampak berisi. Benci! Berat badan masih sama kot, so tell me cemana tetiba boleh nampak berisi lak!
Siap kelmarin buat tiga sectors aku langsung tak makan tak minum lagi! Gila! (Gila mengingatkan aku minum pun tak gara gara tertekan dengan flight.)

Ughh somebody shoot me already.
Aku rasa cam bimbo sangat bercerita pasal benda benda tak berkhasiat nih.
I may excuse myself from blogging in the coming days. Konon nak isi masa lapang dengan hobi -- selain daripada merepek kat sini.

Take care, people!

Nak balekk!!

2011-05-28T23:52:00.003+08:00

Aku rasa ni macam 5-days trip paling panjang aku pernah rasa!
Set okay, leading pun okay.. Tapi takat "okay" je la.. Comfortable, tapi tak gila. Entah lah, aku prefer keje ngan orang gila kot. Boring bila pusing pusing, asyik orang lain je yang kata aku 'kartun'. mmph..
Aku salahkan Puyen ngan Kak Ngah sebab "train" aku jadi camni. Isyk.

Esok balek KL. Aku rindu katil. Aku rindu masakan Encem. Dia dah lama tak masak. Aku rindu home-cooked meal. Tapi aku tak mungkin akan mintak dia masak. So.. cemana?

Sepanjang empat hari lepas leading dok maintain position. Empat hari aku keje depan. Wahh! Dedicated Crew kah akuu??
Aku expect dia akan swap position tapi asyik maintain je pulak. Aku faham la dia taruk stewardess paling senior kat blakang since our only steward baru fly empat bulan.. Tapi perlu ke maintain AKU kat depan? Tetiba aku rindu tuang jus dari jug. Hahahhahhaha. Bongok kan?

Soalan; aku ni rupa "easy" kee?
Haritu aku ter-tak sengaja join set lain tengok wayang. Ada tiga cabin crew dengan sorang co-pilot. Kebetulan tersempak kat lobby, and diorang ada satu tiket extra untuk Fast5. Aku pun join je lah alang alang aku pun tak tengok lagi.

Dalam cinema aku duk sebelah co-pilot sebab esoknya tu aku fly ngan dia. Konon konon sesi beramah mesra lah..
Tapi dia over mesra kot.
Dalam cinema tu sebok menyendeng kat aku. Ewah! Kalau nak bercakap, lean over sekejap pastu lean away lah kan to your normal position. Tapi ni tak, menyendenngg.

At one point aku terasa la tangan dia kat tepi aku. I gave him a benefit of a doubt la kan, dia big built so maybe he needed that space. So aku pun ketepi la lagi sikit.. Then tak lama lepas tu aku terasa tangan dia gerak gerak lak.. Aku taknak buruk sangka, so fikir maybe tangan dia lenguh kena flex sikit jari jemari dia tu.
Aku ketepi lagi sampai aku dah takde space lagi. (By the way, selama benda ni jadi aku tak acknowledge pun aku rasa tangan dia.. movements aku memang ala ala natural je.)

Skali aku terasa lagi tangan dia.. Dah motion mengusap pulak daahhhhh. Setan betul! So aku pun buat keputusan untuk acknowledge tangan dia. Aku buat sharp move and pandang tangan dia.
Co-pilot: "eh, sorry.."
Masa aku ternampak tangan dia tu.. Entahlah, aku tak tau cemana nak describe rupa bentuk ataupun lokasi tangan dia tu, tapi dengan sepantas kilat aku terbayangkan betapa bestnya kalau aku ada gunting besa yang gardener selalu pakai tu.
Kalau korang tersempak aku ke, kau tanya la aku cemana gaya dia usap usap tu, nanti aku demo kat korang and see if you'd enjoy a stranger doing that to you.

Anyway, aku malas nak buat scene so aku buat bodo je la after that since dia dah tak buat lagi dah.
Lepas movie dia ajak join dinner lak, so of course lah aku ADA benda nak carik/beli kannn.. I told them to go ahead je. Bila dia tanya nombo bilik aku, aku buat buat lupa..
Sama macam time aku buat buat lupa bila ada orang surau tanya Bestie tinggal kat mana. Hahhahahaha!!

Aku rasa kalau aku ada mutant power, mungkin 'buat buat lupa' adalah power aku. And aku tau, muka aku muka "innocent". Kalau aku bitchy pun orang ingat aku memain. And diorang tak caya aku smoker selagi tak nampak asap kepul kepul kuar dari mulut aku.
Aku terer buat muka innocent/blur/comel.. Jangan jealous plis. Kikkikiki

Oh well, aku bersyukur sangat kengkawan aku yang co-pilot semuanya senonoh. (Or they wouldn't be my friends in the first place!) Kalau aku denga cerita pasal diorang, aku hampuk diorang cukup cukup sampai diorang dah bukan kawan aku dah!

Tak sabanyeee la aku nak balek umah. Tak saba tak sabaaa!!!
Tak saba nak cuti gak sebab kaki aku hodoh gila, keje 9 hari dalam masa dua minggu. Ughhh!

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S07E22

2011-05-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

I always said I'd be happier alone
I'd have my work, my friends
but someone in your life all the time?
More trouble than its worth.

Apparently I got over it.

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone.
It wasn't because I thought I'd be happy alone.
It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart I might not make it.
It's easier to be alone
because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it,
what if you like it and lean on it,
what if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart,
can you even survive that kind of pain?

Losing love is like organ damage.
It's like dying.
The only difference is death ends,
this... it could go on forever.

mm.. Thank you "Mer" for putting my feelings into words.

I've always feared a slow death. I personally prefer a quick one. You could say that I welcome an accident over cancer any day. Deteriorating just doesn't bode with me. (Hence my biggest fear remains losing my sanity, still.)

The same principle applies to my feelings on relationship.
If it must end, make it quick so I wouldn't die slowly from heartache.
But I suppose it's not possible to avoid heartaches when a relationship ends.

What about losing love though?
What if it was your one true love?
That one true connection that you shared with someone who wasn't obligated to love you in the first place?
Oh sigh.. don't let me think about this or I'll just start bawling uncontrollably.

Catch and release.

2011-05-24T11:50:00.006+08:00

My bed has arrived!
Then in true spoilt-mode (not my fault), Dida got me a Jean Perry 428-thread count quilt set. Bahahhahaha! Thank youuuuu!
Perhaps one day I'll get myself a Cannon bedding. It's amazing to think that I grew up with Cannon bedsheets. They're bloody expensive but oh-so-comfy!
I suppose I have Papa to thank for teaching us to splurge on things that won't make us feel guilty. (Really, why would you feel bad when you get a good night's sleep?)

I feel good about the bed. But it feels awkward to sleep in a different room now. I used to sleep in the small room because.. well, I didn't need a big room. Then the bigger room unintentionally became somewhat of a store room, so now I feel like I'm sleeping in a new bed.. in the store room.
It's weird.
Especially since I haven't reorganized my things that I simply relocated some of my mess to the used-to-be bedroom. I don't know if you can imagine it but basically I now have two 'store rooms' with beds in them.

So today's my second day off. I'm bored. Like really bored! But I couldn't bring myself to go out thinking that I'll be on a five days trip starting tomorrow. Plus, I'm trying to control my shopping spree.
I'd like to think that there is nothing more that I could buy at the time being. I've got plenty of Moleskine stuff, I've already got myself a bed, a couple books left to read, enough bras and panties to last me until my next laundry day..
I just don't want to tempt myself into getting unnecessary things.
Especially when I haven't really de-clutter my rooms. ick!

I wish I was a domestic goddess..

Heartbreak.

2011-05-21T12:44:00.000+08:00

There comes a point in life.. when all you feel like doing is to hurt the one you (supposedly) love.

I can't think of anyone who is more miserable than I am.
Why do I cry so much?
I've got to work in three hours, damnit!!

I'm tired..
I am honestly tired.

I have nothing more to say.. let alone nice things.

Can't this week just be over already?

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Smoking's bad for the health.

2011-05-18T18:40:00.000+08:00

Especially when you're stuck in a smoke-free hotel; where you get penalized if you get caught smoking. sigh.
I went downstairs at one in the morning. I don't think I'd like to go again. This bloody hotel is eerily quiet. I hate it! Imaginations running wild.
Very bad for the health.

Anyway, I may quit smoking sooner than later.
Or at least I am limiting myself to two cartons a month. (please ignore that bit where I just confessed to having more than twenty boxes of cigarettes a month..)

I went out by myself today.
And I didn't buy a single thing for myself -- at all!
Well, I tried.. but I couldn't seem to use my debit card at the store.. and none of the ATM around could read my card. (I tried on about five or six ATMs; from different banks!) That was tiring.
And embarrassing considering the bunch of stuff that I'd left at the cashier with a promise that I would be back!
Hahahahahhahahah!!

sigh.
I know that sounds kinda pathetic, but in my defense I did try my best to get some more cash! It's frustrating really. This is my first time ever not having "enough cash" to get the things that I'd planned on getting.
But I suppose it wasn't really "planned" per se. But still!
Oh I need to laugh about this.
Padan muka.

I was the one that said to myself that I won't spend excessively. So.. I think.. this is God's way of not letting me to.
Bahahahhahaha!!

Ever notice that whenever something funny happened to me, it was somehow the works of a Higher Power? Hahahahhaha!!

Oh well.. can't wait to get home. I hate the idea of being in Taipei and not be able to shop. pshh!
Busy-phase of my roster is making me feel unwell. This sucks.

Weekend Getaway.

2011-05-16T00:04:00.001+08:00

Perhaps all I needed was just that.

Currently in Swiss-Garden Damai Laut, Lumut with Dida.
Kat mana Lumut? Bukak ler atlas.. Tapi sebab zaman ni dah canggih, pegi la carik kat Google Maps.

I went to a spa for the first time today. I felt violated. I don't think I'll ever get used to having a stranger rubbing around my boobs and gluteous maximus.. with oil even!
I couldn't keep my thoughts away from the fact that they must've seen all kinds of boobs; big ones, shy ones.. Saggy ones.. Bahahahha!!

I'm missing my Monkey at the moment. (Yes, I know that it's only days ago when I went all mad-cow and say that I don't care about him.)
Perhaps it's just my Sagi nature.. Too much of anything makes one weary. Perhaps I was just sick having him around too much. Hahahhahaha!!

I'm a horrible girlfriend, honestly. A kitty cat one moment and a lioness the next.

Honestly, everyone should commend on Monkey for his patience to deal with me practically 24/7. I always wonder what he sees in me.
Perhaps he's just nuts.

The other day I was gushing about a particular supervisor to him. Heehee. Poor him having to listen about some other guy's hair and body. Bahahahah!!

I miss having a long vacay.
I'll be off to TPE on Tuesday. I'm excited, but I kinda wanted a vacation more. I like TPE. For whatever reason, I felt safe there. Even with the language barrier! -- it could turn funny sometimes.

Flights had been okay.
I managed to hang out with Julie, Debzie and Kidjie while I was in Manila. Funny to think that I had known them through the internet -- Facebook, specifically.

It was.. what, THREE years ago (almost four) when we were playing the same game on Facebook.
Amazing to think that we all (seventeen of us) still 'talk' to each other. I am not crazy about USA, but if I ever land there, I must must MUST call some people up. Heehee.

I had fun in Manila by the way. Did nothing extravagant but I enjoyed the company.

On my most recent flight, I had this lady that was on my to-AND-fro REP flight.
Apakahhhh?!!
Once I had a guy that was on a KUA return flight because he had wanted to give something to a relative there. Pretty determined, wouldn't you say?
So I asked this lady why was she on the return flight..

Apparently she had wanted to collect the mile-points to upgrade herself to Enrich Gold. Just that!
APAKAH?!!! Gila banyak duit kau.. And takde keje ke???
Then while in transit at REP I talked to her some more at the smoking lounge. She saw what I was smoking then commented, "good".
Eehhh?
She also mentioned that she's flying to Zurich in two days -- for work this time. So I had to ask what she does for a living.

"I work for Phillip-Morris"

HAHHAHAHAHAHHA!! No wonder lah that comment..

Anyway, I love passengers with amusing quirks.
When people asked me if I enjoy flying, these sort of people that'd make me say "yes".

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Lagu hit MCR tahun 2007.

2011-05-11T22:25:00.000+08:00

I honestly can't recall how to be happy anymore.
I am not PMSing.
I am simply pissed-off 24/7.
Everything that anyone says or does are simply dull and unimportant. And I know that I don't sound too smart either.. surely.
I want to die.
I really do.
This is really.. just too boring to handle.
pfffffffft!!
I know what I'm about to say is going to sound wrong (even after when I said that I wanted to die) but I kinda wish for a heart attack at this very second. Seems fitting with the ache in my chest anyway. You know.. while I'm aching, might as well just have a heart attack.
You are welcomed to ignore my twisted logic by the way.

I'm sick of things not going my way.
I'm sick of feeling like I messed up when it's someone else's screw up.
I'm tired of growing up.. or growing old.
I'm plain fed up with being responsible.. or feeling like the only person that cares.. about anything. I want a freakin' lobotomy.
My head feels heavy.
Perhaps I'll die of a stroke.
That seems pretty fitting too.

I'm pretty sure that if I commit suicide that you'll find my note in this blog. Really.
Hmmm.. does that sound too morbid?
Well, I am morbid. Just because I haven't written anything of the likes in a while, doesn't mean that I've changed.

I don't think love will ever change me.
If I were a Beast, no amount of love would turn me into a beautiful princess -- no matter how I wish it would.
If I were a Frog, no kiss would turn me back into human form -- no matter how I hope it would.

I feel like a witch that had tricked the world to believe that she was a beautiful maiden with a spell.
And now this witch is too tired to keep up with that spell.

mood lembu menggila

2011-05-08T00:56:00.002+08:00

Encem balik kampung.
Dalam masa 48-jam;
Jumlah pesanan ringkas yang dia hantar: LAPAN baris.
Jumlah masa dia telefon: KOSONG saat.

Is this really what I want?
An average of about five words every six hours??
Mungkin tidak.

Kadang kadang aku tak tau apa yang aku tengah buat skarang ni.
Ada hari aku tetiba terasa.. entah.. Blur. Am I going anywhere with this?
Perasaan "sia-sia" yang tak dapat dibendung.

