Thursday, December 23, 2004

i am good for nothing.

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i am so frustrated.
if i wasn't horrified of pain, i would've jumped off the window legde 2 hours ago.
o mann, i'm so tired of crying!!
and now, how can i face those people i care about??
or so i claimed.

i am a horrible horrible person!!!
i'm a horrible horrible daughter!!

entahlah.
dah takde hati nak bercerita.
i still have a letter to finish. later!

(o yeah, if any of you are thinking how i shouldn't be too depressed, shut it! you don't even know half the things i'm going through!)

thank you.

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you just remind me why i preferred being "invisible" on the first place.

haven't done my studying!!! i just found out how much i actually should read.
anyways, i think the 'couple of days' is over and today i can start sharing my thoughts again!

....

err. let's take a raincheck on that.
anyways, i haven't said anything about my birthday, have i?
it was a fun-ny one. someone actually "gave" me a confession that day and it still makes me laugh when i think about it. thanks loads to rai who called. heehee. really really appreciate it. only then i realize how much i miss talking to that peeve.
thanks to everyone who remembered.

speaking of birthday, today is my teddi bear's! ekekke!
hey you, do you know that the bear already had sort of a name before you gave it to me? the tag said 'Spencer'. heehee. teddi bear is 2 years old today.
click!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

just one boring post.

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i shouldn't be sharing my thoughts yet.
but i'm really really bored now.
and i think papa at home is bored as well.
so here i'm posting papa's gedik message just now.

[ HI!!!! LOVE YOU!! ]

okay. so then i replied with something like right here is too boring but i have class on friday and asked, "buat buat takde kelas takpe tak?"

[ NO WAY! YOU HAVE TO ATTEND CLASS. ]

hummph. thought so.

surprise me.

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it's so hard to get a good surprise these days, don't you think?

today has been a surprisingly good one! i love the cool air.
so i walked off to class early feeling all nervous for my first supplementary paper today. (err.. and a bit angau about something. kikkiki!) while trying to figure out if i messed up really bad a month ago. wanted to get my slip printed at first, but the only printer available was the "too canggih for my undertsanding" one, so i stupidly walked away from the room and went straight to etheatre.
still feeling a bit lame, i kept on reading while the media law lecturer talks on. (o yeah, i did look around) the class ended around 12 and i met up yoges and ara.
as i waited for yoges as she talked to a lecturer, this "guy" sorta sneaked up on me and when i noticed him, he said "badan dah naik eh?"
ekkekeke! so what does that tell you?
is he concerned for my weight or has he been checking me out? hohohokk!
terok la kamu.

anyways, later i head to apple's room and waste some time "reading" before heading for the hall.
the paper made me a bit giggly but i really hate the fact that i couldn't answer this 10-marked question! bluerghhh!
and then at 4:30 the examiners forgot to take our papers. (take notice, there were three of us with the paper at the end of exam, ida munirah - ida hazwanie - hazwani naim. hohhohok! bengong.) anyways, we just hung around talking with sherry even when we heard the examiners talking to themselves that the papers for mid2053 were "lost". ekkeke.

oooh~ my posts are so pleasant when i'm in a good mood.

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
Im just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begin

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


funny enough, Rochelle said this about the week: "From my calculations, Wednesday is going to be your lucky day for this period."

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

nervous breakdown.

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actually, what does that term mean? 'coz right now i'm using it because i'm feeling really nervous for tomorrow and the day after that.
i just can't grasp what the heck that's making me this irresponsible!! urghh!! how could i let myself down so horribly???

sometimes i think being a sagittarius is a curse.

"...you can be so enamored of your abstract vision, your view of the whole, your intuitive sense of possibilities and potentials, that you miss what is right in front of you, including the actual work involved in realizing that vision, or perhaps the real people that might be effected."

hmmph! idiot.

anyways, i better get on with my studying.

changed to one lazy layout. other than the nervous breakdown, i'm also having a real designer's block. bluerghh!

ohh! this is the song that i've been crazy about weeks ago. somewhat like a theme song, but not anymore! but i still love the song. i haven't got it on my pc though.. entah mana nak cari. but i've been following the radio long enough to somewhat memorize the song. :D
Aku, Dia dan Kamu by Diva

Betapa bodohnya diriku
Mahu diduakan dirimu
Namun bila hati bicara
Aku sayang padamu

Kau takkan pernah tinggalkannya
Dihatimu cuma dia
Namun tetap kau inginkan ku
Kini apa dayaku

Putuskan dia o kasih
Agar ku tak tersaingi
Sungguh ku benci dirimu yang tak bisa memilih
Namun harus ku akui
Sukar untuk lepaskanmu
Akhirnya aku undur diri demi dia dan kamu..

Monday, December 20, 2004

"don't cry"

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almost three years ago someone said that to me, and it made me even more sad and actually cried in public. that's a stupid thing to say for a goodbye.
aren't goodbyes just the worst things to say?
anyways, so after 3 weeks absent from this retched place (hoho!) i'm back again to get my wrong things right. (try la kan)
i didn't cry as i did then, but my insides were spinning.. wishing i was still glued to the television at home. haha!

so the holidays was good. i had a good time doing nothing, somehow.
not exactly nothing.. but i just realize, after my sister's wedding, i really don't mind going to weddings! before that, i used to make up a lot of excuses for not going. even when my mom threatens me stuff, i still chose to stay hungry at home. but eversince 2002, i actually LIKE getting myself headache over the crowd of people i hardly know.

other than that.. i realize how this holiday is one turning point for me. well, not exactly "turning".. it's something like "pointing out" point in my life.
i am feeling what i was feeling when i was coming to 17. this really good feeling for just myself. can't believe i had to wait for 3 years just to get this feeling again. sheesh!

anyways, i was astrologically advised to keep my thoughts to myself this couple of days and i'm having a headache from lack of sleep, and my insides still not feeling good, and kak huda just fried some keropok lekor lahh! wee~!

okay, here's a song i heard from one of my fave tv shows of all time. i think i was being fed with too much of this show that i'm becoming like the main actor of it.. yikes!
Alone Again, Naturally by Vonda Shepard

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn't do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much, as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about love and His mercy
Who if He really does exist
Why does He desert me?
In my hour of need I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

Seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do, what do we do?

What do we do, what do we do?
In my hour of need I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally


goodbye.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

songs about yous..

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(be warned, this will be a long one..)

heehee. happy holidays mmu peeps!
and to those who are studying in uitm and uia.. welcome back to school! (if you let me call it that!)

so i've been in a spin, thinking of what i wanted to write for the end of the semester coz i usually have something. i've been having this little patches of things but when i write them out, they only came in.. well, patches! ekkeke.
seems like i've been losing any sort of motivation to write but wait a minute.. that's IMPOSSIBLE! ekekke!
so i've been uninspired since the couple of weeks.. but the weeks' rest ought to buy me some time for one possibly.. probably "good" entry, right?
(good? who am i kidding??)

i read my old diaries the week before i had my exams.. and god! i wish i could get a goood barrel of steel and matches and light them up and watch them all burn.. ahhahah!! you know, you thought a diary would help you 'catch your thoughts' and 'remind you of important accounts'. but when i read those diaries.. i can only shout aloud, "O MY GOD!!!"
what an embarrassment!! thank god no one ever found and read them! ekkekeke!
it's just funny.. and embarrassing to remember what i thought was important when i was thirteen. ekekke. idiot.

and then i found out how i've been getting myself in the same sticky situation over.. and over.. and over again since many years ago! and what's weird is how i've been thinking that it was always the first time i feel it when i felt it. (am i making any sense here?)
so really.. nothing has ever been new.. truly new in my life. the same things just keeps happening, but with different people.
maybe it really is true.. subconciously, we keep falling in 'love' with the same person. the same sort, at least. kinda frustrating when i think about it, so i better stop!

so anyways, those diaries got me thinking about songs..
alike my blog, i wrote down my favorite lyrics down in my diaries.
i have a particular song for almost everyone it seems! and that, i have to say is a baad unintended move. i mean, now when i don't want to remember about someone.. i would just think about them when i hear the song. and that's baaadd!!

the thing about songs.. i also hate it when someone 'steals' it from me. i know that's a stupid thing to say since the song was never "mine", but i just hate it! i hate it when someone relates a song to a person, with the song i relate the same person with. hahahha! i think i'm really making no sense. it's just.. i hate the feeling of being like.. 'another one'. i mean, that's how I relate to the person.. so how can someone else relate the same song to that person?? that would suck a lot.

but gladly!! somehow i just can't seem to relate my favorite, most favorite song to anyone i know. heehee! somehow. and that's awesome!! i can enjoy a good, perfect song without anyone being able to 'steal' it or being interrupted with the thoughts of someone i probably.. actually.. hate.
just hopefully it'll stay that way 'til the rest of my life..
or when i found someone who i couldn't possibly hate. well, that's a lie. there's always something to hate. (for me, at least!)
i find it hard to like everything about someone. you can like them for anything, but to like everything is doubtful. so that line up there ought to be; "when i found someone who i couldn't hate too much". heehee.

so that's partly a confession.. i have a song that relates best to almost everyone.
someone once said to me that a song only relates to you as much as you want it to. well, that person was right. a song couldn't possibly be written completely about you unless you wrote them yourself. but sometimes, a song can really.. just simply be talking about someone.

so here's a song that has been caught up in my head for the last couple of days. i finally found the perfect little song, and this IS about someone.

