Tuesday, December 31, 2002

New Year's Resolution!
What a terrific year. Seriously! I do think that this is the MOST educational year that I've ever had! Hihhihik! I really had my ups and downs this year, and it's just cool when I think about it! What I should keep to myself.. and the things that I have to let go when it comes to the right time. ^_^
Someone once told me that when I get 18, I'll see that some things will change.. Now that I've come to look at it myself.. I see that I thought things have changed, but it turned out to be just the same..

SO! Number one on my New Year's resolutions list.. never trust people's words easily! Hahhaa~! That'd be hard for me.. you'd know that if you've really known me. So if someone says that they care for me.. I'd probably be a bit sceptical.. hehhe! ^_^ It just suxX when you say some things truthfully from your heart and you're replied with empty words..
Number two on my list.. probably learn how to express myself better. Nyehnyehh! I don't know.. kinda boring when people thinks that I have no problems at all when deep inside I feel like exploding with mixed emotions.. I really need to shake off this 'happy-go-lucky' and cheery theme. That'd be super hard though.. I remember in my school days.. even when I had a rough morning.. but as I see either of my friends had a sour face.. I'd usually smile anyways.. Gotta keep someone in the gang positive, 'aight? But heyy, I do need to take care of my own feelings too..! Especially now..
Be more independent is in number three! Hehhek! I'll start off with going shopping alone. Hahhaaa~! That sounds stupid, though. But I do need to be more independent!! Who can you count on, if not yourself? Your friends won't be there for you forever. (Yeah, I'm telling myself that everyday, now) Well, this year, I realized that I've been depending too much on the people around me. I need to make up my own mind starting from now.. Huuuuuu... Though.. err.. I'd still need my dad to pick me when there's break in the schedule. Hihhik! Even if it's a short break.. hihhihik! Not like I have any strong reasons to stay here! Hihihik!
Number four.. Less Y! M.. serious in classes!! Hahhahhaaa~!! My family would sure laugh if they see this. ME! Wanie! Serious! In anything? Especially class?!! Hahhahaa~!!! I'm laughing as well..! ^o^ Well, the Messenger part won't be hard. It's not like I need to be online so much, these days. Amazing, how I've gotten bored of this 24 hours of free internet. But the hard part about this one.. Huhhu.. LESS DOODLE, MORE NOTES! Yes, I'll try.. Huhuuu.. though, I'm pretty surprised that I'm never too affected by the things I do. I mean, if I goof around during classes. Could it be that I'm just usually dumb? Hahhaha! Well, I need to try and get serious. I should see how far I can get without silly distractions.. ^_^
And the final resolution.. (for now) Number five is EAT MORE!! Hahhahha~!! My family is starting to say that I look pale again. Huwaaaaa!! Doctor suxX!! I hate hospital and I hate pills! Sringes suxX even more! Scary.. scary.. I really reaaaaaally need to take meal times seriously. Huhuu..! Arrkk! Gets scary when sometimes I get tired so easily.. Huhuuu..

I realize that I've been learning a lot about the new terms in relationships this year. I used to have my good friends by my side all the time in school. Going to MMU.. parted me from them, and it really suxX! I really think that I'm too young to go to this stage (and I still think that way) First day of college life.. SCARY! Kept thinking about the friends I'll make.. my roomies.. Huwaaaaa!! ROOMIES!! The scariest part, truthfully. I remember when the person at the MPH door told me to come in alone. Huu.. I really wished I could drag my father along. Then walking in the killing sun towards the hostel.. got into my room and saw Fina with her family. Huhuu.. it was a pretty awkward situation. Later when I've put all my things in my room, I asked myself.. Did I went into the right room?!! Hahhaha~! So I tested my keys.. and yess, it's really my room. Later that afternoon, I met the other roomie, Ana! ^_^ Amazing that I've seen Fina at my school before since she was in her school Dikir Barat team while I took pictures of the competition since I'm with the Photography Club in my school. What a small world, huh!
It's just neat to look back in time, and see what you've gone through.. what have you learn from it. If you haven't done this before, make some time! Get a pen and paper.. get comfy and just.. remember! (the pen and paper is just for you to write something or just doodle on some stuff like I do.. hihhihik!) 1997 and 2001 was the year for total stupidity, 1998 and 2000 was my year of goofing off. 1999 was the year of fun and good findings. 2002 is the year for relationships. Neat neaaat!! Wonder what life will bring me in 2003!

pardon me for lingering around my memories..

