Thursday, October 06, 2005


Following the off night of no writing last night.. an off day follows uncomfortably. (Uncomforting to my brain!)

I definitely expect more of me. (Yes, I do have expectations people! -no matter how shocking that might sound to you.) Today, I have achieved the vegetable stage. I was practically immovable! I would've spend the whole day in my bed if Nina hadn't come for a visit. I am certainly a horrible person. I can almost hear those paraplegic curse at me. *grunt in frustration*

I'm in dire need of an attitude adjustment.


Having dreams are really scary. It's really scary when it hits you right in the face. And it is most scary when people shows you no faith that you could make that dream happen.

Of course that would be my fault..

Can't blame them when I am simply well known for being uncommited. My sisters said that I had never cared anything enough to really fight for it. You know.. Add math.. boys.. the course I took..
Back in school, I'd knew that passing my science stream subjects were crucial for me to get into a good college/university, but what did I do? I couldn't at least spare a little more time doing my homeworks. About boys, whether I was the "dumper" or "dumpee", I can easily laugh off at my past relationship. Once something start to go wrong, you can simply find me running the other way. And the course I took? Let's be honest here.. almost everyone knew that I had only took Interface Design because I was too much of a lazy arse to actually come to the Media Innovation interview! (although, I am not that certain that I'd still be in class even if I got into MI. ekkeke!) See! There I go again.. laughing off at my mistakes. (okay, not exactly mistakes, but it seemed like mistakes at that moment.)

I am thankful, don't get me wrong. I love making mistakes, I love getting to figure out myself more. But you know.. I would like to have a look at my past and say, "I'm glad I did that right," instead of "I'm so lucky that my wrong leads me to a right!" I want to feel that I deserved the good things that I get, but all I can think of right now is how lucky I have been. I adore being lucky.. but I need to do one thing that I'd have full responsible to.
I need to start caring, but for some reasons... I just - don't.

Now now, I don't have any security issues, really! I just.. am in the middle of trying to figure more things out.
Searching.. searching.. searching.. searching....


ohh, Happy Belated Birthday to Shahnon!

This was written at 12:45 am at September 30th, 2005.


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