Sunday, August 22, 2004

a verrrry gud morning!!

just spent the whole night with two of my guy buddies. (buddies??)

we went out around 8 to IOI. played one and a half game of pool to kill some time before our movie starts at 9:45pm.
we went to catch collateral which i think was pretty okay to watch. heehee. (i wish i am better at being a movie-critic, but maybe i need a little more practise..) :P i'd say the ending was a bit predictable, but the storyline was interesting. :D go see it for yourself lah! :P
then we had our late dinner in F1. ehee~ it was my first time eating there and i find the menu rather amusing! somehow they knew what those F1 racers love to eat. (there were notes inside a bracket at the side of the names of some dishes saying like; "montoya's favorite" or "ralf's favorite") heehee!

and then it was 1am.. which to me was a 'bit' too early to come back cyberia. :P so we went to putrajaya to find that new shopping mall alamanda! :D well, it was a bit out of my expectations. i guess it was large, but i was hoping that it'd be a lil' bit.. taller! huhuu~
okay. that sight-seeing took us less than 40 minutes i suppose, and i don't know who came out with it, but someone said KLIA and me, being an enthusiast at "everything that includes not going back too early" agrees excitedly! ekekke! kasihan si ablen had to drive us around! ekkekeke!! (taklaa kesian sangat! ekkekeke!! :P)

spent more than an hour there, goofing about with dar. the image of the trolley and snoring guy keeps entertaining me now. :P but ablen kept walking in a distance. why aahh?? malu ekk? :P
so anyways.. got back in cyberia around 4:30am 'coz ablen got us all lost until kajang! ekkeke. :P

okay.. should get rest now. but probably i should settle out my things 'coz i'm going home today! :D :D so last night was an awesome "last day" outing guys!!! :x i've even showered for today! ekkekke!
all the talking is making me hoarse. :P

okay.. so, MMU people,
happy holidaysss!!!
enjoyy, yah? :)

so with this, i am leaving you with this quote from W. M. Lewis.. until the next time i'll update the blog.. who knows when! :D
"the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.."

Friday, August 20, 2004

awel le dondenng~!!

barai: oik
barai: dah cuti la weh
barai: pepandai la balik shah alam and belanja aku

barai: dtg la shah alam
barai: jumpa aku ngan dier
(referring to syafiq)
barai: wish kat dier
(his birthday today!)
barai: tp blanje aku sorang

ekkekekeke! :P

can't wait for bath time.
went to tesco with the gurls and bought myself Johnson's Baby shower foam - bedtime bath!! wahhahahahhahahaaa!!
i'll sleep away right after this.

sleepy! ..but there's a house meeting sometime, i don't know.. later!

jigs.. heavily..happily.. crazilyy!!


never felt this relieved in my entire life!!
though i know i did crappily for my digital audio and video, but heck!!
i'm done at something at least!! wo~hooooo!!!

joli joli mariiiiii!

plans for holiday (at the moment)
1. shop with personal fashion consultant (dida!!)
2. treat family lavish food! wahhahahha!!
3. sleep sleeeeeep!
4. gain weight
5. treat barai something :P ('coz he made me promise)
6. find ways to catch up with old friends

tak sabanyeee esok or ahaaaad!!

wahh.. izrul just add me to his ym! ekkekeke!
ohh alamaaakk!! i remembered this while i was writing today's date on the answer book.. but almost forgot about it just now. :D
Happy Birthday Syafiqqqqq~!!!!!
i wonder if he's still hanging around barai's place. :P

okay.. ngantuk.. but i think i better make myself some food first. :D

"desire is half of life, indifference is half of death"

-Kahlil Gibran

loving all the quotes i've found these days!!

'coz i am laughing to what i shouldn't be laughing at,
and i take jokes seriously.
funny la people.

anyways, i was pretending to study as i was taking some "notes" from fariz a while ago! ekkekekeke!!
tengkiu cekguuuu!!!
i can't believe that i was studying a different subject when i should be reading about post-productions and such! ekekkekeke!!

shahnon shahnonnnnn!!!!
thank you for the amazing song!! this dygta guy sangat besttt!!!
loving this song!!! sangat sedih, but then again.. i've always liked sad songs!!

okay.. bace sket sambil repeat lagu, mari!

Thursday, August 19, 2004

i feel like an overworked pig.


i am.. sooooooo tired and idiotic in the same time.
but i also want to go out and have some fun!! (if that's possible!) wahhahahhaha!!
yesterday wasn't enough for the rest of today lahh.. haihhh~ (i really should stop sighing too much)
hello?! esok mpd! helloooo??!

okay.. today..
walked to FOE for my human factors paper which WASN'T easy!!! (in the not-so-baking sun, thank God!) but still, die lah! (for the paper) the 2 hours time was not enough for me, sadly. :(
so when the rest of us were released, i walked off straight back cyberia, not breaking a single sweat ('coz the exam room was COLD!). went to that grocery shop.. and as i was considering to myself if i should buy that dozen of eggs.. i decided to check how much money do i have left.. only to find in my bag.. - NO WALLET!!!!
mak datuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkk!!
so i actually half-ran back to FOE, bumped firdaus and azrin whom jokingly asked; "nak pegi exam?" ("going for the exam?") i could've laugh right there if i wasn't in a panic mode. huhuuuu. FUNNY. (we were in the same class, in case there's any of you who didn't know)

so i ran up that damned MMU hill and cursed stairs.. to find that the room i was in was dark and empty and LOCKED!! huwaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
i stood in front of that class for some seconds, bobbing my head up and down trying to see if my wallet was still at where i last remember.
then i looked to the rest of the hallway, saw a pakgad (security guard) walking my way..
me: do you have the keys to this room?
pakgad: why?
me: i left my wallet inside!
pakgad: what color is it?
me: light cream (please please say that you have it!)
pakgad: size?
me: pretty small *make hand gestures indicating the size of my wallet*
pakgad: name?
me: ida hazwanie
(pakgad hands me a wallet.. MY WALLET! that small cream colored wallet that i stupidly left on the floor at the side of my freakin' exam table #19!!)
me: wahhhh!! thank goodness!!

