Monday, September 24, 2012

Not so random.

I was telling Bestie (yeah... whatevs *sticks out tongue*) earlier that I'd be the most-broke that I've ever been when I would have to exchange my sole Euro note that I've kept since 2006.
I think that's the second-most.
I'd be the most-broke if I had to actually ask for a loan from Dida. I already owe her loads. She pays for my stuff all the time. But I've never actually ask her for a loan. For things, sure. But for food, never. *sigh*
I hope that day would never come.

Encem is basically supporting me this past week. Thank God that I have him around. I thank God that he'd offered to help me out because honestly I wouldn't know how to ask. I could joke to him about how other girls gets "pocket money" from their boyfriends but I could never really ask him for it.
Even Bestie's been helping me out.
Dear God, I hope I won't fall to my death tomorrow! I need to pay back all my debts first, please.

Remember how a while back I was telling you about an ex who got married, and the other one was engaged? So.. the one who was engaged tied the knot last weekend. I'm having mixed feeling over it. After all, he'd been my middle-man when we go to weddings of our friends; he'd socialize with other people while I just tag along him.
That's how I am at weddings anyway. Because I hate going to weddings. I need to have someone close to hide behind.

And to be completely honest with you.. I've always thought of him as my back-up guy.
Yes, boys.. Most girls (if not all) always have somebody that they thought of as a "back-up".. If everything (read: everyone) else fails.
I've met other guys.. dated a few.. but this one remained as my back-up. Not because that I've been secretly in love with him, nothing like that. He simply seemed.. like the safest choice. I feel bad for thinking of him that way, after all he's a wonderful person. In a way I am glad that he's off the market. And I am very happy that he's found the one.
I am just.. confused, ever so slightly. Feels like I'd lost a really good friend. And I didn't go to his wedding, by the way.
I hadn't been to five of my good friends' wedding. I shouldn't call myself as anybody's friend really.

Anyway, I don't feel like I am anywhere close to getting married. Not really in a rush. Still not completely convinced if I want to. But I can definitely say that I feel the pressure.


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