Mungkin aku ni ala ala perfectionist kot. Ataupun kepala aku dah jauh diawangan. Berangan for the ideal boyfriend or a perfect relationship.

Aku rasa aku dah tahap kritikal sebenarnya.
Dulu aku rajin nak cuci pinggan, skarang aku fed up. Pandai pakai, pandai cuci la kan? Aku pun letih gak balek keje! Apa beza kau ngan aku kalau keje sama profession?
Kalau aku boleh tinggalkan rumah kemas, sampah terbuang so kau tak balik greeted by some foul smell.. kenapa kau takleh tolong aku buat benda yang sama?
Naaak jugak perap sampah basah dua tiga hari. Pastu komplen pasal menatang terbang terbang. hisy!
Aku tau la aku kuat sepah barang. Tapi barang ngan sampah lain kot!

Aku kata aku tak suka bercakap bila aku takde benda elok nak cakap.. tapi like I said, aku dah tahap kritikal.
Ada hari aku sakit hati sangat, dalam otak aku, aku tumbuk si Encem.
Aku sakit hati sebab dia buat macam aku hegeh hegeh gila kat dia!

Ego aku dah datang balik.
So pasal phone calls. Meh aku explain; kalau dulu, aku memang terasa bila dia tak message. Tapi the phone works both ways kan.. so aku lah yang akan message dulu.
Tapi takkan sampai bila bila pun aku kan??
*hegeh hegeh*
Tak kuasa la aku nak menggedik. Daripada menggedik baik aku marah je.

Aku marah. Aku sedih. Aku nak nangis.
Tapi apa aku dapat? Mata bengkak. Pastu nanti dia balik, happy je... as if nothing happened sedangkan aku kat sini terseksa jiwa batin.
Fed up la camni.
Aku pun nak happy, careless and free. Tapi aku takleh sampai ke tahap ignorant.

Sungguh aku dah takde mood nak menjaga hati.
Kau nak pancake, spaghetti, lasagna, cookies.. buat sendiri je. Kalau aku ter-rajin aku buat la. Tapi sungguh aku tak kuasa.
Aku tak suruh pun kau masak. All I ever wanted was a bit of your time and a conversation once in a while.. Susah sangat nak dapat!

FED UPPPPP!!

So, wahai Encem.. kalau lah terbaca entry ni.. awak buat la apa apa awak nak ye. Balik kampung hari hari pun boleh. Kawan ajak kuar? Silakan silakan..
For a while dah saya terasa macam kain lap kaki. Adeee je kat situ, bila awak nak pakai awak datang lah.

I shall master the art of not-caring soon enough.

Wassalam..

I'm just upset.
I'm not better than anyone. I don't have the rights to nag.
Forget I said anything.

Perihal kewangan..

2011-05-06T14:41:00.003+08:00

Growing up not having much money to spend gives me a sense of not needing money to be happy.
**I had a happy childhood. Ignorance, innocence and fickle-mindedness did me good back then.

I was spoilt, but never on material things. My toys were hand-me-downs.
**Mostly because I always end up breaking them. Although I might have appreciated them more and took care of them had they been my own.. We'll never know.
I don't remember having a birthday party unless it's a shared one.
**So happens that a lot of my cousins, uncle/aunt were born in December. Dida too. We had a few of shared birthdays get-together.

So when I had my first job (sales girl at Kinokuniya in '06) I always say that I don't NEED to work. I don't NEED the money. I was fine just getting by. As long as I have enough to feed me, clothe me and ink in my pen, I'm happy.
Of course at this time I did have just enough money to keep me "happy".
People thought I was a rich spoilt kid who got a job as a hobby. Sure, saying my philosophical ideas out loud would make one think that I was from a wealthy background. Plus the fact that I'd spend more than RM200 on transportation alone each month to get to work when my pay was barely RM700.

And comes the Eid, I'd get some extra cash to spend frivolously.
An act of frivolity once a year really was fine by me. I didn't look like I was homeless, and somehow I managed to sit at the second row of James Morrison's show in '07. (Man I miss that guy..)

Anyway, fast forward to '09.. I started making more-than-enough money. Then somehow it feels like I need even more to keep me "happy".
Suddenly my goals became materialistic. Money oriented. "That Moleskine will make my collection complete", "if I have a pair of Louboutin's, I'll die happy", "that camera will satisfy me."

What happened really?
What happened to my philosophical values? Had it died with my dreams of writing? I feel ashamed when Encem calls me a writer. Or when he said that I could be a full-time writer if I quit my job. I am no wordsmith.
I am not even a world-traveller.
All I feel is like... A cabin crew.

Nothing wrong with that I suppose. I am honest at my job -- most of the time anyway. My smiles were sincere, or I wouldn't have smiled in the first place. I rarely ever lied; you could see the annoyance on my face when a passenger asked me to repeat the choice of meal for the third time. (ha ha!)
And I love it when I connected with a stranger.

But I always thought that there were something more. That all these connections and the places I've seen would bring me a sense of completion.
I don't feel a tad wiser from these.

Money ruined me.
Instead of enabling me to enjoy my life as it deserves to be enjoyed, money had just given me an excuse to hoard things that clutters the house.

And now I want a credit card.

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Kisah standby.

2011-05-04T18:11:00.002+08:00

Sambung balik pasal cerita tukar kerja haritu. (Read: minggu lepas lepas kot!)

Alkisahnya, disebabkan ramai ORANG LAIN tukar keje, sesiapa yang on standby bulan lepas for sure kena call up! Encem standby tiga hari, tiga hari lah dia kena call. Mami standby kene call up. Aku standby tiga hari, first day dapat daily flight, second day dapat nightstop JHB.
JHB ye, bukan JNB.
Bahahhahaha!! HARAPAN!

Letih kot.
Aku tak suka standby. Kena kacau time tengah sedap tido.
Dengarnya bulan ni pun ada lagi bebudak akan berhenti for the greener grass on the other side.
Whatever floats their boats lah.

Time aku emosi tak stabil ni aku terasa la nak lari jauh jauh. Tapi seriously, all I need is to grow up.

I have nothing much to say really.
I don't like to say much when I have nothing nice to say.. That's how I carry myself most of the time anyway.

Later alligator!

No news is good news..

2011-04-28T18:34:00.003+08:00

Isn't it?

I'm PMSing.
Bloody mood swings (Encem can vouch for that!), I'm feeling sluggish, and my breasts definitely feels fuller. (Can Encem vouch for that too? hmm..)

Honestly I have nothing much to ramble about.
Flights had been uneventful. My legs are ugly again (they were smooth and supple earlier of the month; when I hadn't been flying so much.)
I'd spent the day driving around the Klang Valley with Papa..
Really, nothing much.
Not a single profound thought to share.

It's not even May yet and my account's depleting.
Bestie bought a new phone with his bonus money. And I?
I bought a BED! heehee. Been talking about getting a new bed for yonks, so I better get it now when I'm supposedly can. It should arrive in two weeks time though. Apparently the factory is in Johor.. but I don't mind.
Gives me time to decluttler (that's an understatement!) the room. The room's a mess really. It looks exactly like it was in the middle of a hurricane.

That's it for now.
Catch ya' later alligator!

Highlights of the Week.

2011-04-23T00:48:00.001+08:00

1. During my three days trip, one of the stewards confessed to liking Justin Bieber. He claims to be straight. (bahahhaha!!) And then corrected his previous statement to, "liking his songs, not the person himself."

2. I came home one day finding Bestie chilling in front of the telly watching some DVD; then he told Encem to tell me who was on his flight that day. But Bestie ended up being the one who told me that Justin Bieber was on Encem's flight.

3. I went to Jakarta with a pretty friendly steward.. whom was pretty much hit by the Bieber-Fever because he kept singing to his songs even though he didn't know all the words.
We were both looking at the papers at one point and he showed me the picture of the girls that waited for Bieber at the airport. Of course he was a no-show; he got onto Encem's flight.. to Langkawi!

4. Bieber performed in KL the night I was in Jakarta.

5. On the way to the Soekarno-Hatta airport, I saw a man pooping by the ditch with a ciggy in one hand and a magazine in the other. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

6. A friend in my BBM-list updated his status to, "Justin Bieber dalam flight aku, KAUHADO??"

7. There was a big crowd outside the aircraft we were taking over..
Oh, guess who was on THAT flight from KL?
BIEBER, of course!

8. Oh, Selena Gomez was by his side.

9. PAYDAYY!!! On the 22nd! My balance no longer says RM48.52! Wooot~!

10. Came home and found that my Soft Cover Moleskine has arrived! Yayyzz!!

And now I just hope that Encem won't get called up so we get to spend our well-earned money later..

Current obsession: Talking To The Moon by Bruno Mars

Apa nama kau eh?

2011-04-20T03:38:00.001+08:00

Lagi sekali aku lupa nama orang.. (Tech crew lagi la pulak kan, nampak sangat tak penting! Bahahahha!)
Jumpa kat smoking lounge, skali dia paxing flight aku.. Nasib baiklah ada Passenger Information List! kikikki..
Pastu disebabkan aku sorang stewardess pompuan dalam flight, leading aku maintain aku keje depan untuk trip kali ni.. Dan disebabkan member kan, (walaupun tak ingat nama asalnya) aku pun bilang la sama si FO untuk tak payah mengada nak makan dalam aircraft sedangkan dah janji nak keluar makan sama kat Kuching..
Muahahaha!! Aku memang buat suka hati aku..

Sang Hanjeng agak behave dalam trip ni. Dia maseh tak boleh nak cakap ngan orang elok elok. Haritu dia dengan leading cerita pasal bebudak yang baru join. Aku mengaku, ada cerita diorang yang aku tumpang gelak.. Tapi aku lagi banyak malu sebenarnye. Aku tak suka nak dengar. Pastu Sang Hanjeng boleh lak mention kat leading (aku pun ada la sekali time tu) yang kitorang penah gaduh dulu, tapi AKU dah OKAY "kot"..
1. Aku maseh aku.. Kau maseh hanjeng.
2. Perlu ke kau cerita kat leading?? Kaki repot kan kau? Pastu kau nak komplen kat orang bila ada budak 'take note' nama kau.. Kalau kau tak suka orang bercerita pasal kau, kau pun sila lah shaddap!
3. "Okay" kau kata.. Ahaa.. Itu sebab kau keje kat belakang, aku kat depan.. Kalau hari hari keje sama, aku tak konfiden yang kau akan kata aku "okay".
Btw, BC1.. Everyday kau tak spray cabin ye. And bila aku tolong spray, ada kau kata "thank you"?? Courtesy my ass la hanj!
Muka kau sampai ke tua aku tak lupa kot.. Rasa nak baling barang je.

Moving on, tadi bebudak ni sebok nak suruh aku lepak lama lama. Sungguh aku tak suka nak duduk buat bodo while orang lain minum. Kalau gi club, aku tak menari.. Nak borak, bising! So apa aktiviti aku? Merokok lah sampai dada nak pecah, thanks!
Aku tak suka bila orang pelawa melepak, diorang akan respon, "kenape, takut boyfren tau ke?" Ataupun, "tak boleh keluar ke? Nanti kena marah ye.." APAKAH??

Or bila aku bagitau orang team bola aku, diorang akan tanya, "kenape? Ikut boyfren eh?" WTH?!! Kalau aku ikut boyfren aku, dia sokong Chelsea hokey.. YUCK!!
Tolonglah lelaki sekalian.. Tak terlintas ke kat kepala korang yang bila perempuan cakap sesuatu, diorang memang maksudkan apa yang diorang cakap??

Bila aku taknak keluar ngan korang, maknanye aku tak suka nak melepak ngan korang. Kang aku cakap terang terang kang.. Cuba la lepak gaya sehat sikit, mau la aku ikut.
And aku sokong Man United since 1996 ye.. Time aku tak penah ada boyfren, time aku tak pandai flirt, time budak laki takut ngan aku sebab aku garang, time aku kuar umah pakai cap, tak ada skirt dalam almari, time Beckham rambut pendek dan maseh rupa budak baik.

Dah ramai orang aku jumpa, semua laki pusing pusing sama je.. "Janganla marah.." @*#&%
Semua laki kecuali Encem.. (Sama je actually, tapi aku nak buat sedap hati sendiri sikit.) Itu lagi satu hal lak, tiga hari trip, hanta dua je text, call sekali tak sampai seminit. Bongok!

Roster bulan depan dah kuar.. Whee! Bulan depan start ada nightstop kat Manila.. And.. aku ada Manila!!! Yayyy!! Finally, someplace new to see! Excited! heehee

Okaylah, nak tido. Tadi dah ready nak tido skali roster kuar lak. Aisyy..
Gudnite!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Annual Ritual.

2011-04-16T21:03:00.001+08:00

Haritu memang harapan lah aku nak gi jogging kan..
Bestie pun tak bangun agaknya..

Anyway, weekend lepas memang weekend yang best untuk aku. Entah lah.. rasa macam dah lama kot aku tak rasa "puas".. contented with life, walaupun untuk sekejap.
Sabtu aku spend dengan kawan kawan rapat aku.. Ahad lak aku ber-ritual ngan Dida, and siap singgah umah Kina kat Seremban lagi. Quality time with my favourite people. *Like*

Oh, ritual yang aku maksudkan ialah pegi tengok F1..
Boleh kata every year jugak la kitorang pegi. Tahun yang kitorang tak pergi adalah tahun Dida kat Europe.. or kitorang dua dua kat Europe. Ada lagi satu kot yang kitorang tak pegi tapi aku tak ingat kenapa.

ps: kalau korang pegi F1 bila bila.. makan/minum kat situ bapak mahal! So make sure korang dah makan dan minum sebelum masuk, diorang akan check bag. Tapi bila race dah habis, haa.. berbelanja lah puas puas! Gambar CBTL Ready To Drink tu; kitorang beli dengan harga "two for 5 Ringgit!" Bapak murah!

Seminggu aku tak update blog rupanye..
Tak ada masa. Roster tengah packed. Lepas weekend lepas aku ada 3-days trip, pastu single nightstop. Ni lepas weekend ni pun sama; 3-days trip then single nightstop. Paling best, aku tengok master roster pastu find out yang trip kali ni aku akan fly ngan Sang Hanjeng. Jadi rakan rakan, tolonglah doakan kesihatan dan keselamatan aku untuk hari Isnin sampai Rabu ni ye. Aku sangat sangat hargai/perlukannya.