(me and the guard originally speak in malay, though!) :D

i am officially VERY darned tired from the running around.
i deserve a six-pack. (the muscles, not alcohol!)

i'd rather be talking to a tree log than sharing my real thoughts with you!


i guess it's funny how easily people can fool you..
and how you can fool them back just as easy! :)
the beauty of relationships. wahhahahahahha!!

a bit psycho in this afternoon, but why should you care? :P

haven't finish studying my human factors but how can i be, when i've been distracted by small small things around here?? ekkekeke!!
tomorrow's going to be my last paper!! waaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
i know that i haven't even go through today's paper.. but the thought of tomorrow.. is reaaaaaally sweet!! :))

holiday.. holiday.. holiday!

had funn!!

hijacked prisca's pc for this entry 'coz my pc is plain DUMB!

thanks ablen, thanks dar, thanks rosie and thanks prisca for the night!
did you guys had fun? i did, anyways! :)

tapi sedikit sakit tangan.. cedera main fusball agaknye! ekekkeke!!
ohh ablen.. kamu mentor pool yang sungguh hebattt!!!! wahhahahah!! :))
best besttt!

better off to sleep.
haven't studied for later today's paper and i plan on waking up early to study.
gudnite world! :)

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

"the hottest love has the coldest end"


this must be... the most relaxing day i have ever had in months!
i mean.. of course i am "bothered" by the thoughts of my 2 exam papers on thursday and friday.
but it was just that. just that!

i love how this feels. :)
so soooo glad that this "everything" is over!!

so i can really have a thoughtless holiday later!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2004


head spinning.
ekkekeke! not because of anyone.. but to be truth.. a bit lahh.. yeahh!
overcome with massive emotions at the moment.

you write longer email lah! hebatt!!

we sagittarians are amazing, kan? ekkekeke!
we can handle the hard truth so much better than lies, don't you think? heehee.
haaaah~ i like being open like this.
i guess that's what i like most about "us".

thank you for being so cool!
kamu sungguh cooooool!!
and though i know you'll hate what i'm going to say next.. still i want to say it..
i still think that you're NICE!

and heyy.. nothing is better than to lose this friendship! tahuuuuu?!
so ask me out again, ask me out againnn!! ekkekekekeke!

*gedebikk sama waniee*

one tree hill one tree hill
hehhe! these are the main casts of one tree hill.
from left, that's chad michael murrays (lucas scott), sophia bush (brooke), hilary burton (peyton), bethany joy lenz (haley) and james lafferty (nathan scott).

terer seyy wanie ingat name diorang! ekkekeke!!
by the way.. i am bored. did you guess i was bored? *sigh*

excuse yourself.

i think i slept a lot last night! heehee
went into sleep quite early 'coz i can't stand the sleepiness and i woke up around 9! heehee.. and i didn't even notice the miscalls i had :P

anyways! i think i am liking ben jelen now!
his song come on was featured in both one tree hill and the oc. hehhe.
but all his songs are love songs that it gets a bit tiring as i was listening to all ben jelen i have. :-S it's like having someone yapping about the saaame thing 24/7! (eyh! that rings a bell! ekkekekeke!!)

okay.. cite ape laie? i have nothing much to say lahh this early of the day.

Give It All Away by Ben Jelen

Been swinging round in circles, looking for the way,
Fleeing from the time when she wanted me to stay
My world is swirling round, this time I know it well,
Our love is coming down again

Then I realize inside me, I’ve had myself all wrong,
This time I know for certain, I’ve never been that strong
The moment you remember, those times you stop to think,
Our love will come undone again

But with demons sitting at my side,
An angel’s come to ask me why
And slowly I give up inside to say
To feel alive, I’d give it all away

Destructive words to make it so,
But none of this is you you know

Another year, another week, another set of summer sheets
Another ‘we should hang out again soon’
Another drink, another kiss

And with demons sitting at my side,
Another angel asks me why
And it doesn’t take too much to say
To feel alive, I’d give it all away

Destructive words to make it so
But none of this is (I'd give it all away) you, you know

Again and again and again

Then she’s sitting at my side,
An angel’s come to ask me why
And it takes nothing to say
To feel alive, I’ll give it all away

I’ll give it all away
I’ll give it all away

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

hope i get the title right.

that was a good movie.
though i hated jim carrey and don't really favor kate winslet, but the storyline was amazing i think! it was very.. different!
and i guess what touched me most 'coz the whole story was on memories, and i don't know.. it was touching!
(and it's probably an adaptation from a book of some other language 'coz the names are un-english-ly. huhuuu! what sort of word laa i am using!)

you know how i always wish that i can erase people out so i won't remember anything that relates to them, whether it be a happy thought or sad thoughts?
well.. i am having doubts now.. heehee!

just see the movie! it's good. :)

i've said what i needed to say..
and you don't have to say anything in return.
i am not asking you to.

