Monday, June 28, 2004

beating my own head.

man, i hate being stupid like this.

okay.. so here's how i spent my hours since i got back;

1. feeling guilty for something i couldn't do.
2. feeling very lame for something i wouldn't do.
3. stayed in front of the pc.. typing crap in here and to people.
4. searched for some malay song which thankfully, i found.
5. listening to my most-missed songs during the short break.
6. watch rosie and lily sleep.
7. see prisca off to go straighten back her hair.
8. googled for jem's guitar tab (which was unavailable.. AT ALL!) since rosie brought her guitar and prisca played a bit of it for me to listen.
9. holding the guitar (since months i haven't!) and stupidly strum to the songs i USED to know or trying to pluck, only to realize that i can't even remember how C is!!!
10. hating myself. undeniably.

i've been hitting myself in the head all along the school break trying to decide what do i want the most. i was thinking a guitar, new pair of specs or contacts! and nina said my eyes looked tired, so better not contacts. (though i am still itching for it!) so that leaves out the two, but then dida said, "jangan nak menggatal beli gitar!"
but i wanted a guitar soooo (soo soo very VERY) much that somehow i don't feel like getting new specs anymore. (sacrifice kot?)
but nowww.. aiyohhh!! bodohnye saye ngan gitar nih. sedihnyee laa! :( can't even play the stupid stupid songs i made! apekan lagi widely-known songs. :( bencinye bodooohhhhh!!!! :( i guess i'd be even more stupid if i buy a guitar now.. i doubt that i have the time to start from scratch again. :(
it's sad to wish for things you'd like to do only to be hit in the face that you just couldn't.
probably it's better this way.. i probably wanted the guitar just to "impress" people. some people. one person. what ever! i couldn't anyways!! end of story.

bencilah. grrrr!!!!
dahlaa kebosanan!! tolol tolol tolol!!!


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