Tuesday, December 17, 2002

'Coz I wasn't born as a heartless b*tch
I honestly feel so tired!! I haven't had the enough amount of sleep I need.. I'm having that stupid back pains.. my heart aches.. I wish I could just.....!!!
So sooo tired for 'caring' about those small little things. I am seriously ill! If I could get one wish... just one wish.........
It's a wonderful day today.. and the whole night before. (Kept awake for the whole night.. talking to Ana and BJ) And when the night comes, it just sucked! I really don't know what really upsets me. I hate the fact that I don't even know what I feel. I hate the fact that I can't just tell myself.. what I need. I'm always wondering.. asking myself if I'm happy. Sometimes it just felt like I don't deserve to be happy! I always end up getting hurt anyways...
Okie Fariz, you didn't do anything to me.. maybe it's just my crappy mood that gets in the way. Honestly, you did nothing wrong.. so you don't have to worry about anything, okie!
And to my friends.. my ever dearest friends.. I'm sorry to say that I get tired with you guys sometimes.. It just seemed that I'm the only one who's holding strong to this friendship. Why? I ask myself that at times like this. Sorry fellas! A girl can only take as much. I'm such a bad plnaner.. I'm never good at planning things up.. But why is it when I'm with you guys.. it's always me who gets the job.. I'm the only one to worry about these matters.. I'm the only one who's trying to make it work. I'm tired of worrying!! I'm tired of planning!! I'm just TIREDDD!!!! So the next time we want to get together.. either three of you plan it out okay. I'm sick and tired of persuading and trying to make it all work. Just... tired!! I'm doing this weekend for the last time okay!! If it doesn't work.. fine! I'll find some other people who's willing enough to make some time..
Selfish am I? No I'm not.. It was a promise and I just happen to try as hard to hold on to it..

What ever..

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