Monday, August 16, 2004

dah demam?

i think i am coming with a fever.
*giggle giggle*
real fever.. getting a bit of chills and dizziness..
and i am missing zahid? wahhahahahhaha!! ya allah.. sudah sudah laa wanieee!!! (but i can't help it!!!) benci seihh AF dah abes! i want to see more of zahid!!! huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! :((

had internet application's paper this afternoon and i think i did.. well.. i don't know how i did but i get to answer most of them. entahlaa betul ke salah.. but there were things i get to bantai, at least! :))
funny.. i thought only geminis are gamblers! huhuu.
ohh.. i practically didn't read any of the notes, so if i get horrible grades - it explains!

okay.. that's all..!
don't feel like sharing anything else.
have a good week everyone!

"ingat misha omar, ingat zahid"

baiklah zahid..
tengah ingat la niee! :x

kinda like this song 'coz it's creepy. heehee!
cam.. sangat.. sedih? :D i just like sad songs, i don't know why..

Pulangkan by Misha Omar feat. Ezad

Seharum bunga yang menggoda
Sekadar dipandang usah dipuja
Kau pasti tak percaya
Kasih ku bukan,
Untuk mu, sayang

Tiada ku sangka kau sungguh kejam
Kau rampas segalanya yang kau dendam
Namun takkan bahgia kehidupan mu
Bila bunyi bersatu
Kau milik ku

Misha : Pulangkan cinta hati ku
Ezad : Oh hentikan lah menghantui ku
Misha : Pulangkan oh pulangkan lah pada ku
Ezad: Ku pulangkan kesan hidup mu
Misha: Yang dikau musnah tanpa relaku
Ezad : Bebaskanlah maafkan daku, oh kasih

Tiada kemaafan di sini
Kau ragut degupan hati ku ini
Akan ku jejakimu, kemana jua
Hingga akhir masa, sayang...

Sunday, August 15, 2004

another zahid entry

did you know that he's a sagittarian?

wahhahahha!! sagittarian bestt!! i don't care! ekekkekeke!!
zahid was born on december 19th, 1980.
lives in.. keramat, kl if i'm not mistaken.
likes the color orange. (wahh, cam shahnon?? :P)
height: 177cm, and he's the only boy of 4 siblings. (that's what i read, anyways!)
and i just favor this quote from him while he was talking to aznil in imbasan just now,

"ikutkan nak salam semua, tapi tangan zahid ade dua aje. salam pakai kaki tak hormat pulak"

adoiiiilah zahid. :x :x :x


..and i was smiling as i was sleeping this morning. gilok!
sangat gilok!!

anyways.. i love this song.. and i love the 46th second of the video clip.. amy lee coming out from that seether guy's back.. cute! :D

Broken by Seether feat. Amy Lee

I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

{Amy Lee}
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Cause Im broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone

You're gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

suka macam macam!! sukaaaaaa!!

demam tak abes laie

yeahh.. awesome!! guy.. baju melayu.. zahid! what more can i ask?? :))
butterflies in my stomach.
i know.. lame.
yes, lame..
but i like him so!!
probably i'll get over him by next week though.. weeheee~!!

zahiddddd!! gue suka bangat sama kamuuuu!!

Warna Kehidupan by Zahid
he sang this one in the 5th AF concert

Merah menyala oh jantungku berdegup pantas keranamu
Haru biru fikiranku bila kau pergi jauh
Kehadiranmu mewarna kehidupanku

Putih sucinya perasaan jiwa untuk dikongsikan
Sejingga api membara...sehangat itulah cinta
Kehadiranmu mewarna kehidupanku

Sesaat berjauhan rasa tidak keruan
Hilang arah gundah...tanpa khabar ku resah
Hitam gelita pandangan...rindu makin dirasakan
Hanya satu ku mahu
Berdamping denganmu disisi selalu

Secerah kilau kuning suria...sinar menyelinap kalbu
Sesegar hijau dedaun...senyummu menawar pilu
Kehadiranmu mewarna kehidupanku

Walau seikhlas lafazku kasih
Luahan hati masih tak setanding bahasa
Demi cinta pastiku sedaya mencurah yang termampu
Tahtamu mampan dijiwaku

Sesaat berjauhan rasa tidak keruan
Hilang arah ku gundah....tanpa khabar ku resah
Hitam gelita pandangan....rindu makin dirasakan
Hanya satu ku mahu
Berdamping denganmu disisi selalu




do you honestly think..???
silap.. you don't think! that's the problem.
you should try that once in a while..
i promise you, it'll do you good.
it also won't hurt..

okay? :)

trime kaseh pengafundi zahid

zahid wonn!! zahid won the second season of Akademi Fantasia!! this is awesome!!

though i don't agree the second and third placing..
farah and bob should be amongst the list. :)

i like laa that farah!! she's a great girl. ekkeke!! that time about johnny was funny and cute. she really is cute. heehee!

i like her just about as much as i like zahid.
but that's not true...
i like zahid more.. more.. sangat MORE!!!
gosh, nak zahid please!! after all, he's only 23! not that "old", huh?

nak naaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk!!
i want to chase hamsters with zahid at his house!! naaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk!! :x :x

sleepy now. but i better be sleepless. hohohoho!

liar liar pants on fire. who are you trying to fool now? :)

Saturday, August 14, 2004


head spinning.

so i'm back in cyberia again. supposedly studying for monday's internet application paper.
i am kicking myself for something that shouldn't bother me. especially since i proclaimed that i don't care. but i guess i do. not much, but i do..

i guess i am just sorry that you were born with a small brain under that big head of yours. shouldn't blame you for that, kan? :P

okay. i should rest to be honest 'coz i haven't had the rest that i really need since the last.. 3 days, i think! but typically.. i can never get a rest here. and that's why i just can't wait for august 20th.. my last paper.. and then.. off to homeeee!!!!!

huwaaaaaaahhhh!! tak sabarnyeeeeee!!!
i guess that's the only thing that gets me driven over here. home
or i'd probably already join that group of poets and writers! :))
(am i proclaiming that i'm even near that group?? wahhahahahha!!! perasan.)

