Wednesday, August 21, 2002

A question I can never answer
Our heart is a confusing thing. At least, mine is! Well.. just woke up from sleep 'coz I had a sudden headache. Why? Maybe because I was trying so hard to understand myself. It's just weird when your mind and heart are saying the different things. Which one should you listen? Should you listen to your intuitions and instincts? Or should you listen to your logic? It's a battle inside you... Which is stronger? Your heart or mind?
It gets so confusing when your mind starts telling you that "You may regret it if you follow your heart" and your heart is telling you that "You will regret it if you follow your mind". 'Coz seriously.. if you follow your heart, you get to enjoy the things you really wanted.. no hesitations.. you can be absolutely YOU! But.....
If you won't listen to your mind.. you may feel that you shouldn't have done the things you did.. and the things you did was only going to make you feel and look bad.
I'm not sure if any of you out there have ever experienced it before but it had happened to me millions of times throughout my life. A very painful battle which eventually leads to an achy pain on either my heart or head. There's too many questions unanswered. And it'll stay that way for such a long while.. It hurts to keep inside but your mind keeps on telling you the logic of what will happen if you let it go. Feels like you're going to explode but your mind keeps telling you the damage it'll bring if you did.
So many feelings to care about.. and so I keep on wondering.. Should my heart take control or my mind?
I have to say that my life has been controlled by my heart mostly. And it keeps on recurring in my mind how much pain it have caused myself and the people about me. But... if I change now, won't I be someone else??
And the question remains... should I listen to my heart.. giving no thoughts to what other people might say or what it will cost me in the future; or should I listen to my mind to protect myself from getting hurt badly??
Sometimes it's just so hard to decide.. even if it's only about small matters. Should you go out.. and maybe enjoy yourself or should you not? It might be an enjoyable outing but people might say bad things about you if you do so. But to stay inside just because you're afraid of what people might say about you, and obviously not enjoying your time... that seems a bit ridiculous don't you think?
Or sometimes you have a confusion about someone.. and you really wish to ask that particular someone to answer a very personal question. Would he or she run away? There's a possibility for them to run away from you. There's a possibility that they won't be your friend anymore. So wouldn't it be ridiculous? You lose a friend beacuse you just want to satisfy your heart?
And so.... I keep on wondering....

You could never imagine how much this topic is bugging me...


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