Saturday, November 14, 2009

The chain-smoker in me.

Oh yes, despite saying that I'm cutting down, I am finding myself smoking more and more.
Depending on how my day goes though.
And the past 2 days had been bad.

I honestly don't know why I bothered starting anyway.
Maybe it's a cowardly way of committing suicide. Not that I'm trying to off myself right here, right now. I don't think I'm ready for that -- yet (haha!) but I don't want to live too long either. (Especially not when my heart keeps aching for the stupidest reasons.)

Anyway, before I drag on about the things that I do not wish to drag about, let's yap on things that is in my mind at the mo.
Earlier, the ex-Boyfie (hahahahahha) asked me if I am now single -- assuming that he's been reading my tweet, which had really brought me laughing. Well, I'm not. But I wondered if I was..

I think I'd stay single.
Not that I'm unhappy being with the monkey-fish. Being with anybody isn't really hard for me. (Not since recently anyway.) It's when NOT being with them that drains me the most. And I didn't think that I was.. is this person. The girl who NEEDS to be with a boy.
That's crazy.
And yet couple-hood seems to have changed me.
My neediness upsets me. It's pathetic and ridiculously degrading. (Oh yes, I am hard on myself.)
Feels like ever since I got back on that saddle of couple-hood, my emotions had been on a rampage.

Anyway, you may not want to take my words verbatim. I am writing this out with an upset heart and getting very close to a caffeine crash. And I'm not really that upset anymore. Mostly numb I believe, since I've only had 5 hours of sleep since the past 48 hours.
But I have DEFINITELY been a little stressed lately and I have the proof of a pimple on my chin. I honestly can't remember the last time I had a pimple. ughhh.

Ah well.. I have this two days off and I should be able to catch up on my rest. Take a much needed breather.

By the way, thanks for saving me, Bestie!
"When you're single, you're depressed about not being with someone. When you're with someone, you're depressed about not being with someone else."
hahahahhha! I love us.

Okay. I'm crashing real soon so I should head to bed ASAP.


ablen said...

(-.-").. hope u get ur good day again.. ^-^

Monkey's Bunny said...

hahahahha so do I!!

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