Moment In The Sun by Clem Snide

When it's my moment in the sun
Oh, how beautiful I'll be
But in a normal sort of way
Like I am you and you are me

'Cause I have a lot of things to say
And you'd be wise to listen good
I think that hunger, war, and death
are bringin' everybody down

When it's my moment in the sun
I'll share my problems with the world
and pschychosomatically I'll sing
to God and all his pretty girls

When it's my moment in the sun
I won’t forget that I am blessed
but every hero walks alone
thinking of more things to confess

o yahh.. tadi kat umah time tido kejap, i dreamt i was chasing cute, fat hamsters with zahid and his family at his house! wahhahhahaha! yeahh.. ZAHID! gilok!
gud luck, zahid for tonight! heehee!

Friday, August 13, 2004

what felt like a bad dream.

6:50 pm.
was sleeping when i received a call from dida. i think she's the new "bad news bearer".
what comes out from the other end of the line sounded unreal..
this must not be real..

so here i am.. waiting..
with my heart pounding fast, and a big headache coming.

and i found that reason why i'm not going to that bowling game.

nak dijadikan cerita...

kasihan laa kamu ni labu.
isyk isyk.
hope you're happy, yah? :)

so i'm back here in cyberia after being at home for a measly 15 hours!
crap.. totally crap it was! but it's better than nothing, yes! :)

submitted my portfolio. my heavy portfolio! it's amazing how it got my hand hurt just from carrying it around. heehee. ngade.
humm.. right now, i am suddenly not so sure that i'll be going for bowling tomorrow. not because that i hurt my handddd, tapi sebab entah. many reasons kot! o well, i don't know..

i honestly don't know about so many things and that is what so crappy about my life nowadays. i am simply uncommited to anything.. what so ever.. at all - and i think i know the reasons why.

gotta work things out someday someway.. :)

anyways! tengah takde mood.
sleepy, yet sleepless.
tired, but restless.
and i should study for next week's finals but the thought of it only makes me wanna puke! hahahahah!


Thursday, August 12, 2004

halfway home.

thanks lily!

thanks mama.
nothing beats the 'traditional' coffee and crackers, yah?

i wanna run far.

i was messaging my sister when she told me something that just made my heart dropped.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

you. me. talk. soon.


i don't really know what i'm going to say,
but i know i need to say something out.

should've had one serious talk with you long ago.

probably it's my fault that it has come to this.
i have a knack of messing things up,
and i'm sorry that it had to be you.

we need to talk.
but maybe it's just me who need this talk.

i can ignore everything else in this life..
but i refuse to ignore you.
you deserve better than that.


tak tenang tak tenaaaannngggg!!!
just watched prisca's dawn of the dead dvd with the other girls.
sangat tak tenang!!

and at 5 this afternoon i had that portfolio review in ID studio.
nerve wrecking. VERY VERY VERY!
i think i was shivering as i was flipping my sketches over. huwaaaahhhhhh!!!
and then they (all ID lecturers; mr khong, mr fariz, mr khairi and mr john) told me to sit down and ask me some.. super easy questions!
huhuuuu.. the questions were easy, but finding the RIGHT answers were hard.
talking to all four of the lecturers were.. eye opening. they made me realize some loads of things. not just study-wise.. they practically mentioned my whole life during that 20minutes period.

which freaks me out!

i guess i've been very...... wrong in my entire life.
and i need to change to save myself from this suspension period.

*shiver shiver*


Just because you can see the pool doesn't mean you can dive in. Maybe there's a cyclone fence with a padlocked door. Maybe it's a pet piranha pool. Maybe you don't have your swimsuit. But hey -- finding the water, that's half the battle.

there's only one thing to do when someone says something unexpected to you..


sorry sorry
it's in my nature.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

you remind me of apendix.

it's that something inside of you.. that does nothing but collect unwanted things from the food you eat and if it gets filled up too much, it'll eventually burst and cause you real pain and if you're too late to operate it, you'll die.
as unuseful as it is, to operate it out without enough cause is really.. a waste.

yeahh.. you're killing me.

been having a boring day over here. and i was crossing good charlotte's website when i found a site on suicide. (i assume they put the link there since their hold on video clip relates to suicide acts) and i found some interesting facts in there!

did you know?
throughout history artists, writers and musicians have seemed to suffer disproportionately from mood disorders and recent studies have shown that poets and writers are four times more likely than others to suffer from affective disorders, particularly manic depression.

interesting, huh?
heehee. a bit scary too.

been posting a lot today 'coz i'm freaking bored! freaking bored! freakin' boreddd!!!
bored with my time and some people.
i guess you can't make everyone get you, no matter what you say to them.
stubborn people are simply stubborn..
same as stupid people.. they're just.. plain stupid!
i'm bored of repeating the things i've already said.
believe lah what you want to believe.
can't make you believe me if you don't want to.

