Tuesday, June 17, 2003

And I laughed at myself..
It's funny when you thought you knew someone when you actually don't. And you'll get confused.. or you DO actually know them, but for some moments.. they became complete strangers to you.
Rase nak mati bile tengah konfius and sakit ati camni. Bukan menda ape pon.. but the things yang tak dicakap yang buat kite rase.. bunguk. I am feeling mighty stupid for expecting more than what I knew better. I guess.. sebenanye.. what hurts more is when you REALLY thought you knew a person tapi for some reasons, they changed. Kee.. selama ni diorang pretend to be someone yang pleasing? Or, I've been self-deceived all this while?? Bluerghhh~ memang rase nak ketuk kepala..
Trying to figure someone out is waaaay too hard for me. Though how much I try to avoid it, I still can't stop from trying to analyze certain people. And then I'll get confused.. bile confused, my mood will get crappy.. and time tuh, memang berjaya la for me to stop analyzing.. time tu jugak I'd stop caring! ahhahaha!!
Not so sure if everyone can relate to this.. but logically, it should. When someone that matters to you, said something or didn't say something that is out of your expectation, you'd get pretty upset. Though you didn't show it, there'd be a tinkle in your heart that said that it really matters to you, no matter how silly it really was..
Eyh, know what? If this wasn't my own blog, and I read this up.. I'd say that I'm actually in love with someone lahh!! Kan kaaann? ekkekeke!! But to get it straight, I've been typing this out bukan sebab something happened or did not happen between me and whomever I like lahh! It's just about someone that happen to matters to me. Sorang yang I cannot lose, somehow.. So, takmo la hilang!! Sedih tauu!
So.. the changes I thought I felt is freaking me out 'coz I don't want to realize someday, that I REALLY don't know that person. Memang selama ni cume bayangan of a person I cared jek.... okay? I guess that's my biggest fear.. Waking up one morning.. knowing that I only had the memory of friends but they're not really mine!
Baguss.. self-discovery di tengah malam. So what have I found out throughout the years? I have low self-esteem, very insecured, immatured, silly, spoilt, not really smart and some might even say dumb, self-centered, short-tempered.. so what's there to like? Rase smer dalam Friendster tu tipu lak. Ye yee je smer nak puji. Tak dapat pape la weeeeeiii! Kutuk la plak!! Kenape orang lagi suka mengumpat than just to tell the truth kat orang tuh? Sungguh Wanie takleh jadi psychologist.. rase cam Wanie yang naik psycho~

I wish I didn't knew of you so it'd save me from all these fears..


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