Thursday, January 11, 2007

When the night is dead.

I believe, when people shared a ride and decided to chat, most people would talk about things that are light. The weather.. traffic.. or that new sign board at the side of the road. Although that is what I would talk about, everytime I get in the car with my dad, we'd always find a heavier topic somehow.
We'd talk about our believes, philosophy.. "would you want to be kept alive if you're a vegetable and had to be put on a machine?". I've at least cried twice in that friggin' car because we touched a certain topic too close to the heart.

The other day my dad told me that Nina had wondered about when I'll be getting married. I scoffed at the end of his sentence, and extremely curious at what he had said to Nina. He too, scoffed at the idea, saying that by the looks of things, he reckoned that I'd still be unmarried when I'm 27. I laughed. I know he wasn't trying to offend me in any way - he was entertaining me.

He said that I had never seemed to be the "lovey-dovey" type, and mentioned something about how he hoped that he hasn't screwed me up too much with everything he had told me.
Well, too late for that, I said. Because when it comes to love, I think I'm a cynic. But you know what they say.. Every cynic (in love) is in truth, a romantic at heart. I don't know about the other cynics but I admit that it is quite true on my behalf. Because it's so hard for me to believe in love, I have to really see and feel how earth-rumbling it is before I'd yield to it.
So tell me that that is not a romantic thought - that until my world isn't turned upside down and I became unbalanced because of it.. love is simply an idea.
Possibly overrated.

Now I wonder.. can you possibly be an idealist but also a cynic??
Pretty contradicting, eh? Pardon me but I don't think that my thoughts (or heart, for that matter) were ever plain - or straight.

ps: I realize that not a lot of people can relate to what I had said. If you have found love, good for you. But save your breath if you're intending to send me hate-messages or tell me how great the love that you're experiencing. No words can change my views; doesn't matter how brilliantly it's constructed, thanks!
pps: On a lighter note.. I am so head over heels with my can't-be-considered-as-new-any-longer phone that it must be way waaay uncool! (I'm having too much fun with the themes that I can't stick to one for as long as a week! It's making my mom jealous.. she kept asking if we could switch phones. HAH! No way, Jose!)
ppps: In case you're wondering, today's entry was originally written in my Moleskine a couple of nights ago. It was dead quiet at that time.


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