Friday, December 14, 2007

Nobody's perfect.

Obviously I can't check myself every second to not write depressive/angry entries. heehee. I'd felt what I felt and writing is my only mode of really communicating. Looking forward to forget yesterday though!

I should admit.. that though I may not be with money, I am for fact, a BRAT. Just because I'm not spoilt monetarily, it doesn't mean that I'm not a brat.
So I'm trying to figure out if I've always got what I want. I've been getting these ideas that even when I didn't get exactly what I want, my mind would twist the truth into telling me that at least I got a tiny sliver of what I had originally wanted. And because I'm generally a forgetful person, my gratefulness then turned my entire memory into an image of a perfect life.

It's a new twisted way of saying that I've been basking in life; the good and the bad. Most people dwell in the bad but not I, just because I can't remember them!
sigh. So again and again I couldn't stop myself from having expectations, hoping for the best because there is an idea of PERFECTION in my mind.
I have to say it.. despite feeling especially lousy yesterday, I am now FINE with it! I actually saw the good in it! arrghh!! What a sick cycle!

Please don't say to me that it's good that I see the good in life, it's making me a BRAT!!

I remembered one other reason why I stayed in yesterday; I'd spend all that money on James Morrison's show so I should be "responsible" and consider that as an early birthday present from myself! Well, it could've been one helluva birthday present except that it's too early! I'd rather have another present on my day itself! ahahha. I'M SUCH A BRAT!

Well, at the end of the day I should be grateful that at least the family got a family dinner. Not exactly at a place I've expected but the family got together for my birthday. That should be enough, right? And Mama got me something that had amused me. I've always preferred something I could use anyway. So I should be thankful, right? And Dida being Dida, also gave me something. Not at all how I prefer my presents to be in.. but I'm thankful. That should be enough, shouldn't it?

I suppose I have an odd taste for the ideal birthday present...
Yes, I'm grateful. But in the same time I am also saddened by the fact that nobody really gets me. Ah well, at least my family half-gets me. I should be happy for that. Plus, I'm going to forget about this soon enough anyway!

But thank you, dear friends whom had remembered to wish my birthday. Some of the messages were really funny and sweet, so thank you! I thank God for having you.


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