Follow You Down by Gin Blossoms

Did you see the sky, I think it means that we've been lost
Maybe one less time is all we need
I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that I've ever been

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come
But still, I can't remember anything
Let's not do the wrong thing and I swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

How you gonna ever find your place
Runnin' in an artificial pace
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand
So what the hell, have we already been forever damned?

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far


so here's a week in the holidays.
a few plans has been lined up. just a question if it's going to happen. people to see, places to go and yes, things to shop! (cheer cheer!!!)
i miss my fiance!! and hanis.. and musz.
and i can't wait to see dayat!! aaaiiiyyyyyyyyyeee!! i need february to come early. heehee.
errkk! but that reminds me that i promised fiance something. (but he knows me so well, he probably didn't count on that i'll do as promised. hahhahaha!)
it's just great when you have those people that just knows you to the core. (but they're horrible to have when you're trying to hide something!)

and finally!! have an awesome time, people!!!
i'm going to crack my brain on a favor for dida now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

seven shades of blue.

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ain't that pretty?

anyways.. currently feeling quite fine.
going to have my final paper in 2 hours and i am HORRIFIED!!
i hope i'll do okay.. especially since i need to get full marks if i want to confirm a pass! ahhahahah!! gilok.

i just realize last night.. that my sadness had turned to anger long time ago. it's.. sad. hohoho. well, i suppose i just hate that feeling of losing. it feels awful and i hate it! thus, i got mad and just got angry with almost anything that ticked me even just a lil'.
but i'm okay now.
things... doesn't seem so big as i made them now. :)

so yesterday i was in the car when i looked up to the sky and saw seven beautiful shades of blue. and what's more amazing.. the moon could be seen at 5:54 pm! i mean.. that's EARLY!
sigh. i love sitting in the car.
i think if i have a driver's liscence (spelling?) and own a car.. i'd spend my whole day just driving around. :)

okay! better revise some things now.
but this coffee is making me jumpy. eeeek!

Monday, November 22, 2004

o - my - GOD!!!

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this must be one of the most horrible feelings i've ever felt!!
there's even a sickly pain in my tummy.
you know what?
MENYAMPAHHH!!!
urghhh!! GOD!!

i may be wrong for the second time..
the first time i was SO wrong that it's really really embarassing.. but this time.. i really doubt that i'm making the same related mistake.
o crap.

i am now officially ashamed for being such a stupid stupid stupid git!!
i wonder if i'm simply simply wrong for..
huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
i really really wanna cry now.

how did i get this stupid???
for thinking that things were about to change...
they were always the same, weren't they?
so i'll be detaching myself now..

here goes my heart.
breaking up to pieces so small..
that it can pass through the eye of a needle.
i guess i'm sorry.

sorry for putting such hope on a single star..
a star that i thought shone bright for me.
when truthfully it has always been there.
shining for someone else to see..

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

hey stranger!

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i think i'll miss you forever...

Monday, November 08, 2004

I wish I could hold a billboard above my head..

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..for every single time i see you :)

so have you ever done something wrong.. VERY wrong.. but it's sinfully good that you just can't help yourself from doing it again.. and possibly again?

life is weird,
life is scary.
and yet it's wonderful as well!

so how is it possible that you can love and hate at the same time?
i find the answer easy.. though i couldn't say the same for compromising with it.

here's a simple explanation;
all things on earth were created as a couple.

there's always a mate to each other.
a positive and negative in everything.
adam-eve, anod-katod, yin-yang, mars-venus, happy-sad and sure..
love and hate.

how can you love when you don't understand hate?
only in hate, can you understand what you love.
only in love and hate, can you feel the ultimatum of emotions.

(hehhe.. cakap cam pandai!)

but honestly! i believe in that.
i believe that to love.. you must hate.
and only then you'd understand.. possibly everything.

the end of merepek! :P
(well sure i have lots more to say.. but it's best for you to just 'understand' them)

i find everything pretty amusing lately..
i look back to my life and think about now, to realize how things have really changed. i've done some things i've never thought of doing before and i've found new things i wanted to do now..
my thoughts have really changed in due time.. (though i can't confirm that it's growing MATURE) but i've always felt the same.
always. always. always...

but anyways! i am thinking of writing something else 'serious' during the coming school break, along with a new layout (that ONLY looks good when i think of it) so if you're looking forward to things like that, keep your fingers crossed!!
i know i am! ekkeke!

so in conjuction of the festivities..
happy deepavali
to those who celebrates them, and

SLAMAT HARI RAYA!!
to all my friends, buddies, pals and fellow readers! hope you have a good one and enjoy every moment of it!

and yeah.. HAVE FUN IN THE SCHOOL BREAK! and to mmu peeps.. GOOD LUCK for the exam!!! ahhahahah!

Thursday, November 04, 2004

[originally written on 1:11am]

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i am HOPELESS!! it frustrates me!! stupid stupid stupid!!
you see, if i had managed to lose my feelings, i could've stopped feeling oh so measly since.. long ago!
i suppose everyone has their own 'pattern'. (saw a neat episode of sex and the city earlier today) and i think i DO have a pattern.
i have the pattern of a person that keeps on longing for the unattainable someone. it's like, i'm pleading to be broken-hearted, or be kept wondering.. or left waiting.. or just, i don't know!! i said aloud that i want to be 'smarter' and yet, i couldn't pass up the chance to be called 'stupid'. that's just.. plain dumb!
dumb dumb dumb!!!

urrgghhhhh!!!!!

probably i radiate some sort of a 'safe' character that people can pick up the smell like garlic in someone's breath. maybe a 'safe' person just reflects that bit of boredom.
heck! even i ran from it some years ago! (and still am) ahahhaha!! it's a bit unfair of me to judge people for it. but maybe everyone just needs less and less of that 'safe' personality.

in my thoughts.. someone safe is a someone whom you're supposed to get married with, live in a big bungalow, have a dozen children and live happily for the rest of your life.
and i don't want to get married just yet.
and i guess you're not ready for that either...

how i wish you are.. and ask for my hand tomorrow.
ahhahhaha!!

ps: no, i'm not depressed nor am i crazy, i just have a lot of lame
thoughts.
i think i am missing rai 'coz he appeared in my dream some nights ago. (and i read that when you dream of someone, it's probably your subconcious mind letting you know that you miss that person, and that you conciously didn't realize it. cute, huh?)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

guuuud morning!!