Bulimic by The Used

From the way that you acted
To the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
And now it's sad cause all I missed
Wasn’t that good to begin with
And now I've started you begging
Saying things that you don't mean
It isn't worth my time
A line's a dime a million times
And I'm about to see all of them

Goodbye to you (Goodbye to you)
You’re taking up my time

You call my name when I wake up
To see things go your way
I’m coughing up my time
Each drag's a drop of blood a grain
A minute of my life
It’s all I've got just to stay down
Why the fuck am I still down
I'm hoarding all that’s mine
Each time I let just one slip by
I'm wasting what is mine

Goodbye to you (Goodbye to you)
You’re taking up my time

I’m about to see a million things
I thought I’d never see before and I
I’m about to do all the things I dreamed of
And I don't even miss you at all

Goodbye to you (Goodbye to you)
You’re taking up my time


small rays.

*gelak gelak*

it IS possible to feel sad and happy at the same time, yah?
i guess i was troubled a while ago and then i came to talk to some people and i was laughing but at the same time i feel the tears that was in my eyes.

i am feeling kinda sorry for someone 'coz i've been cursing at 'em for being just in the middle of this mess. but then again.. i really am not. hahahha!!
i guess it's kinda because of you, i started cursing anyways. so.. padan muka?

this heart ache is over bearing.
rase cam bakal mati awal. huhuuu!

(by the way.. vroom takde official website ekk? haihhh~)

heart attack.

stop yapping please.
you don't know me.. you just BARELY knew me. and by the looks of it, you probably won't EVER know me 'coz i am not going to let you.
i think you're an ass. i've been thinking that way for a bit while, actually. should've told you face to face but i couldn't. yeahh.. i'm a coward, i think so too.

you've been SO wrong about me.
and my hands are just shaking to think that i ever admitted you were a friend. i could've punch you, but i wouldn't. yes, that coward part again.

if ever i can erase one thing in my life, you'd be the first one to go.
byebye! byebye! byebye!


bosannye laa hari hari begini.
bosannye laa dikelilingi orang orang perasan. tak tahannn! uwekkkkk!!!

and yahh, ditika ini rase ingin melarikan diri kepada sesape saje yang lalu dihadapan, but itu SELFISH namanye.
haihhh.. BOSANNNNN!!!! nyesal tak ikut si rai ngan syafiq smalam..
grr! *ketuk kepala*


wish i could enjoy a lie in for some hours more but my eyes just wouldn't compromise.

Listen to yourself. When you talk about your life, does it sound like a bad TV drama? Wait a second -- this is your life, here! Bring yourself up to speed. Then do something about it.

ekkekeke!! klakar ini. so true! :P but to me.. i don't see how i can do anything 'coz i don't even know how i want it to be. well, that's a lie. i know how i want it to be.. but it involves other people and i don't really know how to make people act the way i wanted them to act! ekkekeke! (wouldn't it be nice if we can)

humm.. i think i am having too much thoughts again - which isn't really good.
but i haven't gotten into that mental stage just yet! heehee.

tolong nak duiiitttt!!
trust fund pon tak baya lagi! hohohoho! takut karang takde duit nak makan. huhuuu~ itulaaa.. joli je tau! ekekekeke! *gedebikk!*

this is such a boring entry.. i know.

tengah mood rindu skolah! ekkekeke!
this was in form 4. SUK Field. practising for the independence day formation thingy.

wuhuhuuu~ that time i got astray.

Monday, August 09, 2004

nothing compares.

to what?
heehee.. to friends, of course!!

rai and syafiq came to visit!!
klaka btol laa.. even after all these years, you guys still want to laugh at me about things, aaa! tapi takpe.. TENGKIU KORAAAANG for the short visit!!
(though i had to pay for their drinks! :P)
ps: i don't change much laaahhh!! :P and kem salam sendiri kat budak tu!! huhh!
azraaaaaaaaaiiii!! he's not my mamat any longer la youuuuuuuuuuu!!! grr! that nickname macam sangat mengimbau masa lalu laaahhh! and lagi lagi when you mentioned langkawi.. ADOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIII!!!! huwaaaaaaaahhh!! geraaaaaaaaammmmm!!!!

tapi klakanye.. kelab sahabat sekolah. wahhahahahhaha!! just saying it makes me wanna cry!! adeeei. all those faces. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i am missing those school days. :x rindu banget!! i mean, after seeing you guys last saturday and tonight.. haihh~ i really miss those days!
and i wonder if you guys would come over again tomorrow! wahhahahha!! jangan aa suh orang blanje lagiiiii!! tak mampu weihhhhhhh!!! :))

now.. i should push dayat to make some time for me next weekend! heehee.


i don't know what's up with that word, but i just felt like typing it out.
i have nothing much to tell yet, so i may update this a bit later!
mean while.. just to say that i kinda like this song. :D

My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

So much for my happy ending

yahh.. it's a shame it was avril who got this song. ekkekeke!

