Thursday, June 30, 2011

Temuduga terbuka!

Looking for a GIRL best friend, buat iklan, boleh?
Feels like I'm surrounded by too many boys! I am.. Confounded. Sometimes it sucks to talk to people who can't seem to FEEL as much as you do.
Macam cakap ngan dinding. Kau denga balek suara kau, lantas.. Kosong. Takde motif. Buat sakit hati lagi pun ada.

Semalam buat pertama kalinye aku keluar dengan crew di KL yang bukannya kawan Encem juga.
It felt liberating!
Aku dah lama tak melepak ngan orang yang bukan mutual friend jugak kot. Ada lah perasaan naik menyampah bila lepak ngan orang yang sama, topik perbualan yang sama..

Sorry Bestie, lately it feels as if you're more of Encem's friend than mine. Hahahhahha!

I haven't been feeling like myself. Everything is just.. Mediocre. Passion-less. For work. For love. Mediocre.
Not exactly how I pictured my life to be.
I imagined myself laughing hysterically to a joke when I'm 50.. Not living a dull, conversation-less life. I need something to look forward to. But now it feels like I'm just looking forward to death.
My heart had died a little yesterday, so what the heck!

I need a little pick-me-up.
Please God. I need the spark back into my life. Please. It's sad to not be able to remember the sound of your own laughter.

You really have to have a gift for conversation in order to win a #Sagittarius heart.Not just air-headed talk,but conversation with meaning.
(via ZodiacFacts on Twitter)

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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

It's just a little crush..

Not like I faint everytime we touch.

Now.. What would you do if you're in a comfortable relationship, but somehow you couldn't get another person out of your head?

A colleague of mine had this situation; where she's been with a guy for three years. They've met each other's parents.. Had conversations about marriage..
But she found herself just caring deeply for this guy, not truly in love.
And now she's interested with another man. Not as eligible as the current boyfriend, but he's someone she'd love to get to know more.

I told her that she should choose the second guy, because obviously.. If the first guy was HER man, she wouldn't thought of the second guy in the first place.
But am I right to suggest that?

If I were in her shoes..
If I were in her shoes...
I suppose it seems stupid to leave the one you love for someone whom had seem a bit more exciting. Of course, in my case, I DO love Encem. (How can I tell this? Well, apparently the other day I was strumming the guitar and threw some words together and they ended up as a love song. Seemed pretty obvious to me. Oh well..)
I guess I'm pretty certain I'd leave the guy I'm with if I no longer feel the heart ache when he leaves my side -- even if for just a minute.

I am a master of curious hearts though.. There's no doubt about that.
Hence the reason I PRAY that Encem is nothing like me... If that makes any sense at all!
Sorry if you find this a bit too jumbled up. I am finding it hard to construct proper sentences to describe my thoughts lately.

Moving on;
Talking to my Leading yesterday got me into thinking that this job is not for the affectionate. In some ways, it's actually better to be cold hearted.
For instance, two of my close friends had given birth -- and I've seen neither of those babies.
As for him, the father of his good friend has passed away and he couldn't even be there for his friend. It's sad.. You could know a person your whole life but you couldn't be there because you're not related to them.
Hmm.. It makes you think.

Now, top ten pet peeves working in this line (in no particular order);
1. Dapat crew konon happening tapi bila berborak, topik perbualan tak memberangsangkan. Rasa buang masa je keluar sama..
2. Dapat Leading yang takde lah malas, tapi dalam masa yang sama tak memudahkan kerja kau. Pesan kat crew tak perlu menyusahkan diri buat lebih lebih, tapi dia sendiri buat kerja seminimum mungkin; so orang lain kena buat kerja yang dia "ter" tinggal tu.
3. Orang bukak latch tak reti nak tutup balek. Lagi lagi time dekat nak landing! Hoi pantang betul aku..
4. Orang konon ikut procedure tapi procedure DIA. Ikut manual MY ASS!
5. Flight time dua jam setengah, suruh kerja ala ala flight time sejam sepuluh minit. Kau kejar ape bai?
6. Tech crew banyak songeh. Mintak itu ini kalahkan Indian pax.
7. Crew yang lebih junior tak nak denga cakap. Aku dah cakap elok elok kau pegi defensive lak buat apee? Aku pesan je kot, sebelum kau kena sembor ngan senior! Kalau aku memang bitchy tu lain la cite.. Kau 117, aku pun 117.. Kau buat palat, aku pun kena jugak oi.
8. Senior yang konon cool, taknak tego salah silap si junior lalu menyusahkan satu set. Terima kasihlah!
9. Steward perasan hensem dan boleh dapat siapa saja yang dia flirt with. Kau hensem? Aku pun cantik, kau ingat aku heran?
10. Perasaan perlu salam ngan semua crew yang ada dalam crew lounge ataupun smoking room ataupun kelas. Macam la aku ingat nama korang pun, lambai je plis!