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okie. so i KINDA just got back from a well-spent night!!

it started when i went to my bed, trying to get a bit of shut eye 'coz i have nothing else better to do. then somewhere around 6:20pm i got a phonecall asking me things about how i'd break-fast today.. and he then asked if i wanna come along with him.. and me.. seperti biase lah kann! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKK!!
ekkeke! at 6:30.. i met up with abang yau, ablen, their cousin; boy, and hafiz! so of course, by the time for break-fast, we're still in the car. but then we stopped in UM to pick up mimi (crammed the backseat!!) who brought up a weird cincau-like drink for us to break-fast. :D

so then we had our real break-fast in midvalley. we were done somewhere around 8.. stood around some bits as we decide how are we going to waste some time. then somehow we decided to catch a movie at 11:15pm! (and there goes mimi's choir practise at 9! ekkeke!) so we had pleeeennnnty of time to waste. i tagged along mimi and hafiz; did some bits of window shopping.. and then get back to the rest and went bowling!! ekekkeke!

tak tahan laa.. rase nak baling something kat abang yau. ekkeke! mimi was sooo close to beat him but in the end, abang yau won the game in difference of 10 points with mimi. and i, sadistically was last place with only 82 points! ahhahahah!! lembu. (kasi can ekk.. lama dah tau tak main!! ekkekeke!) bowling was really fun, though.

then we "loiter" some more, (i believe that would be hafiz' favorite word) in front of mcd there until it's time for us to get to the cinema! :)
had some laughs before the show starts.. and laughs is GOOD! :P
we saw TAXI and it was fun!! well, at least i thought so. but i think the blooper part at the end was even sillier. (does this word exist??) o well, i think the movie was good enough! :D i have always loved queen latifa's character in most of the movies she's in. :)

then we crammed back in the car and sent off mimi back to her college.. and then me! so here i am.. yapping about things that don't really matter when i probably should sketch some things for tomorrow's philosophy class! hohohoho!

so, thank you guys for the good evening!!
especially abang yau!! maybe sebab dah lama tak jumpe? ececcee! ekkekeke! tengkiuuukk!!
so.. after a good evening spent, there's no better way for it to be followed than by a GOOD NIGHT!!

ohh! been hearing this song too darn much everytime i go to the movies.. but honestly, i DO love abba! heehee. and i LOVE this song. :)

Mamma Mia by ABBA

I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

I've been angry and sad about things that you do
I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through
And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
mamma mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye doesn't mean forever

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

"thanks for the sex."

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ekkeke. that was such a twisted line.
twisted!!

the night turned out to be quite cool lah!
so i was picked up around 6:15, crammed myself between mama and papa at the back seat of the car, and dozed off for quite sometime somehow. (seems like i've been doing too much of that lah lately! ekekkeke!) waking up at the right moment of break-fast, (papa and nina already bought rations earlier) and realize how i'm still treated like a kid; papa let me be the first one to the drink. ekekkeke! so there we were, in the car, almost at the center of the town, eating rotiboy, kuih lapis and other 15-seconds-of-fame-in-ramadhan kuihs, :D as we pondered why seremban roads are still packed with cars.
you see, in shah alam.. by 6:50.. (during ramadhan lah!) every major roads would be practically empty! it's probably even safe to sit right on the road. heehee. well, most probably 'coz shah alam is really just HOUSES and everyone's already inside getting prepared for break-fast. :)

arrived in nina's place, being greeted by the birthday girl, who sat right at the doorway looking confused. ekekke! so we had a proper dinner, sang izzati that traditional birthday song (though she'd surely don't understand - but grinned her two front teeth anyways) and simply lie around. me and nina got to work on that puzzle a bit as well. hehhe! cam addicted to get it done! :)

got back here again around 11, and fussed about my darned computer which somehow wasn't connected to the internet as the other computers!! frustrating indeed.
then lily said she was going out to become a cetti so i had to come along! :D saw majin in hb1 and somehow he got into the car and followed us home. (not before stopping by dar and fakhrul's house first)

so there we were.. in front of the telly.. watching sex and the city with illia (housemate. hope i spelled her right!) ekekkeke, with the occasional rosie and lily who made spaghetti too! ekekkeke!

so it's five o'clock, and i better start figuring out what the heck i'm supposed to do for later today's resubmission for that philosophy essay.. sheesh~!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

words are just words, dear.

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haven't had the same kind of ache like today for a while..
and i never liked the feeling, so please.

i suppose i had too much unimportant things caught up in my head that i forgot what today is..
EPPY BIRTHDAY IZZATI~!!!
one whole year! heehee~!

so i'll be off to nina's place to celebrate budak kecik ngade!!

it's what i can't say, dear.

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tonight.

*yawn*

super sleepy somehow. so here's the familiar people i saw tonight:
ablen (hehhe!), hafiz, mimi (right?), lina teoh (who looked horrible without make up!), this one mmu guy i've already forgotten the name, abang amir (who waved from across that big circle of 3rd floor in midvalley), dar, fakhrul and mas of AF2 (which looked surprisingly pleasant in person!)

fate is playing games with me.
stop it, fate!

Fields Of Innocence by Evanescence

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now


Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world

Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger

Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Oh where, where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything


dah. gudnite world~!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

how do you tame a centaur, dear?

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that angst is building up again.

i'm proud.. and stubborn.
i'm hating the person i'm becoming, but i can hate you even more.

go away. give up. whatever.
just leave me alone now.
for a moment.
at least.

Monday, October 25, 2004

the world is black, dear.

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remind me how much i adore good charlotte!! :P
klakar.. slalu download lagu banyak banyak, tapi end up listening to the same old songs!
this is one of the very few cute songs i absolutely LOVE! (hear hear!)

The World Is Black by Good Charlotte

Turn on channel seven at a quarter to eight
You see the same damn thing it's just a different day and
No one really knows why this is happening
But it's happening
And everywhere you go it's just a different place
You get the same dark feeling
See the same sad faces
No one really cares that this is happening

We come into this world
And we all are the same
In that moment there's no one to blame

But the world is black
And hearts are cold
And there's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
It won't be the same
Forever changed
By the things we've seen, seen

Living in this place it's always been this way
There's no one doing nothing so there's nothing changed
And I can't live when this world just keeps dying
It's dying
People always tell me this is part of the plan
That God's got everybody in his hands
But I can only pray that God is listening
Is he listening?

We're living in this world
Growing colder everyday
Nothing can stay perfect now I see

But the world is black
And hearts are cold
And there's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
It won't be the same
Forever changed
By the things we've seen, seen, seen

We come into this world
And we all are the same
And in that moment there's no one to blame
But we're living in this world
Growing colder everyday
Nothing can stay perfect now I see

The world is black
And hearts are cold
There's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
(We can't go back)
It won't be the same
(It won't be the same)
Forever changed
(What will ever change)
By the things we've seen, seen, seen

Turn on channel seven at a quarter to eight
You see the same damn thing it's just a different day
And no one really knows why this is happening


class today took such a long time!! we (ara, yoges, lini and myself) weren't able to complete the task by 6:20 and by that time, we're already itching in our sits to go out and prepare for break-fast! hehhe!
and farizu told us to get something and get back to the lab.. break-fast with most of the peeps, watching SIN CHAN THE MOVIE! ahhahaha!! tak tahann.. he was practically promoting it, so we just HAVE to laugh at it.
so i had break-fast at chicken rice shop in alamanda. habes!! woo~hoo! tak membazir, bagus! :D so, tengkiuk incik ablen!

kepala tengah pusing pusing.
help, i need to yap!

i'm never ready, dear.

0comments
had quite a good weekend.
so good that i'm actually putting my future in danger. hohoho!
gile.

anyways, weekend!!
can't exactly remember what i did for the last three days.. except for the dreams i had! huhuu.

but i DID - me and family, that is - went to see nina in seremban. it's been FIVE weeks since i last saw izzati and she's got her two front teeth!!! totemo kawaii!!!!!!! ekkeke!! but she's having a bit of a fever, so cam tak best sangat main ngan dia. she keeps on merengek merengek, and i don't exactly speak baby-tongue so i just don't know what she wants!
pastu buka pizza!! HO-HO-HO!
and nina's tummy is getting more obvious.. but she's still the nina i know. :D haihhh~! and we both spent some time doing this pretty big puzzle of 101 Dalmatians while dida nags at our sides until papa shouted it's time to head home. huhuuu. tak best!!

okie! dah tatau nak tulis ape dah.
hope today will be just as wonderful as yesterday.. :D

Only One by Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one


love this song!!
especially when he really shouts! hahhaha!

ps to a girl i wish not to know: TOLONGLAAAHHHH!!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

matter of fact.

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1. some things are better left unsaid.
2. i lie sometimes; when i'm scared or i just want to dodge the topic.
3. gotta stop putting on hold of things!
4. haven't done that handphone assignment that's supposedly be submitted on mondayy!!

5. i have nothing else to say simply because.. some things ARE better left unsaid!

Blinded by Third Eye Blind

Just an old friend coming over
Now to visit you and
That's what I've become
I let myself in
Though I know I'm not supposed to but
I never know when I'm done
And I see you fogging up the mirror
Vapor around your body glistens in the shower
And I wanna stay right here
And go down on you for an hour
And stay and let the day just fade away

In wild dedication
Take the moment of hope
And let it run
And never look back
At all the damage we have done now
To each other

To each other
To each other

But when I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun
And I'm blinded
There's nothing left to do
and still I see you

I never believe that things that they happen for a reason
And they never go as planned
I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned
But you're past where you understand

Now her appetite is blown
Little else is known
'Cept she's a little angry

Grabs a towel, looks away
The heat fades with the day
And I fall down on what to say
oh something clean, let me be clever
Hey oh well, whatever
But that's not what I mean
Where we've been has left us burnt still
I wont turn now from a fight
You know I'll never win


So when I see you
you know all the things I've done
and I am blinded
Like I'm staring down the sun
When I see you
When I see you
When I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun
Yeah!