Monday, December 30, 2002

Can't help myself..
o gosh.. my close friends would sure be sad if they knew what i've been thinking about these days... huhhuuhu
saw the wedding singer just now. gosh! though i've seen it before, and i've heard the theme song loads of times before.. i still think it has the sweetest lyrics ever! hahhaha.. honest, and sweet.. really like the movie..
mle this morning was a bit crappy.. humm.. my mistake, i guess. but me and fina spent our time doodling on some stuff. guessing lyrics and all.. hehhe~!
hehhehe.. now, i just noticed that most of the songs in my playlist are sad ones. i wonder how it all got there.. honestly, i don't really think they're all that sad, but it just brought a few memories. good ones.. but it makes me sad that it's all in the past.. huhuuu.. and now i wonder if i'll ever have as much fun as i had in those days..
demm! why is it so hard to forget? why is it so hard to let go? why is it so hard to hide away my feelings? this suxX!
but honestly, it doesn't suck as much as when a person we cared.. (and still do) thought that you had felt something that you didn't.. that really hurts.. but i guess that person will never know how i really feel.. too thick to understand, perhaps.. and i won't be around to answer if the person asks about it.. just.. i don't know.. i don't know what i feel anymore. i don't want to know!

current song : Stranded by Plumb
it's coming over you, it's coming over me
crashing like a tidal wave and drags me out to sea
i wanna be with you, you wanna be with me
crashing like a tidal wave, i don't wanna be..
These are my three-days worth of entry.. Nyehnyehh~

Friday - AaarrRrggHHhh!! Didaaaaaa!! Ninaaaaa!!
Stop making me feel concious 'bout my butt!! Sheesh!
Neways, remember last week when I said life's not that hard.. and I can get through it.. I take that back!!! It's hard on me, and I'm starting to get tired from telling myself that I'll be okay. Huwaaaaaa!! I'm tired of hoping.. I'm losing hope!! Huwaaaaaaa!! I feel so sad these days.. What pathetic life I'm having..
Hik.. I've seen my second round of The Two Towers! Hihhihik!! Makes me love Legolas more and more. Gosh!! Wish I could bump into someone like him one day.. Hahhahaa~! Pretty amazing that LOTR was his first movie. He just got out from his acting academy when his agent suggested that he should go for the audition, and he got the part!! And the coolest part about Orlando Bloom.. he's a real extreme-sports guy!! Hahhaha~! He has sky-dived, bungee-jumped and loads more stuff! Severed many of his bones and still standing!! Heehee~!! So sooo cool! And he's pretty hyper too! You'd know that if you saw The Making.. of that movie. and.. he's only in his mid twenties! Hihhihik! Can't believe that I've forgotten his birthdate.. huu.. gotta find that out some bit later.. o yeahh.. it's January 13th..!

I'm standing cluelessly in between of the truth and my dreams..

Saturday - And yet I still wonder..
Tiring daaayy.. went out for the whole day. Woke up around eight so I could come along in sending Dida to the bus station in Putra. (That's just across Nina and Mama's office) Owh! I guess I forgot to mention about that. Nina's now working with Tourism Malaysia as well as my mom, and she's actually one of the Assistant Director. Cool name, huh? But she haven't got any work yet. Hehhe!
So after sending Dida onto the bus, Mama and Nina went back to their offices (it was just 10 o'clock) while me and Papa went onto the STAR train and got ourselves in Jalan Masjid India. Honestly, I'm starting to enjoy looking around for marriages stuff. Hahhaa~! The varieties of bunga telur and bunga pahar just amazes me. There're loaaadddss of them!! Serius, banyak tau!! Kalau Wanie, tak tau nak pilih mane! Good thing I have at least five years to think about that. Okehh.. > Confession! < (you asked for this, Rai) Honestly, I've never thought about when I want to get married.. But SERIOUSLY.. I've thought.. that I should at least have a steady boyfriend by 24. Hehhe! Aaaannyways.. It's just fun to look around for those things. Funny though.. as me and my dad looked around, we noticed that plenty of people stared at us. What?! Is it too odd if if a girl walks around with her dad with her hands in his?? Huhh??! My dad even noticed a guy spun to look at us even after he's walked past us. Heehee~! Maybe he thought I'm too young to be a mistress.. hehhehek!!
So, right when Nina and Mama's office hours were over.. we went back kampung to discuss with some people 'bout Nina's wedding.. khemah.. menu.. menda menda gitu Honestly, I have no time for myself now that I'm taking part for the marriage!.. which is good 'coz God knows what I'll be thinking about if I have too much spare time.. Huu.. though I really wanted to go to Ana's open-house.. but I was in my grandma's house until sunset. But then, we had early dinner at that place in Klang.. what is it called? Emporium? And saw this cute guy who works there.. ahhahhaa!! Papa.. jom gi Klang lagik! Well, he doesn't look like Orlando but he's pretty cute.. Hihhihik!
Funny that you thought you knew something when you actually don't.. and funny if you noticed how much I'm using the word 'funny' in my blog these days! HAHHAHA!! I do think my life is funny these days. It's just so surprising that I can't help myself to laugh. Heehee~!

Pabila bulan bersinar memberikan cahaya biru,
Dan hanya diri terpaku menggapai sinaranmu,
Hulurkanlah tanganmu kepadaku,
Jangan biarkan diriku sendiri merindu padamu..