Aku bukan apa, aku ni jenis kalau orang carik pasal ngan aku, aku carik pasal balik. Orang treat aku baik, aku baiklah ngan dia. Orang treat aku kurang ajar, patut ke aku nak treat baik?? Tak kan? Gila kau!
Memanjang la aku silent review gamaknye.
Aku tak macam si Kera yang boleh marah diam diam.. Bila berdepan dengan orang tu, dia boleh berlakon mesra. Dia lagi sesuai jadi cabin crew actually. Aku ni terlalu beremosi.

Anyway, dalam seminggu ni banyak menda kot jadi.
Haritu aku komplen dah lama tak tersempak ngan Mami time nightstop; bulan ni sampai dua kali aku jumpa dia kat Kuching! *Like!*

And Rabu lepas, genaplah dua tahun aku join kompeni.. Bond dah habes! yayy! Lepas ni kalau aku nak carik keje lain, aku tak kene baya pape..
Dida haritu suruh aku try kompeni lain, aku tak tau nak cakap apa.. Actually, logically memang aku patut try tukar angin. Fakta fakta depan mata menunjukkan bahawa tak salah untuk aku tukar angin..
Tapi entah lah.. Aku tak boleh nak pegi mana mana tanpa rasa macam aku sebenarnya melarikan diri and buat masa ni, memang aku tak rasa nak lari kemana mana.. err.. Make sense ke?

Moleskine dah kuar products baru lak dah.. Tertekan aku. Gaji masuk lagi 9 hari, duit dalam bank tinggal RM 100! Selalunya aku tak ada laa boros macam ni. Gara gara tukar specs/contacts baru la nih.. Memang ler aku sendiri ada belanja kat benda yang aku tak perlu beli, tapi sebab specs and contacts, gedebushh RM 300..
Apa lagi aku beli bulan ni eh?

Okay lah, aku tak tau dah apa nak update kat korang. Dah laa entah kenapa rasa mengantuuk je ni. Maybe sebab sepanjang harini hujan/mendung kot! So dah alang alang, baik aku tido je terus kan? Kalau tak, tak sudah aku komplen pasal takleh tido..

Mumu tunang!

2011-04-10T05:14:00.000+08:00

Aku rasa kitorang yang pergi tunang si Mumu macam.. err.. konfius kot. Aku honestly asyik kena ingatkan diri sendiri yang "Mumu tunang.. Mumu tunang.. Mumu tunang.." sebab kalau tak, aku automatic terfikir Mumu kawen!! hahahahha!
Ye lah kan, biase orang tunang mana ada jemput kawan.. Or even pasang khemah depan rumah.. Kan? Aku pun tak ingat lah cemana Kina tunang dulu.
Tapi aku agak pasti time Kina tunang tak ada "ala-ala pelamin"! Sebab kat umah Mumu tadi ada "ala-ala pelamin"! hahaha! Aku panggil "ala-ala pelamin" sebab dia memang pelamin.. tapi pelamin for one, boleh? Macam boleh je bersanding kat situ tapi sorang je lah! kikkiki!
Sungguh aku asyik konfius tadi.

Congrats Mumu! Dah one step closer jadi.. err.. Jadi apa eh?
Tak aci nih.. Mumu kenal bakal laki dia lagi lambat dari aku kenal Encem tapi dia dah tunang dulu.. hmmm.. Jeles ke mek? *tanya diri sendiri*
Sikit kot.. Sikiiiit je.. Sebabnya, aku suka cincin! Nak cincin pliss!! HAHAHAHAHHA! Dalam banyak banyak aksesori pompuan, aku memang suka cincin kot.

Anyway, tadi kitorang konvoi berenam. Aku suka bila dapat can melepak ngan kengkawan rapat aku from training. Sempat nak debate ngan si Adi lagi..
Bestie suka cakap aku Ted Mosby sekarang. Ted Mosby; character from How I Met Your Mother. Kalau korang tak tahu, aku ni jenis suka betulkan grammar orang. Sorry kawan kawan; kalau kau Superman and kau ternampak kawan kau nak kena langgar ngan lori, korang mesti lah akan try selamatkan, kannn?? hahahha!
Kalau aku dah tau, tak ke lebih afdhal kalau aku tolong betulkan? Aku rasa responsible kot.. aku tak tau cemana nak explain. Aku tau annoying bila ada orang betulkan grammar kau, tapi aku rasa lagi teruk kalau aku biarkan..
Tapi disebabkan aku asyik dipanggil Ted Mosby, (Luqqy pun ada mention kot aritu..) aku akan cuba untuk abaikan bad grammar korang semua. WAHHAHAHAHHA!!
I am such a snooty, deal with it!

Melepak kat umah Mumu tadi tak lama kot. Duduk, lepak, makan, amek gamba, salam parents Mumu.. (Mumu.. awak cerita apa kat ayah awak? Cemana dia tau nama sayaa??) pastu dah.. kitorang (except Adi) pegi jalan kat Pyramid pulak. End up melepak kat Starbucks sampai dekat pukul sebelas! Gilo!
Lama gila kitorang lepak borak tadi! Borak pasal apa, aku pon tak tau lah.. Cepat je masa berjalan.

#crewlife!
Haritu aku buat flight MLE keje kat depan.. Passenger profile: CINA MAINLAND!!
aiyakk!! Longgar lutut aku bila berdepan dengan satu group diorang ni. Nak landing baru nak mintak teh. chet! Aku pulak automatic la explain dah nak landing, so aku takleh buatkan air untuk dia.. kalau nak air mineral aku kasi la..
--"HUHH?"
Adohaiii....
Ulang lah balek explanation yang panjang lebar kat dia.. benefit of a doubt lah, maybe aku cakap laju sangat kooot.. or maybe dia kurang dengar apa aku cakap, so kali ni aku tunduk lebih sikit bila cakap kat dia..
--"OK water water.."

Honestly aku tak tau mana lagi teruk; orang tak paham bahasa ataupun orang perasan terer.. (I-yem-a-lawyerr!)
Ada aku kesah kau lawyer ke doktor?
Kalau kau hebat, kenapa kau tak terbangkan kapal sendiri? wekkk!
Tengok macam John Travolta.. aku rasa dia tak perlu pun cakap kat orang "I'm an actor!" tapi rilek je ada kapal terbang kat belakang umah.

Okay, aku dah menyimpang.
Nak kene tido dalam masa terdekat nih. Kononnye nak jogging pagi nanti -- kalau ikut plan, dalam masa dua jam je lagi! kikikiki!

To be in your plan..

2011-04-06T14:57:00.001+08:00

Never lose sight of your dreams, because your dreams will be the goals that shape your life, the taste and the smell that that makes you want to get up and discover each new morning.
Soon you'll encounter love.. When the time comes, share that with someone who will love you, too. When you share a dream -- that's when it flowers. Solitude is a garden where the flowers have no scent, and the spirit withers.
Love is wonderful. Remember, you have to give to receive; and you have to be true to yourself if you are to love someone truly.

Just Like Heaven, Mark Levy

I saw the movie when it came out.
Only recently had I finally read the book.
It feels.. a bit odd. The book and the film are very different from one another! I suppose the adaptation was easier than trying to film the book verbatim. The movie was also.. lighter, than the actual words.

Off days..
Seems like I've been catching up on my reads lately. So much so that I had to get out and get a new book last Monday -- yet another Paulo Coelho. I think I've decided to get all of his books. Just before picking up Just Like Heaven, I was reading Cecelia Ahern's The Book Of Tomorrow. I didn't like it. I mean, it wasn't bad.. Just that I felt nothing for it. It didn't make me cry.. I have nothing to quote from it.. It's just wasn't as special as her previous works..
That's what I think anyway. You should go pick up that book and read it yourself.

Encem is away again. So all I've been doing is laze, read a book, watch some DVDs.. I'm hating it.
I was watching Blue Valentine and I couldn't help but feel so confused over it. I really can't figure out what went wrong between the two main characters. I can't figure out how two people that loves each other can be so wrong sometimes.

Anyway, my mind is so jumbled up right now.
Suppose I could try and sleep it off..

My favourite Sengals.

2011-04-04T09:57:00.002+08:00

Some time ago, in my earlier days in the airline, I had the privilege of flying with two seniors. We did a four-days trip, and I have to say it was the most memorable trip I've had.

Usually when flying with seniors, you can't help but feel a bit reserved.. Knowing that you'll be judged by the way you work.. behave..
But I was blessed.. Those two seniors were serious CLOWNS!

The supervisor had maintained the senior steward in the galley as he was the only steward in flight, but on the last day, these two seniors pushed me to become the galley steward so I could learn; assuring me that they'll teach me along the way..

So anyway, today my supervisor assigned me as galley steward. I was the most junior of the set. I was nervous as heck. I don't get to be the galley steward that often despite flying for almost two years, honestly. I was really nervous. I'd hate to screw up!

But I turned out quite alright.. I think!
And what's awesome, as we exited the aircraft once we arrived in KUL, I bumped into both of those two seniors that had taught me so much some time ago..
It feels like it's a good morning!
And last night I had spent the night in KCH with Mummy and Max!

Good days..
I love good days..
Anyway, currently I'm in transit, going to do LGK after this.. and I feel blessed. I really love days like these..

Have a good week, dear readers!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

-----

Tak lebih sejam lepas aku post entry ni, aku tersedar aku tertinggal toolkit aku kat aircraft masa first sector. Memang cibai! Sungguh benda paling tak best pasal buat aircraft kecik ni; banyak sector, asyik tukar kapal! So kau memang bound to leave things behind. Aku lak time dah sampai tu sebok nak tukar kasut, kuar isap rokok, langsung lupa toolkit kat side compartment!! grrr
So nampaknye dalam blesses blessed aku ni, sebenarnya you simply win some and you lose some. Best satu part, hanjeng part satu lagi. Benci!

Toolkit aku dahlaa best weii! Gloves, tongs aku cantekk! Ada ice scoop lagi, siap ada torchlight Mama kasi kat aku. aghhhhh!! Memang aku tertekan!
Second time dah ni aku tertinggal toolkit. Third time hilang gloves. Syaitann!!!

Withdrawal.

2011-04-02T01:37:00.002+08:00

This happens to me all the time.
After spending so many days/nights with Encem that my whole being is so full of him.. When he has to leave, when he's off to a trip, when he has to work, when reality hits.. It hits hard.
I hate it when he leaves..

He's my choice of drug, and now that he's gone I'm going through withdrawal..
Life goes on with or without him, but I'm usually more restless without him. I hate it. I hate that my thoughts are so full of him!
Like now, I'm wondering if he's eaten.. Wondering how his flight was, if he did anything mischievous in-flight. If something funny happened to him all the while.
I know you guys would get a kick from his stories had he blogged. He always has something amusing to tell about everything. Bloody Gemini..

Sometimes I'm glad that he has more guy friends than girls. Hahahaha!! (Or maybe he just never tells me about them? Ughh!) I am glad that he's not himself while at work. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn't got any girls falling all over his feet.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't tell me everything. I really hate that. I hate that he's not all that he seems. Of course, that could possibly be the reason why I'm still so much into him. Apparently it's one of his tricks in keeping my interest, so I won't be bored -- he said so himself.
But still! It annoys.. and scares me a heck lot sometimes!

Anyway, I miss him.
But instead of writing him a note/letter telling him that, I decided to blog about it. I hate how he'd never reply to my little notes, furthermore seeing my notes lying around on the floor like litter. Ughh! I hate that the most!
So I'm sorry dear readers for putting you through my pathetic rants about my perfectly flawed boyfriend.

Ooh he just texted!!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Planned shopping.

2011-03-31T21:58:00.001+08:00

Okay, I shall warn you that this is a blabla entry.
I feel like I should write it down somewhere but I don't feel like picking up a pen.

So apparently I love to shop. But I wouldn't consider myself as a shopaholic. Mostly because I usually window-shop.. compare prices (because the things I'm usually interested at are pretty expensive!) and only days, weeks, months later will I finally get the things that I've been eyeing on.
The only things that I won't require any thought when buying would be clothes. And bras and panties. hahahaha!

Then of course I usually have my reasons to buy the things that I buy.
For instance; the Starbucks tumbler that I bought a few months back. It was unnecessary.. expensive.. but I thought; I ALWAYS spend my free time at coffee shops.. and if you bring your own tumbler to Starbucks, they will deduct RM2 from the price of your drink!
So come to think of it.. in about sixty more drinks, I will save RM2 on my future drinks! HAH! Eat that!

(Of course, we are assuming that I will always remember to bring my tumbler.. And assuming that I only drink at Starbucks. But the fact is that I mostly hang out at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. sigh. I saw a tumbler that I liked there the other day. But I stopped myself from getting it since I already have the one by Starbucks. Plus, CBTL doesn't have that "RM2 off if you bring your own tumbler" thing.)
See, sometimes I make rational decisions.
But I do like that CBTL tumbler..
And my CBTL mug is starting to crack..
Perhaps I should get some mugs instead?

Did you know that I once thought of becoming a barista?
Oh but that would be another story for another day...

Do you know that I'm obsessed with Moleskine products?
Started in 2006 while I was part-timing in Kinokuniya. I worked at the stationeries department and customers; foreign ones, would come to me and ask if we had any "mole skin notebooks". Of course at the time I had never heard of a notebook that was made out of mole skin. Sounded rare and expensive. I mean, who would've thought of using moles' skin?? I wondered how WWF was okay with it.

Then I went to Europe.. went into a bookstore and saw them for the first time;
MOLESKINE.
Aaaaah.. so it's a BRAND after all! Dumdumb! I perused one, and decided to get it -- a Plain Large Hardcover. (Of course I'll get a plain one!) Before I left Europe I bought another for stock.. in case I couldn't find one back home.
Of course, by the next time I went to Kinokuniya it was there.. only instead of being by the stationeries, it was upstairs with the arts and design books! Too classy to be with the Japanese notebooks maybe..? hahaha!
But if you go to Kinokuniya these days, I think you'll find Moleskine notebooks by the gift books. At least that's where I found them the last I was there.
(By the way, I've always LOVED notebooks. I have plenty, and most of them are unused! hahahhaha! Talk about unnecessary. Ana bought me a pretty flowery notebook for my birthday once. And Encem bought me a red Moleskine during the earlier months we're together.)