Time it passes and it tells us what we're left with
We become the things we do
Me, I'm a fool spent from defiance, yeah you got me but
I didn't give up on you

Icarus is not a t-shirt or a swan song, no
He is born again and
It's not easy being me
When I can't promise I will mend
Or bend when you believe
That we are fixed now from our birth
And I've just fallen back to earth
Still you know I'll try again

Cause I believe that we are lucky
We are golden
We have stolen manners in the days when we were one

So when I see you
In spite of all that we've become
I'm still blinded
But I'm still staring down the sun

When I see you
When I see you
When I see you
When I see you
Oh yeah
I'm still staring down the sun
Oh yeah
I'm still staring down the sun
Oh yeah
Well I'm still staring down the sun
I'm blinded when I see you

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

hanging by a moment.

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see..
the good thing about the bad things in life is how it makes you appreciate more of the better things.

i suppose life teaches us.
i question about so many things and i'm getting the answers to it one by one.
and i still have a lot to be thankful for right now though things keep going downhill these days. :)

i think i've had too much of revising my past that it feels weird now to think how much it has changed.
what ever it is, i hope that even when i can't get back up after falling too much to the ground.. i could still believe. i wish to believe for the rest of my life..

unconcious mutterings:
(lamanye tak buat)

Dimension:: mechanical desktop
Roger:: walkie-talkie
CSI:: that lab guy
Passenger:: bus
Thankful:: you
Has-been:: something
Bambino:: bimbo
Wrinkles:: face
Cable TV:: astro
Voicemail:: beep!

"Try to reason about love , and you will lose your reason to love." -(some French proverb)
that was what i meant to say.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

clueless.

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you know the feeling when things got horrible and you said to yourself, "things can't possibly go worse," but it DID and now you don't know what else you can say to yourself?
heehee. i think i am having that feeling, but i'm not stressing.
i'm surprisingly relaxed, to be quite honest.. and that's weird! ekkekeke!

anyways.. in liking of this song!!
speaks a bit of me for the time being. :)

Elsewhere by Sarah McLachlan

I love the time and in between
the calm inside me
in the space where I can breathe

I believe there is a
distance I have wandered
to touch upon the years of
reaching out and reaching in
holding out holding in


I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it long as I can be
left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand

I know this love is passing time
passing through like liquid
I'm drunk in my desire

but I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near
I believe

I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand

The quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
the mold that clings like desperation

Mother can't you see I've got
to live my life the way I feel is right for me
might not be right for you but it's right for me

I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me

and I'll defend it long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand it

I would like to linger here in silence
if I choose to
would you understand it
would you try to understand


btw, tengkiuk fariz, dar and azrin for letting me tag along!
heyy fariz, i finally get to ride your car lahh! :P

still sleepy laa, but i have class at 2!

papalapalapaa.

0comments
monday.
the start of a new week.
the end of weekends.
the end of lying around, asking people to get me anything.
ahhahahaha!!

:|
just why i dislike monday than the rest of the days in the week.

and so it's tuesday. just tuesday..
spent the night with 3 guys just now!
watched bourne supremacy with dar, ablen and ablen's friend; hafiz. (is it?) ekkeke! i actually didn't catch his name. :P
heyy, kiut la janggut tu! :P
mengantuk laa already. while in the car i thought of some things i want to do in life;

1. walk through the Louvre
2. get onto a hot air balloon
3. get back my thumbdrive from dar!! (berikannya padakuuu~!)

heehee! there's more of course! but i haven't figured it out. :D
anyways, liking this simple song;
Don't I Hold You by Wheat

Don't I hold you like you want to be held?
And don't I treat you like you want?
And don't I love you like you want to be loved
And you're running away

And what's your name
Like I'm in the way

Don't I hold you like you want to be held?
Don't I please you like you want?
And don't I love you like you want to be loved
And you're running away

And what's your name
Like I'm in the way

We waste too much time

Don't I?
Don't I hold you like you want?


gudnite everyone~!

o yeah.. honesty is the best policy! :P
thanks friend for making me feel as comfortable as i possibly can with you. :) you know you wouldn't really have to wait for days to tell me that :P thanks. again! :D

Monday, October 18, 2004

sungguh kurang sopan.

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kerna satu email yang sungguh menyentuh hati.
grrr!!

remind me to jentik someone when i see him for getting me a headache.

he sends email > i read it > i cried > head aches!

grr!! X(
bencikk!

monday is a... dislikable day!

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it iss!!
for starters, no one bothered to wake me up for sahur this morning 'coz they all thought i wouldn't be fasting today, though i said i would! grrr! sampai ati!
and now, at 11:26 AM, i'm already HUNGRY!!
betul betul tak pose karaang, baru tahu!

and mama.. (hahhaa! seperti biase) always ticks me off one way or another. grrr!
i'm such a bad daughter, i knowww.. but i can't help at being angry for even measly things, and yes, my temper wouldn't care even if it's my mother. hmmph!!

nina's presence helps though.. :D even for a while.
rindunye sama izzati!
nina might be expecting a baby girl, she said. and i like the name she proposed if it's really a girl! heehee! :x

and have you ever had too much similarities to someone that it's just possible that you were siblings before separated during birth or something??
ahahhahaha!! merepek.
i am such a pathetic. (actually trying to make myself feel better about something)

okay. kinda sleepy really.
kul 2 kene gi model making ke? dahlaa cam nak ujan ni! :-S

Thursday, October 14, 2004

hehh geramm!

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grrr.

1. no electricity last night all of a sudden, as i was starting my CAD homework.
2. having a problem getting to sleep after a short nap 'coz i can't stand waking up.
3. unappreciated? (at least i feel so)
4. weird dream. weird weirrrd dream. grrr!!
5. still sleepy.
6. have no idea how to do this 4th exercise on this homework!!! cemane nieee???
7. troubled by the idea of 2 assignments to submit next week.
8. still can't figure out how to get this 4th exercise done!
9. esok puase? puase ke?? (ramadhan is getting me nervous somehow..)
10. should get my work done if i wanna go back home this evening, shouldn't i?

11. can't i have my very own jason wade pleaaasee???

Everybody Is Someone by Lifehouse

stumbling I fall away it's hard to make a change
easy to be who you are when no one knows your name
walking past the lonely walls with eyes as cold as stone
climb inside the emptiness it's safe when you're alone

don't be alarmed
don't be afraid of what you are
just look around
everybody is someone
everybody is someone

all this time you lived alone without a memory
built your life upon the ground that sinks beneath your feet
step outside the misery for once you feel alive
second chances only come around once in a life

don't be alarmed
don't be afraid of what you are
just turn around
everybody is someone
everybody is someone

don't be alarmed
don't be afraid of what you are
just look around
everybody is someone
everybody is someone

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

fools at the table

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haihh~
now i am regretting for not buying that book of poetry i saw in mph yesterday.
i could remember a few..
but i think it'd be better to express myself in my very own words, thank you. :)

i am feeling like..
riding a heck of a roller coaster ride.
it goes up and down, with such different speed.
sure, the first few rounds gets you all excited and wanting to get on it again so you can feel all the thrill once more.
but after being on it for too many times, it just left you screaming, tired..
and sick.

just so let you know.
i'm caring less and less.. how sad is that?

jeepers~!!