Sunday - I'M supposedly FINE!!
I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine..! God, I'm tired of convincing myself that. Honestly, I AM fine.. but there are just some points when I just.. stood mindlessly again.
Eyh.. eyhh!! About my webby.. I know I've been promising over and over again.. but now it's final!! I'll update it in mid-January in due of something important to someone important.. Hohhoho!
Heehee.. Papa told me a funny story about Jasmin.. AHHAHAHA!! Nina.. Nina.. that's your luck! ^o^ Eyh, Rai.. you said you'd come, 'aight?! Datang taaau!
Amazing, when you think about your luck.. and fate. And your destiny.. huhhuu.. Sometimes you'd wonder how did it happen to you, sometimes you'd wonder how was it possible that you could've gone through that. It's just amazing!!!
2002 is a good year!! Good good year!! I love this year!! I think I've grown up a lil' in this year. AHHAHAHA!!! Though, I'm still Papa's lil' gurl. My dad said he'd be surprised if I come home one of these days with a handbag. Hehhehek! He could just imagine me with a sling bag. Hehhek! Handbag is too much mature for me. And now that I've got myself a sneaker.. Yeaaaayy~!! I can get back to my old self. Tapi alamaaak.. kena tuka whole wardrobe lah! I miss my old self! Baju kurung with sneakers.. Hehhehe.. my parents didn't approve that, but I just HAVE to rebel! Yeeheehee~!
I've decided some things for my resolution!! Hahhahhaa~!! And I'll start some of it ASAP.. ^_^

IHTFT You're not gone but you're not here..

Thursday, December 26, 2002

two things i need to take note of to start letting go...
1 stop myself from reading old posts and my scrapbook (which i've taken care of since i already bought a new one.. the old one has ran out of clean pages! ehhehe..)
2 shut my ears if i ever listen to kris dayanti's songs and other sappy malay love songs.. ahhahaha!! except misha's.. 'coz i really like her songs.. even if it's sappy and torturing.. and making me get head aches! hehhek~!
How odd...
majin.. nak balek buku wanie.. tak puas lagi nih bace.. rinduuu! selagi tak sampai 4 round, selagi tu wanie tak puas! hehhek~!
okay.. tengah malas nak cakap english.. so kite bebel in malay lak. skali skala... hehhehek!
neways... pagi yang bengong.. rasenye mase bangun tadi okay.. kat umah tadi okay.. jalan gi kelas tadi okay.. bile balek bilek jadi tak okay lak.. camne tuhh?
kenape kadang kadang.. terase cam sakiiiiiiiiiit sangat hati.. ke sebenarnye kite mengade je lebih?
kadang kadang terase nak menjerit.. tapi kite tak nak orang denga.. sebab nanti diorang tanye kalau kite ok.. mestila kite tak ok!! kalau tak, kenape nak jerit?!
kadang kadang hati terase beraaaat sangat.. tapi kite tak tau macam mane nak cakap. macam mane nak start? sedangkan kite sendiri susah nak percaye.. macam mane kite nak lepaskan kat orang lain?
and kadang kadang tu.. paling tak tahan bile kite tau ape yang kite nak cakap.. tapi kite tak dapat nak cakap.. sebab kite tak mau susahkan hati orang lain.. 'coz we care about them.. sakit hati ek? and kite pon tak nak dia ingat kite selfish.. sebab bukan tu maksud kite... sedihnye laa rase bile kena camtu. kenape things camtu happen ekk?
cam.. kite betul betul nak orang tu tau macam mane kita betul betul rasa.. tapi kita faham sangat, kalau kita cakap mesti dia rase lagi sedih dari ape yang kite rase. kite tak mo dia rase camtu.. but kite nak lepaskan rase hati nih... macam manaaaaaaaaaaaaa??!!!! geram nye raseeeee!! rase cam nak bagitau sumer orang yang kite jumpe.. tapi lagi kite cakap pasal tu, lagi kite rase sedih! huwaaaaaaaa!! nape jadi camni ekk..
rasenye cam lagi elok bergaduh dari jadi camni. hahhaha~! lagi lak nak sedih bile orang nak cakapkan bagi pihak. wanie bukannye marah.. cuma sedih.. and bodoh la..! dahlaa bengong.. nak besakan benda benda yang kecik plak..hisy! kenape jadi mengade sangat nieeehhhh!!
okaylaa.. wanie dah penat pikir banyak sangat.. kalau dah suruh let go tu.. kite kena aje laa ikut kan?
owhh.. kalau ade sesaper yang tak tau nape aritu wanie cakap kalau wanie elf, wanie dah mati... elf ni immortal.. but, they can die from kesedihan. kesian ekk? hehhe.. bukan kat wanie laa.. kat elf!

let go...
New Resolutions!!
hehhe.. kinda funny.. thinking about this whole year.
all the bumps and humps i've had through.. all those laughs and tears.. it's really cool to reflect on the whole year.. i think i'll spend my weekend.. writing on my new year's resolution! hehhehek!
now i wonder why i didn't took up mass communication or something like that. aarghhh! my mistake! maybe i should think about that one after i graduated this one.. hehhek! though.. i know my family would be really surprised if i made that sort of decision.. hahhaha!! me.. further my studies! and everybody knows that i'm just lazy at that!!! ahhahaha~!
going to class now.. later-!
I Can't Catch You

I guess you could say I'm a little afraid
What if you go away? I've seen it before,
I've been here before.
If I have to love myself, tell me how to love myself.
What's there to love about myself?
I just want to see that as a person you want me.
But I'm feeling the pain of all these bags in the way,
And I'm thinking you're just gonna run away,
And I can't catch you.

