Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Pulling heaven down.

Serious shifts in mood, energy, thinking, and behavior–from the highs of mania on one extreme, to the lows of depression on the other. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood.
-- more on Bipolar Disorder.

mm yeah, if I were ever to diagnose myself, this would be at the top most of the list.
I did mention that I was hypochondriacal on the main page of this blog, right? Anyway, to be honest I do feel like something is wrong with me somewhere.. which is why I've always wanted to see a psychiatrist -- but never did. Mostly because I hate seeing any doctor!

This goes back to when I was fourteen; when I went to the doctor for a fever and a small lump at the back of my neck (which was nothing,) but then was told that I have a low haemoglobin count.
Anyway, it's a pretty long story but basically I came home with a bunch of meds (which I was supposed to take for a pretty long period of time, but ditched it after a few weeks!) and the knowledge that when I want to get married (assuming that we both plan to procreate), my future husband needs to get his haemoglobin count checked.
Hmmph!

Oh, I'm going away from my point.
My point is -- I prefer to be oblivious.. bordering on ignorant, maybe.
I need bliss, but to know.. If it is confirmed that I have an underlying mental problem.. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend the rest of my days alone. The thought of passing on my horrible genes is just.. scary.
So yeah, my manic mood swings is pretty unmissable -- which is honestly why I no longer write as much. I HATE seeing proves of my craziness.

I'm relatively happy as I write this. I'm grateful for the days that God has given me. Especially when I am feeling as full as the past few days. Despite being alone, I am truly.. happy.
Funny how I've been listening to Blue October and think that I want their songs in the background on my wedding day.. It's like.. so.. "APAKAHHH??"
hahahahha! Of all the things I can wonder about...

Oh, I had been at the training school this past two days learning English for the announcement rating -- which was awesome! May I rephrase; I was awesome! HAHAHAHAHHA!!
During the class, I mean. My announcement wasn't so great, I spoke too fast.. as always. Imagine how Lorelai and Rory Gilmore would speak to each other.

Anyway, two days off..
Dear God, please let me keep having this good feeling.

2 comments:

teena said...

Your reference to Rory n Lorelai just made you one of my fav bloggers to read! lol I thought no one except me got what they were talking about.

Sweetpea Witch said...

haha thanks :)

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