Sunday, August 08, 2004

king midas is me.

it was that story of a king that wished he could turn everything that he touch into solid gold. and though he get what he wished for.. he soon found out what he really wanted was life. all the riches in the world couldn't compare with the life he knew.
"Oh Dionysus, gold is not what I really want after all! I already had all I wanted all along. I just want to be able to hug my daughter again, to hear her laugh, to see her smile, to touch and smell my roses and pet my cat and share food with my loved ones. Please help me, save me from this golden curse."

i guess i am just good at kicking myself and feeling miserable in anyway that i possibly can.

thought i could lead someone in. you. you've been very nice to me and i should've at least been the same to you but i see that all i keep doing is leaving you hanging, and possibly hurt you evenmore.
you deserve someone who's not too screwed up to appreciate you.

i thought i wanted all that.. but what i wanted the most was really what i always had.. just myself.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

the back of your neck.

promise me that you won't tell papa about this!
it'll be our little secret, 'aight? heehee!

i went home yesterday because i needed the pampering and i was going to see someone today! heehee. "old friend" laa kan. (old friend lah sangat!!!)
this is the part where you should keep it quiet...
i went on a motorbike ride!!!
and a long ride, at that!! WAHAHHAHAHAH!!
gile aahhh!! but it was fun! scary.. but FUNN!! tengkiuuuukkk!!

so i watched catwoman.. it was okay, i guess! it was okay.. but nothing special of it that i can say to promote it. but i do want to say that i've ALWAYS liked benjamin bratt!! ekekke!! muka cam melayu! ekekkek!! sukaaaaaaaa!!! :x :x
okay. with a bit of "luck".. so happens that as me and this friend of mine walked towards a place to eat.. we bumped into.. AZRAAI, SYAFIQ and FARID!!!!
itu sangat gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
i was practically dying there.

of all people..
gile aahhh!! can't believe my "luck"!! hahhahahaha!!!
but i thank my luck that i wasn't doing anything "funny" at that time. ekkekeke!!

it's a crazy day. really. wahhahahhahaha!!
sangat tak tahan! gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tak tahan!!

o yeahh.. mas got kick out from AF!!
(nothing beats watching AF with the hobbitses - minus rosie, though 'coz she wasn't here)


Friday, August 06, 2004

i love Ed.

have i told anyone that?
always have. i guess that's my favorite show on telly.

"Can you tell me you are 100% certain that you do not want to be with me? Because if you can, just say the word and I will walk right out that door."
- Carol Vessey (asking Ed to decide)

- Ed responds:
"It's complicated"

- Carol said (as she walks towards door before babbling about she was just going outside but not leaving.. LEAVING)

heehee. that was the 3rd season finale that was aired on 8tv last sunday.
the photo was from a different scene though. it was in some part where carol said something like ed has been keeping her hanging. heehee.

i need to know what i want.

i hate mornings like this..
the kind of mornings that i wake up to some thoughts that really bothers my head. yeech!!

i think at some points.. i am that one selfish git.
sometimes.. i really don't have the strength to keep up to this life.
sometimes.. i only wish to fall back and cry for all the mess i've made.
sometimes.. the guilt is unbearable.
i shouldn't do this.. to myself. :)
but especially to the ones that cared for me.

just because i can't quite figure out what i want, doesn't mean that i have to hurt people along the way, right?
i guess i am only making things big.
but it feels like i've been here for too many times now. i should've learn to be "nicer" at least.

feelings should be made illegal. i am turning numb, but i still have them.
i should be caught and thrown into jail somewhere far from here.
where i will have no contact with people where i'll hurt them and myself.
this is crazyyyyyy!!!!!

i just.. don't feel right.
i wish i do.. but it's been a while since i ever did.

to be quite honest.. i don't even know to whom i am asking for help.

i just want to make things right.
and i need to feel at place.

heart attack!

okay, i guess that was a bit over-reaction. :P

lets start from the beginning.
9pm lily came home saying, "lets go play pool!!" we didn't even mind if we had to go ourselves but heyy.. better ask some people if they'd like to join, 'aight?
10pm+ went out to hartamas with "these two guys". ekekkeke!! (kenape takde name ekk? wanie pon tatau lah.. hummm....) played FUSBALL!! (which i absolutely adore if it's a team-game, 2 on 2. ekkekeke!) wanted to play pool there but it was packed, so we went to another place somewhere above 7eleven. heehee! cam segan at first and the guys was 'amazed' (am i using the right expression?) 'coz i get to hit the balls (hahhaha!!) even with some bad techniques. ohh, ilsa and his friend was there as well! :D
then they went back to subang and we had our late dinner at that mamak near 7eleven!

pastu entah cemane.. sume pon addicted with pool.. we went AGAIN to puchong!! hahahha! main lama gila 'coz we played on a snooker table.
tau tau, arrived back in cyberia at 4am! ekkekeke!!
thanks for the company, guys! :)

ohh, balek balek.. diserang sedikit panic sebab ade orang tu kaannn anta message ntah pape ntahh! and my phone only beeped once! :P
okay.. tengok korang panic tak baca message camni:

Wanie!! Dah tido ke, kalo
tak tido lagi, plzzz miscall
saya.. Ada mende nak ckp..urgent


okie.. mari masuk tido! :)
gudnite world!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

i wish i knew more of me.

i do.

i feel nauseas now 'coz my head is filled with unanswered questions.
macam.. peningnyeeee!!
kenape nieeee?????

have you ever had the oppurtunity to have the thing that you wanted?
it's really in front of your eyes, and all you had to do is reach out and grab it.

i think i am having that..
but i am walking away from it somehow..
and i feel like this one dream is turning into reality! my head really aches to think about it.

God, i'm sick of turning away like this!!!