0comments
heehee. i still want to smile when i'm reminded of that word..

but first,
ATTENTION, MEN OUT THERE!
if you see one girl over there and you'd like to say hi, please do it subtlely (?) and sit/stand in front of her. talking to a girl from her behind is more like an AMBUSH!

bluerghhh!
had a very weird start of day, yesterday.. but it was awesome as well!
i suppose.. yesterday was.. overwhelming for me. :)

so i went to see dayat in midvalley yesterday.
doing practically nothing except for catching a movie, have lunch, and round and round mindlessly. :P
we saw DODGEBALL which was pretty hilarious! it was a good, entertaining stupid movie. i personally don't like ben stiller that much but he's a riot! cam kerek gile, tak tahann! and the whole cinema was "interactively participating" the movie. everyone "oohed", "aahed" and "ouched" at the right moments. and there's this time when some just clapped their hands!! heck, last time i was with people who clapped to a movie was during the 2nd harry potter and there were mostly kids!
it's a good movie if you want to laugh your head silly. WATCH IT! heehee.


as you can see, dayat's dagu dah pulih! ekekkeke!

ohh, the outing was for celebrating dayat's birthday laa.. wish the other two were around.. :-S

anyways!! seen the new GC video?? ekekkeke!! they all have a new do!! (hair-do, i mean)
i love joel's and billie's!! tapi tak aci laa kan.. i love the two no matter how their hair look! ahhahaha!! but i totally 'dig' joel's. (wait, i only hated his hair in hold on video) :P and suka tengok billie on his guitar!! suka sukaa!
joel sangat comel.. sangat sangat! :P tengoklaaaa..
suka sukaaa!!

Predictable by Good Charlotte

Something isn't right
I can feel it again, feel it again
This isn't the first time
That you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes high
I saw this coming, still I don't know why
I let you in


I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
You're so predictable (so predictable)

So take your empty words
Your broken promises
And all the time you stole
Cause I am done with this

I could give it away, give it away
I'm doing everything I should've
And now I'm making a change
I'm living today
I'm giving back what you gave me
I don't need anything

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
You're so predictable (so predictable)

Now everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know, this story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping

I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back
Never

I knew it all along
You're so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)

Everywhere I go for the rest of my life
Everyone I love, (so predictable)
Everyone I care about
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me

And I know what it is (so predictable)
I'm ending this right now


okayy!! enough of celebrity crushes.
mengantuknyeeee!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

it's weird...

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and a bit sad.

i guess the night is making me a bit philosophical (?) after writing a certain email to someone.
and currently listening to marcell - firasat. (gosh!)

so as i was listening to this song.. i just felt like walking towards the balcony.
it's been such a long time since i really appreciate a night's sky.
i guess my eyes are just trained to find a star. "the first star i see tonight.." (so i can wish for something childishly and foolishly) heehee.
after a while staring at this single star.. my eyes roam to the rest of the sky, and to my surprise, there was only another star.
just another.

what a waste of space....
such a big sky up there, and only two stars decorated it.
they were separated by such distance, but both had the same amount of light shining from it.

call me sentimental, but i am glad that they're shining with the same shade.
heehee.

okay. now i better get my CAD done so i can joli katak tomorrow! weeeeee~!
find me at midvalley later, yah! :P

Monday, October 11, 2004

screaaaaaaaaaaammmm!!

0comments
ekkekeke. ain't this weird??
i am having such a good mood though i am doing practically nothing!!
all's good, and i love how this feels. :)

CAD class was fine! sent some files named yoges_wanie_ara_harristakbest.dwg at the end of class! ekekkeke! awesome! :P
harris.. kamu lupa nak ingatkan wanie sesuatu lagi skali laaa! :P

feeling all excited for tomorrow!! AHAHHAHA!! i know i shouldn't be.. but i just am! :P kikkikiki!
i wonder lah what makes me ME. i suppose the fact that i was born in december plays a role. and that i am the youngest.. of three girls! ekekke!! and yahh, typically me.. blaming at other things but me! ekkekeke!! :P

haihh, sorely missing.
oneechan!!!
will be seeing dayat. ekekkeke! yeyyeyyy~!! *jigs* can't wait 'til kakchik's next holiday!!!
and musz...
yubikiri desu~!!
can't wait can't waitt!!

All That I've Got by The Used

So deep that it didn’t even bleed and caught me,
Off guard
Red handed, now I’m far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn’t even bleed, catch me.

I need something else
would someone please just give me?
Hit me and knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh all I want inside
I still am empty
So deep that it didn’t even bleed, catch me.

I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got
I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got
(All that I’ve got)

I guess I remember every glance you shot me
Unharmed, I’m losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn’t even scream "F* me".

I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got
I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got
(All that I’ve got)

It’s all that I’ve got.

So deep that it didn’t even bleed; catch me
So deep that I didn’t even scream "F* me".

I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got
I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not
I’m far from lonely
And it’s all that I’ve got


psst.. hey you! see if i care :P

i fell in love with my brother.

0comments
which is awesome,
'coz i don't have any! ekkekeke!

quite a funny weekend i had. well, not exactly that HA-HA funny, but i really don't know how to describe it! huhuu~
everyone's missing izzati, been 2 weeks since everyone (me, dida, mama and papa) last saw her. ekekke! and me and dida kept singing the songs we usually sing for izzati. (stupid stupid songs dida created, really) haihh. i miss lah that kid!!!!

and i also miss dida 'coz she's been working all weekend. very busy with that shipment of spm paper. (note: she's working for misc) she should be heading to kelantan lah today. ehh, is it?? i think lah! apart from not having her to fight things about, i hate the fact that i had to sleep alone last night. :-S

and this was a note papa left me before he got out for work on the tv screen last friday. ekekkeke.

pandaaiii.. 'coz i'd surely sit in front of the telly! heehee.

and i heard one song that really caught my ears lahh while in the car few days ago, and i am getting myself very tired looking for it!! i think it's an indonesian singer.. and the thing is, i don't even know the name of the song!!! urghhh!! just got a line from the song!! (last time i had this kind of frustration was that time when i was looking for daniel bedingfield's song)

bencikk!!
but heyy.. have a good week people!

ps: kenape tetiba cam most of my favorite bands kuar album baru and i didn't know about it nieee??! grr! X(

Thursday, October 07, 2004

angst??

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does music heal.. or the other way round?

aren't jimmy eat world the bestt?? (okaylaa.. maybe not literally, but they're GOOD, aren't they??)
well, i've been spending the morning listening to jimmy eat world, and so i've been reminded of how much i actually love their songs! hehhe! :x
this one's from their new album; Futures, though.. :D

Kill by Jimmy Eat World

Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I wanna go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance?
Or only one way that it was always meant to be
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I need answers for what all the waiting after means
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape

Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
I know people can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
Tell me just what has it ever meant?

I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away


been thinking about this ever since i saw it somewhere;
what is worse? to know you should have.. or shouldn't have?
heehee :D
anyways, supposedly be going back home today.. yeayy! :P
jya~ byebye!

i know, i knowwwww. shut it, will you?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

i'm talking to someone else.

0comments
my philosphy lecturer said earlier today,
you can't possibly think of nothing
she said it's impossible to be thinking of anything if you claim to be thinking of nothing. practically, if really you're thinking about nothing, you shouldn't be thinking at all!

(at least that's what i understood from what she said)
heehee!

i guess she's right, though i usually claim that i am thinking of "nothing". my "nothing" are usually "something" that i just couldn't point out aloud. :P

but right now.. i am feeling soo many emotions because i am not feeling anything at all. do you think it makes any sense? ('coz it does to me!)
heehee!

netomat ni bestt lah!! i'm already planning some things i'd like to do next! :D

Can't Smile Without You by Barry Manilow

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who'da believed that you were part of a dream?
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see, I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find
Well I'm finding it hard leavin' your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm findin' it hard to do anything

You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm goin' through
I just can't smile without you...


tengkiu for making me listen to this song! :x
okie. currently bored with nothing interesting to do.

abaikan.. abaikaann~!

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ekekkeke!!
zahid oo zahidd~!
sape yang ade tanduk tu ekk? ekekke! :P

i honestly have nothing much to say about today. been doing nothing much. :) but heyy!! check out my NETOMAT!! have a look, have a look!!! and leave something as well lah! just doodle, or write something, okie~! :D

Bagaikan Sakti by Siti Nurhaliza & M Nasir

Cinta datang
Tanpa diundang
Seumur masa tercipta

Dia datang bagai sakti
Bagai menyaksi mekar
Kembang pagi

Cinta datang
Dengan senyuman
Panasnya membakar mentari

Wajah yang tergambar
Tak akan terpudar
Dari hati insan yang fana ini
Fana ini

Tak mungkin mentari
Akan terus sembunyi
Tiada sempadan
Tak bisa kulewati

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan ragaku
Menantimu walau sengsara
Jika ini ketentuannya

Jika ini hakikatnya
Aku serahkan jiwa dan raga
Jika ini ketentuannya
Kaukan jadi milikku jua


funny how chilling it sounds when i listen to it as i read the lyrics. (imagining gusti puteri and hang tuah in puteri gunung ledang) macam.. adeh~!
love this song, anyways!! macam sangat klasik! :x

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

boyfriends are the bestt~!