Tak perlu lah list pasal crew yang definitely malas. Obvious sangat kot. Kalau tak pandai, boleh diajar. Kalau pemalas..? Hmmph! As for passenger lak, itu kena tunggu lain hari.
Aku nak tidooo!
Tak sabar nak balek umah. Letih trip ni hari hari empat sector! The day after keje lagi lak tu!

Konfius aku jadinye.. Aku ni keje ngan MH ke AK??

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Friday, June 24, 2011

Cacher mon coeur.

Feels like it's been a while since I wrote anything -- but the matter of fact is, it's only been five days!
Anyway, suppose I could say that a lot has happened in five days.. I've been wanting to write about all these "happenings" but I just couldn't find the time. Just didn't feel like blogging through my phone.

Plus, had I blogged with my phone, I couldn't upload pictures such as this;

So I went to Cameron Highlands with a group of people on Wednesday for a follow-up to the Tea & Coffee Program that I did months ago. There were about twenty of us, and I didn't know seventeen of them!! hahahahha! But it was fun anyway. I managed to coax the two that I know to take silly jumping pictures with me! Yaaang pentiing, okay!

I thought the whole thing was a tad funny. All of us ended up coming home with bags and bags of vegetables, strawberries, flowers and fruits! Hahahhahaha Tea Program? Sure.. sure..

So in my previous entries I've been telling you about annoying little perverted tech crew and cabin crew.. And to round up the collection, I now have one by the bloody driver!!
Yesss.. sampai driver pon tetiba menggatal ni.. WHAT'S GOING ONNNN?!!!
Tak paham betul la. Sumpah aku tak menggedik. Bestie can vouch for this, I was never the type to menggedik tak semena-mena. I'm not even the type yang bercerita sambil tepuk tampar orang sebelah. So tell me, why is it that men around me seems to be at liberty to touch me freely??
Sialan.. memang sialan. Sesial office tetiba email aku suruh jumpa my Flight Administrator sebab aku lambat hantar MC. agghhhhhh!!!

Alkisahnya, seorang driver yang kebiasaannye aku boleh bawak berbual, tetiba mula pegang pegang belakang aku. And bila dia dah blah, dan aku fikir aku boleh lupakan episode pelik tu, dia datang semula and kissed the top of my head.

Kenapa orang yang aku suka tak penah nak kiss aku? (EHHH??!) hahahahahhaha!!
Anyway, next time benda pelik jadi lagi, sumpah aku nak menjerit.
Sakit hati ada.. Musykil ada.. Feels like all the perverted men in the Universe somehow found a cosmic way to find me.

Ughh.. Perverted men are attracted to the smell of stinky armpits kot.
Okay, I'm hungry. I need to get out and get myself some meat.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

"Selamat berbogel!"

It's been really hot these days..
So hot that while my collegues were talking about their plans of sleeping once our flight is over, I chidded in with, "I nak balek, bogel bogel pastu golek kat katil."
And thus, the title for today's entry was Ain's parting words at the terminal. I thought it sounded awesome. Hahahaha!

Anyway, my days had seem uneventful these days. Or maybe they were eventful but I am trying to be stoical about it.
Actually my life had felt like it's been turned upside down a bit. It's days like these when I curse my fickleness. I have to. For fear of having too much fun. Hahahahahha I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

It's weird how random guys seem to be at liberty to touch me lately. I meant that literally. And I don't think that I'm really into 'touching'. Seems like it stirs a whole load of emotion. Some are fine.. But some are just downright irritating. Do I look like I'm freaking EASY to YOU??!