I guess I would say that I want you to stay
'Cause you have this strange knack,
Adds a glow to my black as you chase it all away.
And I hope that you can see I will someday leave these things.
I am waiting to be free.
But I'm feeling the pain of all these bags in the way,
And I'm thinking you're just gonna run away,
And I can't catch you.
Oh, I want to catch you.

Sixpence None The Richer
ex-xxxxx.. A question of believe..
Hey heyy!! Got back from home this morning.. and going back again after my classes! Weeee!! Why? 'Coz my sisters roxX!! I really thank God for my fate with them. Hehheh~! Going to see my second round of The Two Towers this evening!! Yeayyy~!!! Thanks Nina.. Dida..!! Hihhihik!
So.. what was this week like? HORRIFYING!! Truly.. madly.. SCARY! I've had two rough weeks in a row.. and now that I've calmed myself.. and got some time off.. and think of what really happened.. I have to say that life is not that hard.. I can get through this!! Hehheh!! Well.. if things haven't happened to you before.. keep in mind that there'll be a start of something! ^_^ I have to say that I am really.. reaaaaaaally fine. Nothing to worry! Though, I realize that I have nothing much left to look forward to in tomorrow. Everything just gets blurry these days.. Hey Niez! I still need to see youuu! Hihhihik! I have this need to shop!! I don't know how.. but if I buy some things for myself.. that can make me happy! Huu.. scary, huh? But not that scary.. 'coz I'm usually happy.. and that means I don't need to shop a lot! ^_^
Now.. ever heard of a saying that goes like 'What goes round, comes around'? Amazingly.. that's what happened to me! I did something to a certain someone.. and now, after two years.. someone else did it to me.. for the same reasons!! It hurts, really.. but I can smile about it, now.. God!! Can't believe that I am capable of saying some things that can make it hard on the ones I care and on myself!! Hahaaa~! Goodness.. thank God I have my ego to save myself from getting myself into any more sticky situation.. hik!
Okie.. so Dida brought home a Malay album.. that Misha girl.. and I have to say.. I LIKE HER SONGS!!!! 'Coz she has a really nice voice.. Honest!! Really reaaaaaaaally like her songs. And now that Dida have also brought home Nick Carter's album.. I feel obligated to find the MP3 for this one song.. aaAaaAaA.. it's a very very sweet song.. **but I need the world, now** which happens to only require a guitar! Ohhohoho!
Just realized some of the irony in life.. Amazing isn't it? When you look into a person.. even into their eyes.. You thought they sparkled with such happiness from their smiles. But deep inside their hearts.. they mourn for a story that you never knew of..
Hehh.. Pandai kau tukar topik ek Rai! Gile banyak kredit aku abes call kau.. sheesh!
Now.. hopefully there won't be any class for me tomorrow.. I'd be SUPER DUPER lazy for it.. Yeech~!

Misha's songs are neaatt!!

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

Hehhee... funny that I actually downloaded this song yesterday afternoon..
Jangan Diucap Selamat Tinggal

Kumencari -kumencari apakah salahku
Kau buat ku termenung seorangan
Dalam diri sangsi
Akhirnya begini
Perpisahan tak ku duga

Kumengerti kufahami keputusan diri
Biar saja aku sebegini
Permintaan terakhirku jangan kau lafazkan
Simpan saja kata-kata

Jangan diucap selamat tinggal
Jangan kau ucap selamat tinggal
Jangan diucap selamat tinggal

Walaupun seketika, walau sekelip mata
Simpan saja kata-kata ke akhir hayat yang ada

I just hate the fact that I understand it so well..
What a funny start-of-term. Gosh.. I believe anyone would be surprised if they're in my shoes right now. (but of course, I'm not wearing any shoes at this moment since I'm in my room! Hehhek!)
Ummm.. better concentrate on my studies anyways. That would be one of my NEEDS. Can't believe how lucky I got through these years. When I was diagnosed for something.. got serious about it for just some months.. when I should eat and still be taking some stuff (but I didn't).. It didn't got worse! I'm still here.. fooling around.. and still got this far. I just keep amaze myself these days.. Hehhehh! Really should start getting serious about those important stuff. Huhhuu.. now I'm getting afraid of letting the ones I care, down. Reaaaaally have to get my mind straight, and concentrate on these important stuff... And I just turned 18!!! I should have a long way to go.. (that's if my prediction all this while is wrong!) Hehh!
Oh heck.. things happen for a reason.. and I'm taking the things that had happened to me as a sign. Heyy.. if sad things happen to you all at once, that SHOULD mean something, 'aight? Last week was horrible for me.. new things happened to me.. but I was thankful that one sort of thing didn't happen to me at that time.. but now that it had happened.. I am also thankful, that it got me realize the things I should think of, before I start jumping onto some stuff.
2002.. what a year. I'll sure remember this year forever for it taught me a lot of things...