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ekekkeke. are they not? :P

went to class in the afternoon feeling horrible, knowing what fun i could've had if i didn't have that class with miss what's-her-name. she's... okaay, i know she meant well during those classes but she's really horrible!! huhuuu~
let's just say she's no fun.. and to top it off, she gave us an assignment; a report of somewhat that we're supposed to present tomorrow morning! X(

so then i came back home cyberia, to almost-nothingness. ehhe! the house was practically empty excluding rosie who was preparing to go out. huhuu~!
then i got a message from ablen who's going to get something to eat with dar in alamanda! hoyehhhhh~!! ikuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttt~!! :x

maka, dapatlah membuang sedikit masa bersama mereka berdua. tidaklah saye keseorangan.. :D
and then coming back to cyberia, saw shahnon! hehhe! :P

okie! i am waaayyy too sleepy to sit here in front of this pc.
gudnite~! :P

ohh! really love this song though it kept me feeling hollow someway.. huhuu.
One Last Cry by Brian McKnight

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie

I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on and on

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I end my one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
to my last cry

horrible.. HORRIBLE!

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sangat lupaaaaaaa~!! terok la wanie ni!!

HEPPI BELATED B'DAY SHAHNONNN!!
on september 29th!! kamu sudah tuaaaaaaa!!

heehee~! and this one i didn't forget, though.. almost! but didn't. :D
EPPI BELATED MAKCIK DAYAT!!
her's was on october 1st!

heehee.
no wonder i've been thinking too much of birthdays lately. :D

i DO know..

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tengkiuuuk ablen gile! :D

so we went to see resident evil. met dar, fakhrul with 2 other girls in midvalley. had kfc for dinner, (tak abes!!) and ablen gile tak aci 'coz he only ate that tiny colonel burger! ahahhaha! (lelaki ape kamu ini?!) ekekkeke!
we then watched as dar ate away his nuggets in McD, teman dia pegi toilet.. yahh! SERONOK! ekkeke! :P
they watched the 11:20 show though.. so me and ablen wasted away some 25 minutes before our show. (rabbits are totally cute!!)

RESIDENT EVIL!
i think it was pretty okaaay!! nothing much to tell 'coz my gurlfriends has not yet seen it, so i better not spoil them.
tapi geram sama ablen gile. he's seen it and he kinda laughed when he sees me get surprised! tara guna. but it was neat to have him - who's seen it. 'coz he'd be warning me which part to be 'careful' at. ekkeke!!
domo arigatou ne ablen san~! :P

okay.. so i'm back here in cyberia.. and just finished talking to my goood boyfriend. (he's a boy, he's a friend!) - you know who you are.
thank you for caring! really!!
HUGGSS!! (i'll hug the teddi bear lah!)
i'll try my best, wokeh? :D thankksss!!

just something silly to read:
"When a Sagittarius child is born to a Scorpio parent, they need to give each other enough room to live their own lives, if they want to come together as a family. Their patience will be rewarded by the calm and reassuring relationship that will ensue.Sagittarius thrives on variety, novelty and optimism. Scorpio values the experiences which strengthen the family's emotional ties. Devoted Scorpio may wonder how they can be so different from their free wielding child, while Sagittarius may feel held back by their parent's emotional outbursts and displays. Scorpio mustn't smother or guilt their child, and Sagittarius must look at their parent and realize that they have their best interests at heart. If they make a little room for one another, and keep part of their lives private, this family will get along better in the long run. The best aspect of the Scorpio-Sagittarius family relationship is the security and flexibility they can give each other. They make a compatible team once they learn to look at the world through each other's philosophies. As long as they communicate openly and celebrate their differences, theirs will be a peaceful and loving family."

that's about me and mama there. ekekkeke! funny how it's seldom "peaceful" between us. (we did have yet another useless disagreement last weekend! :P)

okayy! it's SO late don't you think?? and i'm not even doing anything much! should get some sleep, but then again my class is only at 2! plenty of time to sleep later, yah? heehee!
gudmorning!!

Monday, October 04, 2004

a lump in my throat.

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what do you know about that?

monday is always a bad day!
it's only good when your sister's around to take you shopping. :D since dida's not around.. i'm back with my philosophy.. MONDAY IS A BAD DAY!
and i really don't know how i got this way (i'm lying!) but i'm in a such crappy crappy mood!! God should forbid me from sitting in front of this computer for too long.. it'd usually make me feeling all too bad about myself. :(
aihhhhh.. curse you!!

this is bad. this is really really bad!!
i wish papa's hug can be carried away so i can have some even when he's not around. huhuuu.
why am i good for nothing except making myself feel horrible?? X( bluerrgthh!

Everybody's Changing by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why


So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name

But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear

Fading into beautiful light
'cos everybody's changing
And I don't feel right


So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same


i guess i'm down.. :(

Thursday, September 30, 2004

"breaking up is like 'shitting'."

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ekkekeke.
me and lily were discussing things during our media philosophy tutorial. we couldn't understand the tutor over her grammatically-incorrect and the weirdly-pronounced english, so we entertained ourselves with our very own philosophical ideas at the back of the hall. :D

i've submitted my cad assignment though it is due tomorrow, which makes me proud somehow. ekekkeke! i can't believe i can actually finish a work one day before i'm supposed to turn it in! heehee! awesome! :) but of course.. i stayed up until 4am, which is why my eyes are having a hard time focusing right now. :-S but the good news is (for me lah kaan) i have nothing to worry over another long weekend!! except probably how to work the cad so i can get my things printed later.. :-S

i have to say i am liking media philosophy. but it scares me a bit. i guess i shouldn't have much problem with "thinking" what life is to me.. but having to explain it should be hard.. :(

going back home today! weeeee~! three cheers for hugs!
hip hip hoorayy! hip hip hoorayy! hip hip hoorayy!
ekkeke.
i wonder what work i can bring back home. papa thinks i'm not doing enough work in school, so i better show him something! :D

okay well. should clear up some stuff around here. i won't get rewarded by my tardiness.

How To Be Dead by Snow Patrol

Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened and you never will
If you don't listen to me while I talk to the wall

This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours til i'm sure what I want
But darlin' I want the same thing as I wanted before
So sweetie tell me what's up, I won't stop. No way.


Please keep your hands down and stop raising your voice
It's hardly what i'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion, can you give me some time?
So just say yes or no, why can't you shoulder the blame?
Cos' both my shoulders are heavy from the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said. Oh my God.

Please take it easy, it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes that you've listed so far
Baby let me explain something, it's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems i've stepped over lines you've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definately out
Doctor Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

i talk a lot of crap!

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heehee. i kinda hate myself for that.

for someone who claims that she doesn't care.. i really talk a lot!
lame-o!

i guess in a way, that 'little' green-eyed monster just surfaced in me. i always thought i was fine.. but i guess i just proved myself that i am not completely fine.. *sigh*
just another thing i hate: when the fact just slapped me in the face.
*sigh*

gosh!! please go awayy! lame thoughts, just go awayy!! stupid philosophy class made me THINK! (the class is not at all stupid, by the way. as a matter of fact, i can actually point here that i'm glad to take such subject..) but i hate the thing that's in my mind right now.. huhuuu!

*sigh* i lose!
i lose i lose i lose!!
i lost to my own thoughts. no one has to do anything to get me down 'coz i am doing a perfect job toppling over myself.
just "great"!

me and yat, hanis and musz during skool break!
missing. that's what i am.

there are 4 places i'd like to visit before i die;
1. paris
2. rome
3. ireland
4. japan... where i can find kakcik and force her to show me around! hehhehe! :)

i wanna fall asleep.

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i am so tired and bored of tossing and turning in my bed.
was sooo sleepy since 1 o'clock but my eyes just won't shut!
bluergthhhh!!!

anyways, so this is one of my current favorite songs.
first heard it on a rather interesting episode of one tree hill

i am dedicating this song to the big void out there.. :)

Don't Confess by Tegan And Sara

Don't think I'll confess
Why would I confess, that I
Don't think I'll deny
Why would I deny, that I
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse

Yeah you, send a little smile my way
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse
Yeah you, send a little love my way
And every second I spend waiting
Drive me closer to this grave
I'm not alone, no I'm just on my own
And I, it's a little cold outside

Don't think I'll escape
Why would I escape you
And don't think I'll replace
How could I replace you
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse

Yeah you, send a little smile my way
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse
Yeah you send a little love my way
And every second I spend waiting
Drive me closer to this grave
I'm not alone, no I'm just on my own
And I, it's a little cold outside

And so don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse
oh, send your love my way


going to try to get the much needed sleep again, now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Pain

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by Jimmy Eat World

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.


Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Every time I quit


Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.

Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
I can't let it bother me.


will i stay the same?

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thinking too much of nothing lately. :)

had a dream last night after a while of dreamless nights.
and i hate it.
i hate the fact that my dreams were so vivid that at some points i really believed i was in reality.
and i hate the fact that i get too emotionally attached even in my dreams.

i am even hurt inside the dream.
i am even confused in my dream.
i am even wishing for the same things in my dreams!!!!
God!!! why do i have to mess up even in dreams?!

going to get my shower now.
supposed to have lunch with papa. :)
good thing, too. need the hug!!

Monday, September 27, 2004

bengong!!

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ekkekekeke!!
ntahpapentahhh!!! :P

okay.. this has been such a tiring day!!! i was in class from 2 to 3, then had a drink in hb3 and get back to class from 4 to 7:15!!!!!!!!!
CRAZY!!!
and autocad is not an easy application!!! urghhhh!!!
ohh.. good things i had company for the walk back to cyberia. :) tak baik kan anak dara jalan sensorang time maghrib! heehee!

and then this bengong person called me up just to say that "aaaaaa" from that japanese film ju on! bengong!!!
ekekkeke!!

okay.. going for shower.. and rest probably..
man, i'm hungry.. :(

it's just a damn book..

0comments
..you fartface!

had a pretty quiet long weekend. lots of reading, lots of reminiscing, lots of writing, lots of thinking and loaaads of cursing! ekkekekeke!

not my fault that i quarrelled with dida right on thursday. (she's really a jerkkk!!!!) and i only see papa being amused with us, 'cause there's this time when we were in a mall and papa asked what dida was looking for and i said, "i don't care!" and he simply laughed. huhuuu. helpful!
and dida totally forgot about survivor and i didn't remind her since I DON'T CARE and we weren't talking anyways. and when it was too late for her to remember, i can only hear myself laughing in my head.. AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! padan muka kau! nak sangat pegi PS! :P
but by late saturday we did start to talk again.. ekkeke!! just because izzati came along and we bickered on who wants to play with her first! heehee!! :x

blablablaaa...

and i finished angels and demons!!! hoyehhhh!! it's a really REALLY good read!! and i'm cheering papa to read that next since he's already finish with da vinci code. heehee!!
and last night me dida and papa discussed about the masons, us dollar, illuminati and da vinci, which as usual.. will bring me and dida start a new quarrel! hahhahaha!! haihhh~ hopeless!

so now i'm back here in cyberia.. the very place i don't really... bluerghhh!! you don't want to know.. nor should i say it. :) (not that i care!!! hahahahha!!)
but hummm.. some things ARE better left unsaid. :)

i want a getawayy!!

Thursday, September 23, 2004

the truth is i lied.

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i wish i'd have all the time in the world so i can just think of the things that i really want to say.
but even if i have,
can i really say them?

or will there be you who would listen?

i am reaching for uncertainty.
and confusion seemed beautiful somehow.

sigh~

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boredom.
this is tiring.

a bit sleepy so i'll be leaving for bed in a bit - probably.
haaiihhh~ i am relieved that it's thursday! woo-hoo~!! i guess i am turning more homey than ever these days. maybe 'coz i just love being able to talk to dida about things. (yeah.. walaupon dia mangade dan menyampahkan most of the time!)
just hope that the things i downloaded for her will be done by the time papa gets here to pick me up. :D

i finally watch arep's ju off!! ekkekeke!! ntah pape ntah. tak tahan!! but amazingly, i was surprised/shocked at this one part! ekkeke!! buat malu btol! but it was an okay watch.. considering the ones that worked on it was really architecture students. (and not multimedia, i mean) thanks areppp for the cd!!
archirulez! :P

okay. nothing much to say except... i miss izzati!!!

Take It All Away by Ryan Cabrera

So much beauty in life
Shining on the outside
Empty on the inside
I get lost sometimes
Blinded by the flashing lights
Distractions always in my eyes

So i'm following the sound, the sound of my heart
Beating

You can take it all away
I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same

Are you hiding still?
Don't you want to love yourself?
Don't you know that someone will?
Time can turn it around
Leave it all that's dribbled down
That's the only way to find it out

Are you following the sound, the sound of your heart?
Beating

You can take it all away
I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all away

Coming in with nothing, leaving with the same
It's all inside
Coming in with nothing, the only thing that saves
Is here inside

You can take it all away
I don't need it
Cause underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same


this guy used to be ashley simpson's boyfriend!

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

i think you're stupid.

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really. lame. really really lame.
bluergthhh!!

was REALLY sleepy during class. and though today and yesterday's class were only the introduction class.. i was really swept with a feeling of intimidation. darn it!!
i really feel like i can't cope with anything somehow.
i'm.. afraid probably.

then, as i was walking back from class to cyberia - carrying my SUPER HEAVY portfolio bag.. the handle snapped off! grrr!! good thing it wasn't broken or anything. just that my things were just too heavy to carry, :(

let's change the subject shall we?
to some happier note.
zahid suka kaler oraangee!
ekkekeke!! and i forgot to mention yesterday that the ID studio doors were painted ORANGE!! hahhahaha!! and next door were painted red!! hahahha! awesome!! :x

I'm No Superman by Lazlo Bane

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well
I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman


You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all?

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman


Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together


love this song from Scrubs!

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

and i thought you looked familiar.

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heyya!
surprising day today..
spent about 4 hours out with lily doing almost nothing. :D
i was bored, and she can't study here at home, so she suggested we go to alamanda's STARBUCKS.

lily studied for her paper there, as i bought a new book, from dan brown; angels and demons. (i've read his da vinci code and thought it was REALLY good!!) for all i know, he could be a replacement as i wait for rowling's new harry potter! ekkeke! :)

and what's neat, we practically made new friends over there! ekekke! the people in starbucks asked us if we want to join their "coffee tasting session". hehhe! so we get to taste some african coffee with some cheese cake and this bun for FREE!! ekekkee!! :x and we were taught the RIGHT way to drink coffee!!! hahahhaha!! awesome!!

really.

that was flattering.. BUT

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.. tak baik menipu taaauuu! :P

anyways. the day yesterday turned out okay.
maybe 'cause i got back home! ahhahaha!! i first said to dida that i'll go back on my own but then i said, "tak jadilah".. and waited for her and papa to pick me up at 8 something. :D
then, we spent the whole journey deciding what to have for dinner.. and finally concluded on pizza 'cause dida told me she 'teringin' to have pizza few days back. hehhe. it was a nice dinner laa. just the three of us, (mama is in melaka for work-related course) the last people in the restaurant, laughing to some silliness and stupid jokes. :D
and what's best about home is how i can get to sleep when i really want to :) and good night sleep at that. haiihh~
ohh! and papa's phone is back with him.. :D heehee

so anyways! papa sent me back here for my class at 2. :( i'm still in the mood for holiday so the class for screen and display interface was not as interesting as it should've been.

okay. i'm stopping.

Monday, September 20, 2004

sorry sorry sorry

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demmit.

if you only knew.
if they only knew.

if only i knew what i really really want.

but you don't.
neither do they.

nor i.

crap!

bencinye..

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so happens, that i accidentally took papa's handphone.
must be that time when he stubbornly decided to leave the phone in the car when we were going into some shop, so i put it inside my bag for safe-keeping.

but now no one can talk with papa for the rest of the week probably. :(
not me.. not nina.. not dida.. not mama. :(
this suxx!!!
going back to school suxx already!

something you shouldn't have said.