And now back to the shopping topic.
At present I have SIX Moleskines. Two I got from Europe; the one I got from Rotterdam is absolutely old, stained and almost historical with it's rubber band all loose now. The one from Frankfurt is perfectly wrapped in its plastic with the price tag still attached; €13.99 yikes!
Then there's the red one that I mentioned earlier..
A special edition Discovery Channel 2010 journal that Mama gave me; somebody gave it to her boss which then gave to her and then finally got to me whom she knows LOVES to write/doodle/Moleskine. The journal was Ruled though, but what the heck.. A Moleskine is still a Moleskine!
Then I got the Book Journal from the Passions series (I also got Encem the Music Journal at the same time) which I have been putting aside for a while.
And recently I bought the 2011 Calendar which is to me.. ABSOLUTELY unnecessary but I had to have it anyway! hahahahah! I'm terrible like that.

Then a few days ago Kina asked my opinion on Moleskine prices because she's getting the new Baby Journal. So now, my Travel Journal is also on its way with Kina's new buy from Amazon. aaah..

I know since I got my Maybank debit card, I probably spend a lot more. Previously I wouldn't have any chance to buy things online but now it's just too easy!
So I've been thinking of getting the Moleskine Folio Sketchbook A4 or Watercolor A4. I wanted a photo album but I've never been the straight type of person that believes only photo albums should hold photos. (Just like why most of my notebooks are plain and not ruled. The lines makes me not want to doodle.)

But, I've got these.. images in my head on how I wanted the "album" to look like and for that to happen, I gotta have that Polaroid PoGo that I've been thinking about for MONTHS! I still can't afford it. I mean, I CAN, but I won't be all too giddy if I get it. I would worry too much about my savings instead.
And I want to go on more holidays..
I also want to get a new mattress and a bed.. (which I've been wanting since last year!)
And I should finally get my driving license! (Yes folks, I cannot drive!)
My priorities are all jumbled up now.
I spend about 1k on monthly commitments; that's rent, insurance and school loans for school that I did not finish! Wastage, I tell you.

Let me tell you this, being a crew.. you don't make as much money as you thought it would. Not that I joined to make money, but I'm just saying. Funny that I never thought of money or the "glamour" when I joined. I know some people thought of those when they think about cabin crew. Some even join to meet wealthy men or in hopes of marrying the tech crew! Crazy.

So! Planned shopping..
Before I get any more Moleskine, I better get my camera first. Before that happens, I better feel safe with my current savings. For that to happen, I really shouldn't spend any more money at LaSenza -- I think I have enough bras, panties and jammies at the time being. I also have enough shoes; I've replaced my "night-stop" shoes last month (pumps from Charles and Keith), bought a pair of flip-flops for AU$10 while I was at Surfer's Paradise HRC (which I thought was a bargain!) because I only have one other flip-flops that I had since 2006, and that Puma sneakers that I bought two days ago because I envied Encem for buying one. That was unnecessary. Really unnecessary.
No More Unnecessary Spending!!! RAWRR!
Also, no more bags! (Yes, I also bought a new sling bag two days ago.. after thinking about it for a week. So, no regrets there! But still.. no more bags!) Unless one of my handbags caught on fire in some freakish accident or something. hahahha!

Enough blabla..
I'm too tired of writing this to proof-read it. Sorry if I'd used bad grammar at some point. Or if there are typos. Perhaps I'll proof-read it tomorrow.

By the way, if you've never seen a Moleskine before, head to MoleskineAsia.com.

It's a holi-holiday!

2011-03-31T10:10:00.002+08:00

Hullo!! It's been a while..
I've got to say that not writing/updating this blog for this long hasn't been easy for me. Even while I was on holiday, I felt the urge to post some sort of entry with my phone. sigh.. But if I actually did, I think it'd defeat the true purpose of my holiday..
Hence, to stop myself from constantly telling you what I was doing, I'd usually left my phone at the chalet.. (Who says I can't live without my phone?)

CHAPTER ONE
Choppy waters.

KL - Kota Besut;
8 FRIGGIN' HOURS!!
I think I have been to Kelantan/Terengganu before, but I guess it never really registered to my brain on how long the journey took since my family and I would usually have pit-stops.. Food, gas, piss, sightsee..
But because Kera's friend was LATE, we had to stay in the car for most part of the journey! I was really moody.. (for other reasons as well, but I'm not going to write about it here..) Then again, I'm also a brat so there really need not be other reasons for me to be moody. heh.

We got to the jetty at almost seven.. the last boat had went out hours ago! But luckily there happened to be an extra boat and we managed to get on that.
The ride.. was MURDER!
I swear my kidneys relocated itself by the time we got to the island.

CHAPTER TWO
Starlit dinner.

My mood picked up by the next day.
The holiday mood finally kicked in. I suppose I should thank Kera for it. I don't know.. It had felt like we finally got some quality time together.
We had dinner by the beach with his friend, had good conversations, and just sat out by the beach looking at the stars. I even managed a glimpse at a shooting star! Just my kind of night, I guess.

I really loved that.

CHAPTER THREE
To the beach!

Funnily, I only got into the water on our third day there..
The weather was good. We fell asleep at a lazy chair by the beach after breakfast. The waters were scary actually. Pretty and clear, but scary. The locals said that it should have been calm by this time of the year but maybe the Earth is just so unstable these days that the weather seems to change.
I thought it was funny seeing the locals surf. I just can't seem to relate surfing as a sport in Malaysia somehow..

Anyway, I got what I looked for from this holiday.
Some relaxation, quality time with the boyfriend.. a slight tan.. haha!
And yeah, some pictures of me jumping by the beach. Aku memang suka lompat lompat macam kanak kanak girang.

I had actually thought of doing a complete rundown of my days in Perhentian but you know what? I'm lazy! hahahahha. I wish I was still on the island.
But the fact is, we went home on Monday (Mahligai bus from Kota Besut to Putra Station, KL; departs at 8+pm.. arrives at 6am on the Tuesday!) got a few hours of shuteye, went to Midvalley to do some (unnecessary) shopping, bumped into Adi and Irina, met up with Bestie and Crystal to watch Battle L.A, and went to work on the Wednesday.
Yesterday.
I was in paradise one day, and back to work the next. gahh!

MUST - GET - MORE - TIME - OFF!!

Blablablah

2011-03-21T12:22:00.001+08:00

The more I tell people that I'm not from Sarawak, the more I spend my time there. Next month's roster is out (early!) and I'll be spending FOUR nights in Kuching!
For the first time since my conversion, I wasn't rostered to any Airbus flights; unless you count the one I'll be dead-heading to -- Kuching!

Anyway, I am currently inside the commuter train heading to Kina's office. I honestly can't remember when was the last time I had to ride this damn slow train. Let's just say that at this moment I am thankful for my Blackberry. Without it I will just have to entertain myself in some other way.

I could probably dance around in this coach. Listening to The Strokes just makes me want to move somehow. O yeah, I listen to The Strokes. Not exactly a big fan, but Encem is. I suppose if he isn't I would've only known the band's existence but never really listen to them.

So how have I been spending my off days? Err.. I spent the most of yesterday sleeping. Didn't even shower the whole day, it was AWESOME! Hahahaha! But I needed to get some things done so that's why I'm in the commuter right now. But I like mixing business with pleasure, hence; errands with the bank then lunch with Kina! yayy!

Two more stops..
I wish I am confident enough to actually dance around in this coach. Bahahaha! But all I do is tap my foot, and move my head to the beats a bit. hmm.. Not that I care if people think that I'm crazy, but I myself would be pretty annoyed if I see someone jigs around in the small coach.
Oh well.. *moves head with the beats*

Tomorrow Encem will be back from his five days trip! yayyyz! It'll be a full week since we last saw each other.. sigh.
I miss my monkey!

Have a good week everyone!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Pulang dari keje..

2011-03-19T08:51:00.006+08:00

Alamak.. Saloma cerita pasal time dia interview laa..
Terasa nak join sekali. Boleh?

Okay, kalau korang nak tahu.. aku gi interview dua kali actually.
Sekali tu.. aku ala ala pegi tanpa pengetahuan orang tua aku. So mungkin tak berkat la kan, tu yang tak dapat tu. Or mungkin jugek sebab aku selamba je pegi dengan pakai spek. hahahha! Aku memang suka hati.
Bila interviewer tanya kenapa aku tak datang pakai contacts, aku dengan senyum mesra jawab, "oh, it's a luxury I can't afford at the moment" hahaha! Almaklumlah, aku ni kan menganggur manjang time tu.

Tapi dalam comot comot tu, aku sampai gak la final stage.
Tapi first time interview tu, semua benda dalam satu weekend. Ada empat stage; empat empat stage hari Sabtu dan Ahad tu. Letih tau. Ramai orang! Kau kena tunggu turn bagai..
So by the time fourth stage, memang aku dah tak ada mood nak bercakap. Honestly, aku tengok muka interviewer tu pun buat aku letih. Mana tak nye, langsung tak mesra! MH my ass!

So bila aku dapat email seminggu lepas tu kata aku tak dapat, aku tak ada laa terkejut sangat. Memang fourth stage tu sangat hampehh. Expectable, tapi aku still kecewa. Ade laa macam tak hingin dah try jadi cabin crew. Kalau aku kena reject awal awal lagi, aku senang sikit nak terima. Ni dah sampai final koot.. hmmph!

Anyway, beberapa bulan lepas tu keluar iklan lagi. Time tu aku dah merajuk dah, tapi satu famili aku suruh try lagi. So.. berkat? hihi.
Kali ni interview dia lain sikit. Masa aku datang pagi tu, nampak semua pompuaaan je. Rupanya hari Sabtu tu memang dia interview pompuan saja, laki kena datang hari Ahad.

First stage, sesi suai kenal. Ada tiga orang kompeni, dan enam orang hopefuls. Time ni dia just suruh kau cerita pasal diri kau. Aku cerita benda biasa je la.. asal mana, hobi.. Pastu kebetulan la kan, interviewer sorang hanta anak dia kat skolah Section 9 Shah Alam. Aku pun, alamak! Section 2 ngan Section 9 dulu enemies! Biase la kan, bila ada game bola ke apa.. study-wise pun. Aku pot pet pot pet je la ntah hape merepek time tu. Bila tanya hobi lak aku cerita pasal blogging. Maybe nasib jugak kot, interviewer yang sama tanya aku pasal cemana nak set up blog.
End up memang aku sorang je yang banyak bercakap time tu..
And aku sorang je lepas pegi next stage.. Part tu aku tak seronok sangat sebab kesian kat lagi lima orang tu. Yang sorang tu pun actually sampai final stage gak last time dia pegi interview..

Second stage ni cam memain je.
Dia tak tanya pape sebab ini tang grooming. Dia ukur tinggi, berat.. Suruh angkat seluar kau sikit, lipat lengan baju sikit.. carik scar la.. tattoo ke..
Pastu dia suh balik.. Dia akan contact untuk next stage.

So aku pun balik lah.. tunggu dan tunggu.. Rasa cam, betul ke diorang nak call ni?
Sebabnye, time aku ni, kitorang tunggu dalam sebulan before the next stage! Bapak lama hokeyy..
So almost sebulan tu diorang call, suh datang hari Sabtu kat akademi lagi..
Kali ni ada laki (yayy!) hahahha. Aku datang awal time tu so awal awal lagi nama aku dah kena panggil.

Stage ketiga ni aku tak ingat sangat cemana. (cik Amyan ingat tak?) Masuk berenam kot. Before kitorang masuk, ada laa sorang mamat ni, Fariq.. mesra gila! Memang GILA tak hengat!! Buat lawak merepek apa ntah.. kitorang siap diskas lagi, nanti masuk kalau dia tanya suh bincangkan something, kita cerita pasal makanan..
Sekali kitorang masuk, dia suh cakap pasal road bullies.. Ada la yang cakap memang road bullies ni memang tak elok, suka carik pasal.. Aku lak dengan selamba cakap kadang kadang orang driving cam haram, buat orang nak jadi road bully! Aku ingat time ni cik Amyan agree ngan aku. hahahaha!

Pastu dia tanya pasal talent lak. Time ni aku merepek pasal writing. Tiga orang kata menari. Yang sorang menari square dance, sorang kata belly dance tapi dia taknak demo, yang sorang ni nari.. macam.. gay sangat kot! HAHAHAHHA! Aku tak ingat Amyan ngan Fariq kata apa. (Korang cakap ape eh?)
So yang lepas empat orang; square dance, Fariq, Amyan, aku.

Last stage, sesi paling mendebarkan.
Aku dah emo time tu sebab teringat last time. Tapi sebab si Fariq ni ada.. so aku tenang sikit kot. Last stage ni masuk lima orang, so ada laa sorang amoi ni join group kitorang.
Lama kitorang tunggu nak masuk bilik tu. Kitorang patut masuk bilik A, tapi sekali dapat tau dalam bilik A orang besar kompeni. Fariq dah kecut dah. Rupenye si Fariq dah pegi interview LIMA kali.. so entah cemana, kitorang boleh lak swap bilik pegi yang lagi satu. Time ni aku rasa kurang sedap hati.. rasa macam cheat fate lak. Tapi aku ikut kata majority; semua nak swap bilik.

Sekali bila masuk bilik interview ni, aku rasa tenang hati. Dua orang interviewer ni senyuum je. Manis. Sorang laki, sorang pompuan.. yang pompuan ni sebenanye ketua akademi lah kira. Orang besa jugek actually.
First thing dia tanya, nama each other. Dia suh kitorang sebut nama orang lain dalam group tu. Kitorang pass with flying colours lah! Dah sah sah berborak sepanjang tunggu. Yang pompuan tu dah impressed dah, sebab dia kata group sebelum kitorang tak tau pun nama each other. hehe.

Kali ni dia kasi situation and kitorang kena jawab sorang sorang.. Kelakar la part ni. Sebab Fariq kena soal; katakan ada lelaki raba dia, apa dia buat. Fariq kata dia akan senyum saja. Of course la kitorang tergelak kan! Macam suka lak kena raba, hisy! Aku tak ingat apa situation aku dapat, yang aku tau aku main tibai je konon aku reti nak handle.