Funny that I sensed it someway.. and refuse to take note of it..
And funny that if I were born as an elf.. I would've died...
I Will Remember You

I'm so tired but i cant sleep
standin on the edge of somethin much too deep
its funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
we are screaming inside but we can't be heard

i will remember you
will you remember me?
dont let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

i'm so afraid to love you but more afraid to lose
clinging to a past that doesnt let me choose
once there was a darkness deep and endless night
you gave me everything you had oh you gave me light

and i will remember you
will you remember me?
dont let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

weep not for the memories

It's on my desk so I can always see it~
okie.. felt tired trying to finish my webby with this horrible keyboard. i'll try to get it done after the christmas..
ehhehe.. had fun with fina.. talking about crap.. watched the fellowship of the ring.. played around with my new teddy.. hihhik..
okiee.. kinda sleepy.. and i've got class for tomorrow morning.. huuhuu.. later!

ooo anaa.. wanie bagitau kat tu.. tuu.. karaaang..

Monday, December 23, 2002

Farizzzzz!!!! Thank youuu!
Heeheee~! can't stop myself from grinning...
thank you Fariz.. I really really reaaally like it. hihhik!
Thank you, ekk!

Kawaaiiiiii! my bear and my boyfriend.. hihhik!
Curses and stones
now, pardon me for the capital letters.. i'm having some problem with my keyboard.. can't press the shift key or something weird will come out.
well.. today.. it was kinda.. crappy in a way. honestly, i shouldn't really be affected by it. for an example.. take anyone that you know.. even yourself.. you don't need EVERYTHING in life, right? just some things.. and i've got my some things.. the rest.. wateva dude!
but anyways.. i have great roomies, i have to say. after class this morning, we went down to hb4 cafe for lunch and kinda hung out.. gosh, we hung out for such a long time. pretty neat...
though... i think i'd be happier if i'm at home.. hahha.. might be going back home tomorrow.. not that i'm celebrating christmas! but i'm using my chance to get away from my troubled mind while i'm at this place.... hehhek
okie.. later now.. got some things to do.. i think

Really should've just..
Ha~! I know I should just let go of this.. I'm trying hard to let go, really.. But I just can't.. and *demm* it hurts!!
Let's just say that I'm afraid of having anymore hope for myself. Mental, huh?
Sorry Hanis! Can't let go.. I know you've told me to.. but I just can't.
Amazing how my imagination can really run wild.. As my dad drove me back here.. I just kept thinking of scenes when I won't have to get back here.. Pretty extreme really.. but nothing much new.. heh~! Of course, I've been having extreme thoughts even in my 'tweens' life! How troubled can I get?? VERRRRY! Still amazes me that I got this far.. 18! That's a large number.. wonder when the number will stop to add up..

F*ck, shit!!.. aAaaAa.. Legolas is so damn cute!!
Heehee~! Saw The Two Towers todayy!! It was so sooo kewl~! Hanis was so sooo kewl~!! Gurl, you rock my Earth! Thank you loaaaaaddds! Heehee~! Actually, I only planned to go out for just few hours.. Maybe strolling around Pyramid.. looking for something to give to Musz and survey out some shoes.. (PAPA I NEED NEW SHOESSSS!!!) So I did stroll around and got a necklace for Musz.. (Hope you like it, sis!) And me and Hanis went to some irrelevant shops (acting like we WERE looking for something) 'coz we've got nothing else better to do. And Hanis asked.. "Wanna see a movie?" And so.. we went to the TGV and got two tickets for the 3 o'clock show. Got lunch.. talked about stuff.. (my mental especially!!) and.. THE MOVIE!! It was just.. awesome!! Orlando Bloom was just cute!! AaaAaAaAaa!! So so so sooo sooooooo cute!! Hahhaha!! Though, there are some bit of changes in the movie from the book.. but heck! Legolas' cute! Hahhaa~!! I mean.. Peter Jackson's interpretation of The Two Towers was great!! Everyone should see it!! I mean, everyone should see it.. at least TWICE!!! Hahhaha~!! I think I really should get paid by advertising the movie constantly.. ^_^
oOoO yeahh.. don't misunderstood the title up there.. The curse was for the part where the Orcs and Men battled. I mean.. gosh! It seemed painful! I just had to express it somehow.. Hehe! And then.. came the shot with Orlando on it.. aAaAaAaa~~ Legolas and Gimli just amuses me in every single shot of them! The battle in Helm's Deep just roxX!!! Hahhahaha~~!!!
Can't wait for my second round.. Ihik! ^_^
Honestly, last week was horrible! It was the most horrible week I've ever had in my whole 18 years of life! But I guess you'll just have to have it someday, huh?
But heyy.. I'm still trying my best to keep my kewl.. I haven't been dissing around without knowing what's really going on.. I'm quite perfectly fine! But yeah.. can't deny that I'm still having that bit of a mental instability problem and THAT'S a "f*ck shit"...
But heyy! With the thought of Orlando in my head.. nothing minor can dampen my spirit.. (I think!) hihhik~!