Aku ni ala ala sekolah pondok koot.. Zaman skolah dulu ada boyfriend pun aku mana nak pegang pegang tangan. Takat nak cross jalan tu okay lah, lepas dah cross jalan sungguh sungguh aku tarik balek tangan aku.

Time kat U pulak penah ada kawan rapat aku.. Well, a friend to me, but different in his mind. One day he tried to keep me awake by pressing his palms on my cheeks. Aha, satu hari muka rasa kebas. Terkejut.
Aku budak skema oiii!!

So, surprisingly, up to this day, I'd still feel slightly uncomfortable when a guy; who isn't a good friend or my boyfriend touches me. And having to introduce yourself with a handshake at work is still.. "Ughhh" to me.

So yeah.. My dear male collegues. Sorry if I seemed "uncool" when you get all touchy feely on me. I suppose I'm only frivolous in my thoughts but not really in my actions.

Kisah untuk entry kali ini;
Haritu aku naik transport nak balek, ada lah sorang lagi steward dalam van. Memula cerita topik cabin crew biasa sajalah; fly dari mana? Stay kat mana? Blablabla.. Buat sektor ape?.. Pastu diam. And then dia tanya, "you dah kahwin ke?"
HAAA?? What's with the backwards question? Kalau nak tau single ke idak, perlu ke kau tanya aku dah kahwin belum?

Anyway, nak dipendekkan cerita, sepanjang perjalanan kitorang memang berbual lah. Tapi ada la pulak segment dia dedicate lagu rock kapak kat aku. Malu kot. Abang driver dengar kooot. (Dedicate lagu rock kapak! Haiyoo..)
Ada juga segment dimana dia mengaku of posessing the gift of 'reading' people.

Iklan kejap; kenapa orang suka cakap kat aku pasal dia tau baca orang?? Aku pun boleh baca orang! Ada aku bising? Tak kan.. Hmmph!
Unless dia boleh tengok muka aku and siap bagitau apa nama mak aku, makanan favourite aku, lagu favourite aku.. Selagi tu aku tak heran lah!

Okay, sambung balik. So steward ni sepanjang bercerita dan berteka teki ngan aku, dia ada laa sentuh sentuh.. At one point dia siap usap bawah dagu macam aku ni kucing. Pastu aku pun tanya lah, dia ingat aku ni kucing ke. Pastu dia kata tak, dia yang kucing, aku ikan. Aku tak tanya la kenapa sebab orang suka cakap mata aku cam ikan..
Sekali dia kuar statement; "sebab you anak ikan I.."
Kenapa aku asyik jumpa orang pelik pelik nieee!!
Pastu bila dah sampai destinasi, dia salam aku sambil cium tangan aku..
Errr.. I REALLY don't find that charming.

It could be.. Had I had any GOOD feelings for him. Tapi sebab aku tak gemar, aku rasa yakeng! Geli wehh! So aku nak simpulkan kisah kali ni dengan satu soalan; KENAPA KEBELAKANGAN NI LELAKI AKU TAK KENAL SUKA PEGANG/SENTUH AKU NI?!!

Kot ye pun tunggu la once we had one deep conversation where we talked bout LIFE kee.. Something of substance that I'd register you as somebody 'worthwhile' to talk to in my mind.
Ini idak.. Practically nobody tetiba nak menyendeng. Lu pahaaaaal?!!
Kang ada gak side gangster aku kuar.
Jangan carik pasal ngan budak skolah seksyen dua bai..

On a different note, I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm packing my heart and sending it away to the dark side of the moon.

Friday, June 17, 2011

The little things.

Let's face it, we Malaysians do not practice courtesy that much.
When people open doors, they walk through and ignores the people behind them. It's not that I expect you to hold the doors for me, but at least you should hold it long enough for me to catch it.

When the elevator door opens, WAIT until the ones in it comes out before you actually walk in. Or if you're by the buttons, you could simply ask the ones that just came in which floor they'd like to get off. Its really not that hard.