(macam dah start saiko balek ek?)

let this be enough.

i am loving Switchfoot! heehee

i had less than 5 hours of sleep even though i can sleep all day if i want!
don't mind me if what you're about to read is crap - as i am feeling right now.

i went to sleep around 6 with too many thoughts in my head.
from the night i had - to zombies from resident evil - to my school friends - saturday - to my very own creation of ghosts - to my wishes and dreams.
it was actually stressing to have that sort of things at the earliest of morning. (get to catch a glimpse of a very blue sky) try lah! :P

i'm not too sure that this is the right place to channel out my thoughts right now - the kind of thoughts i have. so i need to talk to someone - a very certain someone. only thing is i am not talking much to that person any longer. heehee! i think it's funny how time changes things. sadly... but funny!

Let That Be Enough by Switchfoot

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Yeah who am I just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

together is disaster. i may hurt people.
somehow... i am always always better off alone.

long awaited outing!!


nothing i love more. :x
especially since i've been thinking about it for weeks!!
thank you girls for a great outing!
my arm aches a bit since that "unfamiliarity" but it was FUNNN!!!

8pm lily came home from going out with ilsa in the afternoon and said; "teringin shisha laa.. jom!" so kita pon ape laa lagi kann?? JOMMM!! it was 10+pm when we got out from cyberia, got to jai's place in sri kembangan to "kidnap" rosie and straight headed towards hartamas
we didn't hung out in uncle don's though.. bahayeee.. ekkeke! we hung out at med kitchen, in front of breakers. had 2 bottles? of shisha (bubblegum and grape flavor!) with ice lemon tea. :D sat there until somewhere 1am and then went into breakers!

while prisca and rosie played pool, me and lily had 2 "matches" of fusball. gile aah! we were shouting around like girls.. ekkeke! and me and lily then played pool - which i sucked terribly! ekkekek!! i was too robotic to play lah!! :-S so i let prisca fill me in as she and rosie finished their game. :D
and then those breakers people told us that that should be our last game since their closing. :( and entah cemane.. we went to puchong and played ANOTHER round of pool!! and prisca was a good coach i guess, i got a hang of it now!! cam tak saba nak main lagi pon ade!! ekkekeke!!

then we send back rosie to jai's place and the rest of us went to mamak putra for maggi goreng! lapo! :D and tau tau dah 5am lebih! :))
that was funn!!!

okay. i should be sleepy now, but i'm really not.
had a bit too much of laugh, i guess. but i need the sleep. :P

by the way.. i need to have a proper body posture!! i slouch too much, demm! and i need to be a bit more fat!! i look ugly in clothes.. i hate!!
(i guess i ought to be nude to be 'beautiful'!! hahahhahaha!!)

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

tua kerepot!

today is,

have a great year ahead of you!!
i know you will! :)
missing you lah busuk! i guess it's been over a year, huh since i last saw you!
haihh~! and then you'll fly away and then i'd really miss you.
i remembered those early days when you just went to PC and i'd write you super long letters with my add notes in it. ekkekeke!

barai: hate being a grown up
me: ekkekeke
me: alah
me: it's just numbers
barai: but still
barai: u know what?
barai: bile ko mencecah 20....
barai: sel2 ko akan start berkurangan
barai: mati....
barai: slowly...
barai: tp effect dier cuma akan kelihatan bile ko 40-60
barai: but still

drama-king ekk!
knowing you.. i know you messaged me earlier just to check if i remembered what today is! hahhaha!! o man, i HAVE to see you before you leave!!

okay, it's 3:30pm and i haven't had my shower and i've only been feeding on sweets!! gilok! anyways, rase nak sambung tido since i have nothing else better to do!

Rela Ku Pujuk by Spider

ku dikejar bayang-bayang resah,
bila hatimu masih tak berubah,
enggan di punya dan di penjara,
belaian cintaku ini

aku bukan lelaki yang tewas,
bisa mengambar walau ku di tolak,
bila di uji kanan dan kiri,
kau kan tetap ku miliki

tiada lafaz yang lebih agung,
kalimah cintamu,
yang ku tunggu-tunggu,
biar jasadku yang menanggung,
permainan darimu,
rela ku pujuk

janganlah kau salahkan aku,
terus memburu menawan cintamu,
daku percaya.. sedikit masa,
kau kecundang akhirnya

usahlah kau bersedih,
di hadapanmu aku hadir,
memadam resah dan curiga
dari hatimu

apakah kali ini,
bisa kau tolak dan berlari,
setelah aku menanamkan
azimat ku..

tiada lafaz yang lebih agung,
kalimah cintamu,
yang ku tunggu-tunggu,
biar jasadku yang menanggung,
permainan darimu,
rela ku pujuk

still love this song!!


abang yau yang nakal

ehh ablen, sesuai ke orang tua camtu kite kate "nakal" lagi? nakal tu cam patut budak budak yang comel aje. ni cam langsung tak sesuai!

okay. promised that i'd go straight to sleep.
i will.

gudnite world!!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004


i hate.

i have this chatting "friend" that is SO SO SOOO annoying beyond any imagination!! he's like.. SO annoying, i swear if ever i get to see him face to face and he annoys me even outside.. i'd really punch him in the face!!!
i hate sensitive people. IDIOT sensitive people! sensitive people who's always NEEDY! go to hell la bongok!
sia sia jadi laki tongokk!

