Friday, March 05, 2010

SBW with Mahera.

That's the name of my steward on this night stop.
Somehow we ended up spending pretty much the whole day together.
We were practically bored the whole time so he hangs around in my room.. giving me the 21-questions a policeman would ask you, hogging my laptop, and smoke. Of course.
He's a lot of fun though.
Pretty glad he was willing to hang around with me.. or is it the other way round? hahaha!

Anyway, there's still nothing interesting in Sibu.
Wish there WAS something to do. Perhaps we should've gone to take the boat to Mukah.. but really.. seeing the aborigines isn't exactly my thing. But who knows.. maybe next time.

I'm in a dire need of a mental change by the way.
Not particularly depressed at the time being, but I'm upset all the same.
I really.. really HAVE to start to really BE independent. I don't know.. I keep wishing for a saviour of some kind but I really should fix MYSELF first -- especially for having an idiotic idea such as that in the first place.

I can't believe after all these years of fighting and after all the battles with myself.. I learn that I am SUCH a girly girl after all.
I suck.
As a person, I really do.
Anyway, I gotta learn to love myself.. that's for sure.
Because I can't keep putting myself in situations where I'll end up hating myself more. It's tiring.. depressing.. and most of all, it's making me go nuts!

And I don't wanna go nuts..
Not really..
Not even for a guy.


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