The other day I was in the elevator at my home.. This girl came in with a bunch of things in her hand. She looked like somebody's maid.. I asked her which floor, and the look on her face.. It was a mixture of amazement.. Surprise..
I'm not saying that I am awesome (although I really am.. Bahahahha!) But really, sometimes the little things that means nothing to you actually means something to someone else.

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it is very important that you do it anyway."
-- Ghandi

You never know, you know?

The little things..
Funny how those little things could mean so much.

Anyway, I'm in Penang hanging out with the FO I flew with earlier today. Talking about the stupidest things! I love nights like this..
Feels like I haven't been speaking out loud for a while. Anything that I shared was only through my blog -- which is bordering on pathetic really.
Oh well, thank you dear FO that shall remain nameless! Kikkiki

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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

New kid on the block!

Meet the very young man of the family;
Muhammad Alif Hazmi
Not sure if I got the spelling right, though. I tried calling Kina but she didn't pick up. I tried convincing them not to name him Alif (BAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Sorry Bestie..) but I suppose they were adamant on it.
I have nothing against that name, really. After all, it's my Bestie's first name! But I couldn't help telling Kina what my Alif said to me about a particular Leading Stewardess that he'd just flew with. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!! (Sorry again..)

Is it just me or babies practically looked the same?
Or maybe it's just Kina's kids..

It's really sweet how the sisters dote on him.
And how proud and excited they were when Dida and I came around to visit. Really adorable!

Now I can't wait for him to start jumping or at least be sturdy enough so we could have him in our annual Raya pictures! Of course, Aqilah will be put to the test in a few months.. wheee! ♥

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Kakakku bersalin lagi..

Birthday sama ngan birthday blog pulak. Hahahahha!! I am so excited about having a nephew!

Tapi... Cemana jaga budak laki eh? Kikkiki
Blur sekejap. Adik beradik sendiri pun semua pompuan. Selama ni anak sedara yang tiga orang pun pompuan..
Tetiba ada laki dah ni.. Hihi

I haven't seen him yet, though. I was in Singapore on a layover. I'm hoping to see him later today or tomorrow!
(And perhaps I'll even post his picture!)

Isyk. I'm already thinking of ideas for a birthday present for a BOY. Susah tau! Girls are easier because you can give them something of sentimental value and they'd appreciate it. Boys macam.. hmm.. Kena kasi BARANG kot..
And the only things that comes to mind are expensive ones; electronics, gadgets.. Oyy!

Selama ni birthday Encem pun aku tibai je la pape. Everytime birthday dia aku jadi nervous tak tentu pasal sebab tak tau nak kasi ape. Nak kasi barang mahal (yang aku pasti dia akan suka gila) macam.. Hek eleh, blom jadi "laki" aku lagik! Chit!

Slow slow lah aku blaja..
I wonder if my nephew will become a spoiled brat. Probably not. Even the fact that he's the sole boy in this family (so far), kakak dia dah cukup manja/ganaz untuk dia dapat his parents' sole attention.
At least itu yang aku rasa laa..
Aku harap dia tak jadi mommy's boy lah. Oh tidakk!

Mommy's boy is sweet.. Tapi sebenarnye kalau sampai semua benda pun nak kene refer mommy, menyampah!
Eh, dah terkeluar topik!

Dah empat dah anak korang. Three more to go untuk cukupkan cita cita korang; "satu khadam untuk satu hari".. Hahahahahahha!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

www wanieidris com

Alright kids,

go update your bookmark and links 'cause I've moved to
(or if you're Mobile!)

I'm excited about having my own name there.
Finally after 9 years my blog stands alone.
Happy Birthday, blog!!
Kalau budak, dah darjah 3 dah..

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Talking To The Moon.

Bulan malam tadi macam telur asin..
Kaler oren lak.
No, I wasn't hungry.. I don't even eat telur asin.. Tak tau kenapa.. Just didn't feel like trying it out. Maybe someday..
Macam stinky tofu. I used to say that I'd never eat it; sekali haritu kat Taipei try lak. Hihi.
Just for notes, it tastes quite alright despite the smell.