typically me being ME, i'd say what bothers me and i did tell him how he did, and he gets sensitive and actually PROMISED me not to chat again and yet he still did!! he promised 3 times now!! mak datok, keep your promises la weii!

i'd rather be alone than meddling with people like this. buat nyampah je!!

i'm far off from "nice".

you're still you, aa?

arep : wah!!! lupe nak ckp!!
me: apediaaaa
arep : star wars dah umumkan episode 3 nye tajuk!!!
me: ekeke
me: iyekkk??
arep : revenge of the sith!!
me: ekekke
me: sith tu ape?
arep : sith tu jedi yg jahat!!
arep : diorang panggil sith
arep : darkside of the force
me: ohoooo
me: ekekkeke

i honestly couldn't find any person on earth as passionate as this guy about star wars. i know that person exists, tapi arep sajalah yang wanie kenal!

flashes in my eyes! aiyoohhh~!
adehh. ngantuk.

Monday, August 02, 2004

happy august!

new layout after a free afternoon which was spent with the hobbitses taking pictures. heehee!

see the hobbitses' blog!! confused? confused??
sape punye sape punyee??
sape punye ekkkk??

i did myself a headache just the afternoon because of it! ekekke!


1) Do you have a first love?
i like to think that i don't, but i actually do. not love la kot. ultimately like.

2) Are you still with your first love?

3) Do you believe in the phrase: First love never dies??
sometimes. that's a bit sad, isn't it? sweet juge kot. hummph.. i think it's sad because it's sweet.

4) Do you miss your first love?
hummm.. sometimes. (hahhahaha!! o God, hope he'll never find this blog!)

5) Do you think your first love misses you?
ekekke. sometimes maybe. (hahhaha!!)

1) How long does it take for you to move on after?
two years? almost.

2) Did you change a lot after you and your first love broke up?
ekkeke! i tried, but i failed. so, NO, i don't think so. i'm still very immature.

3) Do you think love makes the world go round?
only sometimes.

4) Do you believe in soul mates?

5) Have you met your soul mate?
i hope not!

6) Ideal mate or soul mate?
soul mate.

7) Do you have any regrets from your past relationships?
only a wee bit.

8)What if you and your gf/bf broke up because he/she had a third party, would you go back with him/her?
i should be smart enough to say no.

9) What if you and your gf/bf broke up because YOU were the one who had a third party, but then you realize that you still love your ex, would you go back together?
i wouldn't dare to try. he should be with someone else worthier.

10) What if you're already in a relationship but then you realized that you met someone that you think is more special than your present bf/gf, what will you do?
get to know that other someone as i distant myself a bit from my bf perhaps. things will hurt less when you grow apart, i assume.

11) Would you choose someone you love but that person doesn't love you back, or would you choose someone who loves you but you don't love them back?
hahha!! i'm a real sucker for this one but i am the first one. i like to make myself miserable, i guess.

12) You are in a relationship, and one day you received a call from your first love and he/she tells u that he/she wants to be back together with you?
i.. don't know. i always wonder what could've happen if we didn't end it at the time we ended it, though. i guess this depends on how commited i am to my current person lah kot! but probably i'd say no. the past should be left alone. my past, at least. :)

i should have no feelings

'coz feeling is pain

i was reciting that line in the car right before i asked dida if it would be nice if i really own no feelings and then she said something really funny.
haaihh dida, i wish i still believe in that.
i don't think i want to even get that glimpse of feeling anymore. numb is good. :D

i was at a very high point this evening.. someone really pissed me off by INVADING my goddamn privacy!! i was cursing really bad and even dida didn't stop me. (she usually would shout to me saying things like; "not like things are getting BETTER if you curse!") well it doesn't, but anyways! i was cursing for a full 2 minutes and continue on for some seconds in a range of 10 minutes kot. hahhaha! (cursing like crazy again lah these days)
and then the funny thing was that i imagined myself letting that anger go straight to the one that caused it, but when the moment came.. when i saw that person face to face.. i just sat quiet.

and i hate that.

i hate sitting there quiet, 'coz i know that same person will piss me off again one of these days. and i'll recollect all the times i've been hurt and i get very angry, and i would want to scream, but i ended up crying.
i hate ending up crying even when i'm angry, 'coz people would think i was sad..
i was fucking UPSET lah idiotss!!

sudah sudah.. i'll get tired again just to think about this.
dida is by the way, my super duper best friend! :x thank you for being such an amazing GIT! ekkeke!

o yahh.. 1st August was someone's birthday.
eppy birthday farizz!!
and since it was the first sunday of august, it's also friendship's day. so.. happy friendship's day to those really neat friends i have. thank you for being real.

okay. been a while since i last heard this song. seems like.. 'kena' somehow. :)

Most Of All by Fuel

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still i miss you most of all

And by the water's side
The tall grass where we lied
The nights we cried ourselves to sleep
Most Septembers now
I break down somehow
Remembering all we said
And all those dreams we never got to see

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
And did you ever find
A star in your mind
Or do you miss me most of all

Are you somewhere
Without a care
Or are alone as I
Did you ever make it home

I miss you most of all
And I miss you now
I miss you now

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
And did you ever find
A star in your mind
Or do you miss me most of all

and i saw a full moon tonight, and i remember a line quoted in How To Make And American Quilt that said; "full moons are just reasons for young people to act foolish"
hehhe.. and the other person (which was Wynona Rider) said; "i AM young, i'm supposed to be foolish" :D


Thoughts by The Uninspired. © 2014

Blogger Templates by Splashy Templates