Anyway, seminggu dua lepas tu dapat call untuk pegi bonding briefing dan medical check-up. Memang satu group aku lepas.
Tapi disebabkan pengukur ketinggian kat medical centre tu bengong, cik Amyan tersangkut dan tak join training..

Fariq sebok call HR so dia dapat masuk batch 06/09.
Aku, Fabian (square dance) ngan amoi May masuk batch 09/09.
Tapi kitorang end up graduate sama sama..
Sebab tu lah aku pesan, kalau betul betul nak keje ni, jangan malu jangan segan.. Kalau kau jenis tak berani nak start bersuara buat kawan pun, kau kena la rajen senyum so orang yang rajin bersuara buat kawan ni mau berkawan ngan korang.

Kurusnye rupa aku dua tahun lepas. isyk.
Anyway, aku balek dari Brisbane ni tak tido lagi. Otak aku macam tengah shutdown sikit sikit. Agenda utama aku tadi sampai rumah adalah: BERAK. Aku tak paham betul toilet omputeh ni takde bidet. Puas ke main salat salat je? ewww!

Sepanjang trip lak satu set aku tanya aku from Sarawak ke. Tak sudah sudah! SUNGGUH aku tak ada related dengan orang Borneo ataupun darah Cina!
Pastu paling best, ada orang kat Brisbane tanya aku arah.. WAH! Rupa local kah saya?? hahahahha!

Bila fikir balek pasal time aku join.. Aku terasa sangat macam Tuhan memang dah ada plan untuk aku. Kalau lah aku start training awal, aku takde dalam batch 09/09. Or kalau lah aku degil sangat and tak pegi interview untuk kali kedua. Aku tak dapat study safety kat Cherating ngan batchmate aku. (iye, kitorang memang sempoi!)
Aku takkan ada Mummy dan Bestie.. dan aku tak berkawan pun dengan Encem.

Semua orang ada path masing masing kan?

Lepas ni aku cuti tiga hari sebelum buat flight four sector yang ntah pape. Aku nak balek Shah Alam!! Mau tuntut duit sama si Chacha. Banyak sangat beli barang kat Brisbane.. saya sengkekk!! Cemana mau pegi bercuti nihhh??

Subway and Iced Lemon Tea.

2011-03-18T00:05:00.003+08:00

Brisbane.
Eight hours flight.
Eight hours fifteen last night, though. Headwind probably, I don't know. It was a one heck of a tiring flight. I made a mistake with one of the special-meals, but fortunately my supervisor didn't JUST blame me as the passenger hadn't said anything himself. pshh!!

Idiot guy. He ate his mother's special-meal and wanted to blame me for it. I wouldn't have handed the damn box to him if they hadn't switch seats! Grrr..
Anyway, I'm really glad that my supervisor wasn't angry at me. I've never -- NEVER made a mistake with the special-meals before! So yeah, I was irked by this.

Oh well.. That was yesterday.
I had a good day today. My colleague and I went to the Gold Coast earlier. Took the train, and boy it was a long ride!
I shopped a lot today. I don't know.. There really isn't anything in Australia that you can't find back home (except maybe Woolworths!) but I'm always able to find something to buy over here! ughh!
Monokini.. Dresses.. HRC pin.. (whee!)

I talked to a bunch of strangers today. Pretty odd considering that I am not the kind who usually initiates conversations. There's the woman on the train who was into crystals for meditations..
The Brazilian shopgirl that keeps making me try out some clothes -- that I eventually bought!
And there's Jose.. The Puerto Rican cashier at Surfer's Paradise Hard Rock Cafe. I really liked him. He's really nice to chat with.

My colleague thought that he looked scary; his body was full of tattoos, but really.. He's quite soft spoken, and the things he talked about was just my kind of topics! I kinda hope that there is a way we could stay in touch. I don't know.. Being in this biz, meeting all sorts of people -- and a heck load of them, after a while you acquire a talent of reading people. People that you'll get along with. Even if you only had fifteen minutes to connect.

My colleague reckoned that Jose was interested in me. Well, she was obviously too busy picking out a tee to listen to the things that Jose and I talked about.
I must admit that this must sound odd, but here I am in my hotel room.. thinking about a man I talked to for less than a half hour, and feeling a twinge of regret. I really wish I could talk to him some more. He seems like the kind of man I could have deep conversations with over coffee. If he wasn't attracted to me, I am definitely attracted to him!
In an odd, philosophical sort of way.. I would love nothing more than pick at his brain!

So yeah.. Despite going to Surfer's Paradise, meeting Jose was the highlight of my day. I've always said this, but really.. What makes a place special is really the people. It's just like going on a roadtrip.. You won't remember the long car ride when you are stuck with great friends.

I have 20 dollars left in my purse, and I think I still have some things to get from Woolworths! sigh.. I need to find a cure to my obsession with supermarkets. (I miss Albert Heijn!!)

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Sibu.

2011-03-14T12:51:00.003+08:00

Oooh! The new rooms here actually reminds me of Hyatt KK! ..somewhat.
Really, what a difference! The old rooms were.. really OLD! Old furnitures, old tv, old carpets.. They're just old!
Anyway, I just got here three hours ago and I'm already bored. sigh.

And a bit sad too, to be honest.
I don't want to talk about it. It's just one of those things that are just too lame to admit. ughhh..
Just know that I am here in Sibu, and feeling sad.

I always thought that it's better to say all the things that you mean to say anyway.. I mean, instead of letting the words run around your mind for a whole day.. might as well just say it out loud right?
I guess I keep forgetting the fact that I may not like the response I would get from the words that I said..

mmph.. I suppose I just got stupid.

I only got two hours of sleep last night, so I am super duper sleepy at the moment. But I'm afraid that if I sleep now, I will have trouble sleeping later! So.. ughh! TORN!!
My set crew are pretty cool today. The Leading is well known for making drinks for the crew; a very rare trait to have amongst supervisors. It's nice.

As I've mentioned in a previous entry, my company has been keen on having new intakes. Well.. it feels like everyone's leaving. I know a bunch that's leaving to join either SQ or CX. Can't blame them. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
Just the other day, a passenger of mine; well, an elderly couple really.. The man held up the classifieds section of the newspaper and showed me the ad for Qatar Airways, saying that I should go. His wife agreed and handed me the section. They were both saying that the pay's better. I stared at it a second and said, "well, I don't know.. Even with my parents living just 30 minutes away, I don't see them as often as I should. Don't know what'll happen if I'm in a whole different country."
The couple nodded.. and asked for the section back. hahahahha!!

mm.. yeah.. When it comes to my case, you shouldn't worry about me being homesick. It's always about me not wanting to come home..

Anyway! MAS interview on the 26th this month..
For you hopefuls, hmm.. What I can say is this; they won't judge you solely on your looks, but you must be presentable and tidy. They want to hear you talk, but at the same time you have to listen. It's good to connect with your fellow interviewees. Make friends even before you enter the room. It is not the time to be shy; if they ask you to dance -- DANCE!
Smile even when you're nervous. Don't be too afraid to laugh.

At one stage of the interview, the interviewer asked me what my talent was and I said "writing".. She then asked me how am I going to show them (there were three interviewer, and six interviewees) my talent. I told them that if they give me a pen and a piece of paper, I would write something for them nicely.. and then giggled like an idiot. Had I known that they needed proof, I would've told them that I sing.. but anyway, you basically just have to go with what ever they throw at you.
But talk about what you know. I know Encem talked about nasi dagang at one point of his interview. I talked about blogging.

There is always a chance where you can show the interviewers just who you are. So if you are trying out, good luck!

Seremban.

2011-03-13T16:04:00.002+08:00

Current location: Starbucks, Jusco Seremban 2
Drink of choice: coffee-based, Caramel Frappucino, Venti

So I've been acting a wee bit like a brat. Not obviously.. I think.
I enjoy seeing my sisters and the Kiddies, but last night's flight was pretty strenuous.. I was tired.. And the bed in Kina's guest room isn't exactly to my liking.
The result; I woke up at 6.. And 9.. And eventually at 1:30..

I was hungry, and though I kinda wanted to NOT eat (because I've been feeling like I've been eating a LOT these days) I notice that measly things just ticked me off.
So apparently all I needed was some sandwiches and coffee in my system..

Now I'm ready..
Hello, World! How are you?

Everybody else is at the karaoke at the moment, and I should join them soon. But the thing about one, SINGLE day off.. It always stresses me out in the sense that I get torn between social 'obligation' and what I want.. Or in this case, NEED to do.

What is the point being around people when you're feeling all so crappy anyway? I prefer saving them from the unpleasantries, thanks!

I'm having a nightstop in Sibu tomorrow. That usually nerves me up a bit. Famous Sibu -- for the ghost stories at the hotel!! The town itself is unexciting, there really isn't anything to do except staying in and watch some mindless television.
Funny how I don't need a tv..

I remember in Form 3, my dad was so furious that I was glued to the tv (instead of studying for the big exam) so much that he moved it into my bedroom. haha! I was such a problematic child..
Oh well, I ended up with just 3A's that year.. Whatever.
I suppose I grew out of that.

Oh! Just got to the karaoke place. A guy here just told me that I can't bring any outside food or drink in; that he could keep it aside until we leave -- it's the LAW. Hahahahahhahahahahahaha!!
I swear, some people are just stupid. Honestly I kinda wanted to see if I'll get arrested for bringing the rest of my frappucino into the room, but I suppose I could save that moment for when I actually blow up to something else that 'matters'. Whaling.. Oppression..
O yeah, I guess that thing about me is still the same; argumentative, short tempered.. Excrutiatingly blunt.. (poor English substitute teacher..)

Time to lose my voice now..

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Khas buat Wantan :)

2011-03-12T04:17:00.003+08:00

Orang slalu dedicate lagu.. Aku dedicate blog entry, boleh?

So apparently adeela budak skolah aku yang follow blog ni. hmm..
Perasaannye: Segan.
Entah. Maybe sebab in a way aku rasa aku yang skarang dah lain kot dari dulu.. Tapi in the same time sama jugak! Cemana nak explain?
I guess kalau korang baca dari first entry blog ni (yakni pada bulan Jun, SEMBILAN tahun yang lalu..) maybe korang boleh judge sendiri lah whether aku masih orang yang sama or berlainan.

Anyway, ada satu menda yang stuck kat kepala aku dalam salah satu email aku dengan kawan skolah aku ni.. Ayat dia;
"btw, it is so nice of you to respond to my message.. I know you so well when we were in school. Ko jenis malas nak layan orang and suka buat hal sendiri."
Ini ayat daripada classmate aku yang duk dekaaat ngan aku time Form 4.
It makes one think..
Macam.. Kot ye pun aku antisocial rasenye aku still mau kot reply message! Hahahaha.. Lagi lagi since aku memang kenal sender nya.

Lain la kalau tak kenal, pastu message kat Facebook cakap "ai, nk bknalan ble?"
Mengeja pun tak lepas, ada hati nak berkawan.. Eeeee!!

Oh, back to topic.
Sejujurnya aku memang jenis buat hal sendiri. Aku faham kadang kadang tu bila orang "menyebok", sebenarnya dia concern.. Tapi aku tak pandai nak concern tanpa rasa macam penyebok! Hahahaha!

Wantan tanya kenapa entry aku selalu cerita pasal rasa kosong.
Aku pun tatau lah. Maybe sebab bila aku happy, otak aku tak banyak fikir kot? So aku pun tak blog.. Bukan nak kata aku tak penah happy, tapi antara reason aku kurang bercerita pasal benda happy sebab aku takut nanti aku jinx that happiness. Cam ye yee je aku seronok pastu next second merundum aku jatuh!

Lagi satu, buat masa ni menda yang buat aku happy selalunya si Kera. (Sori kalau korang konfius; Kera, Encem, Boyfriend, Anak Ikan Patin semua adalah orang yang sama.) Tapi dia jenis private, so aku rasa bersalah sikit bila aku cerita pasal dia. Like I'm violating his privacy lak.
And aku taknak blog ni jadi shrine untuk dia! Maka terciptalah berdozen entry lembu gila kat blog ni macam Kera lah boyfriend paling tak best di dunia..

Tapi pusing pusing, Kera lah penglipur lara hati aku time aku sunyi. Sakit hati cemana pun aku kat dia, dia sorang je lah yang aku memang genuinely rindu. Dialah Encem, kalau aku pandang muka dia lama lama aku rase aku nak geget hidung dia! Muahahaha! Dia je sabar layan saiko aku. And aku memang saiko. Aku menyampah bila dia layan aku lain depan kawan kawan kitorang. Tapi secretly itu one of my favourite things pasal "kitorang".
Tak perlu la kitorang buat kengkawan lain naik mual kan? Tapi Bestie la kot terpaksa menahan kadang kadang sebab dia paling biase hang out ngan kitorang. hehe

Bak kata ada sorang kawan aku ni.. "You're not depressed, you're just brooding."
Mungkin betul lah tu. Belum cukup lagi apa yang aku ada. Dari kecik aku memang susah nak dapat apa yang aku nak, so focus aku kat benda lain. Material satisfaction is simply irrelevant since that was never the thing that I seek in the first place. Which makes it all the more harder for me to keep "happiness" within my grasp.
So what makes me happy?
Entah lah.. Hari hari pun lain. Padan muka Kera kena figure it out. Pastu padan muka aku gak sebab end up emo sensorang..

Btw, #crewlife..
Aku skarang kat CGK.. Sat tadi makan Maggi Asam Laksa in mug, sambil minum air Milo dari dalam wine glass. Amacam? Glamour tak? huhuu.. Saje je nak menggedik pakai wine glass sebab macam sadis sangat. Hahahaha!
Kat sini takleh smoking dalam bilik. Sangaaap!! Actually patutnye malam ni buat MLE, tapi mutual ngan Bestie sebab dia nak early arrival. Alhamdulillah, allergies pun macam dah habis.. And it only took two weeks! *sarcastic*

Selama tak elok elok lagi tu macam macam teori orang ada.. "Benda" melintas lah.. Kencing langsuir lah.. So aku bersyukur sangat lah rashes ni dah reda; sebelum aku kena gi carik tok bomoh mana mana.

