Friday, June 14, 2002

Wahh!! Ape Abang Zam nih!! He's been making me think about the things I shouldn't go through.. Honestly, the sort of things that I usually talked to Musz and Niez.
LIFE! Such a huge topic for me.. I can get mental if I start..
Anyway, it started as I read Abang Zam's journal (online!) and he wrote something about if we die.. unexpectedly. I mean, accidents la! So anyways.. got to think if I'll die in an accident (which I haven't thought of for a while!) 'Coz honestly.. I just can't see myself dying in a bed! Hmm.. Like the usual.. I got to think.. if I won't be able to express what I really feel. (Song mode : If Tomorrow Never Comes by Joose) It scares me in some sort of way. 'Coz I want people around me to know how I feel about them. Especially the ones that I really care. But honestly, wouldn't it be weird if I just called up someone to say "I want you to know that you're the first person I'd think of when I'm sad.. I need you to be right here.. and say that it'll pass." Hoe.. but now I wonder.. who's that person? Does the person exist? But the main question now is 'what do I feel?' and not 'will they know what I feel?'. Honestly, I can hardly explain myself. Deep inside, I know there's someone that I want to be around with but seriously.. I don't know who he/she is. (Ehh.. I'm straight tau!) I mean.. do I want my friends to be around? Could be.. it's possible.. Hanis!! I need you so much you just can't imagine how much!!! Musz... waaaa!! How I wish that we're still in school together.. and I can like.. turn around to Musz' table.. or walk upstairs and see Hanis in her class. Or.. having our walk back from school and talk about stuff.. Having to joke around with the other guys.. Eating up Musz' junkfoods.. Gosh!! How I miss the old days! Though.. going back means there's no 'today'. And if today doesn't exist, that means that I'm missing out what I have right here..! ~*sigh*~
Anyway.. how I wish I can say what ever I want when I want to. But then I'll have to consider if I'll ever regret it afterwards...
So hey... Papa.. Mama.. Nina.. Dida.. Hanis.. Musz.. Rai.. Yat.. I care for you guys loads that if I were to be given a choice.. I would rather to die first than you guys 'coz I know I can't bear missing all of you.. ~*sob*~
(Sorry for being a bit sentimental.. just can't help myself!)

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