I'd spent my 3 days off in Johor. Dida had wanted to see her shipment in Pasir Gudang, and while we're at it we wanted to see the so called "Singapore Great Sale".
From a Malaysian view -- it's not really that great.

Maybe it's the currency exchange, but I don't know.. Saving a buck or two just doesn't seem "great" to me.
I did manage to get the things that I'd planned on buying, so the trip wasn't at all disappointing.

Walking around Singapore brought back some memories though. Almaklum lah, ex-boyfriend Singaporean. Unfortunately he's unavailable to meet me. I miss him actually. He's easy to talk to.
But I don't enjoy him asking about my life when I am in an emotional roller coaster. Hahahhaha

Anyway, I need to stay home for my next off days.. Feels like I'm never home! Rumah semua macam rumah tumpangan.. I miss rolling around in my still-new bed! Yes, I consider it new still since I can count the times I've been sleeping in it -- FOUR!
Sadis kan jadi crew? Dah sebulan ada katil baru, tapi cuma empat kali tido kat umah..

Oh well, I'm on the highway back to KL now.. Getting sleepy now I've pictured my bed at home.. waiting ever so patiently.

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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Tuhan tolonglah aku.

I am staring at the screen.. trying to make words of my feelings.
I couldn't find any though..
I know how tiring it can get to read about all these negativities.. so if you are getting tired, PISS OFF AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BLOG!

I am feeling rather empty. A little too worn out I suppose. I don't intend to sound unappreciative of life but.. I really am tired of this constant roller coaster. I am a restless being, wishing for excitement and adventure and yet I am held stagnant. Sure a roller coaster is fun -- for the first couple of times, but after a while it gets boring. So you get on another ride, exciting at first but eventually it bores the hell out of you. This goes on for a while because you thought that there must be a roller coaster ride out there that you won't get tired of... but deep down you know.
You know that a roller coaster ride is just exactly what it is; a roller coaster ride.
Might as well you just sit on a bench. At least you won't be fooled by the idea of excitement when you'll be just as bored at the end of it.

To be honest with you, I don't know what that metaphor is really for. Perhaps it's just my life in general. I'm wishing for a life that matters. Hoping for a significant existence. But I feel like a blip. Small, unimportant and easily forgotten.
I know Dida said that I mattered. Yes, I matter to those whom loves me. But I feel nothing for myself.

Why does it seem like happiness is only temporary?
Or is that only just for me?
I was told that in a relationship you must hold on to the good times in the times of bad. But what if I can't do that? What if I am always haunted by the bad times? Does that mean that I shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with?

You know how recently I told you about what I wished for in the earlier part of my life? How I wished that by the age 27 I'd have a man that I could marry. Come to think of it, I'd only came up with "27" because I thought it was a good age to be married. (Not 27.. but around that.) But if you ask me whether I really want to be married.. not really.
It's flattering to have someone who would want to marry you, but am I really certain that I won't wonder if I've made the right decision?

And I am a true believer that your spouse should be your best friend. One that you trust the most. But.. I don't even trust myself. How am I supposed to trust another person??

ughhhh!! I am feeling so SHITTY right now!!
Perhaps I should just say what I'd wanted to say to the person that I need to say it to.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Deep thoughts.

Dark thoughts?
I honestly don't know.. I haven't decided yet.

I'd spent the weekend in Kuantan with Dida. It seems like we keep having these little weekend getaways. And every single time I learn a little more of myself;

1. I hate it when someone asks me when I'm getting married. It makes me want to rage, scream then slap that someone's face. But since that is highly inappropriate, all I could do is keep my mouth shut and make a face every single time. Dida is my witness.

2. I am a highly emotional girl. I tried, I really did.. to be emotionless, But that is not who I am. I wish that I wasn't, but I was born this way. I cry. I cry a lot! I cried watching Letters To Juliet. It's not even that good of a film, but I cried anyway.
..and to ask me to change who I am, is a cruel cruel thing to do.