Tadi dalam flight ada sorang pompuan mesra je bila masuk. Cakap "hai Waniee!" Pening kepala aku try ingat aku kenal dia ke idak. Crew jugak ke? Set aku tak kenal.. Sedara ke? Almaklum lah, aku ni memang jenis tak kenal sedara.. Tak snonoh! So aku end up terfikir dia kawan Dida kot.. Rase rasenya laa..
Tapi tadi buat flight Kuantan dulu, so aku tak sempat nak beramah mesra.. Flight pendek sangat, pastu full flight! Rasa bersalah je..

Maybe memang lah kesan radiation banyak sangat fly.. Aku pun takleh nak iyakan sangat since aku dari dulu memang jenis pelupa. Banyak sangat fikir menda ntah pape, space kat otak dah tak banyak nak ingat nama orang..
Tua sebelum waktu.. Alahai...

Oyy banyaknye nyamuk kat luar nihh!!! Kang mau esok aku bintat pasal nyamuk lak dah..

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What's your name again?

2011-03-09T23:55:00.001+08:00

heehee.. So, I saw an acquaintance at the mall today. A tech crew, to be precise. We changed glances, smiled.. Funny thing was, I couldn't recall his name! And just about that moment he texted me!
BAAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
How lame was that? I couldn't recall his name when in actual fact we had each other's numbers! hahahahha!! And I'm sorry.. But I felt beautiful, hot and awesome at that moment. Hahahhaha!!

Another funny thing about cabin crew and tech crews.. We don't really like each other. Well, not I personally.. To me they're just as human as everybody else.. They just get more money doing maths and being bored sitting on their arses. But I don't know.. Everytime I tell a more senior crew that I am in a relationship with someone who is in the same biz as we do, they'd ask if he is a "driver" or a "waiter" -- like it's some sort of a big deal.
WHY is it a big deal??

I DON'T KNOWW!
I honestly don't know.
For one, I don't get friendly with anyone to get anything from them other than friendship. Someone to have a chat with over a drink. So I don't assume that they're expecting anything other than the same things that I do. I don't know.. My mind just works that way.
I don't care if some cabin crews thought that tech crews are silver-spoon fed, or that some tech crews thought that cabin crews are stupid. But yeah, I'm sorry fellow cabin crews.. I don't think tech crews are jack asses. People are jack asses. Generalizing people based on their profession is unfair. PEOPLE are asses.

If we are doing that, I guess I just have to admit that I am loose, frivolous, a party animal and EASY. Yeah. Let's go with that.
I am easy.
psshh!

Oh okay, enough of this. Gotta go. My favourite waiter is looking all too cute that I refuse to leave him alone. heehee!

Just for notes; during the house arrest I managed to buy myself a novel and a Moleskine. ughhh! I swear, I could possibly be the easiest person to get a gift for. (Let's forget the fact that the things that I like are usually pricey.. eep!)
But yeah.. can't wait for for those to get heree!!

On house arrest.

2011-03-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

Well, not exactly but something like it.
What else would you call it when you're forced to stay home without your will??
UGHHH!!

So.. it's the 8th day of the 23rd month I've been with the company. Medical leave: SEVEN.
Okay, I'll stop obsessing about the medical leaves.. We are talking about my health here anyway! pfft. Honestly the itching gets old.. and surprisingly manageable. But the red spots.. Really.. Who would ever love seeing a red-spotted girl serving them food?

Funny though.. Late last month I was yacking about how I wasn't rostered with as many nightstops as the rest of my friends are.. I suppose God works in mysterious ways. hmmph..
Pretty annoying come to think about it.

Moving on, I was stuck in a philosophical limbo the other day..
Being a Sag.. finishing up reading The Zahir and watching The Adjustment Bureau in the same week, just gets me stuck staring into nothing in space.
A bit unfortunate for boyfriend though as he worries that he'd done something wrong -- which he probably did, (haha!) but naah.. I was just typically stuck in a philosophical question on a Monday.

I loved The Adjustment Bureau by the way! It was.. thought provoking.
Ah.. I suppose if you've been following this blog for some time you would've figured out that questions of fate and destinies always runs through my mind.

Oh! About being on house arrest.. I guess I'll just be more inclined to shop online, huh? Bahhahahaha!

By the way, I had a really good read earlier..
Boys.. (especially) READ THIS!
Read it or I'll send my allergies to you.. rawrr!

Cok ponggong lagi!

2011-03-05T03:08:00.000+08:00

Allergy tak kurang kurang..
Tertekan.
Nak keje pon tak senang!

Maka.. dah dekat dua tahun keje, mc dah ENAM! hmmph..
Memang la aku lagi suka cuti, tapi aku tak suka cuti sebab mc! Tak cantik sungguh rekod. Aku fikir fikir.. aku NAK kot renew contract. At least memang diberi peluang untuk renew contract lah!

Bila keje dengan kompeni besar kan.. Kau dispensable. Diorang boleh ganti kau dengan senang. Kompeni aku ni lak memang tengah galak lak amek new intakes. So aku harap sangat by the time interview untuk permanent nanti, diorang tak tengok rekod mc aku. Lagi lagi since aku memang dah sakit!
Bukan suka suki malas nak keje.
Aku takde sugardaddy nak bayakan sewa umah, bil tepon aku.. Savings pon ala ala tak ada.. (Ada, tapi ala ala takde.. Dah asyik adeee je menda nak beli online, takde savings la jadinya! hahahha!)

Punye lah dedicated ni, allergy tak elok lagi tapi sempat gak la keje tiga hari.. And hari hari by the last sector, rashes start naik. Tertekannn!!!
aghhh!
Dalam masa 8 hari, aku dah pegi klinik tiga kali, tengok resit macam lebih RM150 gak lah ubat ubat semua. hmmph! Seb baik bukan bayar sendiri..

Anyway, badan tengah rase tak best..
So, 'til next time.

:(

2011-02-26T14:14:00.001+08:00

Baru komplen sikit, dah kena lagi teruk..

Semalam aku kena allergy attack. Daripada mana, aku tatau.. Bangun pagi okay, time tengahari aku guling guling atas katil, tau tau badan dah start gatal gatal and ada merah merah. Jadi aku assume kena gigit something la. Pijat mutant ke apa..

So siang semalam walaupun badan gatal gatal ni, gigih juga aku kuar ngan Kera pegi Midvalley (lagi!) sebab lapar. Kat umah takde apa nak masak, and since gaji dah kuar kitorang biasa ada "makan besar" sekali.
Aku ni lak.. jenis degil.. Dah tau badan gatal, selamba je makan seafood! Konon sebab takde allergic seafood kan, patut tak effect la! hahhh! Harapan.. jadi makin teruk lak. Tak guna..

So terima kasih Bestie kerana bawakkan pegi klinik.. Sorry kacau momentum abiskan lauk semalam. Harapnya sempat la kenyang yee.. hehe

Kat klinik lak doktor tanya ada makan seafood tak, aku tersengih la since memang baru je lepas. Pastu dia cakap la kadang kadang orang start kena allergy walaupun selama ni tak ada. Aku anggukkan aje la, tapi masalahnye gatal dah start time siang, time aku tak makan pape pon lagi. Seafood tu cuma memburukkan keadaan je. haihh
Pastu dia tanya aku nak makan ubat ke, nak kene inject. Sebab aku tak penyabar orangnye, aku suh je la dia inject.
Cok ponggong!
Malu...
Tapi dua tiga minit lepas tu gatal gatal memang reda.. merah merah pun dah kurang. Best!

Harini badan still ada merah merah and gatal.. tapi gatal yang boleh diabaikan la. Tak seteruk malam tadi. Malam tadi memang.. hisyy.. So skarang aku tau nak sumpah apa kat orang bila aku marah. Daripada aku sumpah diorang mati, baik aku sumpah diorang gatal seluruh badan. (Kat celah bedah pun yee.) Sebab tu lagi seksa!
Plus kalau orang mati, kau tak boleh gelakkan dia. Kalau dia kena gatal.. boleh la gelak evil.
(Teruknya laa.. Mana la Tuhan tak marah.. adeke plan menda menda camni lak! isyk)

Tengah mengantuk ni. Doktor kata ubat ilang gatal ni memang buat mengantuk. Best! Aku suka ubat buat mengantuk sebab aku ni jenis susah nak tido.. Tak saba nak tunggu malam untuk makan ubat gatal lagi!
Pagi tadi Mama text tanya nak ikut pegi Seremban tak. Aku tak mau lahh. Time badan gatal gatal ni tahap kesabaran aku kurang. Kesian lak kat bebudak nanti. Kalau ada sesiapa yang nak kena marah, baik aku hadkan kepada si Kera je. heehee.

Elok elok je allergic time cuti.. Kalau kena keje time badan merah merah camni.. hisy! I tidak rela uolss!

Flight BLR Yang Happening.

2011-02-24T15:52:00.003+08:00

Aku cakap Jepun dalam flight balik dari India.. Kau hado?? Hahhahaha!
Al kisahnya, mamat ni tido sepanjang flight, aku tak tau pun dia orang Jepun. Dah sampai KL dia on phone dia, aku ternampak tulisan Jepun.. So masa dia nak blah aku pun cakapla "byebye" yang bukan "sayonara".. Muka dia pun terkejut ceria pastu cakap Jepun sket ngan aku.. Hihihi..
Lalu crew aku yang ala ala junior beberapa bulan takjub lah dengan kehebatan aku.. Hnssss *kembang idong*

Yang kelakarnye, bakat aku cakap Jepun ala ala bakat aku cakap Jawa je.. Basic gile; set kalau orang tanya, "iso omong jowo orak?" Aku pun jawab, "sitik sitik wae.." Hihihihi

Anyway, flight malam tadi boleh dikatakan seronok gak la walaupun Indian run. Passenger tak banyak kerenah sangat (surprisingly) and leading merepek, stewardess sorang suka borak, lagi sorang bengong, Bollywood crew layankan saja kitorang, and steward 11th solo-first time 738 (dia siap bagitau time briefing yee.. hahahahha!) kaki gelak.

Pendek kata malam tadi, walaupun sleep-deprived, aku takde sebab untuk tak ceria. Alhamdulillah.. Bila dapat flight macam ni memang aku bersyukur sangat. Best kerja. Rasa cam kasi lah lagi Bangalore kalau set crew terbaik gini!
Actually kalau difikirkan balek, everytime aku dapat Indian run selalu ada je set crew yang sekepala. Every cloud has a silver lining gitu. Aku suka! Thank You Allah!

Balek dari flight tak tensen.. Jalan ke transport maseh boleh sengih kat orang lalu lalang. Maseh ada mood nak small talk dengan cabin crew lain yang kau baru jumpa.
Rasa best jadi cabin crew..

Tapi sekarang kaki aku tengah gatal.. haihh.. Doktor kata aku kena amek vitamin C. Kulit kering sebab tak cukup vitamin C.. Isyk. Sungguh aku malas nak keep up benda benda yang kena jadi habit nih; sapu losyen lepas mandi, makan pil.. Aku cuci mekap pun pakai wipes je. Make-up remover yang Mama kasi ada dalam ceruk mana ntah, kapas tak penah sentuh.. Mask tak penah nak pakai, scrub muka kalau rajin ada laa aku guna sebulan sekali -- kalau teringat!

Nasib baik la muka aku ni bukan jenis sensitif, berminyak manjang.. Kering la tapi.. And kaki ni masalah besau. Dah berbulan aku tak pakai dresses comel comel aku. Rinduuu.. Hahahaha!!
Tuhan marah kot aku tak tutup aurat.. So dia kasi aku malu sikit. Hmmm..

Roster bulan depan tak memberangsangkan. Tiga nightstop, satu night flight, yang lain daily! Bulan yang lebih lonely sebab Si Kera punya nightstop/trip berderet. Siap fly ngan Mummy lagi lak tu. Isykk.. So kita nantikan sajalah entry entry blog yang jauh lebih emo daripada biasa yee..

Esok sampai habis bulan ni aku annual leave! Yeayy!! Aku suka cuti! And harini gaji kuar.. And LaSenza tengah sale! Yeayy!! So ada sape sape kat Midvalley sekarang ni?

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Setahun setengah?

2011-02-21T15:37:00.000+08:00

Current mood: Pensive
Current location: Shah Alam
Song currently playing: Antique - Surga Cinta

Hung out with Dida at Starbucks last night.. The result? I was wide awake at 3am despite waking up quite early during the day.
And because I was having an idea of something, I got onto my laptop and shopped online. ughhh! Not exactly a good idea. I am trying to SAVE money here, not spend more of it!! pffft!

Anyway, not that I am regretting the buy.. Just that I moved around some money in my accounts that need not to be moved. So that was just.. lame.

Tomorrow I'm doing four sectors that I'd rather not be doing.. But anyway, the month's ending and since I have a leave from 25th 'til 28th, I'm just happy to get through the next three days. (BLR flight on the 23rd.. ick!)
Since February is ending, people have been asking if I'm staying in the airline.. (We have five years contract, which we are bonded to the company for the first two years of it)

I wish I had something else to say than; "yeah, suppose I'll stay.."
Honestly, it's not that I am bored. I still find the job interesting. But really.. I couldn't think of anything else to do anyway. So that's a pretty sorry excuse to stay.
Sucks that I've been feeling OLD these days.
Oh well, at least I'm not feeling gloomy.. today. heeheee

I've been trying not to look forward to next month's roster -- for fear of being disappointed (as we always do when the roster finally came out), but I can't help it. It should come out later tonight..
gah!

I better start packing my things.

Called up to KMG.

2011-02-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

ughh.. Of course, just when you decided that you don't want to get called up, the office thought differently.
I've never been rostered to this flight. It's one of those elusive sectors like Begawan; which I was rostered to last month but the flight was cancelled! pssh!
Kunming is one heck of a long flight. Three hours plus. It felt longer when you had less than three hours of sleep and was delayed because the passengers decided to wander around before flight.
I couldn't wait to get home but as we descended towards KLIA.. My eyes welled up in tears. I was suddenly reminded that I had no one waiting for me at home. hmmph!

