Friday, November 25, 2005

Confession #74

(Of course, that's only a randomly picked number. Even I don't spend any time trying to trace the times I've confessed something in public; blog = public)

I like it when people are being honest with me, when they are putting theirselves out, to become truly vulnerable to someone. But I have a hard time being vulnerable. I have a hard time even admitting that I feel vulnerable. If Jack says, "if you jump, I jump," I'd say, "I see the splash when you jump, then I jump."
It's like, when I like someone, I'd do things to make him guess that I have feelings for him, but I'd never actually tell him even though it's the easiest way to go with. Consciously I trust people with my feelings, subconsciously I can't trust people with my true feelings.
Like when people ask me if I'm being absolutely truthful in my blog.. I'd say "NO". (well, the real answer would be between me and this blog, now wouldn't it? heehee.)
I see no reason for people to mask their lives, when in truth I'm masking myself. Why the heck is that? Why do I talk in circles?

Okay, I won't be surprised if other people claims that they are having troubles with being vulnerable as well. I'm just pointing mine out because I'm a big 'supporter' of fairness. Being just is important to me. If you smack me, I'd smack you back; that's fair. So why should my vulnerability is any different from others'? Why can't I seem to pour my heart out when the other person is? Why can't I be FAIR??

Freud had said: instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a person feels they can't control the object or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it.
Was that it? I feel threatened??
*grunts* Psychology is so confusing!

Transcripts.. House... makes you think! *sigh*

On a different note, I just can't stop smiling with tears in my eyes now. This is, of course what usually happens when I'm hyper-excited about something - and I AM! Just very very excited. heehee! My cheeks' muscle are getting tired now.
The cure for the common medical drama.


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