Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Clouded.

Kota Kinabalu or PARKROYAL?
Apparently there's an open interview at PARKROYAL this coming Saturday..
I am scheduled for a Kota Kinabalu night stop that Saturday...

Dida's been telling me to find another job.
Mama said something the other day that sounded like her blessing for me to go away.
And I never said anything about wanting to get a different job, let alone relocate myself someplace else.

I hate talking about this but it's been running around my mind.

Feels like everyone's moving on but me.
Still stuck. Ever-stagnant.
And I can't shake off my sadness.. which makes me want to just run away.. far far away.
But my heart just aches when I imagine myself doing so.

A part of me wish to stay. Glue myself to the ground.
But a part of me, that is so lonely.. keeps on saying that I might as well go somewhere where I am actually alone. What's the point of being around people who can't even distract you from your self-destructive thoughts, right?

sigh.
I wish I'm not feeling as lousy as I do now.
And as honest as I can be on this blog, I wish I could say out loud what I am really thinking.. feeling...
I wish..
I just wish.....

5 comments:

DORAWANTAN said...

Babe, i do think its time for you to move on another job..just some words of wisdom; Dalam Al-Quran ader berkata "tidak semestinya bende yang kamu suka adalah baik untuk mu, tidak semestinya bende yang kamu xsuka tidak baik untuk mu"

just regard the new job a door to 1,001 happiness... you're beautiful and talented, you will find your way..

Suzy Effendi said...

All the best wanie ;)

Sweetpea Witch said...

time kaseh rakan rakan...

I've decided to go for my flight, though..
I am letting the universe to tell me when the time is right.

mungkin satu hari nanti the stars aligns and adalah open interview time tengah off day. huhuuu

Suzy Effendi said...

fly wanie fly :D

Sweetpea Witch said...

hihi thanks! :)

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