Bloody resolution.
I've finally decided on one a couple of weeks ago; that I should toughen up. Nak jadi hati batu sikit. I've been crying too much for the past year that I had to put it up as a resolution! hahahaha! Bangang.

If only doctors could recommend on my medical file that giving me long flights is highly discouraged. My brain is too messed up; instead of it being mostly a physical strain.. it's actually affecting my mental/emotions a lot more.
I just get a LOT more sensitive when I am tired.
As the result, tonight I walked towards the transport area biting my lips and praying to God that I wouldn't cry in public.

Personal shit are just too messy these days. And I know it's me who complicates things mostly. I couldn't help it. I'm simply in a bad funk to begin with so it doesn't take much for the spoilt brat within me to surface.
I don't know..
It does feel like I'm making a hell lot of excuses these days.
Funny how when I was single.. I had no trouble being with myself. (err.. Okay, I've always had trouble accepting myself -- but I never really needed anyone.) But now.. it's like my body detests the idea of being with just me.

ughh! I don't think I'm making much sense.
I should head to bed early.

Sendiri lagi..

2011-02-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

This is no longer about being physically alone.. I am just.. irrevocably in a state of aloneness.
Sure, being physically alone doesn't help either but really.. this should be getting old. I can't expect to always have someone around to be by my side. And that is not even the point!

So Boyfriend had been around for the past few days. Knowing that he's flying with Mummy today, I was hoping that someone from their set would get sick and I'd get called up for that flight! ha-ha! What are the chances of that happening? But I hoped away anyway.. I wished for it from the day I saw their rosters.. I wished for it everytime I mentioned about my standby to anyone who'd hear it.. I wished for it before I go to bed last night.
It's silly, but I'm jealous. I'm not even jealous that Mummy is flying with him.. I am just jealous that two of my favourite people are flying together and I couldn't be there!

I used to bump into Mummy during night stops and it's been months since that happen. Knowing that she'll be leaving the airline soon just makes me feel even worse.
So yeah, I am jealous so I'm sorry.. I couldn't fake any form of enthusiasm when I was on the phone with the both of them earlier. I'm a lousy loser. I'll be the one that sulks in the corner when I lose.

So today I'd spent my day being miserable and sulking.. Doing my best not to send any pathetic texts to either of them because it won't do any good to anyone. Plus, Boyfriend hates working with me. Okay, maybe he didn't exactly used the word "hate" -- I hated working with him because of his "professionalism" bullshit. He'd make me feel like all I wanted to do was cling onto him while we work. Do the service with our hands entwined maybe.
Seriously, I don't mind being professional.. but wouldn't you think it's weird when people can't even tell that we knew each other unless they saw our staff numbers? bahh! I could go on about this for hours.
Maybe he's just embarassed to have me as his girlfriend. HAHAHAHHAHA! Okay, thank you stupid-brain for letting me wander off to this particular thought.

I suppose I should stop going into this.. since Bestie has the same trouble being himself when he's flying with a batchmate. Pathetic. (Sorry!) In conclusion to this crap; Adi remains my favourite batchmate to fly with! hahahhaha!
ughhh! I'm really gloomy today. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything useful around the house. Pathetic. Perhaps I should change my name to just that -- Pathetic.

I am honestly hating myself these days. My heart hasn't been mine for a long while.. And my brain simply jumps into conclussions that depresses me. I really really need to find a sparkle in life. Because really.. I CANNOT live like this, I keep feeling sorry for myself and it's just.. horrible! I am feeling like a blip and I really doubt that anyone would notice if I go missing.
Everyone seems to be going off to some better life.. New job, new family.. and here I am.. stagnant. It's the worst feeling of all. I hate being stuck. Stuck alone, because I am such a late bloomer. I know that isn't something I can blame myself for. It wasn't as if I wanted to be a late bloomer. But I wish I had known what I'd wanted earlier.
Not now.
Not when everyone's ready to leave.

I wish I am still twenty-three.. and just figured out that I wanted to be married by twenty-five. Have a kid by twenty-six. And another at twenty-nine.
But in truth, when I was twenty-three.. I had said to myself that I wanted to have a steady boyfriend that I could possibly marry by twenty-seven. My aim was just a boyfriend! Not a husband. hahahahha! And that's what I get.. Currently twenty-six, with a boyfriend.. and marriage is nowhere in view.

Sure I could blame peer pressure when it comes to this. Most of the people I know are either engaged, married, pregnant or already planning on the second one! Then there's me.. quite by myself and feeling FRIGGIN OLD!!
pssh! Guess I'll just blame my biological clock.
Things that happened last year just gave me a different perspective all so suddenly.
What if? What if? What if??

Damn I hate being alone with all these thoughts to ponder about!

I can't erase your past.

2011-02-16T20:13:00.001+08:00

Question:
if a (certain) woman was made for a (certain) man, would it be the same for that woman?
If that sounds a little blurry, if A was meant for B -- does that mean that B was meant for A??

Ah yes, I am talking of soulmates -- in codes. Sort of. Bestie and I agreed that soulmates exists. After all, we are pretty much obliged to. But we both agreed that even when you are with your soulmate, you were never promised of happiness with them. There was never a line that says "you will be happy once you've found your soulmate."
So anyway.. I'm thinking of soulmates.

#crewlife stuff now;
during my recent trip, I had this one particular steward whom had seem interested in me. I've gotta say that had felt nice. And funny in a way. I still can't remember his name to be honest. Bahahahha! But I liked the flattery.. The idea of someone looking forward to seeing you again.
I can be so fickle sometimes... I know.

But anyway.. can't see the point of getting anyone's attention when in truth I'd only wanted MY guy's attention. I swear it gets pathetic sometimes. I wish I hadn't given him so much power. ughh!
So Valentine's day.. was never a celebration in my household. Except during school days when my girlfriends and I would give each other candies. Encem isn't exactly one that supports Valentine's Day and honestly, I would hate it if anything "special" had to happen on THAT particular day. It'd make anything seem fake and too deliberate. WHY must you give a girl chocolate or flowers on THAT day? There shouldn't be a reason to give your girl chocolates and flowers -- and "Valentine's Day" would be the stupidest REASON of all.

I still had a good time though. We were both off on that day and for once in a VERY long time, it was Encem whom asked me out! yippee! I swear sometimes it feels like we've been together for so long that we don't even date. ick!

So.. yeah.. it's pathetic but apparently my happiness (or let's just say my good mood) depended dearly on what he does.
Pathetic.

What do women want?

2011-02-11T14:05:00.001+08:00

Aku ni kadang kadang tak tau apa perempuan nak sebenarnye.. Tapi nak agak apa "perempuan" nak, memang susah. Semua orang lain lain..

Haritu ada member FO sorang ni cerita pasal dia baru break-up dengan girlfren dia.. Sedih lak aku denga, tapi perlu ke mata aku sampai berair kan?! Isyk.

Diorang dah bersama empat tahun lebih. Kira sebelum FO ni jadi FO lah.. Memang dari dulu dah janji nak kawin..
So akhir tahun lepas FO ni tempah cincin kawin kat Tiffany & Co. Belum sempat cincin tu sampai, minah tu mintak break-up.. Atas alasan mamat ni FO.. Tak boleh percaya.

Manusia ni kalau tak dengki, tak cakap buruk pasal orang tak boleh ke?
Kesian member aku ni tau!!
Aku tak paham cemana minah ni boleh percaya hasutan kawan kawan yang baru dia kenal.. instead of percaya apa yang si FO ni cakap.
Empat tahun.. Kau patut dah tahu peribadi seseorang tu dalam masa empat tahun!

Mamat ni pulak dahlaa jenis cerita semuanye. Minah urut nak offer lebih pun dia cerita, tapi dia tak buat apa pun. Honest. Jenis rajin call/sms..
So kenapa perempuan ni nak break??
Aku rasa, memang hati dia dah lari.. Bukan salah si FO.. Tapi pompuan ni fickle. Mungkin dah safe sangat, jadi boring.. Entahlah!

Dua minggu lepas break, cincin Tiffany & Co. sampai..

Kalau lah laki aku tetiba balek bawak cincin tunang/kawin.. Hahahahaha!!
Si FO ni sempoi orangnye.. Dengan tak malu join aku ngan kakak aku gi karaoke. First day aku kenal dia, kitorang melepak kat bilik hotel berborak sampai pagi..

I guess kalau korang jenis kesah spouse korang spend the night kat bilik the opposite sex, JANGAN la carik cabin crew ataupun tech crew.
Aku ni pon kadang kadang melepak macam tak ada boyfren nak jealous. (Jealous ke pun?) Silap dia la kot carik pompuan yang lagi senang bercampur ngan laki! Bahahahaha!!

So apa perempuan nak sebenarnye?
Kadang kadang aku terlupa apa yang aku nak.. Perasaan nak tahu tu terlebih kadang kadang tu. Tapi perasaan je la..
Belum lagi buat benda benda merepek. Hahahaha! "Belum lagi" yee..

Oi, teruk betul sekarang ni bila emosi kurang stabil..

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In Shanghai..

2011-02-07T20:28:00.002+08:00

I am sitting in my airline's crew room.. Using another airline's crew room's wi-fi! Bahahahaha! And my steward and I are SO immersed with our Blackberry that we don't bother entertaining each other anymore. Hahahahha..
Aah.. Technology.

It's cold here in Shanghai.. It was six degrees this morning. I honestly love cold weathers -- but really honestly, it's only because it reminds me of my time in Europe years back..

I really miss Europe. Funny how I'd felt safe when I was there. It was foreign.. But somehow I felt safe. I wonder if I'd still feel the same if I get to go there again.
And I do plan on going there again.. Just that I haven't actually set the date yet. Kinda..
Well, I need to know when I'm going and only then I'll start saving for it! Hahahahaha

Anyway, I'm in a relatively good mood as you can see. Personal troubles remains the same. I am starting to believe that I lead a secret life some days. I wish I hadn't known half the things that I know.. But you can't exactly undo the things that you'd done. Even when you hit "ctrl+z", you KNOW that you've hit those buttons..

So I'm flying back tomorrow. Then I have a day off and then I'll be on a 4-days trip. Not really looking forward to that, but I've come to realize that I haven't been looking forward to anything at all these days. It's sad, I know..

I haven't got any #crewlife stories to tell you. Personal life is too overwhelming for work life to surface.
Oh yeah.. Cheers Liverpool for whooping Chelsea's arse! Bahahahha!! I thought it was amusing. (Honestly I'm just stoked that Chelsea lost yet another game, but my team decided to get stupid on their match, so pshh!)

Perhaps I should head back to my room in the next hour. Call time is in the morning and I better get a decent amount of sleep for once! I've been having some terrible dreams lately; ghosts, being chased, boyfriend cheated on me.. sorting through dead bodies..
Horrible, horrible dreams!

So dear God, please let me have a good sleep tonight, of pleasant dreams.. And please let us have a good flight come tomorrow.
I'd love nothing more than to get home safe and sound..

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Can I let go now?

2011-02-04T21:22:00.001+08:00

"They" say you have to let go of your pride..
Now WHY do I ever listen to "them"??!!

I should always stick to being myself.. I keep feeling like being in love makes me a pussy. Always giving in. Always opening up myself and invite a whole world of hurt in.
Why?
Why honestly??
I'm trying to believe that I can have that unconditional love. But perhaps unconditional love doesn't fit me best.
I am not made to be the more loving one, I'm sorry.. But screw Auden!

So I'm letting go.. I'm letting go of that role. I shall not take the responsibility anymore.
My happiness is MINE alone, and it's foolish of me to depend on anyone else to make me happy.
Fairytales, chick-flicks and chick-lits has really messed me up. But yeah, I'm not going to be responsible for OUR happiness anymore.

I need to stop going the extra mile because I need a man that'll meet me halfway.
I need someone who WANTS me just as much as I want him.

I am BLOODY TIRED!!!!
And I'm bloody tired of feeling tired!
I feel shitty, and I know that I can change it -- and that's what sucks the most!

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Feeling like trash, thanks!

2011-02-03T22:17:00.001+08:00

SAMPAI HATI KAU HANG UP CAMTU KAT AKU?!!
HANJJJJJ!!!!!
aku baru cakap pasal jaga hati, pastu kau buat camtu..
SIAL!!

UGHHHH!!! I swear sometimes I wonder why I even have a boyfriend..
Yeah, I say a lot of trash about the people I claim to love but apparently that's just ME. If I can't do anything passionately, I don't bother doing it at all..
So tonight, I am passionately wishing for Encem to DIE!!! ughhh!!

Okay, I just sent a hate-text and feeling completely satisfied.
Now, to a different subject, shall we?

Recently I've been wondering why can't one always.. WIN.
Like the saying that goes, you win some, you lose some.
So WHYY??
Why must we lose after we win??

I'm bloody tired of giving myself excuses.. Bloody tired of karma.. Just damn TIRED!! God, I'm tired..
And I don't want to be tired..

I'm sorry for sounding ungrateful, but I'm really not in my best mood these days.
I'm a bloody walking corpse.. that swears a lot.
I'd be that favourite zombie in that movie that's bloody entertaining to you guys. You'd come out of the cinema saying how shitty that movie was, but you'd chide in "--but that potty-mouth zombie was hilarious!"
That's who I am.

Oh, I don't know why I say half the things that I say sometimes..
Guess I better head to bed since I have an early wake-up call in the morning.
Or maybe I'll have something to eat.
What ever..

Take care, dear readers..
Hope you'll have good days ahead of you.

Shaken again.

2011-01-28T21:39:00.002+08:00

How depressed am I to wish to be in an accident?

Perhaps I'd be killed.. but honestly I'd be happy enough if I end up being in a comma. hmmm.. Maybe I could get stuck in a wonderful dream.
Oh well.. a girl can only wish.

Girl keee..?

Honestly speaking though.. what I'm looking for is an amnesia.
I don't know.. considering how frustrating it would be to try and remember my own family is quite upsetting. I can't help imagining them telling me some old, perhaps happy stories from their personal memories as their eyes wells up in tears.
I don't really want to see that.

But I really wish to forget.

Or maybe I was having an amnesia after all.
I'd forgotten how stupid I'd been and now I've allowed it to happen yet again. Somehow I just couldn't stop telling myself how stupid I'd been.
Stupid I am.
Stupid stupid stupid. STUPID.