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hey heyy!! finally back from the "short" school break.
awesome awesome school break!! such a pity that it had to end so soon. honestly! wish it wouldn't end. not as soon, at least!

had quite a good time at home.
i opt a new hobby of SHOPPING!! ahhahahah!! i know.. it's baad.. but it's sinfully good!! ekkekeke!
thanks dida for getting me around!

and i love izzati more and more coz she's super duper FUN! and what's amazing is, she touched everyone's nerve by being soooo naughty (despite she's not even a year old!) but being soooo smart and simply adorable!!! aiyahhhh!! and what's more amazing, when i held out my arm to her, she'd held out her's (means that she actually WANTS me!! hahahha!!) i am not exactly a good baby-sitter and yet she doesn't mind me at all.. haiyaaah~ sangat sukaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! hontoni!!
can't wait to see nina's 2nd baby! i wonder what he/she will be like! heehee!

and i got to see most of my best friends during the break!! hanis came back.. and we actually get to see that 5 times i told her to promise.. hung out with dayat and crashed a supposedly-family only-occasion with musz! ekkeke! awesome! and i even get to see arep for one tiny minute! ekkeke! i wish i could've poke his eyes for the look he gave me! :P but one thing though.. i didn't get to send off rai to german, which got me kebingungan sepanjang ari. :( hummphh!! rindu sama kamu fiance!! (not really.. but i wish i had send you off)

during the break.. i managed to read 10 story books! ekkeke!! 5 of them were new, the rest were just some books i love to re-read and probably memorize! ekekeke! one of the book was frederick forsyth's new release, the avenger. i actually bought that one for papa, but he made me read it. not my cup of tea, la papaa! :P

oh ohh!! i managed to gain 1 kilo!! ahhahahaha!! but i'm afraid i am going to lose them pretty soon since i'm back here in cyberia :( sedihhnye!

o well! i am sleepy already but somehow.. sleepless! (i usually go to bed around 2 during the break!) and supposedly i have a class at 11, 2 and 4 later today!!! haiyahhh! cemane bole ade 3 kelas on monday alone??? :(

okay! better get to bed now.. while i am feeling weirdly normal and untainted.

I Say A Little Prayer by Diana King

The moment I wake up, before I put on my make up
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair now
And wonderin' what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you forever and ever
We never will part and I will love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you could only mean heartbreak for me

I run for the bus dear, while riding I think of us, dear
And say a little prayer for you
At work I just take time, and all through my coffee break time
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you forever and ever
We never will part and I will love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you could only mean heartbreak for me

Darlin' believe me, for me there is no one but you
Say you love me too
'Cause I'm in love with you
Answer my prayer now
Say you love me too
Just answer my prayer now
Say you love me too

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you forever and ever
We never will part and I will love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you could only mean heartbreak for me


by the way, this is the 1000th post for the blog!!

Sunday, August 22, 2004

a verrrry gud morning!!

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just spent the whole night with two of my guy buddies. (buddies??)

we went out around 8 to IOI. played one and a half game of pool to kill some time before our movie starts at 9:45pm.
we went to catch collateral which i think was pretty okay to watch. heehee. (i wish i am better at being a movie-critic, but maybe i need a little more practise..) :P i'd say the ending was a bit predictable, but the storyline was interesting. :D go see it for yourself lah! :P
then we had our late dinner in F1. ehee~ it was my first time eating there and i find the menu rather amusing! somehow they knew what those F1 racers love to eat. (there were notes inside a bracket at the side of the names of some dishes saying like; "montoya's favorite" or "ralf's favorite") heehee!

and then it was 1am.. which to me was a 'bit' too early to come back cyberia. :P so we went to putrajaya to find that new shopping mall alamanda! :D well, it was a bit out of my expectations. i guess it was large, but i was hoping that it'd be a lil' bit.. taller! huhuu~
okay. that sight-seeing took us less than 40 minutes i suppose, and i don't know who came out with it, but someone said KLIA and me, being an enthusiast at "everything that includes not going back too early" agrees excitedly! ekekke! kasihan si ablen had to drive us around! ekkekeke!! (taklaa kesian sangat! ekkekeke!! :P)

spent more than an hour there, goofing about with dar. the image of the trolley and snoring guy keeps entertaining me now. :P but ablen kept walking in a distance. why aahh?? malu ekk? :P
so anyways.. got back in cyberia around 4:30am 'coz ablen got us all lost until kajang! ekkeke. :P

okay.. should get rest now. but probably i should settle out my things 'coz i'm going home today! :D :D so last night was an awesome "last day" outing guys!!! :x i've even showered for today! ekkekke!
all the talking is making me hoarse. :P

okay.. so, MMU people,
happy holidaysss!!!
enjoyy, yah? :)

so with this, i am leaving you with this quote from W. M. Lewis.. until the next time i'll update the blog.. who knows when! :D
"the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.."

Friday, August 20, 2004

awel le dondenng~!!

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barai: oik
barai: dah cuti la weh
barai: pepandai la balik shah alam and belanja aku


barai: dtg la shah alam
barai: jumpa aku ngan dier
(referring to syafiq)
barai: wish kat dier
(his birthday today!)
barai: tp blanje aku sorang


ekkekekeke! :P

can't wait for bath time.
went to tesco with the gurls and bought myself Johnson's Baby shower foam - bedtime bath!! wahhahahahhahahaaa!!
i'll sleep away right after this.

sleepy! ..but there's a house meeting sometime, i don't know.. later!

jigs.. heavily..happily.. crazilyy!!

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wahhahahhahahahaha!!!

never felt this relieved in my entire life!!
though i know i did crappily for my digital audio and video, but heck!!
i'm done at something at least!! wo~hooooo!!!

joli joli mariiiiii!

plans for holiday (at the moment)
1. shop with personal fashion consultant (dida!!)
2. treat family lavish food! wahhahahha!!
3. sleep sleeeeeep!
4. gain weight
5. treat barai something :P ('coz he made me promise)
6. find ways to catch up with old friends

tak sabanyeee esok or ahaaaad!!

wahh.. izrul just add me to his ym! ekkekeke!
ohh alamaaakk!! i remembered this while i was writing today's date on the answer book.. but almost forgot about it just now. :D
Happy Birthday Syafiqqqqq~!!!!!
i wonder if he's still hanging around barai's place. :P

okay.. ngantuk.. but i think i better make myself some food first. :D

"desire is half of life, indifference is half of death"

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-Kahlil Gibran

loving all the quotes i've found these days!!

weird.
'coz i am laughing to what i shouldn't be laughing at,
and i take jokes seriously.
heeheee.
funny la people.

anyways, i was pretending to study as i was taking some "notes" from fariz a while ago! ekkekekeke!!
tengkiu cekguuuu!!!
ekekekkekek!!!
i can't believe that i was studying a different subject when i should be reading about post-productions and such! ekekkekeke!!

shahnon shahnonnnnn!!!!
thank you for the amazing song!! this dygta guy sangat besttt!!!
loving this song!!! sangat sedih, but then again.. i've always liked sad songs!!
sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

okay.. bace sket sambil repeat lagu, mari!

Thursday, August 19, 2004

i feel like an overworked pig.

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oink~!

i am.. sooooooo tired and idiotic in the same time.
but i also want to go out and have some fun!! (if that's possible!) wahhahahhaha!!
yesterday wasn't enough for the rest of today lahh.. haihhh~ (i really should stop sighing too much)
hello?! esok mpd! helloooo??!

okay.. today..
walked to FOE for my human factors paper which WASN'T easy!!! (in the not-so-baking sun, thank God!) but still, die lah! (for the paper) the 2 hours time was not enough for me, sadly. :(
so when the rest of us were released, i walked off straight back cyberia, not breaking a single sweat ('coz the exam room was COLD!). went to that grocery shop.. and as i was considering to myself if i should buy that dozen of eggs.. i decided to check how much money do i have left.. only to find in my bag.. - NO WALLET!!!!
mak datuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkk!!
so i actually half-ran back to FOE, bumped firdaus and azrin whom jokingly asked; "nak pegi exam?" ("going for the exam?") i could've laugh right there if i wasn't in a panic mode. huhuuuu. FUNNY. (we were in the same class, in case there's any of you who didn't know)

so i ran up that damned MMU hill and cursed stairs.. to find that the room i was in was dark and empty and LOCKED!! huwaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
i stood in front of that class for some seconds, bobbing my head up and down trying to see if my wallet was still at where i last remember.
then i looked to the rest of the hallway, saw a pakgad (security guard) walking my way..
me: do you have the keys to this room?
pakgad: why?
me: i left my wallet inside!
pakgad: what color is it?
me: light cream (please please say that you have it!)
pakgad: size?
me: pretty small *make hand gestures indicating the size of my wallet*
pakgad: name?
me: ida hazwanie
(pakgad hands me a wallet.. MY WALLET! that small cream colored wallet that i stupidly left on the floor at the side of my freakin' exam table #19!!)
me: wahhhh!! thank goodness!!

(me and the guard originally speak in malay, though!) :D

i am officially VERY darned tired from the running around.
i deserve a six-pack. (the muscles, not alcohol!)
 

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