3. Having someone saying that a particular person was "for me" does not bring me pride.. or joy. It does not bring me any feeling of assurance.
It just keeps me wondering and brings a whole lot of questions that I cannot answer.
Maybe because I just keep on crying. Nothing changed.
I'm still that sad girl that I've always been.
And I've always hoped for laughter. The unending sunshine that brightens my day. But the clouds keep coming in, so where did we go wrong?

4. I realized that I do have a wall around my heart. It doesn't keep the hurt away, but it gives me the courage to bounce back. I take promises seriously, but when they are broken.. I don't know.. I was never surprised. Come to think of it, nothing ever surprised me really. I've always had this mental preparedness -- that anything is possible. It comes in handy when something bad happens. I wouldn't be caught off guard.

5. It feels like I'm getting good at lying. Too good that I've managed to fool myself again and again. Perhaps I need to talk it out. But everyone's been too busy to just "talk" these days.

They say that if you really love someone, you should let them go. That if they were meant for you in the first place, they would come back. Funny thing though.. had I been the one to leave, I would never come back. I'd rather see the "love" in action! Don't ever let me go.. or better yet, don't ever let me think of going! Or if I'd left, come and look for me!
But I don't think that will ever happen. Everyone thinks that I'm smart enough to make decisions for myself but they never thought that their response plays a big part on that decision. It's almost too easy to leave.

Hmm.. I forgot why I wrote this entry. Sorry for sounding so sombre. I was crying while I wrote all these so.. I don't know. I wish I have an explanation for everytime that I sound crazy or unappreciative.
Suppose you could say that I always want need more.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.
by W. Shakespeare, Hamlet

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Losing my mind.

I've always feared that.
Alzheimer's actually.
Losing your memory.. Losing yourself.. bit by bit and and only after there is no YOU left inside you, death comes along.
I hate being clueless. I hate being lost.

So I've been forgetting a lot of things lately. I almost forgot Papa's birthday on the second. I couldn't tell the time properly last night. And I keep misplacing things and forgetting important things behind. How silly could you be to forget your toiletries when you know you're going on a quick weekend retrieve -- TWICE! I said twice because the first time I forgot about it, I wrote a note of things that I need to take when I get back. And yet, despite the note I still forgot to take it with me when I left the apartment.

What's more frustrating, instead of Dida being mad for having to drive me back and forth from Shah Alam to Bukit Jalil and wasting her time, she simply suggested that I should see a doctor about it.
She knows me for being forgetful and she knows that it's getting worse.

So yeah.. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out but you won't see it 'cause I keep forgetting that I have this problem of remembering things. Hahahaha! (Not funny, really.)

If I do see a doctor, what am I supposed to say anyway? "Hello doctor, I think I've become more forgetful.." That just sounds silly..

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Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Hiatus tak menjadi.

I thought I was going to be on hiatus; trying to figure out ways to sort out the whole scrolling problem when you load this blog on your smartphone.
Turns out it only took a few clicks to have it settled! hahahahha! Thank you Blogger.
And now I only *need* a Blogger app for my Blackberry. (unfortunately Google haven't created one yet. pssh! -- kind of annoying as Wordpress has it.)

Speaking of Wordpress.
I love Wordpress. I swear I would have moved this blog there had I been able to edit the template freely. But no, to have that kind of freedom one would need to upgrade their account with $15 per year. Over! Bukan aku suruh kau buatkan HTML/CSS aku ponn!
But there are some awesome stuff on Wordpress that I wish Blogger has too.. sigh.
I think I will always have that Blogger vs. Wordpress tug of war in my head.

It just hit me that I've had this layout for YEARS! I used to be CRAZY about changing the layout.. and yet I've used this one since 2009!!! In 2005 alone I changed the layout SEVEN FRIGGIN' TIMES!! And one of them looked like this;
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA bangang betul aku ni dulu..

So anyway.. perhaps it's time for me to change the layout..
--When I have the time.
It's going to take days before I could get comfortable with Photoshop, HTML and CSS codes again. Plus my brain needs some rest after trying to figure out some stuff about DNS, FTP and Nameserver yesterday.. pffft!
Feels like I'm getting stupid, honestly.

Alright, I should take a nap or something. Bangalore tonight and then I'll be on leave! Woooohoo!!

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