Can't help but feel so alone everytime this happens. Everytime I am troubled with some personal issues.. I am always alone.
I swear, sometimes I made myself believe that I deliberately jumped into a well and got myself stuck there. Perhaps I really did.
I'm an adult after all.. Perfectly capable of using my God-given brains.. and yet I hadn't used it.

So yeah.. I jumped into a well.
No one had shown me where the well was. No one had led me there. No body had pushed me down. No one.. but me.

Anyway, just like before.. I am.. and shall not blame anyone for what ever that is happening. I did this all by myself, just like self-inflicted pain.
Sure, other people might have led me to do it.. but in the end, it's me who was holding the knife/razor/cigarette (pick your poison).

I really ought to stop wishing for bad things happening to me. But I am.. pretty much depressed at the moment. Just not enough to do anything myself.. Sounds cowardly but I still believe in God.. somehow.
Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. Oh well.. even if I hadn't typed it out, it's still floating through my mind. Hardly any difference.

'Til next time, I suppose.
Take care everyone.. Hope you'll have good days ahead of you.

A stolen kiss.

2011-01-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

I can't decide if today was a good day at work or a shitty one.

This morning I was in the same transport with a batchmate; Adi, who then told me that he was doing RGN flight. At the very moment I was cheered by that fact since we'll be in the same flight!
wheeee!

But later we found out that we're flying with one short of crew.. (the stewardess reported sick at the last minute! grrrr siap kau next time bila fly sama..)
And.. it was a full flight to and fro!

Anyway, suppose I can't be too upset over this since I enjoyed the flight. Adi and I were crazy together even though we were so damned tired at the end of it!
It's always good to have a friend on board -- and a super helpful business class stewardess! heehee. I couldn't thank her enough for helping out at the back!

It's a good day..

My four days off..

2011-01-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

I honestly thank God for the four days off on my roster this month. Despite the roster itself was organised by the people of the rostering department; it's God I should be thanking..

Having four days off in a row is a rarity, so how did I spend it? I decided to fly to Kuching!

I find it slightly funny to go to Kuching when I am not really crazy about the place. Even funnier when I kept being asked if I originated there. (Apparently I have the "face" of someone of Borneo origins -- because people have asked me if I'm from Sabah too! But no, I'm from Selangor.. Merah Kuning lambang kebanggaan! Bahahahha!)

Knowing Bestie's and Encem's roster, I was nothing but grateful for the perfect timing! They were both in Kuching on a trip.. And it turned out that Luqqy was there too. It was really nice. Just hanging around with my boys.

And just my luck, I bumped into Dar whom happened to be on a holiday as well! What are the chances?? Honestly, it was a weird sort of week. But an enjoyable one nonetheless. I had hoped to catch up with Dar a little more but I had a bad case of flu on the second day I was in Kuching. It was frustrating.. But I am grateful anyway.
Perhaps it's been a year since I last saw Dar, and he used to be my closest friend..

Dear God, how come I never bump into Dar in KL?? hahahaha

So anyway, I'm having a runny nose, a slight fever and a bad case of cough.. But I'm thankful for my week away from home.
And in case you're wondering why have I only mentioned boys in this entry.. I honestly don't know why. Sometimes it feels like all my friends are boys!

Oh sigh..

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A good read..

2011-01-25T15:57:00.003+08:00

I've finally got around to read the book boyfriend had given me a while ago. In truth I feel a bit guilty putting it on hold. I can't remember when or why he bought it in the first place..

I know that I've had it for months.. Packed it into my luggage everytime I'm having a night-stop or layover flights..
As for why, knowing us both, perhaps he'd bought the book because I was upset over something. (heh!)

I don't even know why he bought that particular title. He isn't even the type that reads novels but he knows that I love Coelho's works.. But I'd never actually heard any raving reviews for this title to get it myself..
But whatever it is..
I suppose it's these curious little things that I love my boyfriend for.

Anyway, like other Coelho's works.. They always make me wonder. Curious little things. And I've only read a few chapters of it!

I don't know.. Feels like his books reflects my soul..
Always looking.. the elusive perfection.. Completion..
Happiness.

Some people appear to be happy, but they simply don't give the matter much thought. Others make plans; I'm going to have a husband, a home, two children, a house in the country. As long as they're busy doing that, they're like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is. They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that's the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don't know they carry in their soul."
-- The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

So today I'm feeling blue.
But don't you worry about me. Everything is good. I am just having things to ponder about. And as should you..

Are you happy?
Are you doing the things that you love?
Are you in a good, healthy relationship?
If you answered "no" to any of these questions, what are you going to do about it?

Take care, dear readers!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

To cry the night..

2011-01-23T12:48:00.001+08:00

You live and learn...

Funny to be writing this entry.
I was in a such different mood when I wrote my previous entry, but today it feels like it's all been a dream. Or perhaps a nightmare.

It seems like this month HATES me for what ever reason. Nothing I do seems to go well. Anything I planned just blew up in my face.
And as for my heart.. it is shattered into tiny little pieces.

It doesn't seem fixable at the moment.
Perhaps I've been lying to myself this whole time. Thinking that I was happy when in truth I was merely distracted.
And now it feels like the end.

I am done reaching for help.

It is no use.
I'm the one who keeps getting hurt anyway. So I'm done. I'm done trying my best when my best is taken for granted.

Episod Curang.

2011-01-20T20:00:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I wrote a bla-bla entry. (One that isn't really about anything but what ever is in my mind.) Bestie told me that my blog has been so crew-like these days.. and I don't like that. I don't like the idea of being defined by what I do for a living.

But since I've touched the subject.. as you can witness here, I am blogging. Not putting on any make-up, or getting ready for flight as I should be. Just lazing in the sofa-bed in the living room.. messied hair, spectacles on with a cigarette burning in my right hand.
The doctor was nice enough to grant me a day's rest for my back-ache, which I really appreciate. Honestly I hate seeing the doctor.. or taking medical leave. I like my records clean but I don't think forcing myself to work is going to help anyone. Guess I won't be having much money next month but I'll live..

So anyway, Bestie asked an interesting question at dinner last night. He asked Encem and myself if every couple has to have that cheating period.. (he worded it "episod curang"; the title of this entry! wa-heyy!)
I burst out laughing while Encem being Encem just ponders off wordlessly.

I'd like to think that not EVERYONE has it.. or had it. But the temptations must've been there..
When I feel ignored by Encem, I sometimes wish I had someone I could cheat with. (oops?) hahahahahha!!
But honestly, I had my episod curang.. It was the preface to my book with Encem really. ughh.. I don't like the fact that I have that episode in my life but.. I don't regret it. hehe

But really.. does everyone has it??
It's.. sad.. and a whole lot of bad karma lying around!

Cheating is terrible anyway. It's just bad.
For me.. honestly.. I didn't know what I really wanted, but still it wasn't a valid reason to cheat. Nothing is ever a reason to cheat! They are all excuses. Bad bad BAD excuses.
I for one was not cut for lying, so my episode didn't last long. My ex deserved better, I know it. So I told him the truth soon after. Encem and I were barely anything but it's not fair to have someone counting on you while you're interested in someone else instead.

I don't know.. sometimes I still wonder why I did what I did. It's not like I was out of love. But maybe I really needed someone who is present. At least that's what I tell myself when I think about it.

Sometimes I wonder if karma is going to get me in the end. Sometimes I imagined Encem having an affair and actually felt how crushed my heart would be. I even dreamt about it once or twice and when I woke up.. I find myself distancing myself from Encem.
It's not really his fault. But I can't exactly control my dreams.. and they had felt real.

God, I hope karma will get me in some other way.
Because Encem.. my dear boyfriend.. is one of the very little things that is good in my life. Sure he pisses me off sometimes.. Leave me here feeling lonely and ignored while he's working.. but still, he's the one that defines home to me. *and cue sentimental violin score!*
Oh, and sometimes, like right now.. I am HATING him for making me want to write about all this crap! ughhh! I swear I was never this needy or clingy to some BOY before! yuck!

So moving on!!!
Kasi potong terus feeling feeling ni.. Tomorrow I'll be on standby. Oh well, at least I won't have to stay up working tonight.. But I do hope I won't get any calls from the office tomorrow and the day after.
I realized that I complain more when I had too much work, compared to when I didn't have much money.

Suppose I could really say that money isn't everything...

Coffee break!

2011-01-18T22:15:00.001+08:00

Helloooooo friends and strangers!
Welcome.. welcome..

I am writing this from the comforts of my parents' place in Shah Alam today. As you would have figured, I'm not the one who goes home that often since I've started my career but today I had an interesting bit of day!
Last year I volunteered for a class that the company was offering and finally, I was rostered for it!

What class was it, you ask?
It's called Tea & Coffee Program! hahahahahha!
Honestly, I think the training department just needed something to do with their time, but hey! I'm a coffee-freak, so of course I signed up! -- even without knowing who else signed up for it.

My morning didn't start great, with my hair refusing to cooperate even when I was only tying it up in a ponytail! Then my dad commented on the tailoring of the pants I was wearing -- yes, you read me right! Anyway, I refuse to go into that.
Then we got into the usual traffic jam in Federal Highway trying to get to the Academy -- so I got into class just in the nick of time. Which I hate. I hate being "just in the nick of time".
Perhaps I should also tell you that I'm a bit of a nerd in that area. I don't like being late, or almost late. I prefer being early. So at least I could relax and say.. have a smoke before class. sigh.

Aaaanyway, it had been an interesting program!
I learnt a bunch about tea and coffee today! I only knew bits and pieces previously but now it seems more FUN to be able to tell why mild coffees are mild and how the intense coffees are made. (The tea stuff were informative too, but seriously.. the coffee stuff were just awesome!)

Especially since we were welcomed by a cup of espresso and biscotti as we entered the classroom. (the espresso by the way, was free flow! I had three cups of the darned thing before we actually got into coffee-tasting!)
Oh and interestingly, the instructor was using the CBTL machine I tweet about last week! Makes it kinda hard for me to forget about its existence now..

By the coffee-tasting session of course, I was caffeinated as hell. Hands shaking, heart's racing.. I was talking like an idiot in fast forward. Had lots of laugh though; mostly for feeling like an idiot, of course..
It was basically a shared problem of mine with my table-mates -- whom happened to be people I know! It was neat!
Between us, we took about nine cups of espresso and a latte! -- not counting the crap (that I called "bitter water") that we tried during the coffee-tasting session.

Anyway, dear Bestie.. thank you for getting me that strong Italian coffee for my birthday. I just found out that I absolutely and completely HATE mild Kenyan crap! And I always thought that I had a milder palette; that strong coffee wasn't really for me. Guess I got that wrong.

Feels like I should get something new to feed my coffee obsession.. I already have a French Press, coffee grinder and a coffee drip machine (thank you, Bestie!) and I've always wanted a Mukka Express but if I add a few hundreds to that budget I could get myself a CBTL machine!!
uuhhh.. I should stop myself right there.
I am dreaming of spending the money that I don't have -- which isn't right! hahahahaha!

Alright, this doesn't make any sense to you, but.. Douwe Egberts.
hahahha! It's a reminder to myself actually. It's a really good coffee and Dida and I had in Nederland and honestly I'm tired of Googling for it everytime I try to remember its name. (Doing a search on this blog seems more simpler at times.)

I guess I'm going to leave you now. I need to get packing while I'm still strung on coffee. I sure hope I have that caffeine-crash when I need to fall asleep.. within the next hour would be perfect!

hmm.. Osaka flight is drawing closer.. I'm oddly still thinking of excuses for not going.

Still tired..

2011-01-16T18:28:00.001+08:00

sigh.. I knew that this was bound to happen.
It always happens when I complain too much. Balasan Tuhan.. I didn't count my blessings as much as I should've.

Last night I was supposed to do a simple layover flight to Singapore. But due to some technical problem, my entire set was asked to fly to Male instead. sigh. Instead of getting eight hours of sleep in the hotel, we had to work all night.
So I'm tired. I believe I have the RIGHT to complain about this one since the flight I was rostered to was the simplest thing on my roster this month. And I was really looking forward to it! But it was taken away..
It was frustrating.
Really frustrating..
And sad...

Bloody "job".
Those whose been following this blog would know that all these while I haven't really considered what I'm doing as a job. But this month it had really felt like one.
I am border-lining on getting sick here. My body has been warm-ish for days, but I believe in "power of the mind". I refuse to be sick.
I honestly refuse it!
I'm mostly convinced that I'll do my Osaka flight after all. Feels like I'm MEANT for it anyway. Dear God, I hope it's going to be good!

There are two ways in looking at it;
one, my Airbus flights so far had been good. Even when I wasn't comfortable with the working position I was given, I've always had help. There was always someone kind enough to tutor me or at least cut me some slack.. and pick up the pieces that I'd missed. And there is always someone who would go out with me and show me around town.
two, should I get a really bad flight one day, it's really a reality check. I can't have all roses and daisies, can I?
I'm the one who needs something new each day anyway.. (I get bored very easily..) So.. it shall be a learning experience! (trying to be positive here..)

But honestly, it better be a BRILLIANT flight! After all I've been through so far this month.. Dear God, help me pleaseee!!
If it turns out bad, I can't promise that I won't break anything.
Oh God please please pleaaaase!!!
But really.. who am I to demand anything from God? I am just a tiny fleck of existence. So all I could do right now is hope. Hope.. hope.. hope..

Wait.. didn't I have "not to hope" in one of my resolutions a while back? Hmm..
Perhaps that's what the astrologers meant when they say that Sagittarians are positive people. They really can't stop from hoping for the best.

Anyway, I'm tired of being tired.
I always get dark and twisty when I'm exceptionally tired. Physical stress turns emotional and.. well.. you know the drill. There had been plenty of proofs of it in this blog -- and I've had this blog for almost NINE years.
Sometimes it feels crazy.. to be writing about your life for nine years -- and it hasn't been exactly an exciting nine years.

But thank you, dear readers..
For your time in reading my thoughts and letting me share a piece of my life with you. *and cue sentimental violin score*

And thank You God for my cool set of crew last night.. And the bunch of sleepy passengers who didn't demand much at all on flight! We basically spent the night talking and watching the in-flight movies as the passengers sleep. It was definitely an upside to the whole frustration..