And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a lil time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how i feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

And I know I'm not ready,
Maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change

Thursday, December 19, 2002

Going back home
So thankful that I'll be going back home!
Would anyone care if I don't come back?
I've been living in a dream.. I don't know 'bout anything anymore...
I lost control of everything in just one day...... Amazed myself, really..
I guess I shouldn't really care.... but I'm being the reason for the unhappiness of someone I care...
I'm not sorry that they feel that way towards me...
But I'm sorry for making that one person unhappy...
If I could turn back time, I would....
Sorry Ana....
And thanks Fina... really appreciate it.

I really deserved to die...
Okay.. going off to sleep now. I've been saying that since the last hour but I was so into my timetable! Hahaa~! Just did a new desktop with my timetable on it.. It looks so RETRO!! Hahaa~!! Mine's in red-ranged colors while Ana's with green.
Seriously retro! And now that I'm satisfied.. I really need to go to sleep!!!

Peace.. dude
oOoOo gosh!
Can't believe I actually posted a silly entry. I've deleted it already.. not sure if anyone have read it.. Hihhik! It was up only for one and a half hours. Ehek! Can't believe that I'm losing my mind as much! Yikes! I'm afraid of what I'll say next.. I'm always scared of this.. Honestly, there's just some points when I feel like saying the things that are impossible to take back.. Honestly, throughout my life.. I think I've sorta let myself out for... like.. four.. yeah, I think four times. Which I regret one of it. Eheh!
Okaayy.. another crappy night, I have to say. I'm like... very close to explode. So.. I'll go out with Musz this Saturday.. Dayat.. confirmed that she can't come.. And Niez.. it'll depend on how she did for her papers.. and if her dad are satisfied enough with them. Huwaaaaaaa!! I just hate the fact that I can't control all the things I want!! Huwaaaaa!
This suxXx! Well, I sucked to be honest! I think I do need to hit my head on something hard so I could faint and forget the things that's troubling my mind.

No magic should be used between classes in the corridors

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Just my luck.. I felt sleepy this afternoon but I just couldn't get my eyes shut.. And Fina played the movie in her laptop.. Empire Records. Pretty neat. Mark is so crazyy!! (and not mention.. cute!) ^_^
Gosh! I'm getting dizzy with the schedule! Honestly, I thought arranging our own shcedule was fun.. But really, it's more to streanous than fun!! Especially since the MMU people likes to change the first schedule to something different which leads to some clashes of my classes!! Urrghh!! Baka-na But it's okay now.. THANK GOD! I'm getting really reaaally dizzy trying to work it.
Okiee... now, I need to say.. that my webby might be up on Monday. Huhuuu..! Have this sudden shock.. of going back to classes again.. Realize that I can't finish it up as I expected.
Huhuu.. big possibilities that I'm going off sick in some days from fatigue!! I don't get enough sleep and rest.. I don't eat.. and I think I'm having this bit of "culture-shock"! I mean.. I've been hanging around.. relaxing for the past three weeks and now.. I have to get up early and straight to SHOWER.. and get ready for CLASSES!! And it's *demm* hot here in Cyberjaya!! I'm having a MAJOR dehydrationn!!!! Aaaaarrrrghhhh!!!! Plus, the fact that I'm MENTAL right now.. Huhhuuuu!
This so called "culture-shock" suxXX big time! I'm not eating!! HEEELLLP!! I'm just not hungry! Even if I'm eating.. it's just for the sake of spending my money on something and eating. It's like.. I'm never hungry!!!!! I just need WATERR!!! Aaaaarrrghhhh!! Why am I not hungry?!!!! Heellppp!!!
I wanna go home... I'll eat when I get home.. Huwaaaaa!! I want home!!!

Food suxX!!.. at this moment
@ Lab
Yeaaahh~!! Tengah takde keje nihh.. I'm with my friends right here in the computer lab.

