Monday, July 07, 2003

"borders, Wanie.. BORDERS!"

Having the night by my own thoughts.. So I wonder..
Kenape hati pompuan senang dilembutkan? huhuu~ SERIOUSLY! Bukan sebab diorang gatal.. but they're just so easy to be flattered. In some kind of way, I hate being myself - a girl, as you can see - and easily flattered by nice words that came from guys. APSAL aAaAA?? It makes me sick when I think about it. Come on la, words are just words and not all things should be taken seriously! But even when I don't take it seriously, I'll get flattered anyways! AHHAHAH! Klaka lak rase, telling this.. but honestly, that's the truth. Main-main cemane pon, gelak-gelak cemane pon.. some of those words will get stuck in my head for some reasons. Ape pape pon.. even truthfully I'm just so easy to be pleased.. I think I've drew the line where I'll let myself go. I got to sort out my heart and mind during the break.. So, I shouldn't really be making any mistakes anytime soon. hehhe~ A gurl pon ade ego juga taau!
Read Ablen's entry.. rase klaka pula, 'coz I was reading the pantun with Ana by my side so we kept on giggling. Kenape cakap pasal feelings je Ablen nih? Rase macam nak join pula..
Going to repeat again what Nina once said to me.. "Menda camni takleh tamak.." Remember that bus story? Whether you'd let it go or hop onto it when you see it.. The thing about feelings is, sometimes it's just unbearable to be kept inside. But when you let it out, things around you might change.. and you'll need to cope with that whether you like it or not. When you let it out.. the other person may not say the things you'd like to hear them to say.. and you'd have to listen whether you're ready or not. Letting out your feelings might not be a good move, come to think about it. But not moving is even worse.. at least, now you'd know how the other person think of you, and you can decide for yourself what you're going to do, now things are going to change.
Tak semestinye la menda akan berubah, but things usually does. If not to you (the one who confessed), the one you confessed to, now will start to think some things about you. Kene rijek memang tak besh, kan? But having the subject hanging is even worse. They didn't say either yes or no.. Things are not as easy as that, though.. YES and NO sangat general. If someone didn't say he/she feels the same way as you do.. it doesn't mean that they didn't like you. Ade banyak probabilities why they can't give you any straight answer. And things like this needs a real conversation. Until that time you decide to have a conversation about it, plenty of things might run through your mind; "was that somewhat like a greenlight? 'Coz he/she didn't say no!" - "should I wait for him/her or just move on?" yadda yadda yaddaaa~
I'm not going to act like I know everything 'coz I DON'T! But I'm going to say what I've experienced laa~ Though the things I went through are usually lame and stupid 'coz I usually don't know what I was doing.. hummph!
Ape pape pon, the best relationship is when you build it with someone you've been thinking about for so long! Someone that really connects to you.. Someone who knew you for what you are and pleased with it. Someone who won't change you for their own good but for your's! hehhe~ "Menda camni takleh tamak.." If you feel like you should wait, then wait! If you don't think they're worth the time, move on. You never know what you'll find when you just open your heart to others.
If you ask me, wait or move on? huhuu~ Y'know, how sometimes you said and chose one thing when the truth is, you'll do the other? So, I'd love to move on.. I mean, kenape nak tunggu something yang tak pasti when you can grab something that's certain?.. But I'd know that deep inside I'm still waiting for the person-lah! It hurts when you're trying to fool yourself when the truth is right there in front of you. So, kalau tak ade menda nak keja.. let time be!
heehee~ esok ade kelas pagiiiiiiii!!! Nak kene pegi ke aaAa? ekkeke!!

Current song: Motorcycle Drive By; Third Eye Blind
I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive~


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