Lalalaalalalalaaa.. so bored
Not quite ready to sleep
Stress.. helllppp!! My shoulder really aches right now! It's like.. super strained! Yeoww!
Actually I was about to go to sleep.. when I received a phone call.. from Rai!
Ehhehehek! Thanks for the call.. I feel appreciated again! Ahahha~!! Alwaaaays like that.. calling me up so late at night. For what? To talk about stuff and tease me! Ahahha~! Tak tahan.. dahlaa mentigakan pasangan! Koraaaaaannng!! Azraai "by"! Larikan diri!! Well, larikan partner korang la.. tu lagi bahaye! Ehehhehek! Sudah ramai yang menjadi mangse.. isyk isyk isyk.. And I pity them all.. Ehhehehekk!!
Humm.. felt really horrible right then.. but I am feeling much better now.. ^_^
Big thanks to the kewl guys I have around me! Hik!
OooOo yeahh.. I should mention 'bout my results 'aight? Since I don't think that it's too TOO bad.. well, I got 2.81 for my CGPA. Funny how I got the same points as Ana did.. and now we also have the same exact schedule for our classes!! Ahahhaha~!! Hope we won't get too bored of each other.. Hehhehek! Neways.. I got a big fat C for Graphics (I admit that I did horrible in the test.. all to my lack of responsibility to READ!) B- for Fundamental and a consistent B+ for my English. I have to say.. I'm amazed with that B+ as I did the final paper in a great GREAT pressure!!! Ahhahha~! Of course, that's an old story...
Oh well.. I REALLY need to get to sleep or I'll look horrible in the morning. My beautiful complexion!! AaaAaAaAa~~!!!
AHHAHAHAHHAA!! Yeah, right! As if I cared THAT much! Now, g'nite peeps! I do need some sleep.

Thanks dear.. you mean so much to me.. Wekk!!

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

'Coz I wasn't born as a heartless b*tch
I honestly feel so tired!! I haven't had the enough amount of sleep I need.. I'm having that stupid back pains.. my heart aches.. I wish I could just.....!!!
So sooo tired for 'caring' about those small little things. I am seriously ill! If I could get one wish... just one wish.........
It's a wonderful day today.. and the whole night before. (Kept awake for the whole night.. talking to Ana and BJ) And when the night comes, it just sucked! I really don't know what really upsets me. I hate the fact that I don't even know what I feel. I hate the fact that I can't just tell myself.. what I need. I'm always wondering.. asking myself if I'm happy. Sometimes it just felt like I don't deserve to be happy! I always end up getting hurt anyways...
Okie Fariz, you didn't do anything to me.. maybe it's just my crappy mood that gets in the way. Honestly, you did nothing wrong.. so you don't have to worry about anything, okie!
And to my friends.. my ever dearest friends.. I'm sorry to say that I get tired with you guys sometimes.. It just seemed that I'm the only one who's holding strong to this friendship. Why? I ask myself that at times like this. Sorry fellas! A girl can only take as much. I'm such a bad plnaner.. I'm never good at planning things up.. But why is it when I'm with you guys.. it's always me who gets the job.. I'm the only one to worry about these matters.. I'm the only one who's trying to make it work. I'm tired of worrying!! I'm tired of planning!! I'm just TIREDDD!!!! So the next time we want to get together.. either three of you plan it out okay. I'm sick and tired of persuading and trying to make it all work. Just... tired!! I'm doing this weekend for the last time okay!! If it doesn't work.. fine! I'll find some other people who's willing enough to make some time..
Selfish am I? No I'm not.. It was a promise and I just happen to try as hard to hold on to it..

What ever..

Monday, December 16, 2002

Gosh! I got here around 6 and I still haven't finished my unpacking! Hihhik!! Found something in my bag.. a silly little card from that weighing machine.. Hahhaaa~!! It was funny.. to me, my dad and Nina. They laughed reaaaaally hard when I read it aloud.. I laughed a little.. 'coz in a way.. my dad and sister was mocking me.. Hahhaa~! It said, "IF a woman, you will make an ideal wife. You are loyal, responsive and endearing" Ahahhaa!! Of course everybody laughed! I'm almost none of that!! Yeech!!
Gotta get back to my unpacking! Gosh!! Who would've thought that such small card can do a lot of distractions?

General Meaning:

What has traditionally been known as the Sun card is about the self -- who you are and how you cultivate your personality and character. The earth revolves around the sun to make up one year of a person's life, a fact we celebrate on our birthday.

The Sun card could also be titled "Back to Eden." The Sun's radiance is where one's original nature or unconditioned Being can be encountered in health and safety. The limitations of time and space are stripped away; the soul is refreshed and temporarily protected from the chaos outside the garden walls.

Under the light of the Sun, Life reclaims its primordial goodness, truth and beauty. If one person is shown on this card, it is usually signifying a human incarnation of the Divine. When two humans are shown, the image is portraying a resolution of the tension between opposites at all levels. It's as if this card is saying "You can do no wrong -- it's all to the good!"

The so called 'educational' break
Heehee~! Well, that's what I said before the break.. there was a thought of having an educational school break but it seemed that I didn't have enough time to get to the 'educational' part. Nyehnyehh! Yeahh.. I did open up those programmes I wanted to learn, but as I stared at it... my thoughts just went.. "what was I going to do just now?" So I closed them back.. Heehee~!
Humm.. three weeks of break.. wasn't enough really.. to do all the things I wanted to do. But it's long enough for me to miss my friends. Nothing much happened through out those three weeks.. But I'm thankful enough that I didn't spend all my time by sitting around at home.

Huuu.. haven't got enough of my 'magical' movies dosage. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets was neat {though I enjoyed the book better!} but I just can't help myself from getting anticipated for The Lord Of The Rings:The Two Towers!! My heart just beats faster everytime I saw or heard the advert for it! Aiyyayayaaa!!
What can I say.. it was horribly boring! Weird enough, this is the very first time I didn't even feel a bit of that 'raya feeling'. It was just.. a day where we can start eating in the daylight again! I don't know.. just.. that 'twinkling' sensation was no where during Aidilfitri this year. But it wasn't so bad I guess...
Funny what your siblings can do to you. Well, Dida took a long break. So what does that mean? It means that I had to endure her much longer!! Yeahh.. quarreled and all that. And had to endure the times she teases me.. And pretty much stupid that she said my butt seemed bigger!! DUHH!! Mengarutlaa katak! But heyy! Nina and Dida taught me something new! Now I know how some guys can see when a girl is having her period! Now I know the secret! Nyehnyehh!
And Musz is just absolutely GREAT!! She just had her way of timing. Calling me up just when I got bored of sitting around. Went around on the 11th. Ended up in Mid-Valley.. amazingly bumped into some old friends!! Arep, Zooleak, Ridhwan and Ahmadsyah which of course, I can bump into him any day in MMU. But it was a pretty neat coincidence! Such a long time since I last saw those guys! And at the end of the day.. Musz bought me an owl for my birthdayy!! AHHAHHA!!
New books
Bought some new books during the break! Wee~!!! And it's the book I wanted so soo much! It's Rowling's Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them {Harry Potter's text book} and Quidditch Through The Ages {Hogwarts' library book} Totally neat!! It was such a fun read!! So I spent RM 40 for them, but heyy! I'm HAPPY!!!!!! ^_^ Thank you to those long hours of walking around in the MPH Bookstore! Hik!
I'm 18!! Hahhaa~! Well, I don't think that anything much would change.. but I guess we'll have to see some bit later...! Thanks to all my friends who remembered! Sape yang tak ingat tu.. I refuse to remember yours next year! Tak kesahh!! I'm holding a grudge, here! Huhh! Hihhihik! Surprised Nina when I showed her a daring SMS that I got.. It said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU!" Hahhaa~! Of course.. the only person that's brave enough to say that is my FATHER! Hahhaa~!!! And if there's an award to give away for the best birthday wish.. I'd give it to Dayat.. 'coz it was hilarious!! It goes something like.. "you're old enough now.. so you can see the 18+ movies without hessitations!" Gosh! Of all the things to wish.. she said THAT! Ngeee~!!
TIRING!! 9 hours of road-trip. I swear that my err.. koksik feels swollen! Yeoww! It hurts baaadly! Well, went to Terengganu to sent off Dida back to Kerteh. {She's kinda having her practical in Petronas Cari Gali} I have to say.. it's just lucky of her to get the chance to be there. Just last month she got to go to the pelantar minyak. (Sorry, I'm pretty much too sleepy to find the English word for it while I'm typing this out) And she has that yellow suit for keeps! Huu.. just lucky of her to be one of those Petronas scholar. Makes me hit my head why aren't I as smart as my sisters! Yeech! Oh what the heck.. then I wouldn't be ME! ^_^
ooOoOo yeahh.. the new webby will be up later this week.. that Terengganu trip drained all my energy out to keep on working on the webby!
Why, of course! I always get that every time I had too much time to myself. So what did I learn? Well.. compromise is one thing. Gosh! It's kinda hard to do that! Really! And I realized that saying sorry could get a bit hard sometimes. I mean.. as a brat as I always am.. when someone says something to me.. something that infuriates me.. I'd usually say something back to them! And.. I just had this one moment when I just stopped and no words could come out. The next thing I know.. I said "sorry" and I really mean it! Huu.. kinda hurts really.. to push a bit of my ego. Hahhaa!! Humm.. what's there left of me without this ego.. ^o^
Humm.. and when I get the chance to day-dream.. the thoughts that came to my mind really made me realize some things. Freaks me out a little.. but not really! Get what I mean? It's like.. if I think about it some months ago.. I'd go screaming my head off but since it just came.. I'm quite prepared and ready for it! Hahhaa~! Don't mind me if you don't understand what I'm saying. Just a note to myself, then! ^_^

Aaaaaand as much as I hate it, the break is now over! Sad really.. I didn't even get to see Niez and Dayat during the break. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS!! Huwaaaaaaa!! Please oh please make this Saturday work.. Dayat.. confirm your paper right away please! Hanis, get back home A.S.A.P!! Musz, pack all your stuff early so you won't forget those nessecities!! I'll try to work on those tickets.. yeechh!! Or maybe you should, Musz.. Oh well.. pray hard that all of us could make it.. at least I would! Huuu

2nd P : What I Feel {DEC 15}

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